Posted 8:39 PM by Gene

Today MUST be -- yes it IS -- BANK FAILURE FRIDAY!

One was called Integrity Bank. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Corazon Aquino, who courageously trudged the Philippines out of the swamp of Marcos, has died. RIP.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

LAUGH OF THE DAY: Liar Liar Brock's on Fire challenges Lou "The Formerly-CEO-Fanny-Kissing Populist" Dobbs.

TRANSLATION: A LIAR FIGHTING A LIAR.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: CABLE NUISANCE NETWORK and Populist earn more money.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 3:02 PM by Gene

We know the gag: With Republicans it's caveat emptor, Madoffs run amok, no taxes for zillionaires, the sky's the limit for CEOs, the whole nine yards. With Democrats it's state control of business. Why can't these morons find some common ground?

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

And speaking of The Paper, we have a suggestion, Sharon -- since SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!! sold her site for SUPERZILLIONS!!!!!!!!!! you should do so too -- to the parent of PRNEWSWIRE.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO DANNY!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Few things are more annoying than when a keeper of the cultural CW like The Paper of Re-CORD emits a fulsome eulogy on a Cary Grant. "[I]t was impossible to imagine Grant in the macho action and crime films that were beginning to dominate Hollywood. It’s equally impossible to imagine him in the soggy, misogynistic, stealth-macho geekfests that pass for romantic comedy now." And how many of these impossible movies have we raved over the years? Not too long ago A. O. told us of his "wide-eyed arm-waving enthusiasm" for all manner of junk -- and now you get all teary-eyed for somebody who died in 1986?

Hey, maybe you folks ought to put up a pay wall.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Although the latest data are "less worse" than in prior months, the severity of the recent recession came into sharp focus because this is the first time since the Great Depression that the economy contracted for four consecutive quarters.

We ask again -- why are people calling this an ECONOMY?

Posted 4:13 PM by Gene

Exxon Profits Plunge on Lower Oil Prices

Those who live by the double-edged sword....

Posted 4:08 PM by Gene

Here we are, VERY VERY LITTLE JEFFY, GOLDY does this big favor for you, so what happens? You say you'll need more CAPITAL if the economy worsens, and you take 100 points off the Casino's high in an hour. Some friend of Wall Street YOU are!

Posted 3:44 PM by Gene

Britain has its knighthoods, we have the Medal of Freedom. There's little difference; both smack of rank flattery. This year His Omnipotence the Professor has made it an excuse for PC, with a dead Republican thrown in to prove we're still bipartisan. (Will you cut the comedy, Your Omnipotence?) The organizer of Durban gets a Medal too. We suspect eager young interns chose most of the names, passed the list to His Omnipotence, who scanned it for three seconds and said, "I'm cool." When do the interns finally get him in trouble?

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

Now that THE RECESSION IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!, when does all the money from the Wall Street Casino's buying psychosis finally trickle down?

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

AOL Newsroom Now Has (Wow) 1,500 Writers

Divided by how many millions of Web sites?

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Goldman's greedmeisters give GE BANCORP permission to go bananas, meaning the whole Wall Street Casino goes bonkers.

And they have the center square of the House Financial Services Committee to thank!

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

"Extreme" fighting is to cable what pro wrestling was to early broadcast television, except for the zillions. So this "sport" can fill "700 hours...a year" of SUMNER's airtime. So what? It's still filler.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

An earmark "foe" had his own earmark. Can we trust anyone among our Beltway superiors?

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: LUKE SPIELBERG's remaking Dean Martin movies. Repeat the word "dark" a thousand times and He's still remaking Dean Martin movies. How can any ad-blurbist say movies are better than ever?

But who better to create a franchise's footprint than the most commercially successful director on the planet? [Two buzzwords in one sentence!]

How successful has He been lately?

Posted 9:50 PM by Gene

Well, we now know why all that PEOPLE WARNER DVD product was going for so little at Big Lots -- it may have been stolen.

Now I don't feel quite so bad.

(Via DVDTalk)

Posted 9:03 PM by Gene

HA! HA! HA! A HASBRO FILMS TENTPOLE is about to become "'THE WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR'"!

Posted 8:25 PM by Gene

Behold this slide show from Florida's Gold Coast and I'd dare the beholder to say we're not in a depr -- an ECONOMY.

(Originated here)

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!





What IS with STARCHITECTS and their obsessions? Why this sudden mania for bridges to nowhere?

Oh, that second "bridge" is a sledding slope for kids. What about the rest of the year? Does it become a lover's leap?

Posted 3:46 PM by Gene

The fantasies did not stop when HISTORY'S GREATEST COMIC NOVELIST dreamt His Omnipotence would be A GREAT PRESIDENT because he could WRITE:

Charlize Theron's Denver and Delilah Films has acquired screen rights to Christopher Buckley's satirical novel "Florence of Arabia." Theron will produce and develop the film as a star vehicle.

Pic will be written by Dean Craig.

"Florence of Arabia" is about a State Dept. employee (to be played by Theron) who, after watching her friend marry the prince of a Middle East country and subsequently get executed, fights for equal rights for the women of that country.

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said the United States will restrict intelligence-sharing with the U.K. if a British court reveals secret details of a former Guantanamo Bay detainee's treatment, a British government lawyer said Wednesday.

Wait! Aren't the British doing the right thing?

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

1. YANGDOM is still in second place. 2. Search now has two full-throttled empires of evil.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

Kenneth, on the job:

Rather suggests Obama set up a commission on public media and independent reporting (Usual Romy link)

Frequency also says, "At my age and stage I've finally reached the point where I don't have to kiss up to anybody. What a wonderful feeling it is."

Unlike five years ago?

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Shucks, The New Mae West's 9 to 5 theme park at Branson East is shutting down, meaning Mae will have to sell her overpriced trinkets at Dollywood.

Also ESPNCORP is shutting down its Little Mermaid theme park. What will all the newly unemployed roustabouts do?

Wait for the White Christmas theme park to open.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Last night we were idly wondering what DVDs to buy next when we discovered Big Lots is helping PEOPLE WARNER dump its box sets. Most of them were HB junk but Looney Tunes Golden Collection sets 1 through 5 inclusive at $10 is enough to make one angry at paying $170 bucks for the same thing. Our nearest Big Lots is ten miles away and half the comments in chat boards said the typical store was out or overrun with eBay scorpions. (Or you had to drive to eight stores to find them. How much does that save?) Its Web site is also down. (Thank YOU!) We did snag a Popeye Vol. 1 for $8 from an Amazon.com merchant (including shipping), and we still felt lousy.

Big Lots might help explain why PEOPLE WARNER's revenues are down. (But the per-share earnings were way up based on the fairy-ta...sales...ANALYSTS' estimates, so the stock's up $50 today.)

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Forgive me, but I believe GEN. LEAK TWOFACE is the last person to speak of "adult supervision" -- and because he blathered to LARRY KING!!!!! he may not even know what an adult is.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

When two sound-alike pieces from CW sources document how mind-numbingly alike Hollywood's expulsions are the time has come to ditch our culture out the window.

(First piece via Newser. Hey Mike! Why make the links so hard to find?)

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



1. The world's biggest high-tech depilator -- OR...

2. The world's biggest high-tech bowling pin -- OR...

3. The world's biggest high-tech wine bottle that doubles as a radio!

AND:



TimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Posted 3:23 PM by Gene

There is something enviable about the utter lack of inhibition with which Leonard Bernstein carries on. His Symphony No. 3 (Kaddish) is a piece, in part, of such unashamed vulgarity, and it is so strongly derivative, that the hearing of it becomes as much as anything a strain on one's credulity. Can the narrator really have said "Do I have your attention, Majestic Father?" and did she declare to her God, "We are in this thing together now, you and I"?

Can anyone forty-five years later write music criticism remotely like this?

(Via AhtsJournal)

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

Until I saw this picture of one of the "winners" on this reality show I didn't know it's been on the air in one or another form for eighteen seasons. How can something be on the air eighteen seasons and not leave a mark? Ed Sullivan was on for more than two decades and he left a mark. Heck SNL, the partially embalmed corpse of satire, has been on for thirty-four years and we know of all its overdoses. Even Matt can say he's done licensing deals. But this? And the finale probably didn't draw more than four percent of America. When something can be on for eighteen seasons and so few notice it means 1. People are turning off television, however much they turn it on; and 2. The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers is virtually paying for NOTHING.

Posted 2:47 PM by Gene

Another reason SUPERNIKKI!!!!! is a national resource:

USC Law Taps Former Warner Bros' John Schulman To Start Showbiz Law Program

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

OUTSTANDING NEWS:

Michigan health care jobs top manufacturing

RENDELLISM FOREVER!

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

We've noted earlier that in our neighborhood BankofGovernmentofAmerica has been hammering and sawing and chiseling and painting its way into a brand spanking-new bank to replace one up the street, presumably on our development money. Well wouldn't you know, Ken Lewis wants to close ten percent of BofGofA's branches. That wouldn't include the one you're moving into, huh Ken? Bet it would.

Posted 9:13 PM by Gene

Newsweek's Obama Correspondent Joins Administration

Say what?

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

Our excuse for posting this Daily Mail photo is if people will come here solely for pictures of naked women I don't want them to go away too mad; besides, I'd much rather look at them than THE MAN's "protruding muscles and bulging veins".

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

Okay -- time to steal copper wiring again!

Although at least the non-speculators are leaving our FOOD alone -- for now.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



What's that cross doing in the square igloo?

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

No, SUMNER will DIE before He gives up control of VIACON (and we all know SUMNER WON'T DIE), and no, VERY VERY LITTLER JEFFY would rather turn politically incorrect than give up His show-biz schmoozing, but we can dream of Their empires' destruction, though it may not come.

(Links via IWantMedia)

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

How many theological schools does America need, especially when so many have a tangential relation to God in the first place?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: These two zillionaire airheads inflict on the public what they wouldn't inflict upon themselves.



A DR. EVIL MEMORIAL AWARD to Cameron and Megan!

Posted 3:48 PM by Gene

Nate Silver crunches the numbers. It looks like Joe Sestak's primary challenge has made Specter a pretty loyal Democrat (which is what TNR was hoping for when we wrote this editorial).

Who knew Tricky Dick and Machiavelli had such friends at TNR?

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

It's time for our irregular feature: PLAYER ARRESTED!

DUI arrest fourth in 6 months for NDSU

BSU player charged with DUI, leaving scene of an accident

Bulldogs' offensive star cited for DUI

Add another to the Florida arrest total

We MUST do this more often!

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

The dimwit Effete Edelstein, who all but vanished when he left Grate.com, has the guts to emote this about the Richard Brinsley Sheridan of the Age:

[I]t’s hard to feel sympathy for people who put so little soul into their work. Apatow has been around L.A. long enough to capture how showbiz males (especially Jewish) compete with one-liners: some good, most lame, many hostile....Funny People feels insular, as if Apatow’s whole world consists of nerdy jokesters who were angry, lonely kids who got rich beyond their dreams and f---ed women who’d never have talked to them in high school but are deep down still angry. [Sorry, I'm not SUPERADAM!!!!!!!!!! -- or Effete Edelstein.]

TRANSLATION: A highly self-regarding zillionaire can't do comedy worth a damn, but the ad-blurbists rave him to be in with the in-crowd.

The good news is magazines are losing ad revenues permanently too.

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

Let me guess: Baltimore is a NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! zone.

Methinks our God in Chief should do something like visit that city one of these days rather than obsessing on his fellow professors.

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Somebody must be substituting for The Mogul's Friend because in the last two posts that somebody really let the biz have it. Hey PVT. ZELL! Whoever it is, hire the guy -- and have him replace Mogul's Friend!

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

What was the point of building all those apartments in San Diego?

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

"Our leadership team is so effective it is driving Republicans to distraction!!!!!" (Effective overemphasis added)

Say what, Queen Nancy?

Posted 8:29 PM by Gene

We repeat:

"All these tools of tech waste our time if we're not careful."

And where better to waste time than in the classroom, Bugmeister -- with OUR POWERPOINT?

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

The HIP! HOT! double-murder in the HIP! HOT! apartment complex in a HIP! HOT! Philly neighborhood goes NATIONAL!

Still proud of your neighbor, cretins?

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

Hey Em! When do you run this ad for the "free" game-spam?

Posted 7:39 PM by Gene

The best-laid plans of mice: People are stealing solar panels for the same reason people steal copper.

And they're also being stolen by marijuana growers, who are the last word in BROWNFIELDS.

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

From a God who should know:

"All these tools of tech waste our time if we're not careful."

(Via Yahoo! "News")

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The putative head of Cable Nuisance Network very politely tells Lou "The Formerly-CEO-Fanny-Kissing Populist" Dobbs to lay off the President's birth certificate, fully recognizing he's a PROFIT CENTER.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Comic-Con: Empowering for patrons with disabilities

We know what they mean, and we know what we mean, so let us say NO FURTHER COMMENT.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

The man responsible -- or rather, who must be held responsible -- for the words to Herr Kubrick's last masterwork has written a piece for The JPOD Journal (only an abstract online), a mix of nostalgia and disgust, although you suspect he holds back when he says David Hare should be "in hiding" for having excreted that flick about the Holocaust and Kate W.'s bod. He wallops Douglas Fairbanks Sr. presumably because his movies are silent and old, and says The Producers is "in a word or three a radio show", then goes on dismayingly to trash Some Like It Hot, dismaying to me as I bought the deluxe DVD edition some time ago (I've never seen it), and I suspect he's right when he says it isn't funny. He also intimates ET stinks. He further implies mo-VEE cri-TICS and other such insects invented the listicle. The man's been writing movies for fifty years and clearly doesn't like it anymore; one must wonder why if he doesn't like it so much he keeps going -- maybe it's something to do like badminton at the senior center. He must know the movie world has ended in places like COMIC-CON, in the blinding flash of a thousand CGI explosions. And yet one thinks, if the movies are so bad, and the movies are so bad, why doesn't someone like this do more than whine about it? At least he has a WGA card. Then again having written Herr Kubrick's last masterwork he isn't in a position to reform them.

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

The Best Movie at Comic-Con Is Kick-Ass [Home-page link]

Which we'd like to do to the fanboys who've turned the movees into their mirror image.

I'm sitting in Hall H again, watching footage and getting exposed to toxic levels of celebrity: Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Cameron Diaz etc. etc. Sorry, this is getting episodic and disjointed. And what is up with my suddenly liking everything and everybody? God dammit, I used to be cool.

You work for PEOPLE WARNER. Liking everything and everybody IS "cool".

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Every time stocks go up oil goes up, which makes a lot of, say, Goldman Sachs people and other non-speculators very happy.

U.S. supplies of distillate, including both heating oil and diesel, are at a 24-year high. Dozens of tankers have been hired to store unwanted fuel worldwide. Slack demand through the winter would force refiners to cut back sharply on crude processing in order to relieve the fuel glut, which would in turn reinflate oil inventories.

All the more reason to BUY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2:40 PM by Gene

Exciting news!

Heidi Pratt is heading back to NBC.

The "Hills" blonde, who doubles as an aspiring pop star, will perform during the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant telecast next month, Access Hollywood can exclusively reveal.

Heidi treated fans to snippets of her singing while in the Costa Rican jungle earlier this summer on "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!" and viewers of the Miss Universe Pageant will get to check out what Heidi sounds like on the big stage on August 23.

Heidi will perform the song "Turn Ya Head" off her debut album, "Unleashed," which came out in July.

Other stars who are set to take the stage at the pageant, which will be co-hosted by Access' own Billy Bush and "Celebrity Apprentice" star Claudia Jordan, include Flo Rida, Kelly Rowland and dance kingpin David Guetta.

Flo Rida will perform "Right Round" and "Jump" as a two-song medley during the pageant's swimsuit competition.

Kelly and David will perform the song, "When Love Takes Over" together during the evening gown portion of competition.

The Miss Universe 2009 Pageant airs August 23 at 9 PM on NBC.

Copyright 2009 by NBC Universal, Inc. All rights reserved.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!)

Why do people think YANGDOM is still worth zillions?

And who wants to bet the NASDAQ still has another up day?

(We post this exclusivity because YANGDOM ran a link on its home page.)

P. S. at 5:20 p. m. Two more reasons for YANGDOM and GE BANCORP to have posted this: 1. She can't sing and 2. She has new appliances. But then we could have said that of a hundred other starlets. And that's the thing -- we keep having to say it.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

We have not paid much attention to the "stupid" flap and its antecedent as both seemed like mere excuses for pundit finger-pointing, but we would note His Omnipotence, much like his lackey Alexander P. Throttlebottom, has a way of running off at his omnipotent mouth, and that tendency may finally have come back to haunt him. Your Omnipotence, you're not a senator anymore.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

...blinded by greed and a lack of common sense....

Could that not be said of most politicians these days?

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Memoirs of British Spy Offer No Apology

Happily he's been busy apologizing to the Devil the last twenty-five years.

How bad was it? Even THE PAPER OF RE-CORD refers to his deeds as "treachery".

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

New GM! Same as the old GM, but better!

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

It says something that it took Roy five days to come up with his reluctant iconoclasm on MOST TRUSTED (especially reluctant given the source). That, I'm afraid, is a tribute to the news biz' sieg heil.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN says we're in the middle of a scary movie.

So why is it playing in the Wall Street Casino as a fantasy comedy?

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

According to an author and PAGE SIX, the scum Bernie had Mob ties and was alleged "the dumbest man on Earth."

Seems to us $50 billion earned him a lot of other people's brains.

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



That...thing! It's growing...FIBER-OPTIC HAIR!!!!!

Posted 7:49 PM by Gene

Somehow it is quite fitting that the BUGMEISTERS, KING JEFF OF BEZOS and A PROMINENT GOVERNMENT-SUBSIDIZED BANK have riposted THE RALLY.

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

"I could be indicted and still get 85 to 90 percent of the vote."

You mean you wouldn't need dead people?

Incredibly, included in the sting was a kidney salesman who allegedly, [sic] "enticed vulnerable people to give up their kidneys for $10,000. This man would then turn around and sell the kidney for $160,000," said the FBI.

Must have worked for his campaign.

P. S. I say there's a pretty fair chance Chris Christie has won the election.

Posted 12:53 PM by Gene

When last we left fast-food ads Burger King was laughing its way through an apology. Now some CEO clown named Puzder (whom the Ranceoids aptly identify as "PUDZER") has eructed: "We do not aim to exclude or offend any other group with our efforts, BUT...." That is precisely the aim. CKE is pulling a Conan on its customers, thinking if it drives out the older and more CONSERVATIVE types it will head to sales valhalla. We blame GanNETt. When USAOKAY!!!!! turned the Super Bowl ads into a contest it led to ads whose only content was outrage. Outrage gets talked about! So does a Ku Kluxer in his evening wear.

And -- need we have guessed it -- the ploy ISN'T WORKING. Pud -- PUZDER says it was last year's stimulus checks, which obviously negated the fantabulous sales gains from this year's ads. We have here a dictionary definition of MORON.

On the other hand maybe if all the fast-food chains run enough offensive ads enough people will stop eating fast food, which may make health-care reform less expensive.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

The presence of rabbis in this huge Jersey corruption sting would lend it a comic air but then we realize these pols are the guys that couldn't get away with it, and then we stop laughing.

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

I'm all for second chances, but let's confront the possibility of Michael Vick returning to the NFL: Fans in dog costumes, throwing Milk-Bones onto the field, incessant barking, the insulting banners -- hey, I'm for comedy too, but this will follow him the rest of his career, no matter how brilliant he is. The only way he'll ever shut up the fans is with a Super Bowl ring, and that still doesn't wipe the jail time away.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The movee biz is going to high-tech two-reelers.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: Back to the future for a business with no future.

STILL FURTHER TRANSLATION: With luck the BUGMEISTERS will lose money here too.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

At least six shot at TSU at event honoring rapper

Alas, that would seem an appropriate "honor".

Posted 10:39 PM by Gene

If a piece of junk like this is all men.style.com can offer the dullards SI deserves the biggest bankruptcy in the history of periodical publishing.

Unfortunately it appears the nooz biz is seeing a revival -- MNI is over a dollar -- but with luck this is a temporary delusion, though delusions aren't usually temporary in the Wall Street Casino.

Posted 10:18 PM by Gene

One thing's clear: abortion has a pretty good chance of tripping up this wonk juggernaut but good -- and if the Professor-in-Chief insists upon coverage for the liberal's favorite medical procedure that would be very good.

Posted 10:09 PM by Gene

The future of Zeitgeist...

— This article will appear in the print version of the Kaplan College Guide, which hits newsstands August 17.

...sounds a bit too much like the future of USELESS NEWS -- but we knew that already.

Posted 9:47 PM by Gene

And lately I've found it harder to run cogent blog posts. Where does one begin with health care? It's a thousand-page amoeba constantly changing shape, and whether it passes or not depends on amorphous forces who aren't lobbying as they are trying to shift stars in the universe. How does one talk intelligently on something with zillions of moving parts? One doesn't, and it is no accident the coverage of this has seemed like dueling lobbyists. At least five or six years ago during Iraq the choices were clear-cut, the fools obvious.

At times like these inadequacy does not begin to describe my self-attitude. I try consoling myself thinking folks will be perplexed or embarrassed by today's hot topics five or ten years hence, no comfort when you're looking at the public life from miles outside the stadium with the caps cemented on your binocular lenses. And there is no advancing in the blog system when the castes have been so rigidly set.

Posted 9:33 PM by Gene

How irritating: Some intern at Kraft Foods must have mentioned something to her supervisor about a Web site -- or more likely Nick Dorken's been screaming at Kraft five hundred times since the...ECONOMY began, so he gets some folks with marketing on the brain to concoct an inane Facebook page with a stupid APP!!!!! to which he can provide a link, which gives Kraft a way of sponsoring this vastly overrated blog without appearing to do so.

Of course Nick has been on top of publicizing a certain unintentional virus spreader, almost as much as SLIME, and really, reading his site is like reading TMZ, except that PEOPLE WARNER doesn't seem to take too much credit for it (understandable), while NICK (under the exquisite tutelage of the fool B. S. DEFENDER) has been spouting for years of the BIG PROFITS he makes -- or rather, is about to make, but somehow he's had this habit of firing people, which suggests his profits are mostly in the press releases he gets others to run for him. Meantime his alumni vanish into thin air. What happened to that woman who wrote for -- was it the TWXSTERS' newsrag?

All this is another way of saying it is extremely frustrating to feel you're on the outside looking in when it comes to news, and to lack a place or a way of being with the most in-the-know community, especially when you run a blog that no one reads, and no one ever will.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Now Madam Silent is talking of an "umbrella" for our Arab friends, meaning even she and her omnipotent boss may be losing faith in wet noodles.

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Why am I convinced so many people think we must do something for the sake of doing something we're going to get the monstrosity called health care "reform" anyway?

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

U.S. to cover pensions for Delphi workers

OBAMAMOTORS just got a bit more expensive.

(More on how expensive here)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: When professional college athuhletes finally get paid, it will be thanks to licensing. Here is one lawsuit the NPCPCAA will lose.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

What's Specter do now? Move to Ohio?

Excellent idea!

P. S. at 11:55 a. m. And if he takes George "Moo" Voinovich's place no one will notice.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

We take back our apology to SLIME.

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

Now we know -- the Mafia has nothing on Wall Street when it comes to loan sharking.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

NO HEROES: I'm surprised the hacks haven't tried to make as big a thing of the Obama-birth-certificate malarkey as PROFIT CENTERS like Lou Dobbs. They could say the reason this fraudulent conspiracy-theorizing persists is because His Omnipotence is -- you-know-what skin color, and they can consequently blame the brouhaha on RACISM, and commission one of the those thirty-part special reports on RACE RELATIONS (i.e., why whites are completely to blame) that LORD KOPPEL specialized in. In a tantrum like this scoundrels live on both sides. PILLHEAD and The-Formerly-CEO-Fanny-Kissing Populist are good examples on the one, but when the hacks start in with their Ein-Volk-Ein-Reich routine they can do a pretty fair imitation of mob rule too. And those two frauds wouldn't get the face time but for BIGMEDIA's obsession with PROFITS to the exclusion of all else.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

The Wall Street Casino is trying to rebuild the old Gekko Kudlovian universe where bad news is good news and good news is great news, and every broker and sales -- ANALYST is Dr. Pangloss or HENRY HONEST touting Amazon.com. This is the way to prosperity?

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

I think we've discovered another reason entertainment's in a SUPERMEGAPLATINUM AGE:

One problem with capturing the same look and feel as a classic beach movie was casting. "In doing the casting, we had to make sure to be true to the early '60s look and body type," Ms. Romney said. "Actors are so ridiculously in shape these days, especially in L.A., that we had to cast for people who were trim but looked normal and natural -- not like they're in the gym five days a week. Tattoos and piercings also had to be avoided."

Can you imagine Bogie in shape?

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



Usually we make fun of the ARCHDaily starchitects for designing uninhabitable buildings. This one's different: it dares to be BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORINNNNNNNNNNNNNG.

Posted 3:51 PM by Gene

We didn't bother clicking after reading this squib:

"American Idol" and Disney are the two strongest pop machines in music today.

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

Who's Better Informed, Newspaper Readers or Web Surfers?

It may not matter; they may merely be misinformed in different ways.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

We just came across this graphic showing "jobs lost and gained during the recession." Of the categories of jobs lost many are industrial. Of the categories of jobs gained all but four are health-care or government-related.

RENDELLISM LIVES!

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

Well, I couldn't help thinking -- does anybody remember THIS one? (See lower-right corner)

And what of this line:

RCA Victor has more experience in Color TV [sic] than many manufacturers have in making black-and-white sets.

A lot of good experience did RCA -- or SUMNER NEWS.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Iran Turmoil May Cost Hezbollah, Hamas Amid Retreat

Your Excellency the Professor, which side are you on?

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Where will all the Wall Streeters running up stocks go to shop?

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

Does this make SLIME a peeping Tom too? Or is He using special software to capture criminals?

P. S. at 1:50 p. m. Our apologies to SLIME: This waste of bandwidth has been on the Web at least a day and we hadn't heard about it. God knows what else we haven't heard about. In the comments for several stories people have mentioned they never heard of the lady or dueling lawyers. In short, we haven't missed anything, despite not living under a rock.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

One last word (we hope) on MOST TRUSTED: Thanks to this tiresome think piece we learn a pollster named Oliver Quayle did the survey. We cannot find out much about Quayle except he appears to have been an independent pollster who worked with or for Lou Harris. We further learn "somebody" (hint hint) suggested MOST TRUSTED be included in the survey. Who "somebody" was we don't learn as this is from SUMNER NEWS before the superscripts. The rest is the first rough draft of history and the CBS publicity department.

How apt too that the SUMNER NEWS piece suggests GEN. LEAK TWOFACE deserved the title as well, which says a lot about our superiors and public opinion polls.

And all right, we get the message, MOST TRUSTED was a nice guy, but lots of nice guys do not-so-nice things, and sending untold southeast Asians to their deaths might not be such a nice thing, especially when we were proud of it.

(First link via the usual Romy)

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Speaking of dreaming, we would say the Wall Street Casino's kind can be very profitable -- but dreams also inspired what people will never call a depression even if John Maynard Keynes and Milton Friedman came back from the dead to say so, and lately the illusion of still more pleasant dreams.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

One must almost fake excitement at the thought of a new moon landing, or a voyage to Mars. The whole purpose of space exploration, some voice tells us, is to further man's grasp, but the notion of homo sapiens on the forever ascendant was pretty well shot to pieces long before Apollo, and the first moon landing, coming during The Great National Nervous Breakdown, smacked of anti-climax. I can recall watching it but did not find myself giddily screaming out of my skin like MOST TRUSTED. It should have been obvious even then that moon exploration was good for men hopping around aimlessly in spacesuits and playing golf in near-zero-G. We are told the moon is rich in energy in its soil, but then we are told there's a reason we must travel to Mars, at untold human and financial cost, and not just lives lost but possible virtual mental wards in tin cans. Some far distant future the race must explore the cosmos if it is to preserve itself, and then it may be little more than a galaxy-spanning energy pipeline, with vast fleets primed in the intergalactic art of self-preservation. God knows what kind of race will so propagate itself -- most likely an untenable combination of machine, electronics, fake flesh, and whatever is left of real human flesh, assuming what has become of the race doesn't immolate itself first. To say we can use space flight to dream is fatuous, as we can dream on earth, too, and it doesn't cost so much. I am no technoparanoiac but the mobocracy of the Web and whatever this thing is people will not call a depression are among the pernicious indirect results of the hypertechnology brought on by the space program. And yet, if nothing else, Apollo has a place for all time by making us realize the uniqueness of our experience, and the beauty of the orb we inhabit, in the glowing earthrise captured on Apollo 8 and the words of Frank Borman that all the idiots screamed in despair over. A footprint is mundane even on moon soil, but the Bible does begin with a beginning, and in this picture we see if ever we can see that not any old force created life, and the heavens.

Posted 4:14 PM by Gene

Why was I almost rooting against Tom Watson at the Open today? Certainly not him; the man all but invented the terms "gentleman" and "sportsmanship". Perhaps because I sensed in its default mode The Media-Industrial Complex roots for The Golfing Machine; but it broke down and we needed a consolation prize, and Tom was certainly it. But something happened: THE PROFIT CENTER and MOST TRUSTED happened, and I foresaw a flood of bad puns, and the fake hearty congratulations from boomer editors congratulating their late middle age -- hate to repeat myself, the whole sleazy Our Town routine, PGA edition. I'm sure Stewart Cink got a deafening round of lukewarm applause for being younger than Tom. But we've come to a pretty pass when we even feel slightly compelled to harbor bad feelings towards as truly a decent man as Tom Watson -- and it isn't his fault.

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

From a con-SER-va-tive rag, alas:

[W]hen Bonnie and Clyde was released and soared, following an initial few weeks of failure, the Chicago Daily News columnist Mike Royko launched a mini-crusade to restore Clyde and Bonnie to their actual dimensions, as vicious murderers, no matter that (as the ad copy said) they were young, they were in love, and they robbed banks. The only thing that mattered about them, Royko said, was that they killed, and killed a lot of people. The critic of the New York Times, Bosley Crowther, then the oldest, whitest guy in New York, also dared to denounce the film; he not only felt the lash of social ostracism and contempt, he may have even lost his job as a consequence.

I thought they were both idiots. I know better now.

Heroism and villainy among news hacks will always out. Thus with Mike Royko (and, we'd argue, Bosley Crowther); thus with Walter Duranty and Herbert Matthews -- and (in time) UNCLE HHHHHWWWWWALT.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

The bad news: Enough lemmings still go out to see the tentpoles.

The good news: Despite ROWLINGCORP, because more lemmings came out last year we've got a bad year-to-year comparison, which one hopes will keep up the rest of this year.

The best news: Very Very Littler Jeffy has a neat excuse to get out of show-biz!

(Although if we know JEFF ZUCKS he's congratulating himself for getting people to run screaming from the popcorn restaurants.)

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Gee whiz aw shucks, I'd love to call Ted the greatest, most noble politician who ever lived, but dammit if NAZI...conservatives keep harping on this one little thing -- I mean, the guy had an accident; aren't we all entitled to mistakes in our lives? But geez, he'll live on and on and on for reforming health care, and that's what counts.

Oh yes, and I probably wouldn't recognize my predecessors in my grand and noble office -- who came before me, Clark something or other? But they were all good men, noble men, unless they were conservatives, which fortunately isn't likely.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Dick Cavett's in a bind: either he throws political tantrums and makes an ass of himself, or he delves deep into his memory of when he emceed a talk show, which was thirty-odd years ago, and interviewed guests who died twenty-five years ago. Given his limited options he is wise to stick to the latter, though he reminds us the world has been without Richard Burtons lately.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

The ein-volk-ein-Reich stuff about that most trusted man in America has quickly and mysteriously vanished, meaning the hacks got the message from upstairs -- or possibly out of fear of whatever's left of their audience.

By the way, who called ST. HHHHHWWWWWALTER that? Was it Bill Paley's publicity department?

P. S. The best we can do is Frazier who cites in his hagiography "a 1972 'trust index' survey in which he finished No. 1, about 15 points higher than leading politicians, and a 1974 survey in which people chose him as the most trusted television newscaster." Frazier, being a good old ASSPress hand, is careful not to identify who did the polls. We wouldn't be surprised if Bill did the first, thus setting up the second.

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

And when I read a story like this (pardon the NewsMAX!!!!!) I might be forgiven for thinking, at the moment, the ASSPress has a conservative bias; but for every story like this there have been a hundred backscratchers.

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

Why did the ASSPress have to bring back the Beltway face of The Three-Headed Dog, Dan Quail -- Quaayl -- QUAYLE?

SARAH!!!!! is merely Dan Quail -- Quaayl -- QUAYLE redux.

Posted 4:03 PM by Gene

And how much news did our self-flattery preempt?

This is not a hypothetical question. Today I learned from scanning page 3 of our Daily Nooz that thanks to our incompetent EDDIE our city won't pay its vendors. Not a concern to most people but it does rub up to my job. I'm wondering how many states and cities are doing the same thing. That would seem more important than page 3, wouldn't it? But our StinkyInky's obit was largely written by an ad-blurbist (or as this says, "a former television" [SIC]) who died six years ago. The answer? Not really.*

There's a grating irony here -- several grating ironies. Please recall 43 years ago ST. FERDINAND OF WACHENHEIMER (more popularly known as ST. FRED of FRIENDLY) was beatified when he resigned from CBS News rather than see Congressional hearings on an EVIL, UNJUST WAR get preempted by I Love Lucy reruns. Today news hacks are preempting news for reruns of their own. Remember also St. Ferdinand's son Andy was the revered founding producer of that profound and serious news broadcast ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT -- from the successor of the firm that made I Love Lucy. You may understand why, coming as this does on the heels of THE PROFIT CENTER and THE SALON, I may be in a slightly disrespectful mood to UNCLE HHHHHWWWWWALT.

Or as The Paper of Re-CORD all but admitted, the reason we're flattering ourselves with full-throttle cliches is because "he even bore a resemblance to another trusted American fixture, another Walter — Walt Disney." NUF SAID.

*Strangely the Nooz did not run a front-page obit, perhaps the first instance of common sense in that rag in months.

(Updated 7/20/2009 at 5:52 p. m.; "former television" link fixed 4/16/2010 at 8:06 p. m.; SUMNER link fixed 7/18/2010 at 11:27 a. m.)

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

And would state media's favorite JERNALISM REVUE have paid attention to the scum LENNY D if THE GREATEST ANCHORMAN SINCE ST. HHHHHWWWWWALTER had not made him SEXY?

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Now the organs of truth are using the same SUMNER-distributed pictures of St. HHHHHWWWWWALTER wiping away a tear after our favorite assassination. We know PILLHEAD uses the phrase "state media" but even a scoundrel and the proverbial stopped clock can be right once. Clearly the hacks intend to take St. HHHHHWWWWWALTER's example to heart and stick it in their readers' and viewers' faces, the nothings thinking they have nothing to lose. For the umpteenth time, we would advise against it, for as THE CLATCH AT 44 CENTS demonstrates, WE CAN STICK IT RIGHT BACK.

Posted 10:07 PM by Gene

HHHHHHWWWWWALTER CRRRRRRRRONKITE destroyed network TV news, first by helping lose us the Vietnam War; second by thus unleashing the slime Pat Buchanan and his talking parrot Spiro T. Agnew, who sicced their nattering nabobs of negativism on the TV hacks and killed the prime-time documentary; and third by paving the way for DAN BLATHER, who put the final nail in its coffin with his superscripts. It would be better to remember him for his child-like enthusiasm covering space flight, but that would be only part of the story.

Two other things about HHHHHHWWWWWALTER: We're sure he let forth with that "first-rough-draft-of-history" gag (attributed to Philip Graham), a convenient excuse for mistakes until people finally realized first rough drafts are all hacks can write; and his definition of "liberal" as one who cared for the oppressed, the sick, the poor, blablahblah, its very smarminess the mark of a man who knew what he was doing or was completely oblivious to it -- or perhaps both.

These next few days will see a more serious version of the plague of the late PROFIT CENTER, but let us remember: by mourning their hero the hacks are mourning their own deaths too.

P. S. at 10:48 p. m. THE MOST TRUSTED MAN IN AMERICA KLUMPH KLUMPH KLUMPH KLUMPH....

OR:

I had an interesting conversation about the issue of newspaper quality recently with a former top editor of a major paper, who left journalism a couple of years ago and has gained—as is often the case with former editors—some significant perspective by looking at the business from the outside. This editor suggested three standards of quality that newspapers need to measure themselves in today's environment, online and off:

1. Does the paper truly meet the needs of its community?
2. Is the paper truly willing to innovate to meet community desires and requirements for new products and coverage?
3. Is the paper's management and staff truly willing to fundamentally change what it's doing, at every level of its operation, to adapt to the new realities of the business (reduced revenue, increased competition, rapid technological change)—rather than sitting around pining for the good old days that aren't coming back?

Fair questions all—and important first steps to achieving a level of quality that maybe, just maybe, could provide the underpinning for asking online readers to pay for content. How did this former editor grade today's newspapers on these questions? I quote: "I think that for the majority of American newspapers today the answers to all three questions would be a resounding 'No.'"

And of TV news, NUF SAID. And it's FREE.

Posted 2:32 PM by Gene

RIP card check.

P. S. Evidently ASSPress's source is at The Paper of ReCORD.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT's taking a write-down on a broadcaster, its CFO is pleased with the Golden Boy Conan....

Time to get out of the BIZ, Very Very Littler Jeffy!

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

A high new-media mucky-muck says things about newspapers and their Web sites we've said before, only we aren't noticed because we're not a high mucky-muck. One of high mucky-muck's suggestions has been more Web sites. Please! We already scour the Internet fruitlessly; adding thousands of sites merely adds hay to the haystack hiding the needles. We know good writing is out there, someplace -- but the preposterous size and obsessive growth of the Web bury it, and no technology however sexy will help find it. Indeed preposterous size and obsessive growth can only mean more of the rampant mediocrity high mucky-muck whines about. We lose for winning any way.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

Julius Shulman, a photographer who made modern architecture look very good, has died. RIP.

(We would have linked to the picture on his site but it's huge.)

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

When the economy hinges on what one self-appointed know-it-all says we're in trouble, although this is scarcely different from when we had one White House-appointed know-it-all, except the markets were better.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

GM board postpones annual shareholders meeting

Was the Chief Shareholder afraid to show up?

Posted 2:16 PM by Gene

Muscle flexing!

A U.N. Security Council panel imposed new sanctions Thursday against North Korean officials and companies aimed at curbing the nation's nuclear defiance.

The panel named five people and five companies subject to travel bans and a freeze on financial assets. It also designated two types of materials used in ballistic missile parts - certain types of graphite and para-aramid fiber - that nations must refrain from supplying to North Korea.

Or is that just a giant-sized WET NOODLE?

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

The invisible Secretary of State, occupant of an increasingly "marginalized" office, STILL says if we talktalktalk to Nukeman....

Did you ever get the feeling our governing superiors live in another universe?

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

CIT says government support unlikely in near term

Ready to take profits tomorrow?

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

This story should warn the RENDELLISTS that non-profit AHTS venues will only turn a profit the way nationalized automakers will. Yes, the Apollo should be preserved, but how many movie houses turned concert halls and theaters pay their own way?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

The hacks may have come up with yet another new idea on how to avoid reporting the news.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Fed Saw Economy as ‘Vulnerable’ at June FOMC Meeting

How high will the Wall Street Casino go tomorrow?

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Investors hoping Intel Corp.'s (INTC) better-than-expected quarter and bullish comments suggest the broader tech sector will see similarly strong results should reconsider: The giant chip maker is benefiting from the idiosyncracies of its inventory, rather than the broader economy.

Goldman Sachs’s record profits owe more to lack of competition than market recovery

Stocks up a zillion points today, figures.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Did we really also have to listen to him blathering on with the moron twins, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, during the all-star game [SIC] tonight?

I guess we can say that now that YOU-KNOW-WHO doesn't OWN us.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

TV exec: "Facing off with Finke is fraught with danger"

Oh come on, Romy, one of your biz' favorite distractions is inventing paper tigers, in several senses. A woman who can speak of "Zeigfield" may not know as much of show biz as you (and SHE) may think. Certainly given the continued flood of TENTPOLES, grossout comedies and slasher porn her influence is a matter of daydreaming. (Then again, maybe she's showing her influence by having her friends continue to shovel them out. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!)

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Supreme leader Khamenei diminished in Iranians' eyes

Much as we may hope it, too much of what we'd like for Iran is based on empty hopes, and twenty years may give him enough reasons why he can continue for another twenty years regardless of how diminished he is.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Spaniard who gave birth at 66 reported dead

Her twins are two-and-a-half.

Just because science says you can do something doesn't mean you should -- which is why the lockstep thinking of "scientists" should give us pause, however inaccurately the P-ew folks may have measured it.

Posted 9:18 PM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE ASSPRESS!!!!!

ST. LOUIS (AP) -- President Barack Obama was true to his word: He didn't bounce it. Obama's ceremonial first pitch at the All-Star game barely reached the plate Tuesday night. St. Louis Cardinals star Albert Pujols helped the president, reaching out to scoop the toss.

Obama had warmed up on the White House grounds Monday night, and was determined his pitch would reach the plate on a fly.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information.

WE WILL!

Posted 8:36 PM by Gene

Also in the business of keeping Moon 'n' Stars and PepsiCo happy by sending thirty minutes an hour of commercials into the universe, SUMNER has changed formats on one of His stations, and three people have written 361 comments and counting in Boston.com.

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

And in what promises to be the mother of all boondoggles:

India to issue all 1.2 billion citizens with biometric ID cards

Maybe the Indians can turn to us for the customer-service help.

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

Okay, Little Malcolm, your irritating click-a-million-times listicles prove the best cities for jobs largely have connections in GUVMENT or some highly specialized enterprise (like Austin and computers), and the worst are in dead zones of manufacturing and autos, or they're in the Default Belt. What does this prove except it's irritating to click on your listicles a million times?

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

The only solace in PaperofRecordCo selling WQXR to become a glorified ward of the state is that just as the Web is making outfits like PaperofRecordCo irrelevant, so it is making radio irrelevant, and when classical music disappears entirely from the medium, so the medium will have largely disappeared from the public conscience.

We must also note more people are listening to more junkier music than ever, but our solace here is we're paying for less of it. And that so many Wacko wackos supposedly opted for their beloved on CD over downloads indicates the Web may not necessarily be recorded -- SOUND's savior. How many of today's acts can be preserved in plastic? (And the Wacko wackos think their plastic will be worth $500 someday. Good luck!)

One other solace: MEG at $1.87; SALM at $0.71; BBGI at $2.17; ROIAK at $0.36; ETM at $1.58; EMMS at $0.294; CMLS at $0.57; RGCI at $0.239; WWON at $0.045; CTDB (home of THE DRUNKEN SLOB) at $0.034, and CHEAP CHANNEL NEAR BANKRUPTCY.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

Now the news hacks finally have a reason to be mad:

First lady's father was buried at cemetery involved in desecration scandal

Look stupids, wasn't what happened there bad enough regardless of who's buried there?

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

And just how bad is the broadcasting trade?

A bankrupt broadcaster can't sell off its TV stations.

GOOD!

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

When a leading TWXSTER ad copywriter describes a TWXSTER movee as though he were writing his sales pitch for coffee ("darker, richer") you can be sure he cannot be trusted -- DOUBLE.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

Still more proof the depr -- econo -- RECESSION is over: Brian and Bob are auditioning for THE BIG C!!!!!

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

More proof the depr -- econo -- RECESSION is over: executives at the bankrupt auto supplier Visteon are asking for huge bonuses!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Goldman, you couldn't have done it without us! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 9:44 PM by Gene

Speaking of something I had to miss: The other day The Daily Kaplan Salon extruded this -- piece about the GEEEEEEEENIUS of rock musicals, and if the folks on one of the Branson East chat boards (yes, there are such things -- and they can be very entertaining despite what you can expect) didn't destroy it:

This topic is more tired than an 80-year-old hooker [sic]

AND:

I quote William Goldman: The Season, 1968:

“Many of the critics who had embraced Hair downtown expressed disappointment with the Broadway version, but many more were convinced that Hair signaled the start of something new. I put this to an astute Broadway businessman. “Will Hair change things?” he answered. “You see those lines they had this morning? You better believe Hair’s gonna change things.” He paused before saying it: “There will now be a spate of sh*tty rock musicals.”

This same chat board alerted me Purina Dog Chow is sponsoring a production of a musical based on 101 Dalmatians. I will not attempt any bad puns as Branson East is well beyond and below it.

It will be playing aptly enough at the WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden, NUF SAID.

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

I suspect A. Craig Copetas is a former rock mu-SICK cri-TICK -- anyone who writes a book called Mona Lisa's Pajamas must be suspect -- yet somehow he has managed to write (from Paris, it figures) an apt eulogy for THE GREATEST ROCK FESTIVAL OF ALL TIME, which alas, even after forty years, still smells.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Sorry, I'd rather have a font that's not-so-pretty but readable on my monitor than a font that's not-so-pretty and not-so-readable.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Budget deficit tops $1 trillion for first time

Does this mean more stories on You-Know-Who's eating habits?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

ASSPress press release of the day:

Offer puts value of at least $6.5B on Facebook

And who threatens to pay? Some Russians. And where would the Russians get the money? Who cares as long as we can say FACEBOOK'S WORTH $6.5 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

If the Civil War had been as snoozeful as Judge Sotomayor's nomination promises to be, America wouldn't have needed activists.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

We are sorry to learn Jessica and her boyfriend have split, meaning he has no excuses, and she can cut another record.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

Don't tell me, let me guess: the depr -- econo -- recession IS OVER -- again!

Posted 7:54 PM by Gene

Well, they've got us there: Why bring the Orbiting Tin Can down when we've spent so much building it up?

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

One last thing from Zeitgeist: PILLHEAD's Accent harrumphs that Europe will soon be overrun by Muslims regardless of what Zeitgeist says. While we are among the first to say JonBoy is among the most partisan of editors and loses no opportunity to take cheap shots (often disguising them in the moderate's sheep's clothes), and there's ample reason to worry about the holy cockroaches, as most liberals don't, we'd guess his writer is more correct than incorrect. Neither does it help a man's cause to be PILLHEAD's Accent.

Posted 4:47 PM by Gene

"They've cleaned it up . . . they're in compliance now with most of the things we've approved of."

Aren't you glad BOOBS McKEATING didn't become president?

I wonder if this is from THE SUMNER (or BURGER KING) PLAYBOOK?

Posted 4:25 PM by Gene

Oh, the utter TRAGEDY of it all:

Elroy Smith has been in radio since 1981, and it's not what it used to be.

"Jocks are working double shifts," says Smith, Philadelphia operations manager for urban-oriented Radio One. "I'm doing three stations here, and one in Charlotte."

"We have to survive. . . . This is no joke."

The hot hits and the hot sounds on Q-100, er, Z-102, er, B-103, uh, X-97.7 -- dammit, what station am I on?

Why are WE laughing?

Posted 2:53 PM by Gene

This special movee report brought to you by:



Speaking of ASSPress, even David "NON" Germain admits the fans were screaming, "HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!"

Guess THAT AD from "Coca-Cola®, Kia Motors, Nikon, Orbit® gum, Taco Bell®, T-Mobile USA, and Venus" [SIC] didn't work.

P. S.

The film's Cinema Score -- an average grade given by a sample of those who see the picture -- was C, very low given what easy graders moviegoers generally are.

And they grade on such a steep curve they get whiplash.

Here's one time (one of the few) I'd love to see the TWEETS.

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

In other pressing news from the ASSPress:

AP-KN Poll: All-Stars shouldn't decide Series edge

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

“I must report that I recently paid another visit to Stanley Kubrick’s ‘2001’ while under the influence of a smoked substance that I was assured by my contact was somewhat stronger and more authentic than oregano. (For myself, I must confess that I soar infinitely higher on vermouth cassis, but enough of this generation gap.) Anyway, I prepared to watch ‘2001’ under what I have always been assured were optimum conditions, and surprisingly (for me) I find myself reversing my original opinion. ‘2001’ is indeed a major work by a major artist.”

Will anyone other than librarians miss THE HEROIC AGE OF MO-VIE CRI-TI-CI-SM?

(Via the usual AhtsJournal)

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

That this story appeared in Zeitgeist.com of all places shows the wheels may finally be turning, and even the hacks may know it. The award-winning buffoon MARK would have run a credulous cover ad. (You know, "HILARIOUS BORAT: MOVIE FOR AGES!!!!!" Or something.) Such salesmanship may not work anymore especially with Zeitgeist about to halve its circulation. We recall when these clowns ran the cover ad for Animal House (is that disco font dated or what?), and about that time TNR ran its own cover story from a Zeitgeist writer or editor damning the fad, and soon enough he disappeared from Zeitgeist's masthead. We don't know if they were connected, but the last thirty years say they probably were. Certainly THE DAILY KAPLAN'S PROPOSED S&L OF FAVORS would.

By the way -- whatever happened to John Belushi? Is he making commercials in Canada or somewhere?

P. S. Probably ITC Bauhaus Heavy, from 1975.

P. P. S. Oh, and about The Chris Farley Foundation....

(Cover restored to post 8/27/2011)

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

We suspect it's not just the RENDELLISTS who are stealing business from Hollywood. With reality shows and junk movies who needs all that expensive equipment and the armies of technicians? And isn't G000,000,000GLE trying to "monetize" YouTube -- meaning even less of a need for all that expensive equipment and the armies of technicians? And are expensive equipment and armies of technicians a guarantee the end product will be any good? All except RENDELLISTS, ad-blurbists and the writers of LALA would instinctively seem to know the answers.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

In The Daily Kaplan's ombudspoop's great ritual shedding of tears came this curious turn of phrase:

As of late this week, only two Post readers cited the controversy as a reason for canceling their subscription. Only about 50 readers had written critical letters to the editor, about half the number The Post typically receives on a controversial topic.

But the criticism of The Post has been withering in the blogosphere, among commentators and the Washington establishment. The episode has left a scar that will be visible for years, and it has badly shaken the newsroom. [Badly-shaken emphasis added]

To me this confirms L'Affaire Kaplan is merely another news hack insider joke, that the rank-and-file news readers are not exercised over it because they're inured to news hacks granting favors -- and they expect the joke to continue regardless of whether the favor granters get paid for them or not. We repeat: this business will only get worse, as its principal motive is GRANTING FAVORS.

Posted 9:47 PM by Gene

And as the PROFIT CENTER recedes further into oblivion, something to remember from the TWXSTERS -- from 1930:

Sheik Scoop

That the late, woman-worshiped Cinemactor [sic] Valentino may have died at just the right time—before talking & singing pictures came in—for his memory to remain inviolate in countless lovelorn breasts, was indicated last week when Wanamaker's department store in Manhattan made this unexpected announcement:

"First and exclusive release of the only recording of the voice of Rudolph Valentino singing his favorite ballad

"Kashmiri Song, in English

"Also El Relicario, in Spanish."

A natural question was: If such a recording existed, why was it not released until four years after Valentino's death?

The story: In 1923, Brunswick-Balke-Collender Co. asked Valentino, then, the rage in The Sheik and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, to try making records. They rehearsed him on operatic arias but were not pleased. He slurred, mumbled, muffed, his diction was atrocious. Finally the Kashmiri Song (because he sang it mutely in The Sheik) and El Relicario (because of his Latin cast) were chosen. To Conductor Ralph Mazziotta who coached him, Valentino inscribed a photograph "In remembrance of my first record. (Hope it is a good one!)"

Conductor Mazziotta carefully kept the photograph but when he listened to Valentino's record he looked sad. It just would not do. The record was shelved.

At Valentino's fantastically elaborate funeral someone regretted that the voice of the dead sheik was stilled forever. "But no," declared another mourner, "he made a record! I heard. . . ." But memory failed as to where or when, and alert Walter King, president of Celebrity Recording Co. (Hollywood) who had overheard the remark, could learn no more.

Then began a search that took President King from Atlantic to Pacific. But no Valentino record did he find. By pure, accident [sic] the master record was unearthed in a dusty corner of a storeroom at Brunswick's factory in Muskegon, Mich. President King bought the rights for his company—but last week the Valentino "scoop" awaited a public that seemed not to care. What Brunswick had rejected and forgotten as unworthy of its standard. Wanamaker's [sic] vended not very successfully. In the first three days less than 1,000 records were sold. Valentino singing as with a mouthful of spaghetti seemed not to have the appeal of the sleek silent Sheik of the oldtime cinema.*

*Last week in Paris Paul Roger of the Pathe group was planning the synchronization of Valentino's Blood and Sand, as a test for making dead stars talk, with a Valentino mimic capable of gauging and timing the dialog accurately. [!]

P. S. Judging from the acoustic recordings (which are available on the Web, and both of which begin with a ludicrous stentorian announcer's intonations rather like The Amazing Criswell's) The Great Valentino sang from the back of his throat. Given his thick accent and thicker voice his stardom could have met a worse doom than John Gilbert's. It is unfortunate we cannot inflict the same career vanishing cream on the people who wouldn't leave us alone during the PROFIT CENTER.

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

North Korea wants the U.S. to show remorse for the actions of two American journalists convicted of illegally entering the country, and it might free the women if Washington does so, a scholar who visited Pyongyang said Saturday.

I think it safe to say President Apology and his Invisible Secretary of State will grant The Tiny Tyrant his wish.

(Also mentioned here)

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

Meantime, The Daily Kaplan's ombudspoop says 2,237 WORDS of I'm sorry, but the fact remains The Kap was being HONEST in wanting to extend the favors it and other pulp piles extend every day. By asking pay for favors it does not need to pretend it is being ethical. Which is worse: a garbage dump or a garbage dump sweetened with Airwick?

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

A comment on Burger King having it its way:

having [SIC] worked on BK at several different agencies (who hasn't?) [I HAVEN'T!] it never fails to blow my mind that Crispin has been able to do such amazing work with such a neanderthal bunch of franchisees... the inmates have been running amok in that asylum forever.

So! The people who paid your salary are neanderthals. And who drives their business? The customers. We may assume they're neanderthals too to keep them running.

The people cannot do enough to put the MEDIA-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX out of business.

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

Another excuse for the PROFIT CENTER, from a man who thinks he isn't excusing it:

Journalism isn't a single-minded monolith that decides what to foist on the public. It's a collection of individuals, who are just as easily affected by the feedback loop, while feeding into it.

...most of whom feeding into corner groceries like PEOPLE WARNER (latest market cap: $28.66 BILLION, despite it all) and ESPNCORP (latest market cap: $41.61 BILLION) and SUMNERIA (latest market cap: approximately $30 BILLION), which ooze together into a single-minded monolith that decides what to foist on the public.

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

Sam Donaldson, the "legendary" news equivalent of the villain stroking his handlebar mustache, makes an admission:

“Our critics see us as liberal Democrats, right? Particularly on social matters. I would bet you, if you took a good poll, doing it authentically with the right methodology and all of that, that a great majority of the press corps would be in favor of gay rights. Go down the list of litmus tests and social issues. Now, would that make a difference? We all say, ‘No, we don’t let our personal opinions interfere with objective coverage, particularly of a president.’ But on the margins, I think maybe it does. I remember the Kennedy era. It certain [SIC] did then.”

Certain!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

After having to encounter an especially excruciating front-page ad in today's local Metro I consoled myself to think it may soon fold. The publisher denies it; but there's been nothing of the annoying hawkers at the subway station this week and no piles of the toilet paper in view. A bad (or good) sign: I did see a vagrant trundling off with a sheaf for his bedding. A free "newspaper" as bedding -- that's all Metro is (and soon, I hope, to be was) good for.

And it's not just our Metro; I suspect in five years most free dailies will be poof. The beauty part is they may have weaned enough people off pay papers to permanently weaken them. Anything to debilitate a strong press. (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!)

P. S. at 2:50 p. m. The ad ran on the front page of all three of the spun off Metros. Here's hoping they all fold!

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

Oh, great! Did you HAVE to remind us, PVT. ZELL? Two weeks until the GEEK mob confabs with Hollywood over TENTPOLES!

We can hope the depr -- ECONOMY might take a little of the zing out of all this onanism, but we have other suspicions. For one thing, the geeks might not know what an economy is.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh, another group marches in heroic lockstep.

This is especially deflating because we expect scientists to be open-minded, and people who can lock up their brains in one area are apt to throw away the key in others.

P. S. at 9:24 p. m. I work in a facility with scientists and find this kind of ideological rigor mortis hard to believe. But there may be a reason for this survey's slant: Eighty percent of the surveyed scientists work in academe, governmment and non-profits, and half work in medicine. Only fifteen percent work in the private sector. NUF SAID.

P. P. S. In Sweden:

Confidence In Scientists On The Decline

Professors Sören Holmberg and Lennart Weibull of the SOM Institute believe that the financial crisis may have contributed to the decline in confidence.

“A lot of attention has been focused on how poorly experts and researchers have understood the situation, and on their inability to predict what happened.”

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Posted 3:29 PM by Gene

PARAMOUNT 1ST TO CROSS $1B DOMESTIC MARK!!!!!

Meanwhile, Fox has already crossed the $1 billion international mark. Here's Paramount's news release:

They paid you all that money to run PRESS RELEASES, SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!!?

(Fantasic overemphasis added)

Posted 3:14 PM by Gene

All this self-congratulation for the bang-up job on the PROFIT CENTER and this latest embarrassment of the CLOSED PARTY well indicate, to paraphrase Lillian Hellman, we should not believe news hacks right down to "and" and "the".

And a special demerit to Romy for screaming, "WH PRESS CORPS HANDS MORE AMMO TO FOX NEWS, RUSH!!!!!!!!!!" WE GET THE MESSAGE, ROMY.

Posted 2:55 PM by Gene

Remember the scum undertaker in Georgia who stored all those bodies in the crematorium? This is worse. If cemeteries aren't exempt from mass tampering what is?

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Not too long ago we oohed an aahed over this HIP! HOT! new apartment complex that looks like an East German housing project, right smack in a HIP! HOT! neighborhood that still looks like an industrial zone despite all the trendies. About two weeks ago there was a double-murder inside said masterpiece, and it now emerges one of the victims was rather seriously in the drug trade. Now if we know the kind of HIP! HOT! airheads who live in such places we'd say this double-murder has landed it a new -- CACHET. I mean, how many double-murders of affluent drug dealers have YOU ever rubbed elbows with? Meantime, the neighborhood still looks like an industrial zone.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

SLIME wanted to run his own CIA. I am ASTONISHED. The man who commissioned OJ's book? Knock me over with a FEATHER.

(Link via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Today Anonymous channels his inner SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX, which still doesn't make him unbad. When a man has spent so much of his career alternately toadying and screaming, you tend not to take him that seriously.

Posted 8:24 PM by Gene

How's this for a global marketing strategy? Each month target a different international market with an ad that offends some segment of the population, then, after earning a lot of media attention, apologize and pull the ad.

BURGER KING -- HOME OF THE...(what's a suitable obscene substitute for "Whopper"?)

BUT:

...the tide may be turning on this kind of advertising. Several Burger King franchisees have said sales have "fallen off a cliff" since late March, following the chain's "Whopper Virgins" taste test among far-flung indigenous populations and the subsequent Texican Whopper ads. Several said the ads appeared to have alienated Hispanic customers, who tend to "overindex in the category." [Is that a slight too?]

Here's another company whose executives think THE ADS ARE GREAT.