THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Friday, October 31, 2003
Here's what happens when a news hack isn't looking when he/she/it types:
Kerry, Dean Trade Shots Over Gun Control
And how apt that when I brought up the page I got the lady with the moustache.
Kerry, Dean Trade Shots Over Gun Control
And how apt that when I brought up the page I got the lady with the moustache.
The Economics of Suicide
We could say something, Bill's Entomologists, about YOUR BUGWARE, but we think we'll hold our tongue for now.
We could say something, Bill's Entomologists, about YOUR BUGWARE, but we think we'll hold our tongue for now.
It will be interesting to see how many lunkheads (i.e., moviegoers) see a film about the most self-absorbed people on the planet absolving themselves.
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. (AP) -- A high school quarterback has asked officials to erase his record-setting pass because his coach had made a deal with the opposing team to let him complete it.
Now that's what I call good sportsmanship!
I repeat: How long before EisnerCorp's E$PCN stages a high-school Super Bowl?
Now that's what I call good sportsmanship!
I repeat: How long before EisnerCorp's E$PCN stages a high-school Super Bowl?
U.S. Offers Up to $5 Million for Tip on Gaza Attack
Sorry, we have $5 million, they have 72 virgins. No contest.
Sorry, we have $5 million, they have 72 virgins. No contest.
There goes the empire: DreamWorks KGB is getting out of recorded music -- its biggest hit was the cast album of the immortal Broadway masterwork Rent -- by selling to Vivendi Universal for "under $100 million."
Misery must love miserable company in the music biz these days.
Misery must love miserable company in the music biz these days.
Jump up and down, Andy S.! Shout hip-hooray, Professor! Sell it to the rafters, NewsMax! Do somersaults, Dr. Brian! SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE DENNIS MILLER IS DOING A PRIME-TIME TALK SHOW -- ON THE BIG C!!!!!
GET HIM TOGETHER WITH LARRY KUDLOW!!!!!!!!!!
GET HIM TOGETHER WITH LARRY KUDLOW!!!!!!!!!!
I have an idea for the superdupermarketing titans of pro sports: have the players unveil a new uniform design every game!
L.A.'s hot, new indie-lit scene
Translation: here comes more trendy short-lived superficial "critically-acclaimed" hack work.
Translation: here comes more trendy short-lived superficial "critically-acclaimed" hack work.
In the up-is-down, in-is-out business of "diplomacy," silence is courage.
One of the world's great FIRST AMENDMENT DEFENDERS sues Marvel Entertainment because it BAD-MOUTHED a TV series.
Now if only Spidey could spin a web around Trib's CEO....
Now if only Spidey could spin a web around Trib's CEO....
Thursday, October 30, 2003
A myth of US capitalism is that investors in a public company can easily change the board of directors.
Well, not entirely a myth. Look at EisnerCorp. All RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON had to do was rearrange the empty suits in the Titanic's boardroom and he wins.
Well, not entirely a myth. Look at EisnerCorp. All RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON had to do was rearrange the empty suits in the Titanic's boardroom and he wins.
And speaking of The Clunker Brothers, I'd bet we catch up to the Japanese before The Clunker Brothers of TV go out of business.
Romenesko (who, as Andy S. NEVER ceases who tell us, is liberal -- and gay) probably thought he had THE SMOKING -- er, GUN!! Problem is, this letter was promptly ignored because for every ROGER!!!!!!!!!!! slant there are ten QUAGMIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, of course, the whole point of the Capitol Visitor Center was to SHIELD the great unwashed from the privileged elected few -- and it's a boondoggle to boot.
Sorry, underground is where worms and Tauzins come from.
Sorry, underground is where worms and Tauzins come from.
I have not very closely followed the story of the Russian oil oligarch who got arrested for one reason: in today's Russia, it's hard to tell fraud from democracy.
Professor and Andy S. have discovered this STUPID PARLOR GAME that's supposed to guess the sex of an author. I put my masterpiece through and it made me bisexual. It's like the endless parlor games historians play over our best and worst presidents -- harmless fluff, but it takes up too much brain matter.
And speaking of WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING:
Comcast Reports Net Income of $3.18B!!!!!!!!!!!
"We're winning because we're ubiquitous!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guess who loses with $500 a month cable.
Comcast Reports Net Income of $3.18B!!!!!!!!!!!
"We're winning because we're ubiquitous!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guess who loses with $500 a month cable.
OH oh, somebody's started a WEB SITE -- saying the legendary JoePa must GO!
Winning isn't everything -- it's the ONLY thing! Ka-CHING!!!!!
A TOY GUN FROM A HALLOWEEN COSTUME gives our CONGRESSPOOPS another excuse to LOCK THEIR DOORS TO EVERYONE BUT LOBBYISTS.
A parking garage under construction at an Atlantic City casino collapses and...well, Larry Kudlow could offer an excuse for this:
Shares of Aztar [the casino's owner], which had been trading up all week, fell 4.5 percent to $21.59. Two other companies with big operations in New Jersey rose. Park Place Entertainment tacked on over 1 percent to $9.81 while Harrah's was up 1.3 percent to $43.85.
Who says THE FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM doesn't work?
Shares of Aztar [the casino's owner], which had been trading up all week, fell 4.5 percent to $21.59. Two other companies with big operations in New Jersey rose. Park Place Entertainment tacked on over 1 percent to $9.81 while Harrah's was up 1.3 percent to $43.85.
Who says THE FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM doesn't work?
The WALL STREET JOURNALS charge umpteen thousand dollars a year so knee-jerk rightists can tell us what lice leftists are, knee-jerk leftists can tell us what fleas rightists are, and people looking for work can pitch the newest PR.
At least CBS Marketwatch is honest enough to charge nothing. (This links on Romenesko.)
At least CBS Marketwatch is honest enough to charge nothing. (This links on Romenesko.)
Pageant flap bares Afghan tradition
Women’s rights advocates fear conservative backlash
There go those CONSERVATIVES again.
Women’s rights advocates fear conservative backlash
There go those CONSERVATIVES again.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
NewsMax ties itself in knots over THE VANGUARD OF SOUTH PARK CONSERVATISM, proving liberals have no monopoly over mental pretzeling.
Rebel Galloway launches political party
Whatcha gonna call it, Rebel? The Traitor Party? The Ba'ath Party? The Genocide Party? The INTERNATIONAL A.N.S.W.E.R. Party? The Bribery Party? (Oops, can't be that. Billy Tauzin already took it.)
Whatcha gonna call it, Rebel? The Traitor Party? The Ba'ath Party? The Genocide Party? The INTERNATIONAL A.N.S.W.E.R. Party? The Bribery Party? (Oops, can't be that. Billy Tauzin already took it.)
The Senate Judiciary Committee pulled a big HI MOM!
When willowy Nicole Kidman split up with diminutive Tom Cruise, she quipped "Now I can wear heels." Two years later, she can wear anything she wants. The 36-year-old Australian actress has emerged from the shadow of her superstar ex to become Hollywood's top female star.
...starring in arthouse movies and big-budget flops. Hard to believe people once paid to see "Hollywood's top female stars."
Put Jack Mathews on the (tentative) JACK REPLACEMENT LIST!
...starring in arthouse movies and big-budget flops. Hard to believe people once paid to see "Hollywood's top female stars."
Put Jack Mathews on the (tentative) JACK REPLACEMENT LIST!
Divorce of the Month:
Oscar-nominated British actor Jude Law was divorced from Sadie Frost Wednesday after she blamed him for exacerbating her post-natal depression.
Oscar-nominated British actor Jude Law was divorced from Sadie Frost Wednesday after she blamed him for exacerbating her post-natal depression.
The tiny petulant whiny egos of bookdom are upset at a critic who actually criticizes books.
He has an anthology of his reviews called Hatchet Job. Had it been most ad-blurb copywriters he could have called it Feather-Duster Job, or Expensive-Perfume-and-Manicure Job, or [CENSORED!!!!!!!!!!] Job.
He has an anthology of his reviews called Hatchet Job. Had it been most ad-blurb copywriters he could have called it Feather-Duster Job, or Expensive-Perfume-and-Manicure Job, or [CENSORED!!!!!!!!!!] Job.
Headline of the Day:
Tauzin to Head MPAA
Though didn't he work for them anyway?
Read the comments here, and on Slashdot. This guy's having his head handed to him on a silver nitrate platter. Sorry sleazeball, this isn't '66.
Tauzin to Head MPAA
Though didn't he work for them anyway?
Read the comments here, and on Slashdot. This guy's having his head handed to him on a silver nitrate platter. Sorry sleazeball, this isn't '66.
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Halliburton Co., the former employer of Vice President Dick Cheney and second largest oilfield services company....
BIASED?!? WE'RE NOT BIASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BIASED?!? WE'RE NOT BIASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the Larry "$140 Million is Too Little" Kudlows forget is that conservatives can get shafted by crooked Wall Street ploys just as easily as liberals.
That small investors get the shaft -- well, they deserve it because they're small.
That small investors get the shaft -- well, they deserve it because they're small.
The Army has filed a criminal assault charge against an American officer who coerced an Iraqi into providing information that foiled a planned attack on U.S. soldiers.
Bad, BAAAAAAD guy.
Bad, BAAAAAAD guy.
Awwwwww, some poow wapper wost $1 million in bwing bwing.
Record a few Hitler speeches and bad off-rhymes and you'll get it back times a dozen!
Record a few Hitler speeches and bad off-rhymes and you'll get it back times a dozen!
Secretary Powell phones Red Cross chief to press stay-in-Iraq plea
Isn't that like begging them to leave?
Isn't that like begging them to leave?
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Mothers Calm, Cool and Courageous, Study Finds
Motherhood not only makes females smarter, it makes them calmer under pressure and more courageous, a U.S. researcher said on Tuesday.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Hope the luxury news suites don't have conniptions.
Motherhood not only makes females smarter, it makes them calmer under pressure and more courageous, a U.S. researcher said on Tuesday.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Hope the luxury news suites don't have conniptions.
The whole sprawl argument, in a nutshell: If you don't build it, people won't come; if you build it, too many people will come.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Happy birthday to you,
You belong in a zoo....
Well, a prison, anyway.
(AM I INFRINGING ON YOUR RIGHTS, TWX?!?!?)
You belong in a zoo....
Well, a prison, anyway.
(AM I INFRINGING ON YOUR RIGHTS, TWX?!?!?)
Loans Likely to Be Stripped From Iraq Aid
Excellent, if true. We must tell the Iraqis our commitment to them is backed by the full faith and credit or OUR government. This is the Marshall Plan II, and it could pay dividends just as the original one did. Of course there'll be misspending. When hasn't there been? That's a cost of procuring the Iraqis' freedom.
Just so long as they pay their parking tickets.
Excellent, if true. We must tell the Iraqis our commitment to them is backed by the full faith and credit or OUR government. This is the Marshall Plan II, and it could pay dividends just as the original one did. Of course there'll be misspending. When hasn't there been? That's a cost of procuring the Iraqis' freedom.
Just so long as they pay their parking tickets.
Egypt, Kuwait, Nigeria, "Indonesia, Morocco, Brazil, Pakistan, Senegal, Angola and Sudan" -- if they don't pay their parking tickets, we should send them MORE foreign aid!
That's how I'd do it.
That's how I'd do it.
As certain SOUTH PARK REPUBLICANS might say:
INSIDER TRADING IS NOT A CRIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not to you it isn't.
INSIDER TRADING IS NOT A CRIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not to you it isn't.
Figures: a rapper puts out a line of clothes made by sweatshop labor.
Now that's ATTITUDE.
And I really like this:
[W]omen [in the sweatshop] were given mandatory pregnancy tests and that those who tested positive were immediately fired.
Guess we call them HOs.
Now that's ATTITUDE.
And I really like this:
[W]omen [in the sweatshop] were given mandatory pregnancy tests and that those who tested positive were immediately fired.
Guess we call them HOs.
The question isn't just, how many more grossly mistreated adopted children are lurking. The question also is, how many utter incompetents pull down a check in government?
I don't know how many times I've read people justifying the war in Iraq saying, "Every death is a tragedy." It sounds a tad too defensive, like something meant to give a talking point to the opposition. Those who supported in war in Iraq shouldn't be defensive. The alternative, after all, is spelled out by the dirt and germs who paraded the other day -- retreat and dictatorship.
Another sign news hacks don't give a damn about what they print, so long as they get their BIIIIIIG salaries and entice gullible advertisers to flesh out their filler:
Cohen: Master of Fiction
This was the front-page link to a story by Richard Cohen in which he vituperates over the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEvil Vice-President Inside. Such is this cry-baby's reputation, however, that the link could have referred to himself. A tiny bit of common sense would have resulted in Cohen: Dick Cheney, Fiction Master. But news hacks have no sense, and Richard Cohen is a master of fiction.
Cohen: Master of Fiction
This was the front-page link to a story by Richard Cohen in which he vituperates over the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEvil Vice-President Inside. Such is this cry-baby's reputation, however, that the link could have referred to himself. A tiny bit of common sense would have resulted in Cohen: Dick Cheney, Fiction Master. But news hacks have no sense, and Richard Cohen is a master of fiction.
Joke of the Day:
Ted Kaczynski, who terrorized the nation with letter bombs for 17 years, is angry because his jailers are messing with his mail.
Ted Kaczynski, who terrorized the nation with letter bombs for 17 years, is angry because his jailers are messing with his mail.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Should the stock of the Bank principally pass into the hands of the subjects of a foreign country, and we should unfortunately become involved in a war with that country, what would be our condition? Of the course which would be pursued by a bank almost wholly owned by the subjects of a foreign power, and managed by those whose interests, if not affections, would run in the same direction, there can be no doubt. All its operations within would be in aid of the hostile fleets and armies without. Controlling our currency, receiving our public moneys, and holding thousands of our citizens in dependence, it would be more formidable and dangerous than the naval and military power of the enemy....
President Andrew Jackson, on why he closed the Bank of the United States, July 10, 1832.
President Andrew Jackson, on why he closed the Bank of the United States, July 10, 1832.
And in yet another indication that Andy S. and the Dr. are full of it, Matt Groening told The No-Spin Spin Zone's Favorite Interviewer, Terry Gross, that FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News threatened to sue him over a parody of the network on The Simpsons-- even though the show airs on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and is number two on the all-time knee-jerk conservative favorite-TV-show list behind South Park). What say to that, Andy? Dr.?
Reach out and touch
Somebody's hand.
Make this world a better place...
IF YOU CAN.
Maybe this is what Bob "Chrysler" Lutz had in mind when he said, "Why should we feed the hand that bites us?"
Somebody's hand.
Make this world a better place...
IF YOU CAN.
Maybe this is what Bob "Chrysler" Lutz had in mind when he said, "Why should we feed the hand that bites us?"
And even before Andy S. gloated over the END OF THE CULTURE WAR, the Christian Science Monitor ran this story about how it's becoming impossible to criticize people on the air because of their race. A TREMENDOUS VICTORY, DR.!
Careless writers, right and left, have one thing in common: they write as though the Internet doesn't exist, or Nexis doesn't exist, or the "Find" function in IE doesn't exist, or the reader who takes their affronts to the intelligence personally doesn't exist. In this I include your typical news hack, and Dr. Brian.
[H]e first sought permission to use the New York Public Library and the Museum of Natural History but was rebuffed [sic] by both.
I suggest the New York Public Library and the Museum of Natural History had some sense in this.
I suggest the New York Public Library and the Museum of Natural History had some sense in this.
Sorry, Andy S., your NEW-WAVE CONSERVATISM is glibertarian. I define the glibertarian as embracing the worst of the knee-jerk liberal (laissez-faire morals) with the worst of the knee-jerk conservative (laissez-faire capitalism), mixed with a healthy dose of conceit. Furthermore, Dr. Brian's rancid stew of REVIVED CONSERVATISM (may we call it ANDYISM?) includes RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, Dennis Miller (didn't he get booted off MNF?), WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, big-name blogs (oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!), and (all too predictably enough) South Park, the BRAVEHEART!!!!!!!!! of comedy -- in other words, ALL THE SHOW-BIZZY LOUDMOUTHS THAT OUGHT TO SHUT UP. (Also predictably enough, while FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! appears in the article fourteen times, and South Park appears sixteen times, abortion appears once, and Reagan -- not at all.) This sort of trend-foisting by numbers got suitably lambasted by Jack Shafer in Kinsley.com, and it's even worse when knee-jerk conservatives do it.
P. S. This expostulating clown "has a Ph.D. in political philosophy from the University of Ottawa, and an M.A. and B.A. from Boston College," which means some people simply can't graduate from higher education.
P. P. S. I notice that a paragraph involving Andy S. appears in a different font. Did you vet this with him at the last minute for his blogging approval, Dr. Brian?
P. P. P. S. This is from City Journal, which has proposed plunking dull neo-classical buildings on Lincoln Center and Ground Zero. I guess this is its version of getting a tattoo and a belly-button ring.
P. P. P. P. S. Except for the aside to Andy S., I'd bet this word processing demonstration went to bed long before Rush quit and Gregg got fired from ESPCN, two acts that prove PC LIVES.
P. S. This expostulating clown "has a Ph.D. in political philosophy from the University of Ottawa, and an M.A. and B.A. from Boston College," which means some people simply can't graduate from higher education.
P. P. S. I notice that a paragraph involving Andy S. appears in a different font. Did you vet this with him at the last minute for his blogging approval, Dr. Brian?
P. P. P. S. This is from City Journal, which has proposed plunking dull neo-classical buildings on Lincoln Center and Ground Zero. I guess this is its version of getting a tattoo and a belly-button ring.
P. P. P. P. S. Except for the aside to Andy S., I'd bet this word processing demonstration went to bed long before Rush quit and Gregg got fired from ESPCN, two acts that prove PC LIVES.
While attempting to find other interesting Web sites using Alexa's Top 500, a question struck me: How did Barbie.com get to be no. 268?!?!?
Stupid Headline of the Day:
Attack Is a Media Coup for Iraq Resistance, Experts Say
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Attack Is a Media Coup for Iraq Resistance, Experts Say
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Terrible Tina's a HIT -- an exploding HIT!! -- in the Post's news suite.
Why is this weeniette taken seriously?
Why is this weeniette taken seriously?
Add this "gutless careerist" to the list of people wanting JACK's job -- assuming Mr. GUMBO doesn't get it.
OR: "We just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them."
OR: "We just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them."
If you know your American history, you know Andy Jackson fought against a national bank. Well, here comes the dream of Larry "$140 Million is Too Little" Kudlow, Dick "Barney Fag" Armey, Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassman, and other looneys of the greed-is-good stripe: WE'RE GETTING A NATIONAL BANK! (Only it's not a bank, of course -- it's A NATIONAL FEE COLLECTOR!)
Sunday, October 26, 2003
A blurbist takes 1,626 words to do what I could do in fifty: Had Bernstein been (as Brooks Atkinson had hoped he would be, as he was probably too self-conscious ever to be) "America's Offenbach," Broadway and our culture would be much livelier. Instead we got Sondheim and his tuneless dead-end, his self-worshipping faith of ennui. But it hardly seems fruitful to point this out in even fifty words when our culture's taken so many wrong turns.
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! strikes -- the GENERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he'd be the first to admit it.
And he'd be the first to admit it.
BLUNDER's ad-blurb copywriter wastes hundreds of thousands of his employer's money:
Here’s a verbal Rorschach test: when you hear the term “crowd-pleasing” attached to a movie, does it seem a recommendation or a dis?
"Crowd-pleasing," "critically-acclaimed," six of one ink blot....
Here’s a verbal Rorschach test: when you hear the term “crowd-pleasing” attached to a movie, does it seem a recommendation or a dis?
"Crowd-pleasing," "critically-acclaimed," six of one ink blot....
Maybe I spoke to soon: 435 people seem to want JACK's job. Which one will it be?
OH oh, another EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEvil man: Orwell ratted on Commies.
The bozos who get their blood boiling over this know the meaning of "WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH."
The bozos who get their blood boiling over this know the meaning of "WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH."
In D.C., a Diverse Mix Rouses War Protest
Yes, dirt and germs do come in many varieties.
The mark of a spinner: this well-paid hack cites all the VETERANS who turned out. Therefore, being for TOTAL RETREAT from IRAQ is PATRIOTIC.
My guess is there was blood-curdling screaming in the Post's luxury news suite when it went on page A8.
Yes, dirt and germs do come in many varieties.
The mark of a spinner: this well-paid hack cites all the VETERANS who turned out. Therefore, being for TOTAL RETREAT from IRAQ is PATRIOTIC.
My guess is there was blood-curdling screaming in the Post's luxury news suite when it went on page A8.
Democratic Hopefuls Play Down Gun Control
The forces of reaction -- WIN AGAIN!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I don't like the NRA any better than I like JACK's Conspiracy, but at least in its favor, lots of little people own guns, and its membership is greater than SEVEN.
The forces of reaction -- WIN AGAIN!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I don't like the NRA any better than I like JACK's Conspiracy, but at least in its favor, lots of little people own guns, and its membership is greater than SEVEN.
You wasted all this time writing a boring insider-baseball tale about THE WALL STREET JOURNALS, Ken Auletta, when you could have written about SUMNER, the savior of the planet -- but then he went and did it for you!
The same BLUNDER rag whose super-duper PR wiz never stops sellabrating the movie that inspired Columbine goes AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
You still shaking out the cobwebs from that conference, MR. MARK? Or were they there from when you were BORN?
You still shaking out the cobwebs from that conference, MR. MARK? Or were they there from when you were BORN?
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Evangelicals Sway White House on Human Rights Issues Abroad
I smell a conspiracy of poor, stupid, easily-led people!
I smell a conspiracy of poor, stupid, easily-led people!
Now BLUNDER instructs people through a poll that we're spending too much on Iraq.
This is why we can't trust polls. It's the chicken-and-the-egg quandary -- only with polls, the chickens do the polling.
This is why we can't trust polls. It's the chicken-and-the-egg quandary -- only with polls, the chickens do the polling.
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPREADS -- TO THE CHAIRMAN OF THE SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of intelligence did Abe Lincoln have?
What kind of intelligence did Abe Lincoln have?
Well, I've started using Amazon's "Search Inside the Book," and already it's proved its usefulness. Just now, in honor of the new Fuhrer of moviedom, I looked up JACK's full name, in quotes -- and it came up with a movie called Mars. And then I looked up Mr. GUMBO himself in quotes and got an instructional video: Inspiring Drummers Series -- Takin' Care of Business! This may work better than anyone thought!
A man named Kunst wants Sen. Rodham to run.
I could say something, but I won't. (Except this IS a NewsMax.)
I could say something, but I won't. (Except this IS a NewsMax.)
BILLY TAUZIN GOES FROM THE NAB TO THE MPAA!!!!! (So says the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
He was second on my list of candidates after Slick -- and Ken Auletta. Congratulations, NAB! You can now shaft the public legally.
P. S. He just bought a ranch in Tex-AS. Either way, he's ready for big-time bribery.
And of course, he'll be serving up THAT DELICIOUS TAUZIN ALPHABET GUMBO! (From JACK's SECRET recipe!)
He was second on my list of candidates after Slick -- and Ken Auletta. Congratulations, NAB! You can now shaft the public legally.
P. S. He just bought a ranch in Tex-AS. Either way, he's ready for big-time bribery.
And of course, he'll be serving up THAT DELICIOUS TAUZIN ALPHABET GUMBO! (From JACK's SECRET recipe!)
Just say the words "Black Hawk Down" to a news hack, and he/she/it screams, QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Especially if he/she/it works for Reuters.)
The state that brought us Huey Long and Edwin Edwards now brings us The Case of the Missing School Funds.
When someone first spoke of "rearranging the rubble," THIS is what someone had in mind.
Friday, October 24, 2003
"How can I tell stories that connect emotionally with readers and move them to action?"
Sorry Lee Kravitz, with your every cover story a show-biz puff piece the only action you inspire in Parade readers is throwing your rag in the recycle bin.
Sorry Lee Kravitz, with your every cover story a show-biz puff piece the only action you inspire in Parade readers is throwing your rag in the recycle bin.
The Philadelphia Daily News, once part of the fitness phreak Bernarr MacFadden's publishing empire and a genuinely colorful paper, now has no reason to live, being the butt end of a local KnightRidder monopoly and battered by a free Metro tabloid. So it flails at its customers, running a regular Thursday PR department on hiphop (gotta reach those YOUNG, URBAN, DUMB readers who don't touch newspapers) and now with front-page show-biz ads. "YOU NAME IT, SCARY MOVIE 3 MAKES FUN OF IT!!!!!" pounds the News on its big expensive table. (Except EisnerCorp, RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON, Harvey Whiner, or The Philadelphia Daily News.) That this paper is strictly from Squaresville, all its show-biz hyperventilating notwithstanding, is also on the cover. It's endorsing John Street for reelection.
Why is this former White House flack smiling? He just got 500 grand for his ghosted "memoirs."
What's Ari going to say for 500 grand? "I was smug and secretive"? That's 100 grand a word. Oh well, that's book-biz.
Ka-CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And a bonus point to FT for pulling a Big C on this one. $25 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And a bonus point to FT for pulling a Big C on this one. $25 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uncle Thomasina. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Can we trust one word these scribblers write about ANYTHING?!?!?
Can we trust one word these scribblers write about ANYTHING?!?!?
And speaking of trendy, USA Okay does its SUPERSALE for the Oscar® movie season, meaning one more reason we cannot trust ONE WORD these toadies scribble about show-biz.
The front-page teaser head is right, though: Hollywood attacks history. It often does.
The front-page teaser head is right, though: Hollywood attacks history. It often does.
EMI Music, whose artists range from the Rolling Stones to Coldplay....
And also ol' Blue, Maria Callas, The Beatles, Nat "King" Cole, The Beach Boys, but hey, this is good enough.
More confirmation that news hacks are musical illiterates.
And also ol' Blue, Maria Callas, The Beatles, Nat "King" Cole, The Beach Boys, but hey, this is good enough.
More confirmation that news hacks are musical illiterates.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
OH oh, Dubya's "deputy assistant secretary of commerce for technology policy" praises outsourcing.
Where's your job headed?
Where's your job headed?
Does that walking red silhouette in a hat from the company with the logo like the Greek flag give YOU the creeps?
The ASS Dr. William H. Cosby Jr., having peddled Jell-O and Coke and other healthy foods for years, gets out his ghost (who must now feel like the one in Hamlet) and fears for all the rotten things he's stuffed in his mouth. Not to worry, Dr. I figure if you've outlived your sense of humor this long you still have some time left.
The pork barrel to end all pork barrels is in TROUBLE!
Meaning the @%#$&*s will pass something at the LAST MINUTE -- for the SENIORS.
Meaning the @%#$&*s will pass something at the LAST MINUTE -- for the SENIORS.
Spam pushes many to stop using e-mail
With five hundred porno solicitations in my Hotmail box every day, I KNOW THE FEELING.
With five hundred porno solicitations in my Hotmail box every day, I KNOW THE FEELING.
DUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I was depressed.
Had the stunt gone some other way, you wouldn't be depressed, BUD.
And speaking of unaccountable media, these two stories point out why nothing less than a blast of radiation from a distant galaxy can change the way news hacks do things. Both stories prove that above all else they have ATTITUDE. "There's a shooting, there's a killing [in Iraq] -- those are all valid stories!!!" screams some polling nitwit at Gallup. "As somebody said the other day [maybe it was YOU talking to yourself?], if the power comes back on and stays on, that's not a story, that's something returning to normal!!!!!" In other words, to paraphrase a cliche, while the rest of the forest grows tallier and healthier, you MUST report on the tree struck by lightning. So all we see are flames. As to OSAMA, the anti-Americanism and anti-semitism are palpable. But the folks in CATARRH know what a dollar sign is, though it be The Mark of the Great Satan. "WE DON'T WANT TO BE THE FANATICS' CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!" screeches the producer of Osama's Greatest Hits, hoping he can get his sponsors back. Knowing ASWIA that shouldn't prove too difficult. I suggest calling Daimler Corp.
ASWIA commissioned a SURVEY which says "MEDIA ADVERTISING DOES THE WORST JOB OF ANY MARKETING DISCIPLINE IN PROVING RETURN ON INVESTMENT AND NETWORK TV IS THE WORST OF THOSE MEDIA."
It also contains this flat-out laugh line: "An outstanding 73% of respondents said advertising and marketing functions at their companies are held to the same or higher level of accountability as other corporate functions." And you can see it EVERY DAY ON TELEVISION.
WHY MUST YOU IDIOTS SET RECORDS SPENDING ON THIS ABOMINABLE MEDIUM UNTIL THE END OF TIME?
It also contains this flat-out laugh line: "An outstanding 73% of respondents said advertising and marketing functions at their companies are held to the same or higher level of accountability as other corporate functions." And you can see it EVERY DAY ON TELEVISION.
WHY MUST YOU IDIOTS SET RECORDS SPENDING ON THIS ABOMINABLE MEDIUM UNTIL THE END OF TIME?
This is funny: Two big cable bullies battle over who's to "blame" for rising rates. I thought that's what you lived and died for!
[I]f you can make a record that sounds every bit as polished as an expensive studio recording, press copies and produce an eye-catching sleeve with the aid of graphics programmes, what do you need a major record company for?
Because so far nobody has invented a program (or programmie) that lets you push a button and make network-TV interviews or publish press releases or rave ad blurbs in ten thousand papers.
Because so far nobody has invented a program (or programmie) that lets you push a button and make network-TV interviews or publish press releases or rave ad blurbs in ten thousand papers.
An independent panel appointed to investigate the bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad in August said on Wednesday in a scathing report that security breaches, inadequate security analysis and poor management left the organization vulnerable to attack.
"The U.N. security management system failed in its mission to provide adequate security to U.N. staff in Iraq," said the authors, a seven-member committee named by Secretary General Kofi Annan and led by Martti Ahtisaari, a former president of Finland.
THE U. S. WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT US! IT WAS THEIR IDEA!!
"The U.N. security management system failed in its mission to provide adequate security to U.N. staff in Iraq," said the authors, a seven-member committee named by Secretary General Kofi Annan and led by Martti Ahtisaari, a former president of Finland.
THE U. S. WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT US! IT WAS THEIR IDEA!!
As Hollywood's "screener" video crisis entered its fourth week Wednesday....
Read these words, then read of Bill "MENSA MAN" Carter and his thirteenth paragraph, and then read of the Times correspondent who sold her services at a PR fest, and you must conclude, SHOW-BIZ REPORTERS SHOULD BE BANNED.
Read these words, then read of Bill "MENSA MAN" Carter and his thirteenth paragraph, and then read of the Times correspondent who sold her services at a PR fest, and you must conclude, SHOW-BIZ REPORTERS SHOULD BE BANNED.
Prober recommends revoking '32 Pulitzer
I wouldn't hold my breath; then again, JAYSON may help make it possible.
I wouldn't hold my breath; then again, JAYSON may help make it possible.
Oh, wonderful. We spend gazillions on the Orbiting Tin Can, and now there's talk of abandoning ship because of "deteriorating conditions." As with the Orbiting Jalopy, let's abandon the Tin Can and start fresh.
At this time when knee-jerk conservatives are getting tantrum-throwing mad at what the Viacon Network is doing to their patron saint Ronald Reagan, we should remember that twenty years ago today holy cockroaches attacked our Marine barracks in Lebanon. And what did this president do? He said, "Wehell, I take full responsibility," and then did nothing. Soon came more kidnappings (remember those?), and then progressively larger bombings of U. S. targets, culminating in 9/11. Ronald Reagan did good things, but his failure to stop terrorism is a black mark on his record.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Prof says, "Tired of the left and right? Visit the Centrist Coalition!" Another INSTASPIKE! So I go -- and what do I see?
Centrist Arnold Schwarzenegger defeated centrist Gray Davis in California yesterday
I guess they call this the muddled middle.
Centrist Arnold Schwarzenegger defeated centrist Gray Davis in California yesterday
I guess they call this the muddled middle.
TWX should buy the rights -- and DICK CORLISS exec produce.
Unless DICK MICKEYMOUSE NIXON beats them to it.
Unless DICK MICKEYMOUSE NIXON beats them to it.
Buzz TWXster does a LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG drone on No-Spin Spin Zone and "passionate" news. The problem is, we might be going back to Yellow Kid days, where every newspaper was Ann Coulter or Michael Moore in print and truth was an accident. Just as "objective" news created the disaster of Indochina, partisan news created the disaster of Hearst's War. We lose either way. This new generation of hyperpundits is simply telling us what to think -- differently.
DAFFY DIARIES OF DISASTER FOR KOOKY COUPLE!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER WINCHELL OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS SATIRE!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER!!!!!!!!!! PULL THAT HAT OVER YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER WINCHELL OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS SATIRE!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER!!!!!!!!!! PULL THAT HAT OVER YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
A member of ASWIA sells penises -- and a Dilbertette of corporate lying says its RESEARCH company says THE BIBLE BELT says it was okay.
Wanna bet the head of Daimler's American operations doesn't know about it -- or if he does, doesn't care? (OR: VEEE didn't knohh veee uset VORCED LABURRR!!! [This content has evidently vanished from Daimler's Web site.])
WANNA BET THEY'D LIKE TO SPONSOR THE OSAMA CHANNEL?
Or as this Dilbertette of corporate lying has said, “Both Dodge and Disney are all about connecting with families!!!!!” How true. They connect with ultraviolent movies and you connect by selling penises.
Oh I forgot to say, they're aiming this at the -- URBAN audience (wink wink), meaning, we think blacks are stupid and uncultured. But then, Hitler didn't like Jesse Owens either.
Wanna bet the head of Daimler's American operations doesn't know about it -- or if he does, doesn't care? (OR: VEEE didn't knohh veee uset VORCED LABURRR!!! [This content has evidently vanished from Daimler's Web site.])
WANNA BET THEY'D LIKE TO SPONSOR THE OSAMA CHANNEL?
Or as this Dilbertette of corporate lying has said, “Both Dodge and Disney are all about connecting with families!!!!!” How true. They connect with ultraviolent movies and you connect by selling penises.
Oh I forgot to say, they're aiming this at the -- URBAN audience (wink wink), meaning, we think blacks are stupid and uncultured. But then, Hitler didn't like Jesse Owens either.
Bill Carter, who the late unlamented Spy magazine tells us was once dubbed a "MENSA MAN" for all-too-obvious reasons, scratches his head at the sudden decline in TV viewing among young stupid males, and along about the thirteenth paragraph he finally mentions the Q word -- and I don't mean QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
One possible factor is more basic, Mr. Sternberg [some know-it-all for a media-buying firm, ewwwwwwwww] said — the quality of the new shows. "I've always noticed that we never hear anybody talking about the programming." [Could it be we never hear anybody talking about the programming because the producers and the executives and the ad-agency types and the media buyers and their clients and sycophants like BILL CARTER never talk about it? Just a thought.] He noted that the networks, which still tend to drive the overall viewing figures, have suffered though a grim start to their new prime-time season. "What has anybody put on that's going to appeal to young men?" Mr. Sternberg asked.
Maybe those young men aren't so stupid. Maybe the TV audience isn't so stupid. Maybe the "ZUCKS" ZUCKERS and the MEDIA BUYERS and the AD AGENCY EXECS and the AD VICE-PRESIDENTS ARE STUPID -- for spending 21st-century dollars on this horse-and-buggy medium, and getting what you usually get from horses.
P. S. OR: "We just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them."
One possible factor is more basic, Mr. Sternberg [some know-it-all for a media-buying firm, ewwwwwwwww] said — the quality of the new shows. "I've always noticed that we never hear anybody talking about the programming." [Could it be we never hear anybody talking about the programming because the producers and the executives and the ad-agency types and the media buyers and their clients and sycophants like BILL CARTER never talk about it? Just a thought.] He noted that the networks, which still tend to drive the overall viewing figures, have suffered though a grim start to their new prime-time season. "What has anybody put on that's going to appeal to young men?" Mr. Sternberg asked.
Maybe those young men aren't so stupid. Maybe the TV audience isn't so stupid. Maybe the "ZUCKS" ZUCKERS and the MEDIA BUYERS and the AD AGENCY EXECS and the AD VICE-PRESIDENTS ARE STUPID -- for spending 21st-century dollars on this horse-and-buggy medium, and getting what you usually get from horses.
P. S. OR: "We just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them."
Another insightful news hack spots a trend -- in COMIC STRIPS!
As I've said before, the ordinary comic strip is unfunny because it's older than the hills. The new, improved comic strip is unfunny because it has ATTITUDE. The truth is, ALL COMIC STRIPS ARE UNFUNNY.
As I've said before, the ordinary comic strip is unfunny because it's older than the hills. The new, improved comic strip is unfunny because it has ATTITUDE. The truth is, ALL COMIC STRIPS ARE UNFUNNY.
And speaking of investigations, guess who's been subpoenaed by the SEC? KING RICHARD -- AND STEVE "FORMER HEAD" CASE!
The Bible's lasted two millenia -- because it was on paper. Shakespeare's survived for four centuries -- because he was on paper. How long will our blogs survive before they meet the first bean counter or incompatible software?
MUST cut and paste:
That's Liza with a Z . . . as in ZAP! BAM! POW!
Life was no "Cabaret" for the estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, who is accusing her in a $10 million lawsuit of repeatedly and drunkenly pummeling him during their short, bizarre marriage - leaving him with lingering injuries.
"Liza! Stop it! Stop it!" producer and Shirley Temple memorabilia collector David Gest says he shouted during one alleged beating.
Some allegations in the stunning lawsuit, filed yesterday in Manhattan Supreme Court:
Drunk on vodka, Minnelli threw a lamp at Gest in a London hotel suite before pummeling his face.
Another vodka-fueled whupping came in their E. 69th St. apartment, when she beat Gest "with her hands about the head until he ran into the other room."
Minnelli also turned against her production manager, Steve Benanav, nearly strangling him.
Who needs reality TV when we have -- A MINI-SERIES!
That's Liza with a Z . . . as in ZAP! BAM! POW!
Life was no "Cabaret" for the estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, who is accusing her in a $10 million lawsuit of repeatedly and drunkenly pummeling him during their short, bizarre marriage - leaving him with lingering injuries.
"Liza! Stop it! Stop it!" producer and Shirley Temple memorabilia collector David Gest says he shouted during one alleged beating.
Some allegations in the stunning lawsuit, filed yesterday in Manhattan Supreme Court:
Drunk on vodka, Minnelli threw a lamp at Gest in a London hotel suite before pummeling his face.
Another vodka-fueled whupping came in their E. 69th St. apartment, when she beat Gest "with her hands about the head until he ran into the other room."
Minnelli also turned against her production manager, Steve Benanav, nearly strangling him.
Who needs reality TV when we have -- A MINI-SERIES!
I think we can do that, Mo. Your parliament approves a piece of paper, and the mullahs still build their bombs to zap the EVIL ZIONISTS. That's a deal!
JACK backs down from his BAN -- a little.
I wouldn't even post on this boring insider baseball story on the most self-obsessed types this side of NEWS HACKS except that for the first time in memory two of the hacks say his CONSPIRACY owns most of the "INDEPENDENTS" -- an OUTRAGEOUS faux pas, punishable by being assigned to the copy desk.
I wouldn't even post on this boring insider baseball story on the most self-obsessed types this side of NEWS HACKS except that for the first time in memory two of the hacks say his CONSPIRACY owns most of the "INDEPENDENTS" -- an OUTRAGEOUS faux pas, punishable by being assigned to the copy desk.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
May we conclude L'Affaire Gregg by saying everyone's tainted here -- Gregg for his inexcusable tangent, RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON for firing him, ESPCN for its opportunistic PC, NEWS HACKS for defending film violence because it's trendy and for halting their war on Jews because they could get in bed with show-biz types -- AGAIN, select bloggers like Vir-GIN-ia for being glibertarian, Prof's co-production for wanting to sell a screenplay and beating his breast while doing it, little green fundraiser for calling out the reserves, Tony Sitkorn for practicing synergy with his middle finger, and practically everyone for so thoroughly obscuring facts and truth new media come out just as bad as old? A plague o' ALL your houses.
Buzz TWXster says when media types have blogs but don't answer e-mails, and ordinary people send comments to bloggers who don't answer e-mails, it's interactivity. Sorry, TWXster. I call it shooting over each other's heads. And I say that having a policy that I will never post comments on my site, a policy which I can't fully defend (not that I'll ever worry about people even reading me).
And yes, TWXster, I doubt if any seven-digit media type actually ever answers a plebeian's e-mail, but it sure would be nice -- occasionally.
And TWXster, I confess I like the Times' old typefaces a little better myself -- but who reads newspapers anymore?
And yes, TWXster, I doubt if any seven-digit media type actually ever answers a plebeian's e-mail, but it sure would be nice -- occasionally.
And TWXster, I confess I like the Times' old typefaces a little better myself -- but who reads newspapers anymore?
Honestly, I don't know how these poor NBC spokesmen keep track of all of their series cancellations and gate changes. It's like ["Zucks"] Zucker's running an airline or something.
Herb Kelleher should sue!!!!!
Herb Kelleher should sue!!!!!
White House threatens veto of Iraq aid bill over loans
As well it should. If we shaft the Iraqis we shaft ourselves.
I know people are annoyed at the prospect of more foreign aid. God knows enough of it's wasted, on ingrates like Egypt. But we damaged some of Iraq to make the Iraqis free. Why should we put a lien on their freedom?
As well it should. If we shaft the Iraqis we shaft ourselves.
I know people are annoyed at the prospect of more foreign aid. God knows enough of it's wasted, on ingrates like Egypt. But we damaged some of Iraq to make the Iraqis free. Why should we put a lien on their freedom?
Another way news hacks harden us and coarsen us: by treating reporting as a social assignment. There is so much of connection building and networking to this story it should have run as a RESUME.
Or as the intrepid reporter once said:
TALK, DON'T PITCH, SAYS REPORTER
"Conversations, not pitches work best for me," said Laura Holson, west coast correspondent for The New York Times, told more than 350+ PR pros.
Laura Holson, NY Times West Coast correspondent, says pitching is too predatory.
"Pitching is too predatory [sic], we just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them," she told the Business Wire-sponsored workshop March 27, 2001 at the Santa Monica Flying Museum.
In another world she'd be reprimanded.
Or as the intrepid reporter once said:
TALK, DON'T PITCH, SAYS REPORTER
"Conversations, not pitches work best for me," said Laura Holson, west coast correspondent for The New York Times, told more than 350+ PR pros.
Laura Holson, NY Times West Coast correspondent, says pitching is too predatory.
"Pitching is too predatory [sic], we just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them," she told the Business Wire-sponsored workshop March 27, 2001 at the Santa Monica Flying Museum.
In another world she'd be reprimanded.
Perhaps all is not well in the Land of the Perpetual Financing of Crappy Television: McDonald's is helping its store owners rebuild. Given the condition of some of its restaurants I'd say not a moment too soon -- or maybe a moment too late.
Another way news hacks harden us and coarsen us: how many times must they inform us of tragedies like this? But what are we supposed to do about them? Bring the victims back to life? The cumulative weight of all these stories breeds the doctor's cynicism: one patient is like the next, one disease is like the next. C'est la vie. How can we change this infernal business?
If I didn't know better I'd say this looks like some sort of audition for The Mikado.
More crisis reporting from OKAY. With their total shtick news hacks have completely demoralized America. People figure, you can't fight city hall, or the newspapers, so they just wave them off. This means when a problem comes along we might be able to solve we act like the French: we shrug our shoulders and whimper "c'est la vie." This is how crusading newshackery hurts us.
SORRY, SOB, YOUR ACT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.
Monday, October 20, 2003
As if more evidence is needed that POP CULTURE IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!, JACK's Conspiracy (for the most part) is replacing the pop-music tracks on DVDs of TV series because it can't afford the licensing fees. Maybe if people could have written decent original soundtracks we wouldn't be on the spot with The Sixties' Greatest Hits, or The Seventies' Greatest Hits, or The Eighties' Greatest Hits, or....
"Why should we feed the hand that bites us?"
I wish I could answer Bob "Chrysler" Lutz' line, but it's beyond my poor power of ridicule.
I wish I could answer Bob "Chrysler" Lutz' line, but it's beyond my poor power of ridicule.
Another NIXONCORP-employed zillionaire news hack breaks a vicious wind:
Richmond, Va.: Any thoughts on ESPN.com getting rid of Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column because of remarks he made in a column on another Web site? Seems like overkill to me.
Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Tony is back and will finish up the show b/c Wilbon is still MIA. --Mary
I have no idea who Gregg Easterbrook is. I think there are far too many Web sites now including this Web site. I think you people who spend more than 1 hr a day looking at Web sites should be transformed into giant bugs and crows should fly over and eat you. Are you happy now? --Tony
Ditto, I'm sure.
Richmond, Va.: Any thoughts on ESPN.com getting rid of Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column because of remarks he made in a column on another Web site? Seems like overkill to me.
Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Tony is back and will finish up the show b/c Wilbon is still MIA. --Mary
I have no idea who Gregg Easterbrook is. I think there are far too many Web sites now including this Web site. I think you people who spend more than 1 hr a day looking at Web sites should be transformed into giant bugs and crows should fly over and eat you. Are you happy now? --Tony
Ditto, I'm sure.
Not the first time for QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- but strangely enough, in the pages of LUCE PICTURERAG.
I'd have thought John Dos Passos had more sense than this.
I'd have thought John Dos Passos had more sense than this.
How typical: EuroEisnerland has a bigger loss -- and the NIXONCORP operation claims some paper got the word illegally.
All I can say is, GOOD.
All I can say is, GOOD.
I'll give Prof more credit: he places the onus for L'Affaire Gregg from where it doesn't belong -- Gregg -- to where it does: RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON.
I can barely see, though, why Buzz TWXster wants people to shut up. This is one of those stories that seems to spin round and round and go nowhere, or turns into insider baseball and a total irrelevance. As if EisnerCorp and E(isnerCorp)S(uckup)PCN are a total irrelevance.
I can barely see, though, why Buzz TWXster wants people to shut up. This is one of those stories that seems to spin round and round and go nowhere, or turns into insider baseball and a total irrelevance. As if EisnerCorp and E(isnerCorp)S(uckup)PCN are a total irrelevance.
ASME BATTLES PRODUCT PLACEMENT IN PRINT
Editors Field Increased Complaints About Blurred Editorial-Advertising Line
The henhouse guards the fox's lair.
Or as MR. MARK puts it: "There's more confusion than ever." Yeah. And you're doing a lot of the confusing.
Editors Field Increased Complaints About Blurred Editorial-Advertising Line
The henhouse guards the fox's lair.
Or as MR. MARK puts it: "There's more confusion than ever." Yeah. And you're doing a lot of the confusing.
October 20, 2003 ........ Don't make me beg... Subscribe to Entertainment Weekly! [ad]
Buzz remembers who pays his pension!
Or as Peter Howell put it in his obituary for Ain't It Cool News's brain, "[T]he Internet...once held so much promise as a radical new information tool. Now it just seems like another extension of corporate America, the online voice for The Man."
Once a TWXster, ALWAYS a TWXster.
Buzz remembers who pays his pension!
Or as Peter Howell put it in his obituary for Ain't It Cool News's brain, "[T]he Internet...once held so much promise as a radical new information tool. Now it just seems like another extension of corporate America, the online voice for The Man."
Once a TWXster, ALWAYS a TWXster.
What a surprise. The founder of the terminally-stupid Ain't It Cool News site is now a producer for Sony. Obviously he aims to make movies even more stupid than his Web site. Here's proof that in this synergistic age you can't say good riddance to bad rubbish.
WE NEED THE NEW YORK TIMES TO TELL US MAXIM IS BAWDY?
Yep, I guess you do rearrange newsprint, don't you.
Yep, I guess you do rearrange newsprint, don't you.
Certainly, adults have every right to choose their living arrangements and expect social tolerance of their choices. But when the choices have a negative impact on dependents in their care, the government and other institutions have sound reasons to promote marriage as a social good.
So how do they do it, USA Okay?
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
(By the way, shouldn't that have read "negatively impact"?)
So how do they do it, USA Okay?
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
(By the way, shouldn't that have read "negatively impact"?)
Sony may cut 12 percent of its work force, the inevitable result of pushing overpriced goods and empire building in show-biz.
This story from BozellNews demonstrates why we should take knee-jerks of both political persuasions by the scruffs of their scrawny necks and bash their heads together. ON THE LEFT: do-gooders who want to teach our kids their PC on the environment. ON THE RIGHT: the Buttman and Dow-36,000 types who want to teach our kids their PC on the environment.
If JACK doesn't change his @#$%&* SCREENER position soon, NEWS HACKS should devote more time and resources to this than they did to Osama before 9/11. Go for it!
FISH FRIED!
FISH FRY
Great minds think alike, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
And these are supposed to be mortal enemies, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
FISH FRY
Great minds think alike, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
And these are supposed to be mortal enemies, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
In a bit of deep thinking over an NFL game a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge named Goldberg (Goldberg who?) philosophizes, "[S]tatistics are for losers."
Your fellow Stooges might ponder that the next time they boast about our casualties in Iraq.
Your fellow Stooges might ponder that the next time they boast about our casualties in Iraq.
Prof's co-production Mr. Need-a-Screenplay-I-Got-It basks in the glow of flattery over his "second scoop" in as many days: LALA's ad-blurb copywriters are canceling their awards ceremony (he says) over JACK's free-DVD fiasco.
Aside from GOOD, I can only say this is no scoop; BLUNDER's super-PR guy reported the sage Robert Altman threatening to boycott the Oscars®. These clowns' hubris knows no bounds. To see them immolate themselves over pieces of gold-plated tin should prove highly amusing.
I stand corrected: gold-plated britannium.
Aside from GOOD, I can only say this is no scoop; BLUNDER's super-PR guy reported the sage Robert Altman threatening to boycott the Oscars®. These clowns' hubris knows no bounds. To see them immolate themselves over pieces of gold-plated tin should prove highly amusing.
I stand corrected: gold-plated britannium.
It's a given: The winner of AdAge's Magazine of the Year award is always BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.
Kremlinology is a dubious school of thought, more so when applied to celebrities, especially so when practiced by CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges.
Siggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh, MORE hacks win the NO...the PULITZER.
These are serious charges. But more than thirty years have gone by, and thirty years have seen the news hack's image gone from crusading truth teller to millionaire pathological liar. Even if God came down from the heavens to prove every last word true, many people wouldn't believe them -- because of all the NEWS HACKS have done in the intervening years -- and because NEWS HACKS condemned several millions to death in Indochina in the name of their own infinite vanity.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
These are serious charges. But more than thirty years have gone by, and thirty years have seen the news hack's image gone from crusading truth teller to millionaire pathological liar. Even if God came down from the heavens to prove every last word true, many people wouldn't believe them -- because of all the NEWS HACKS have done in the intervening years -- and because NEWS HACKS condemned several millions to death in Indochina in the name of their own infinite vanity.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
Just thinking of the mechanical "revival" of the Rat Pack, and that huge mechanical contraption playing at Radio City, should be perfect for somebody writing an ARTS column -- but then halfway down, THE GLIBERAL yet again turns his face beet red and his head three times normal thinking of a man who probably never had anything to do with them, except he's a Republican, as was Sammy, as was Tricky Dick -- in short, the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL -- never mind.
GLIB! Call MR. MARK. You'd be the PERFECT columnist for BLUNDER. Forget it. You're the perfect columnist for the Times.
DID PRESIDENT MCCLELLAN SAY TALLY-HO AT WACO?
NOTE: This sources from The Washington Times and Insight, meaning BLUNDER didn't have to do any reporting on its own this week.
NOTE: This sources from The Washington Times and Insight, meaning BLUNDER didn't have to do any reporting on its own this week.
"I hope that [Limbaugh] gets over his addiction and dies from cancer of the testicles."
Well that's your opinion.
P. S. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FORFEIT LIFE, LIBERTY AND PROPERTY FOR SAYING STUPID THINGS. Shame is enough.
Well that's your opinion.
P. S. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FORFEIT LIFE, LIBERTY AND PROPERTY FOR SAYING STUPID THINGS. Shame is enough.
When MR. MARK runs a cover placeholder like this, you can be sure he's waiting a little too patiently for the next big media property to plug.
Despite the noble efforts of the Professor and Andy S., THE STORY appears dead in the water with news hacks, which means our POLICE STATE, er STATE, er OUR MEDIA rule strong as ever.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
I've been quoting this lunkhead, THIS LUNKHEAD EXECUTIVE EDITOR OF THE KNIGHT RIDDER SAN JOSE NEWSPAPER MONOPOLY, for days because her words are a sinister echo of the Constitution's preamble: "WE the PEOPLE," and maybe she didn't mean them that way, but they sure did come out that way, and what is inescapable, the media have thoroughly supplanted the people to become a law unto themselves.
In time, if I ever get the time, I may write a parody of the Constitution as rewritten by news hacks, and put it up as a permalink. These idiots are above all mortal punishments.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
I've been quoting this lunkhead, THIS LUNKHEAD EXECUTIVE EDITOR OF THE KNIGHT RIDDER SAN JOSE NEWSPAPER MONOPOLY, for days because her words are a sinister echo of the Constitution's preamble: "WE the PEOPLE," and maybe she didn't mean them that way, but they sure did come out that way, and what is inescapable, the media have thoroughly supplanted the people to become a law unto themselves.
In time, if I ever get the time, I may write a parody of the Constitution as rewritten by news hacks, and put it up as a permalink. These idiots are above all mortal punishments.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Now QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! becomes MISTREATMENT OF POWs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Osama Channel will be over this one for weeks.
The Osama Channel will be over this one for weeks.
In its instant politics the Web is not SUPERDEMOCRACY but the song in Fiddler on the Roof called "The Rumor" where a story of Yente the Matchmaker's assumes five successive different meanings. The presence of gleaming Intel processors and batteries of memory doesn't make gossip mongering and rumor pushing any more noble.
I'm thinking this because THE PROFESSOR (one of whose co-productions helped fire Gregg -- well look at this way buddy, you can boast of it to Mickey Mouse Michael when you peddle your next screenplay) was gloating over DEMOCRACY AT WORK when he and his crew claimed to take down Trent Lott. Trent is a buffoon, and an appeaser, and a compromiser in the worst sense, but you must entertain these tiny doubts that he exactly deserved what happened to him. And what happened to Gregg is just Trent REDUX. AND HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT.
I fear that in slaying one electronic monster -- and it does not appear that its skin has even been pricked, though it is suffering convulsions, which may be an act -- we're creating a new one, faster, more efficient, and deadlier. Be careful of what you wish for....
P. S. "The Rumor" is probably the only song in Fiddler that isn't well known for the simple reason that though it was recorded for the original cast album it wasn't issued until the first CD version in the mid-80s.
P. P. S. SUPERFAST WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hasn't even posted the story yet. That lummox is the single most overrated figure on the Web.
P. P. P. S. Sorry Buzz, this IS about SYNERGY. Or as you say, "It always it." (Nice thing about being a SuperBlogger -- you don't have to rewrite yourself, right Buzz?)
I'm thinking this because THE PROFESSOR (one of whose co-productions helped fire Gregg -- well look at this way buddy, you can boast of it to Mickey Mouse Michael when you peddle your next screenplay) was gloating over DEMOCRACY AT WORK when he and his crew claimed to take down Trent Lott. Trent is a buffoon, and an appeaser, and a compromiser in the worst sense, but you must entertain these tiny doubts that he exactly deserved what happened to him. And what happened to Gregg is just Trent REDUX. AND HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT.
I fear that in slaying one electronic monster -- and it does not appear that its skin has even been pricked, though it is suffering convulsions, which may be an act -- we're creating a new one, faster, more efficient, and deadlier. Be careful of what you wish for....
P. S. "The Rumor" is probably the only song in Fiddler that isn't well known for the simple reason that though it was recorded for the original cast album it wasn't issued until the first CD version in the mid-80s.
P. P. S. SUPERFAST WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hasn't even posted the story yet. That lummox is the single most overrated figure on the Web.
P. P. P. S. Sorry Buzz, this IS about SYNERGY. Or as you say, "It always it." (Nice thing about being a SuperBlogger -- you don't have to rewrite yourself, right Buzz?)
Here's another reason to get mad at BIG MEDIA: One of Viacon's TV stations is boasting that it found NEFARIOUS doings in the evacuation of that Chicago government office building. Increasingly people must tune out stories like this, first because government is always an easy target, and second, by targeting government news hacks are able to turn the spotlight away from THEM -- and increasingly big media MAKE news, they don't just report it. How does truth prosper when suspicions at the nominal truth tellers flourish?
Right now I'm feeling exactly as Thoreau did. He blasted news hacks long before somebody invented the word Internet. But he also devoured newspapers. Really, I'd like to take a long vacation from this meaningless blog, from typing words only I read, from upsetting myself at things beyond my control. But I can't remain isolated from life, and I do have a computer, and I'm still paying the TWXsters. What to do? Oh well....
I'm suspecting Perv planted that story about the novel he wanted to sell as a way of trying to perk up interest in his latest movie. If so, it failed miserably.
We'll still look for that book, though -- somewhere between the Stephen King and the Dean Koontz.
"It-Makes-You-Go-Hmmm" moment: his publicist "denied he was in financial trouble. She said he was at work on a new film." Who's your twenty-something sex interest this time, Perv?
We'll still look for that book, though -- somewhere between the Stephen King and the Dean Koontz.
"It-Makes-You-Go-Hmmm" moment: his publicist "denied he was in financial trouble. She said he was at work on a new film." Who's your twenty-something sex interest this time, Perv?
I can think of a few reasons "they" don't make movies like The Adventures of Robin Hood anymore: Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone, Claude Rains, Eugene Pallette, Alan Hale and Olivia de Havilland. Also knee-jerk pundits (like those who may hang around The American Enterprise or UnReason or the like) who call BRAVEHEART (or whatever the Flavor of the Month is) A CONSERVATIVE MOVIE. Also MOVIE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS.
News hacks will never be satisfied with anything less than TOTAL VICTORY. In this case, TOTAL VICTORY means Gregg Easterbrook must resign his job, and never blog again. When NEWS HACKS achieve TOTAL VICTORY, the rest of America loses.
And to you HACKS who just conveniently discovered anti-Semitism, why did it take an attack on YOUR SIAMESE TWINS to get you to yelp? WHY HAVEN'T YOU DEFENDED JEWS THESE LAST TWO YEARS?
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
And to you HACKS who just conveniently discovered anti-Semitism, why did it take an attack on YOUR SIAMESE TWINS to get you to yelp? WHY HAVEN'T YOU DEFENDED JEWS THESE LAST TWO YEARS?
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
Friday, October 17, 2003
The same news hacks who keep smirking that PORN IS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE (a neat way of excusing their social hard-leftism) will probably not see the irony in the likely demise of Penthouse. As an "industry source" put it, "The magazine is no longer a workable franchise....Penthouse was less an editorial product than a picture book [emphasis added]. It's very possible that there will be no life left for the magazine after its sale." Given how they've dolled themselves up with photos and graphics while skimping on words, one can hope most publications go this way.
[Roger] Ebert...remarks that "those who defend [The Texas Chainsaw Massacre] will have to dance through mental hoops of their own devising, defining its meanness and despair as 'style' or 'vision' or 'a commentary on our world.'" No such defense is included in any of today's reviews.
You ad-blurb copywriters gave us ripping horror movies -- and now we can't escape them. You ad-blurb copywriters gave us "hilarious" gross-out comedies -- and now we can't escape them. You ad-blurb copywriters gave us artistic slasher movies -- and now we can't escape them. Time for flame-mail in a blog:
You ad-blurb copywriters gave us ripping horror movies -- and now we can't escape them. You ad-blurb copywriters gave us "hilarious" gross-out comedies -- and now we can't escape them. You ad-blurb copywriters gave us artistic slasher movies -- and now we can't escape them. Time for flame-mail in a blog:
YOU AD-BLURB COPYWRITING IMBECILES GAVE US ALL MANNER OF BAD MOVIES USING EXCUSES LIKE IRONY AND POST-MODERN AND EDGY AND ON AND ON AND ON, AND NOW ALL WE GET ARE BAD MOVIES. YOU IDIOT SCRIBBLERS ARE AT LEAST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR TODAY'S SURFEIT OF CINEMATIC VOMIT AS ANYONE ELSE.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
China's first man in space said the Earth looked beautiful from his orbiting capsule but he couldn't find the Great Wall.
How could he when his eyes were -- elsewhere?
How could he when his eyes were -- elsewhere?
Charles Krauthammer can cut to the quick -- and then he writes these twentieth-rate pop-culture columns. He almost single-handedly made people see Steve Spielberg's dose of castor oil about World War II because -- you had to. And thanks to Chuck everybody came out of the theaters thinking they'd seen such greatness they almost talked down the sick feeling in their stomachs. Now he passes the wind that baseball's better than ever. Chuck, stick with what you know.
Architects say the Taipei 101's design is based on a bamboo shoot.
I thought it was based on a stack of wastebaskets.
If that cityscape isn't a thing out of a bad fantasy videogame I don't know what is.
U.S. 'Peace Toll' in Iraq Passes 100 Combat Deaths
HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
I think people might accept copy-protection schemes if show-biz made better PRODUCT (to use its word), but with the biz disgorging junk at an accelerating rate and run by folks with the cuddly warmth of Frankenstein's monster and the ethics of a Mafia don, they figure, why shouldn't I copy? It will take JACK-style strongarming to get the public in line, but I don't underestimate the public's will. I don't underestimate JACK's venality, either.
Really, I'd rather have a good table pounding from a HOWELL type about how superior he his to his unwashed readers than have all these rich contemptuous types engage in their phony catharsis. Pull the curtain back, Gerald, and there's still a foot-thick Plexiglas wall between you and your readers.
I must confess that all the malarkey about this sudden blossoming of baseball "genius" has gotten on my nerves too. This is why the news biz has become intolerable: tens of thousands of six- and seven-digit hacks ooh and aah at the brilliant raiment of the emperor of the moment -- and there's not one brave little boy or girl to say he's wearing no clothes! That's why I still feel the loss of Mike Royko keenly, and why I was upset when Mike Kelly needlessly died. And here is why bloggers can only lose against the scribblers' onslaught: we only talk to ourselves. News hacks talk to themselves millions at a time.
Another news hack mixes marketing and sociology, and leaves something resembling a big pile of doggie doo on the stoop.
Gotta say it again, SOB, that people aren't reading papers ISN'T YOUR FAULT!
Gotta say it again, SOB, that people aren't reading papers ISN'T YOUR FAULT!
A man is 90% right, and he's forced to apologize. Yes yes yes, we'll concede (as he did) that Gregg Easterbrook used "clumsy" language -- but I really think people got "mad" because he ATTACKED POP CULTURE, and in a world of MR. MARKS that's a HERESY.
[W]hat would [MR. MARK] do if, say, the government said that the dead bodies of both bin Laden and Hussein were found on the same day...
...and on the same day BENNIFER GOT MARRIED?
I think WE KNOW what the editor of BLUNDER would do!
This silly interview confirms that MR. MARK'S RAG is America's second most risible publication after the Times.
And a look at the program of the conference MR. MARK is leading confirms it's as airheaded as he.
...and on the same day BENNIFER GOT MARRIED?
I think WE KNOW what the editor of BLUNDER would do!
This silly interview confirms that MR. MARK'S RAG is America's second most risible publication after the Times.
And a look at the program of the conference MR. MARK is leading confirms it's as airheaded as he.
Also at the Organization of the Islamic Demagogues, another Arab "moderate" says his country (guess which country) will never never NEVER build a nuclear bomb.
Tell that to the mad mullahs.
Tell that to the mad mullahs.
News hacks all over America begin the shout: WE WANT HIM OUT! WE WANT HIM OUT!
But you don't want Maureen Dowd out? She says silly things in every column.
But you don't want Maureen Dowd out? She says silly things in every column.
The "moderate" Malay leader goes out with a standing O in his ears -- and his tail between his legs (I am tempted to say literally).
What prompted the EU to criticize him?
What prompted the EU to criticize him?
Thursday, October 16, 2003
THE PICTURE WHICH SHAMES US ARMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Translation:
BRING BACK THE TALIBAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This Osama Channel Update brought to you by PONTIAC® -- FUEL FOR THE SOUL!®
iTunes for Windows launched
Microsoft warns of 4 new 'critical' Windows flaws
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Microsoft warns of 4 new 'critical' Windows flaws
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Before the Greeks prove that they are entirely incapable of staging an Olympics, maybe the IOC will do them the favor of banning most of the athletes for taking steroids.
You'd think this fraud would have known better -- and been more respectful of his fellow employees, especially since he worked for a company that lost dozens in the WTC.
Now QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! becomes SUICIDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"We -- the media...."
OH SHUT UP!!!!!
"We -- the media...."
OH SHUT UP!!!!!
"We -- the media -- are increasingly disconnected from what people are talking about."
Translation: we make six and seven digits because we're the smartest people on the planet, spend all the livelong day in hermetically-sealed luxury news suites engaging in intellectual masturbation, are never EVER wrong, think our readers are yahoos at best, and put on these occasional acts of false contrition that fool no one but do make us feel very good again. In short, THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!
Translation: we make six and seven digits because we're the smartest people on the planet, spend all the livelong day in hermetically-sealed luxury news suites engaging in intellectual masturbation, are never EVER wrong, think our readers are yahoos at best, and put on these occasional acts of false contrition that fool no one but do make us feel very good again. In short, THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!
A stinkweed is a stinkweed is a stinkweed.
P. S. More news hack excellence: the logo is just the line at the top. I sort of like it better AdAge's way -- the UNHOLY TRINITY.
You may recall when the INFAMOUS Steve Ross (I figure if we can call THAT FAN infamous, ditto with Steve Ross) created TWX Version 1.0, he came up with the screwy logo on the left for the whole company and spent millions selling it, including a prime-time special on ABC (starring Robin Williams, among Steve's other friends) boasting of his organization's PC. (STEVE WAS AHEAD OF THE CURVE!) But I guess the "TIME INC.ERS," still ticked that an OUTSIDER took over THEIR BUSINESS, mightily complained, and the eye-ear was ditched, and the fiction of Time Inc. continuing as an independent entity began. All that artwork for nothing.
And if blogging IS CB, it will be because the PROFESSOR and his CO-PRODUCTIONS have abused their audiences with pretentious claptrap like this. Adam Smith probably DID NOT have Dem Cubbies' Fans in mind when he wrote that.
Oooooooh, NOW the PROFESSOR will go on the WARPATH! A TIMESman says BLOGGING IS CB RADIO!!!!!
By that standard, the Times is nothing more than overpriced newsprint -- as it strives to show every day.
But then given that he's "pessimestic," bloggers may have nothing to worry about.
By that standard, the Times is nothing more than overpriced newsprint -- as it strives to show every day.
But then given that he's "pessimestic," bloggers may have nothing to worry about.
Another one of those silly Forbes.com pop-ups:
"Experience is a private, very largely speechless affair."
--James Baldwin
Where have these clowns been these last several media eons?
"Experience is a private, very largely speechless affair."
--James Baldwin
Where have these clowns been these last several media eons?
I guess Pat O'Brien figures, Ah-NULT did dumb movies, I did sporting events! That's good enough for me!
Only in America. Or South Dakota.
Only in America. Or South Dakota.
I think I know what it is with lgf. Every time he uncovers another story/cartoon/picture he hyperventilates like a Beltway direct-mail fundraiser. His superaccurate reporting on the death of Yasser Arafat didn't help. Calm down, calm down little, and let the facts speak for themselves.
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now turns to Stars and Stripes. Gee wiz golly gosh, what could be more PATRIOTIC than that?
The PLUMBERS (who also work for Dem Tribbies) get into a snit because the general looking for the Big O is -- a Christian. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
The leader of the "moderate" Malaysians works the Organization of the Islamic Kleptocrats into a holy lather, screaming, "DEATH TO JEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fortunately, we're told, he's "outgoing." Don't want to guess who's incoming.
Fortunately, we're told, he's "outgoing." Don't want to guess who's incoming.
I guess we're supposed to feel SAD SAD SAD that Dem Cubbies didn't win, but my personal sadness is lessened by the fact that Dem Cubbies make dem millions and work for Dem Tribbies, for whom I feel not the least bit of sympathy; and what's more, if Dem Cubbies had won the Series, as I've said before, there would probably have been unprecedented rioting, and that would have been the REAL Curse of the Cubs -- on their own fans.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Mickey's come up with a good term: "architectural malpractice."
And we shouldn't limit it to atriums in university libraries.
And we shouldn't limit it to atriums in university libraries.
Ho hum, the Big G, a leading member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, is facing an SEC probe. Yawwwwwwwwwwwn.
What Moises has got to realize, however, is that someday he and that fan likely will settle their differences and spend some quality time together ... perhaps at sports memorabilia conventions.
YoudaMAN, Bill BUCKNER!
YoudaMAN, Bill BUCKNER!
I've discovered a synonym for NEWS HACK: "Gutless careerist." It comes from a Timesman.
Caveat: it also comes from The Wall Street Journals Conservative Edition.
Caveat: it also comes from The Wall Street Journals Conservative Edition.
Another advance in the art of truth telling from BLOGS! WorldNetDaily (a milder version of NewsMax) spread the word FAR and WIDE (through lots of crusading bloggers like The PROFESSOR and ANDY S.) that Ed Asner was nostalgic for Stalin. UNFORTUNATELY, it turned out our WND columnist misquoted Mr. Asner. To his credit, PROF noted the error -- but SORRY, SuperBlogger, the No-Spin Spin Zone was right -- you CAN wreck a person's rep on the Web.
I think I might post things on YOU-KNOW-WHO's trial under the simple rubric of OH, SHUT UP.
We don't need unanimity -- just enough Democrats willing to admit we must help the Iraqis, just as we helped the Western Europeans. Anything less is an invitation to disaster.
Adam Lipson cannot decide which of the many gadgets he bought in the last couple of years proved most useless.
Perhaps it was the microscope that hooked up to his computer. Then again, maybe Mr. Lipson, 42, would choose the universal remote control that came with a manual as thick as a Russian novel. But that would be shortchanging the Webcam — a video camera that transfers images over the Internet — that he used once, stashed in a closet and finally threw away.
Keep buyin' those electronic widgets -- and keep sellin' 'em on eBay!
Perhaps it was the microscope that hooked up to his computer. Then again, maybe Mr. Lipson, 42, would choose the universal remote control that came with a manual as thick as a Russian novel. But that would be shortchanging the Webcam — a video camera that transfers images over the Internet — that he used once, stashed in a closet and finally threw away.
Keep buyin' those electronic widgets -- and keep sellin' 'em on eBay!
And again speaking of the PROFESSOR, he posts a blandly-done Webtoon (it's from October 14) in which BLOGGERS SMITE Jonathan "SUPERPATRIOT" Alter. Fat chance. Most blogging (to repeat myself) is talking to yourself at the water cooler, and Jonathan makes millions reaching millions. I'd like to see that fatuous fraud get his, but for now, he wins in a landslide.
And speaking of CONFORMISM, if I'm to judge by PROFESSOR's links, the whole Web is up in arms over Gregg Easterbrook's blog hit on EisnerCorp because he -- ATTACKS JEWS. A few major-league louts with big positions in show-biz can besmirch Jews, especially given the love for them internationally -- and unless you're a news hack, you have to call Mickey Mouse Michael irresponsible. Sorry, it's no more anti-Semitism to point this out than anti-black or Hispanic or Martian to point out the flaws in people of other ethnic groups. And I'm sure Mr. Easterbrook is no anti-Semite. (And the further irony is, the louts are probably all Jewish in name only.) When we start disallowing criticism on ethnic grounds, we invite the worst kind of self-censorship.
I think a lot of whatever "anger" there is over this (and I suspect few have even read it) stems from the lockstep sub-literate gamer mentality of too many on the Web, who'll worship every piece of high-tech junk that comes roaring down the pike, the bloodier the better, and Michael's hack is their guy, and Mr. Easterbrook threw them, shall we say, a bone.
And SHUT UP, MR. YASSER IS DEAD; you didn't do anything about that Foggy Bottom map except caterwaul -- and the map is far worse.
I think a lot of whatever "anger" there is over this (and I suspect few have even read it) stems from the lockstep sub-literate gamer mentality of too many on the Web, who'll worship every piece of high-tech junk that comes roaring down the pike, the bloodier the better, and Michael's hack is their guy, and Mr. Easterbrook threw them, shall we say, a bone.
And SHUT UP, MR. YASSER IS DEAD; you didn't do anything about that Foggy Bottom map except caterwaul -- and the map is far worse.
I have not been following Seligism lately, in part because it's well past my bedtime, but after the crushing media persecution of THAT FAN (even I know what he did now) we can add intolerance to the long list of reasons sports is bad for America (counting extortion, greed, worship of cretins and crooks, etc. etc. etc.)