Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
P. S. It is more than a little revolting to realize that when Bob started his current run Bill Paley and Frank Stanton still headed CBS -- they'd just invented VIACON and would soon spin it off to appease the FEDS -- and Mark Goodson and Bill Todman were still his bosses. He's gone through (by our calculations) five management changes at the network and four at the producer. (Does anyone believe his show was once co-produced by The Econowiz' publisher? Sheesh.)
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
Meantime Hezbollah's leader (remember them?) says the League won't disarm his forces, which we'll take as the last word. Further: The U.S. has "no future" in the region, Nasrallah said. "They will leave the Mideast, Arab and Islamic worlds just as they left Vietnam, and I advise those who are counting on them to draw conclusion from the Vietnam experience." Do he and SEN. HEIN-TZZZZZZZZZZZZ share a speechwriter?
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
And what especially galls is that these ratings are behind the rise of CHEAP CHANNEL and three formats. In other late-breaking industry news, this site announces that Roger was wrong -- EINSTEIN will live to see another day. Quick thinking!
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
And what do being an economist and viewing porn have in common?
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
This, as I said before, is where we desperately need the new Nielsen ratings for commercials. If they can prove -- as I suspect they would -- that people tune out political TV ads more than any other type it might introduce reform in our politics the SLOBS have been unwilling to do.
Posted
1:32 PM
by Gene
![]() STAY IN SCHOOL OR YOU'LL GET STUCK IN IRAQ! AND I'M PROUD OF THE SOLDIERS WHO ARE STUCK THERE!
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
A University Of Iowa football player faces problems off the field today. Starting linebacker, Ed Miles, was arrested early yesterday for an assault at an Iowa City bar. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Former University of Wisconsin football player Levonne Rowan was arrested on Saturday night following an alleged disturbance on the UW campus. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A running back for the Eastern Arizona College Gila Monsters football team was arrested Oct. 15 soon after admitting on camera to having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Mustang football player was arrested Thursday evening following an incident outside the fieldhouse on the high school campus. John Washington, 18, is charged with third-degree assault and engaging in violent criminal group activity after an off-duty officer reportedly saw him hitting another student in the head while two others held the victim. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Off-field issues continue to plague the UConn football team. Senior Donald Thomas, a backup offensive lineman from West Haven, was suspended two games Tuesday by coach Randy Edsall for what school officials called a "violation of team rules." Thomas was arrested Sunday by UConn police after a fight at Wings Over Storrs, a restaurant near the campus. And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on. FUN in America's SKOOLS!
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
When I ask Eastwood where he keeps his Oscars — the showbiz equivalent of Bradley's wartime medal [Nice touch there, Mogul -- likening the ACADEMY AWARD® to the Navy Cross -- scintillating! What a capital-A ASS!] — he points to a corner of the room. "There's a couple behind my desk over there. They're just sitting where they were put after the event." He shrugs, already a little uncomfortable talking about his achievements. "I appreciate the honor, but the question is — how far do you want to carry it?" As far as you can, Greatest Director of All Time. Just makes sure Mogul's Friend doesn't steal them and sell them on eBay. (Via the usual ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
One good thing: the more it turns to consultants and PR types the more it screws itself up.
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
You do not counter dishonesty with dishonesty. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Good idea, Larry and Sergey!
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:00 AM
by Gene
Who says con-SER-va-tive news hacks can't campaign too?
Posted
6:58 AM
by Gene
We do like to see these things. Why shouldn't people who earn more in one day than most people earn in their whole lives get a little grief?
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
This "reform" resulted from several sensational miscarriages of justice, which will happen in a nation butchering its own people. Monday, October 30, 2006
Posted
9:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:18 PM
by Gene
President Bush has tapped Emilio Estefan Jr., the Grammy-winning producer and husband of singer Gloria Estefan, to serve on the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts board of trustees, the White House said Monday. A Cuban refugee, Estefan has worked on albums for Latin music's most significant crossover artists, including Shakira, Ricky Martin and Jennifer Lopez. He is already member of the President's Committee on the Arts and Humanities. The board of trustees is headed by the current and former first ladies and has members from Congress, the government of the District of Columbia and those picked by the president, among others. Bush also nominated billionaire casino mogul Steve Wynn and former Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta to serve as board members. Wynn opened a $2.7 billion resort and casino in Las Vegas last year and in September opened a $1 billion hotel-casino in Macau, a Chinese territory. Mineta, the only Democrat to serve in Bush's Cabinet, stepped down in July. His six years as secretary made him the longest-serving head of the department since it was formed in 1967. Bush also selected investor Elliott Broidy, AOL founding executive James Kimsey and real estate developer Sheldon Kamins. In September, Broidy hosted a fundraiser with Bush at his Beverly Hills home. The event was expected to raise $1.3 million for the Republican National Committee. So -- he chooses a pop star's husband, a zillionaire, a few other Richie Riches, and a man who defined PC. The Bush Administration marches down.
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
'Where is everybody?' he says. 'Gone to the hanging,' says the barman. 'Hanging?' says the cowboy. 'Who they hanging?' 'Brownpaper Pete,' replies the barman. 'Brownpaper Pete? Why do they call him that?' 'Well,' says the barman. 'His hat's made of brown paper, his shirt's made of brown paper, his jacket's made of brown paper and his trousers are made of brown paper.' 'Really?' says the cowboy. 'What they hanging him for?' 'Rustling.' I think I'll stick with blogging. It's funnier. (Also via ArtsJournal)
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:00 PM
by Gene
(Via IWantMedia)
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
Why must entertainment be a CHORE? (Also via ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
Smart thinking! (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
It is to soon to write off the orgy of contempt for the public that is publicity, but perhaps it explains why so much of our superiors' product can't sell anymore. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
And another plus to serial TV: if you get any viewers hooked and you cancel after three episodes they'll swear never to watch your network again! This Villanova student has it right: "You can’t spend your life watching television." That would NEVER occur to TV ad-blurbists. And maybe in the end that's why serial TV failed: Perhaps the viewers sensed that all these superexpensive, superproduced, superacted, superwritten and superdirected masterpieces were just another clever way of getting their no-longer-gullible selves to stay for the ADS. (Second link via ArtsJournal. Why doesn't Bill Carter become an exec himself? He has the PERFECT mentality. I wonder -- is he Carter of Sitcomdom?)
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
And we wonder why business is full of KennyBoys.
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
Shouldn't she be tossed from the party?
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Posted
4:24 PM
by Gene
![]() This is the kind of ironic-jokey thing news hacks insist on writing, and which helps explain why most news writing reeks; nonetheless I discern an elegiacal spirit to this Baywatch tribute. Popular TV shows always had strong ensemble casts, from I Love Lucy on. But the ensemble is difficult machinery to assemble, and with modern TV the gears lie all over the place. Baywatch could not have clicked in syndication without its uniformly (and sometimes risibly) telegenic cast. No one would call it art, but eye candy does have its place. The problem is entertainment doesn't know how to deliver the simple pleasure anymore; it must give us EINSTEIN -- or filth.
Posted
2:17 PM
by Gene
Most to the point, like other institutions that became TV-crazed, baseball has lost its soul. Miss America is the classic example, having gone from a certain kitschy larger-than-life melodrama to robotics. America's Former Pastime may be, as Zelig's always telling us, healthier than ever; but much of its health comes from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest comes from Brian Robber and the cable conspiracy, not to mention the hack pols giving our tax dollars away. Take away that health and you've got a ghostly creature living in the past. There might be one other reason: most people just don't care. Note too the heading, and the URL. They say it all.
Posted
12:17 PM
by Gene
Look BEHIND you, King Denny!
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
His proposals, in a leaked letter to Gordon Brown, include hikes on fuel and air passenger duty as well as increased road tax for drivers of the most polluting vehicles. Here's something the Democrats can campaign on!
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
How soon they forgot Morton Downey Jr. You have to wonder how many others of the loudmouths are fakes. We wouldn't be surprised if someday Tarzana announces she's a closet liberal. If we can't trust the hacks we have less reason to trust these professional sulfur emitters.
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Ayatollahs forfend!
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
I'm still very much thinking of moving my blog, but lately I've gotten ten hits a day instead of eight, and I don't like the notion of starting from scratch.
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
Oh, NO! MORE JUKEBOX MUSICALS!!!!!
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:57 AM
by Gene
So if an Iraqi force of -- INSURGENTS blows up a dirty bomb in one of our cities, your biz won't entirely be able not to take credit. At least you used ONE cover this time, by the way. After the flag in the trash can and ANNIE we're paying PERMANENT ATTENTION. Saturday, October 28, 2006
Posted
9:10 PM
by Gene
I wonder -- did the CIA ever try exploding birthday candles?
Posted
9:08 PM
by Gene
That may not be as brilliant an idea as selling AOL to the TWXSTERS, but it's getting there.
Posted
7:04 PM
by Gene
(Via USAOKAY.com)
Posted
6:19 PM
by Gene
Although it goes without saying most of today's "music" fans don't have a mind.
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
“My concern is that some Democrats will [SIC] learn the wrong lessons from our victory,” Senator Joe Biden of Delaware said. Noting the number of conservative Democratic challengers this fall, he said that voters are seeking “a bipartisan consensus” about how to leave more than chaos and instability in Iraq. “A pullout is not a plan,” Mr. Biden said, “it is a reaction.” What sealed the Democrats’ image after Vietnam, historians say, was not just Mr. McGovern’s campaign but also their reaction as public opinion turned on the war. After 1968, Democrats in Congress began pressing to curtail the war or cut off its financing. And their efforts reached a peak after the post-Watergate midterm election of 1974, when many Democrats interpreted their landslide gains as a mandate to cut back on national defense. TRANSLATION: There has to be a plan -- to make us look pro-American.
Posted
3:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:05 PM
by Gene
How many idiots in Washington are motivated by reading their names in the papers? And how many truly selfless beings inhabit the Beltway? Perhaps DR. Zelikow is one of the latter. Then again, maybe he's just another GENERAL. And why is it increasingly when we peruse the hacks we feel we're being had -- even if we aren't?
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
We're increasingly of a mind that if we could zap every last tantrum-throwing partisan of either persuasion to another universe we'd all be better off. PILLHEAD breaks wind with his mouth. So liberals must respond by breaking wind with theirs. Every outrageous comment by one side must be answered by an equally outrageous remark by the other side. Both sides would believe the politics of their enemies constitutes a mental illness; both sides, if given the chance, would build them concentration camps. It is not enough these frauds must fill us with bile to our gills; they must turn the world into a sea of bile, from which we can never see high land. P. S. Clever that ST. WARREN'S BOYS don't use the word. At what point does one synergistic division's dishonesty cease to be another's? You can't be synergistic and disclaim its "advantages."
Posted
11:23 AM
by Gene
If I didn't know better I'd say this is a change in policy. But that's okay; Foggy Bottom changes its policy every week.
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Lenny says, "THE CONSERVATIVES HAVE THE MOONIES' TOILET PAPER! THE HELL WITH CONSERVATIVES!"
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
An extra-added bonus: the owners get to shake down taxpayers for more "development"! Friday, October 27, 2006
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
“Those are the only three answers I want from American journalism,” he noted. “USA Today is perfect.” 1. You don't need a newspaper for those. 2. If this is all people read newspapers for they're doomed. (Via Romy, strange)
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
Two likeliest outcomes: 1. Our papers get DUMMER; 2. The bigshots like the ones who work most of the time in BRISTOL won't be touched, as they're PROFIT CENTERS. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
(As a rule we'd rather not link to Wall Street Journals stories, even "free" ones, and we will actively try not to link to Wall Street Journals stories until Philips Phree Phridays happen SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.)
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
If it's anything like those jokes about Bugmeister Bill making cars this should be something. But then do people who aren't superrich really want cars from micromanufacturers? What if one breaks? Do you take it to a factory a thousand miles away? And we're told how sexy these cars are. So why does the DeLorean look so boxy and cheap nowadays?
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
Here's what gets us about His personality cult: it's based on a notion that informs so many of the scribblers, that somehow rock is superior to all that came before it, therefore excusing you for your philistinism. Thus did a Man who issued some silly rhymes about flowers and times a-changin' become THE VOICE OF HISTORY. Attack the Man and you attack news hacks and all they stand for. No wonder "Greatest Musical" Ben takes it so -- personally.
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
1. We don't know what it is about these zillionaire blowhards that compels them to start PR feuds. 2. "Bonehead" may describe many people in your biz, O Noble Truth Teller. 3. Why did the Truth-Telling Bonehead invite him -- and why did the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE accept? Or do I smell PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
7:05 AM
by Gene
Hey frauds! If your daydream came true we'd have PRESIDENT BIG OIL! How would you like THAT practical joke? Or do you have ANOTHER daydream besides? Elsewhere Claudia Pig -- PUIG shakes her head vigorously, and gives us another reason newspapers should NOT run movie reviews. P. S. When a tantrum thrower like HARVEY WHINER uses the word "un-American", remember how many people he's blackballed. What in God's name do our superiors have against us? (Via IWantMedia) Thursday, October 26, 2006
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
![]() "WE ARE LEFT TO CONCLUDE THAT THIS IS NOT AN ISSUE OF A THREAT TO AMERICAN SECURITY!!!!!" Curley told mediabistro.com in an email. "IT IS AN OVERT EFFORT TO STIFLE A FREE PRESS!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added.] I don't think CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) should have made his COURAGEOUS DEFENSE of his TRUTHTELLER after CNN'S FAVOR. Nor do we think his executive editor should have boasted that he "committed" journalism. THAT'S the problem. We wonder, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) -- have you met the president about this? You're a powerful man. You have that option. Or are you merely POSTURING?
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
"The uncovered meat is the problem!! If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred!!!!!" [Overemphasis added.] Ah, the scrumptious morals of I---m.
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
That's the thing about Stale.com: it's always playing mind games with its readers. Let's be blunt: PILLHEAD IS stupid, and his mouth and luck are geniuses.
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
(Via Yahoo! News)
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
Exxon Mobil [sic] Corp. says its profit rose to $10.49 billion in the third quarter, making it the second largest quarterly profit ever for a publicly traded U.S. company.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
"Our research showed it was soft in awareness," said Bruce Snyder, Fox's distribution chief. So where did those tons of mind-numbing publicity go? Did they vanish into the air? We're they carted off to landfills? Or did people STOP UP THEIR EARS? (Via ShowBizData)
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
Jane Pauley, top-secret programs, what's the diff? The Paper of Re-CORD knows better. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
1:47 PM
by Gene
As the author of this story notes, there's only one problem: it's still in the RADIO biz (or as we say, the annoy-them-with-loud-car-dealer-ads biz).
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:07 PM
by Gene
And DA NOOZ spins that DA POST!!!!!!!!! hypes its circulation. "1,582,053 copies"!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!! That's a LOT!!!!! Until you consider it's "6,303 extra copies for each weekday - nearly 1% of its total circulation" (it sez here) -- which, when you come down to it, isn't that much, unless you're Bugmeister Bill counting your pocket change. Speaking of plagues, both RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Mort Zuck lose big money pouring their fortunes down Big Apple ratholes that seem to be getting bigger and rattier. As with the networks, it isn't who comes first -- it's who avoids being LAST.
Posted
11:53 AM
by Gene
A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES!
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
Everyone jump out the windows! (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
Did some people have dreams of world domination?
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
This is why I loathe politics: we attack someone not because he's an ass, but because he's a CONSERVATIVE ass, or a LIBERAL ass. An ass is an ass, and PILLHEAD's one of the biggest -- and he HAPPENS to be a conservative one. Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
How aptly CAPITALISTIC.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
That didn't take long; someone must have told the kidnappers about Bilal.
Posted
3:24 PM
by Gene
But why must these articles run in ALTERNARAGS? (Via the inevitable Romy, who seems to get half his stuff from alternarags)
Posted
1:47 PM
by Gene
![]() TNR plugs a comic roman à clef by a former aide to King Denny -- and it's still only 708,452 in Amazon.com? The reason is obvious: Who needs a fictional farce when you have King Denny?
Posted
1:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:25 PM
by Gene
So why weren't you and Danno Blather? (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
12:11 PM
by Gene
He isn't even a [C]RAPPER and he's made a BRILLIANT career move! Doherty, 27, has had a string of arrests in London for drug possession and is undergoing a court-ordered rehabilitation program. He is the on-off boyfriend of Kate Moss. Definitely.
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
Are all the captains getting nervous? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
looks a little bit like actor Sean Astin. Never noticed before. You've been raving too many movies, Ms. Travers!
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Not good enough! Still have $110 billion in market cap to reach G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE. I want all those investors who don't blog with BLOGGER to justify this.
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Amazing how slumps can happen, isn't it?
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Mogul's Friend, better look in the mirror the next time you smoke crack. Monday, October 23, 2006
Posted
7:49 PM
by Gene
It would appear the Japanese were born yesterday, mais oui?
Posted
7:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
I think this PLATINUM AGE of SELIGISM deserves them, don't you?
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
As for me, I've voted with my mouse clicks: I've uninstalled Blogger for Word (which never worked that well anyway) and intend to sign up with a blog hosting outfit by the end of the week. I only regret I didn't do this several years ago. I'd rather pay $7 or $8 a month and know I can connect than get what I pay for with BLOGGER.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
PRIORITIES [Andy McCarthy] Regarding Lynne Stewart's 28-month sentence last week for materially supporting terrorism, I wrote that "Valuing [terror] promotion at 28 months in prison — which is about ten percent of what corporate executives get nowadays for financial fraud — is unserious." Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling was apparently just sentenced to 24 years and four months in prison. OK, so I was off by a few months ... Posted at 5:08 PM I know con-SER-va-tives enough that their answer would be to give a Jeffrey Skilling 28 months too. I think we can call that DOUBLE unserious.
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
Why did the whole neighborhood around Foggy Bottom rumble with the deafening sound of agreement?
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
As I say a thousand times -- who knew?
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
He is the Larry King of PBS. Where did he get his brilliant reputation? (Via MediaBistro) Sunday, October 22, 2006
Posted
10:02 PM
by Gene
For the West, the Uprising was a brutal lesson in hypocrisy. Nato leaders had trumpeted their commitment to fighting Soviet domination and broadcasts had urged on brave democrats beyond the Iron Curtain. But when the final, tearful plea for help came from Budapest in television appeals that were quickly cut short, the West did nothing. Preoccupied with British and French adventurism in Suez, Nato had to admit to a pragmatism that may have avoided a greater conflagration but which underlined the realities of power. I wonder, RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- which side would YOU have taken?
Posted
12:29 PM
by Gene
And this is why the recent NEAR-REVOLT was so noxious: because the rebel asses see nothing wrong with running JUNK so long as they can run the CW propaganda that aligns them with the FORCES of RIGHT. There can't be too many layoffs at the LALA TIMES.
Posted
12:08 PM
by Gene
The Iranians know something the CHAMBERLAINS don't. When do the CHAMBERLAINS learn? We note too the talk about North Korea has abated. Does it mean that problem's over too?
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
At least these teens have shown remorse, but it is only a short time before another outrage and more drones of "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, Idunno."
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
Alas, GOD's CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED film has not been heavenly at the B. O. We must say it again: the term "CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED" has become a kiss of death. The reader sees a prancing buffoon like Effete Edelstein rummaging a dictionary for the most preposterous adjectives, calling up every last fragment of his film-theory training, and looking for any excuse to ingratiate himself with the people who have made his job possible, stifling the notion that he sifts through mountains of dross in the process out of sheer self-preservation. In short, the ad-blurbist is an ill-educated snob and phony who forever excuses dreck, and the sad fate of EINSTEIN and other such CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED masterpieces says the public may not be as credulous as it used to be.
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
Then again RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or SUMNER will probably buy out the site soon for $20 BILLION, and reinforce their fame for stupidity.
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
And he would seem to undercut his reluctant argument by noting more mothers are working, and $46,326 a year does not seem like a lot of money to us, even with all that wonderful technology. Here's another reason we can't stand news hacks: they live on Mt. Olympus.
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to CLAUDIA!
Posted
9:00 AM
by Gene
When Little Jon turns his rag into a Democratic Party campaign document he is clearly speaking in the third person plural. Yet he and other news hacks would presume to speak in the first person plural because some part of them presumes they're speaking for us, the Pygmies they'd otherwise sneer at. It's precisely this disconnect that helps explain our ever increasing hatred of media, and media's ever shrinking returns. And somehow even Jonny "The Thinker" Alter must concede the election may not be the unalloyed triumph he and the other hacks are fervently hoping for. Saturday, October 21, 2006
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
I'm also cutting down on my posting. I'm tired of electronically banging my head, and of issuing smart one-liners that nobody reads. I can't entirely give up on it -- blogging is my tenuous connection to the world -- but I am tired of the lack of attention too. P. S. This article documents a numbing repeat of what happened LAST YEAR. Happily Larry and Sergey have lots of money. They needn't do a thing. Friday, October 20, 2006
Posted
11:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
Of course con-SER-va-tives and Republicans wouldn't attend these hearings. They don't want six big media tyrannies. They want three. Or maybe two. Or one. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Will the League of Nations finally lose its sense of humor?
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
![]() Notice something peculiar? This is a trick with an asterisk. Plus Brooks spends 1,306 words in another story about the GOODTHINGS' Network's alleged self-deprecation, the sign of a writer who watches too much TV. We'll have such stories until hell freezes over -- and that's when TV will improve. P. S. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! calls GOODTHINGS' moves "draconian." He never had a job. He also says this involves a menage a trois. Just remember guys, you hate the public, and then you'll love one another. (Both also via MediaBistro. If Philips can, for the time being, make the Journals available on Fridays, why not have other sponsors do the same thing Mondays through Thursdays? Why do they insist on walling themselves off?)
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
The irony is these clowns claim to want someone who breaks the partisan mold, and then they take the same old plastic mouths from the same old molds. This is why getting eight hits a day is so frustrating; I'd like to think I'm better than all these yaps, but I must not be to be getting eight hits a day. (And why did this have to appear in the Wall Street Journals?) (Via MediaBistro) Thursday, October 19, 2006
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
And he works for Anderson Cooper, a pretty face with pretensions.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
FBI Says Threat to NFL Games Was Hoax FBI Says Threat Made Against NFL Stadiums This Weekend is a Hoax MILWAUKEE Oct 19, 2006 (AP)— The FBI says the threat made against NFL stadiums this weekend is a hoax. [SIC!] [SIC!] [SIC!]
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
And of course it will have nothing to do with the grainy video, or the download troubles (I couldn't see your snoozing cat -- thanks, Citizen Hearsties!), or G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's incompetence, or rooting out COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENTS, or the inevitable boredom factor, or the fact that people can even more easily run out of things to say on video than in blogs, the rotting hulks of millions accreting on the Web. Sometimes this Frisco paper is edited as though William Randolph came back to life intending to have even less sense than RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Posted
2:59 PM
by Gene
(Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
2:54 PM
by Gene
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is NOT CONSERVATIVE!
Posted
12:17 PM
by Gene
Simpson can never be retried for the murders because of double jeopardy laws, according to the Enquirer, which also claims that Simpson aims to keep any book money instead of paying it out in a civil suit judgment against him by spending it all quickly. They'll still get $3.5 million richer because they can sue the PUBLISHER. And who would that be? How about a toss-up between RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and SUMNER?
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
Because every overrated magazine editor needs his money managed.
Posted
11:29 AM
by Gene
"I have to confess, I was going through a nervous breakdown," he said. "I was taking pills -- tranquilizers. I used to take them all the time. They affected my mind a little bit." Is there anyone in this story who doesn't have an excuse?
Posted
11:15 AM
by Gene
If we root for baszzzzzzzzzzzzzzeball at all, that is. And Seligism isn't coming back to the GE BANCORP GAMES anytime soon, thanks in no small part to the man people aren't rooting for.
Posted
11:11 AM
by Gene
And Nike sort-of apologized; it knows which side football factories butter their toast.
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
Hey Reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve! Do I hear you firing up ANOTHER money shredder? (Also via MediaBistro)
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
And he'd probably have enough leftover to buy them all a few beers! (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
10:56 AM
by Gene
Who'da thought? (Via Yahoo! News/AFP via IWantMedia)
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
How much did You waste on this show for Your sugar daddies' vanity, SUM? Enough to give the TWXSTERS a "black eye", evidently.
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
Maybe the reason we have the new EDS is because the news stinks, the news biz stinks, and someone wants to make money off it. Could that be?
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
Mr. Rosenthal said the fierce competition in the fall can be traced to the high level of store traffic that is irresistible to publishers. “It is Darwinian,” Mr. Rosenthal said. “Some books will live, and some books will die.” That's okay, Darwin; in thirty years you couldn't remainder your best-sellers. (Via the annoying ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
"The movie is horrific," said our source. "It is a limited release that will likely go straight to video. Paris doesn't really want to be associated with it. Her movie career is not exactly booming, and she needs to not be seen as a flop. Also, the movie has a lot of topless women in it, and she is trying to distance herself from the whole porn thing." This looks like a job for: ![]() By the way....
Posted
6:51 AM
by Gene
We do think the Hollywood Stenographer is wrong when it says Six Sigma is about layoffs, however. Six Sigma is about pretending you can measure quality in an operation like Goodthings Entertainment. Firings are more about LEGENDARY WELCH. P. S. WHEW! Goodthings may switch the two loudmouths Chris and HHHWWWALTER to the BIG C, where their "talents" would be highly complementary. For now, THE TRUTH IS SAFE. (Via ROMY, who's also highly relieved) P. P. S. NBC Universal said it will stop scheduling high-priced dramas and comedies during the 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. slot. You scheduling dead air? P. P. P. S. at 12:10 p.m.: Alas, Goodthings is NOT turning the MESS into a tape machine, meaning the two loudmouths are stuck where they are. P. P. P. P. S. at 2:40 p.m.: A MEDIA BUYER eructs: Steve Sternberg, exec VP-audience analysis, Magna Global thinks concentrating on game shows and reality shows in that hour could work for NBC. "Here is why that could be positive. We've done research with Nielsen data and 80% of homes have one set during prime time. Families want to watch TV together and too often they can't because there's a lot of kids around. Reality shows have become the new family programming." He cited research that shows 10 of the top 15 shows popular with children, teens and adults are reality series. They can't watch together because you REVERSE ROBIN HOODS are busy robbing us to finance EDGY programming -- when you aren't financing the CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED programming YOU and NO ONE ELSE WATCH. AND: [T]here are plans to convert CNBC.com to a paid subscription service, which could be unveiled by the end of the year. Penny stocks, here we come!
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
![]() Perhaps one reason the newspaper biz is in a funk is that we've learned to skim stories so fast we don't even read them. When The Paper of Re-CORD does a story on scanty Halloween costumes and "post-post-post feminism" we KNOW (or at least we think we know) what it will say -- mostly eyeball-rolling sugary whimsical BLAH (which would curdle into the essence of sulfur at the thought of any Nazi Christian Republican) -- and it isn't worth the trouble of getting yourself riled up just to further confirm your hunches, and to wonder if you'll someday have the whole news biz so well memorized you'll stop consuming its product altogether. At least PINCH had the temerity to print include few good pictures, however. Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Posted
6:01 PM
by Gene
TODAY'S MOST FREQUENTLY RECEIVED E-MAIL: [Kathryn Jean Lopez] Thanks for the Cromwell debate on The Corner today. I'm certain there must be seven, even eight people mildly interested. I'm getting a lot of other work done. Posted at 5:30 PM Jo-NAH and Ms. Travers may think they're cute, but how often do they and their fellow keyboard bangers tie down their "blog" with Star Trek and "conservative" songs? We cite The Corner a bit too frequently as it's often the most risible thing of its kind.
Posted
3:09 PM
by Gene
We remember TV shows for their theme songs -- including lots of BAD ones. They were often the only good things in the shows. If we have no theme songs to remember, how will we remember the shows -- even from this SUPERMEGAPLATINUM AGE OF GENIUS? The banishment of these songs (and of underscoring, it having been replaced with LICENSING) and the further disappearance of the Broadway overture points to a SUPERPLATINUM AGE OF GENIUS in commercial music too!
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
You con-SER-va-tives STILL think He's one of YOURS? "There isn't a racist bone in his body, not one," Piniella said of Lyons. "I know the guy personally. He was kidding with me. It was an unfortunate thing. None of it was intended, believe me. "He's talented at what he does," Piniella said. "I recognize that after being in the booth with him." Having not watched any SELIGISM for awhile we can't vouch for that, but we will say this: we think Lou's a good guy.
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
I recall your INFAMOUS advertising campaign from the GREEEEEED-IS-GOOD epoch; the REAGAN ERA that we still endure with BLOOD ON OUR HANDS AND A HOLE WHERE OUR HEARTS SHOULD BE!!!!! PERCEPTION VS. REALITY, YOUR AD CAMPAIGN SCREAMED!!!!! PERCEPTION was a depiction of a HIPPIE, REALITY a YUPPIE!!!!! THAT'S when you clearly JUMPED SHIP, JANN, and defected to THE DARKNESS AND THE DUMB!!!!!!!!!! [Huff'n'Puff overpuffing added] We would say someone who places so much faith in Jann and is angry enough to feel double-crossed by him already inhabits his own personal darkness. As to dumb, the dictionary defines it as "Unwilling to speak; taciturn", so on that score we would only be MOSTLY right. (Via Romy. We can hear you shaking your head again!)
Posted
12:22 PM
by Gene
Of course hardly anybody's paid attention to this story because it's BIGMEDIA's dirty laundry.
Posted
12:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
For one thing, they'd both deny it.
Posted
11:41 AM
by Gene
Movies in large part are about teenage sex. Whole TV networks -- I am not going to mention any names -- are largely about teenagers and sex. Music, if you can call it music, is very, very largely about teenagers and sex, and teenagers listen to it incessantly. (I am the father of a teenager, and I promise you, it's true.) And how many of the ADS you've starred in with that nebbishy face and whiny voice helped pay for all the teenage sex in movies, in TV, and in music? Don't answer; you wouldn't anyway.
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:05 AM
by Gene
(Via Romy)
Posted
10:47 AM
by Gene
According to San Francisco consulting firm Agenda, which tracks brand mentions in song lyrics for its annual "American Brandstand" survey, no beer brands were mentioned in hip-hop lyrics during 2005, although import brand Corona did land three mentions during 2004. And Little Gussie spent $84 million "launching" the brand. What's [C]RAPPISH for someone who's totally, like, oblivious?
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Hey I'd fake blogs too if it could get ME widely read.
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
I guess building on New York's biggest artificial tar pit didn't help either.
Posted
7:00 AM
by Gene
Temper, TEMPER, Lord Schlockintosh!
Posted
6:35 AM
by Gene
The indictment details Snipes' involvement over the last six years with Eddie Ray Kahn, who founded American Rights Litigators and its successor Guiding Light of God Ministries. Kahn espouses the belief that U.S. citizens do not have to pay federal income tax. The "861 argument," referring to a section of the IRS code, is considered by experts to be a fringe interpretation.... Snipes joined the movement in 2000 and, according to the indictment, began pursuing dubious tax refunds, including a $7.4-million claim for the 1997 tax year. Snipes originally claimed an income of $19.2 million that year, authorities alleged, but in an amended return said his income was zero. We look at it this way: thus are the chances of his ci-ne-ma vehicles earning immortality. Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Posted
9:39 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to JOEDY! [SIC!]
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
...suggesting you CAN take it with you.
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Mr. Cook defended the content, saying the network wasn't any racier than anything on a daytime soap. But media buyers had cited content issues as a reason they hadn't committed more dollars to the News Corp. property. Gasp! MEDIA BUYERS refuse to BURN OUR MONEY?!?!?!?!?
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Your hands still sore from all that shaking, guys?
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Whether he is not guilty in the eyes of God is another matter.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
Drool! Drool! Hear THAT, Fixer?
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:45 PM
by Gene
Keller: News media failed to do its job before Iraq invasion Newspaper circulation continues to fall, says FAS-FAX report Which came shortly after: Great newspaper columnists think alike? You decide. Kansas City Star New York Times Two columns on the Amish school shootings: Mike Hendricks in the Kansas City Star, October 6: "The shooter wanted to harm only the girls. Does it strike you as curious -- the way it did me -- that more wasn’t made of that?" Bob Herbert in the New York Times, October 16: "In the widespread coverage that followed these crimes, very little was made of the fact that only girls were targeted." Hendricks: "Had he singled out and shot 10 black men or 10 Jews or 10 gays or 10 of almost any other group, we’d be calling it a hate crime -- whether it fit the legal definition or not." Herbert: "Imagine if a gunman had gone into a school, separated the kids up on the basis of race or religion, and then shot only the black kids. Or only the white kids. Or only the Jews. There would have been thunderous outrage. ...And the attack would have been seen for what it really was: a hate crime." (I've sent Herbert an e-mail, asking if he had seen Hendricks' column.) Posted at 10:41:16 AM E-mail this item QuickLink this item: A112370 Is -- a PUZZLEMENT!
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