THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
We go one step further: They almost disprove THE MASTER's line about the chambermaid and the duchess because just by comparison these dopes make a chambermaid into a duchess.
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
One person.
Hello? Is anyone out there? Mom?
I KNOW THE FEELING.
And of course we must thank Mr. Schmidt, along with Mr. Larry and Mr. Sergey, for hammering together the Salvation-Army-reject-server farms that limit most of us to one reader.
Is anyone out there?
(Via the usual Romy. Did you have to remind me?)
Posted
11:20 AM
by Gene
The one thing that remains unclear, though, is this: The Associated Press said in its story yesterday that Mr. Hussein “has been a regular source of police information for two years and had been visited by the AP reporter in his office at the police station on several occasions.” The military, meanwhile, seems to suggest that Mr. Hussein is not a police officer, nor a civil servant in the employ of any Iraqi agency.
So who IS Mr. Hussein?
You're the PAPER of RE-CORD! Isn't it your duty to FIND OUT?
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
Is Belly Kisser going a little too far?
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Would this be anything like the peace you seem on the verge of implementing in Iraq?
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
NO COMMENT.
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
GASP! The Gods of Mountain View AREN'T PERFECT!
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
MANKIEWICZ ALERT: THE ULTIMATE INSIDER NIKKI shares the angst of the highest-IQ writers in HISTORY who may no longer be able to peddle their masterworks because THE CONSPIRACY is cutting back -- immortal names that may (or may not) include
Eric Roth (Forrest Gump, The Horse Whisperer, Ali, Munich), John August (Charlie’s Angels, Big Fish, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), Paul Haggis (Crash, Million Dollar Baby, Casino Royale), David Self (Thirteen Days, Road to Perdition), Bill Broyles (Cast Away, Planet of the Apes, Jarhead, Flags of Our Fathers), Jeff Nathanson (Catch Me if You Can, The Terminal, Rush Hour 2 & 3), David Benioff (Troy), Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Bill Monahan (The Departed), Steve Zaillian (A Civil Action, Hannibal, Gangs of New York, All the King’s Men), and the “two Tees” from Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2 & 3, Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio.
Not to mention Akiva Goldsman, who hunt-and-pecked DVC!!!!! and is "hunting-and-pecking" its prequel, "the same scribe whose script for Batman & Robin is considered one of the worst of the comic-books-turned-movies genre" (now THAT'S a COMPLIMENT).
What a load of -- see the URL. Now what could they do if they knew how to WRITE?
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
No, when it comes to sex, ALL novelists are beyond help.
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
Now He wouldn't have to share His empire with ANYBODY! LONG LIVE PINCH!
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
Figures -- sometimes with the Big C you're the LAST to know.
(Via Romy)
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Look Biz, we'll concede Jimmy's an ass, but when a man who is to punditing what FIXER is to lobbying starts talking about "civility", he flaunts his cynicism.
Posted
2:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:29 PM
by Gene
Ahmadinejad also issued a warning to Democrats taking over both the House and Senate that they would be "held to account" by history for its decisions.
"If the U.S. government meets the current domestic and external challenges with an approach based on truth and justice, it can remedy some of the past afflictions and alleviate some of the global resentment and hatred of America," he wrote.
The Congressional Progressive Caucus says AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!
Posted
2:28 PM
by Gene
Pretty soon they'll find it everywhere!
Nice job, Belly Kisser!
Posted
1:47 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:55 AM
by Gene
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
Posted
11:30 AM
by Gene
That's easy enough to understand, from FIXER's view: he never liked Israel, and it has no oil.
Posted
11:19 AM
by Gene
WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!!!!!
Here's predicting it has zero impact on little Brian's show, as his viewers are too busy searching for the latest news on incontinence aids.
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
Then we'd have two Democratic parties.
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
A group led by Penn National Gaming and hedge fund D.E. Shaw is considering making a cash and stock offer for casino company Harrah's, a source familiar with the situation said on Tuesday....
Penn National, which owns and operates horse-racing parks and casinos, has a market capitalization of $3.3 billion. That is a fraction of the $14.2 billion market capitalization of Harrah's, which owns or manages more than 40 casinos under the Harrah's, Caesars and Horseshoe brand names.
If you want to go broke making people go broke, I'm all for it!
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
The world breathes a sigh of -- relief.
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
The good news: It's cutting back on network prime-time.
Is a faint glint of common sense FINALLY invading the Reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve?
Probably not; someone else can always make up the difference.
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
The imams, they said, tested the forbearance of the passengers and flight crew in what the air marshal called a "[political correctness] probe."
"The political correctness needs to be left at the boarding gate," the marshal said. "Instilling politically correct fears into the minds of airline passengers is nothing less than psychological terrorism."
Given this IS The Washington Times, can't we say that was the point?
Posted
6:45 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The guy's a total ass.
Meantime LENNY and his managing editor are instituting "a third-grade type of evaluation system" on the staff. Hey! Consider that a promotion in a nursery school.
Posted
8:20 PM
by Gene
One for year for news hacks to grin, CIVIL WAR!!!!!
Posted
7:49 PM
by Gene
So why did you PAY THE $1 MILLION KILL FEE?
Posted
7:42 PM
by Gene
Earlier this month, after Regan had announced the book and a two-part interview slated for Murdoch’s Fox broadcast network, Walters mentioned on her show “The View” that she’d spurned an opportunity to interview Simpson. That angered News Corp. officials be cause Walters appeared to be incensed over the legitimacy of a project that she had previously considered doing herself. According to a report in New York Observer, News Corp. threatened to send her a “cease and desist” letter after her comments on the scandal.
Is there any difference between one sleazeball media outfit and another? Do these people have ANY allegiance to the human race?
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
WITH AN EXPLOSION OF DYNAMIC INVESTIGATIVE WORK, OPINION WRITING, AND NEWS-BASED SOCIAL NETWORKING GOING ON ACROSS THE WEB--FROM TPMMUCKRAKER ON THE LEFT, TO THE MILBLOGS, TO THE WAR ON TERROR AND CONSERVATIVE BLOGS POLICING THE MAKE-IT-UP MEDIA, TO POWER LINE'S NEW FORUM, TO PAJAMAS MEDIA--WHY IS IT THAT KINSLEY CAN'T FIND ANYTHING BETTER TO WRITE ABOUT THAN SOME RANDOM MYSPACE PAGE AND TWITTER.COM????????????????????? [Righteous overemphasis added]
Because, Michelle, for every brave and noble investigative reporter disclosing the dubious use of SUPERSCRIPTS and PHOTOSHOP, MILLIONS are boasting of their private lives and sex lives and criminal lives, and making asses of themselves in the process, and confirming their uselessness. Sorry, we're not all brave men like CHARLES JOHNSON.
You had a chance to sue GAWKER for LIBEL. You WIMPED OUT. Shut up, Michelle, and make more millions.
Posted
3:37 PM
by Gene
I hate getting my news from ad-blurbists.
P. S. Looks like THE WOMAN ABOVE THE TITLE got beaten to it. (Via the Plank)
Posted
3:30 PM
by Gene
At the end of every "Two and a Half Men," the "Chuck Lorre Production" company includes a frame of text with some message from the producer. Last night, through the power of TiVO, one of us decided to pause and read it. In a word, um, wow.
Here's the full message:
"I'm relieved that he's reached across the aisle to fight global warming. I'm delighted that he's worked to increase the minimum wage, reduce the cost of pharmaceutical drugs, improve the infrastructure, and bring accountability to the school system. My problem, and let me state for the record that it's my problem, not his, is simply this: Whenever I hear the governor of California speak I find myself nervously looking around for a train that will take me to Poland."
Posted
11:40 AM
by Gene
Haven't we heard this all before? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted
11:24 AM
by Gene
After nearly 40 years coaching college basketball, Bob Knight still stands on his principles.
And what would those principles be? How about:
1. Winning at any cost;
2. Screaming at any cost;
3. Throwing chairs at any cost;
4. Bullying Walter Mitty CEOs and students at any cost.
All these words to promote a cable channel few have ever heard of?
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:40 AM
by Gene
I don't know, guy -- you think maybe we helped kill the sitcom by calling serial drama God's gift to man?
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
Which can mean only three things: 1. [C]RAPPERS can still use it; 2. The "activists" will redouble their efforts to ban Huck Finn; 3. A month from now the hacks will still attempt to banish "Kramer."
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
10:04 PM
by Gene
Yes, I think there should be a moratorium on such stories.
Posted
2:25 PM
by Gene
I cannot help thinking this: how would the late lamented Mike Royko have written about this? Certainly not as another pre-fab TRIB "pop music cri-TIC" would.
(Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
1:45 PM
by Gene
We wonder too why Mr. Burns, by many accounts a capable and conscientious reporter, consented to the "David and Goliath" line. It occurs to us David was supposed to be a hero. Is someone suggesting these mass murderers are heroes? Oh well, that's The Paper of Re-CORD, where up is down and right is -- WRONG.
Posted
1:34 PM
by Gene
They all but do it now.
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
On the other hand, the b.o. numbers point to a medium's control by the tiniest minority. People with no taste can thus effectively hold our culture hostage.
Posted
12:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:24 PM
by Gene
Is there any way we can escape the evil clutches of the PETROLEUM BIZ?
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
P. S. He was reviewing a book -- the same book that caused Little Malcolm's Rich to go haywire too. He frets that "populism" and "nostalgia" may slow the super-duper Friedmanian wealth-creation machine down. Please! Don't we have enough billionaire CEOs? What is with these pundits that they can't write straight?
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:04 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
Any wonder why we can't believe your rags, Jonny? When do you start playing with YOUR circ?
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
Meantime the INTERNATIONAL editions deal with that peculiar murder? suicide? of the Russian spy and Belly Kisser's other democratic acts, which might be slightly more newsworthy.
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
I'd say this is just another attempt by media types to apologize for the mess they've helped make of our society -- and that such fake apologies are no dice anymore, when it's obvious they refuse to relinquish any control over us. There is one word for such hand-wringing: hypocrisy.
And USAOKAY!!!!! compounds the offense with ASSPress's sidebar and these brilliant suggestions to the kids' birth givers: "SET LIMITS", "THINK 'TEACHABLE MOMENT'", "PICK YOUR BATTLES", "CREATE A CIRCLE OF LIKE-MINDED PARENTS", and "STAY CLOSE" [SIC!!!!!]. This is, as may be expected, as useful as a sidebar as a party convention's platform is as an instrument of truth. Wouldn't a white flag have filled the space better?
Definitely:
"As parents, we can't control what's out there," says Dr. Liz Alderman, a parent and adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. "But you can say, 'You can't go to an R-rated movie."'
A white flag? CALL IN THE HOLY COCKROACHES!
P. S. I thought it sounded familiar: ASSPress first ran this on Thursday. This is freeze-dried "news" that can run anytime -- making its true motivation even more suspect.
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Israel talks of turning round its image. What can it hope to achieve?
Israel has the most catastrophically bad image. In fact, its figures [in the index] are some of the lowest I have ever recorded across the spectrum from culture to governance, from products and the land itself. In a case like that, I don’t think there is virtually anything you can do, and it may be counterproductive to try. One thing you can’t do with public opinion is to change the subject, and the thing with Israel, the subject is its various conflicts.
TRANSLATION: I don't know the damnedest thing about governments, but you called me in to offer PR advice relating to a movie, so this is the least I can do. It's not as if I'm the most ignorant on your premises, anyway; editors who can link world events to marketing buzzwords must be pretty ignorant in their own right. Besides, people like you pay me big bucks to dispense my ignorance. As your interview request proves, I'm in demand!
This is far worse than Black Friday stories -- because such blather happens 365 days a year.
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
Somewhere, Milton Friedman is laughing.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:49 PM
by Gene
It says without parents or a raging publicist no one wants to see a movie.
P. S. Alas, it appears even the movie S&M buffs have told the Dixie Chicks to SHUT UP -- PERIOD.
Posted
12:43 PM
by Gene
Are CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES trying to MAKE a POINT? And if they are, why don't they just MAKE IT?
Posted
11:53 AM
by Gene
Coker, who said he had been offered at least two head-coaching jobs during his UM tenure but never pursued them because he was happy at Miami, will be paid a buyout approaching $3 million. He is expected to coach again.
Shalala also said she has directed Sergio M. Gonzalez, UM's vice president for advancement and communication, to begin a six-month fund-raising campaign "to secure commitments from our supporters/donors to finance competitive coaching contracts and build and renovate first-class facilities and programs for our first-class coaches and student athletes...."
TRANSLATION: They want an arms race, they'll GET an arms race!
Shalala concluded by writing, "Finally, I want to make it clear that no celebration is in order today...."
Tell that to your celebrating supporters/donors.
Posted
11:48 AM
by Gene
Too dumb to quit
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
A woman is accused of using a computer at a national laboratory to hack into a cell phone company's Web site to get a number for Chester Bennington, lead singer of the Grammy-winning rock group Linkin Park....
Townsend's computer wasn't connected to classified data, Padilla said.
WELL! That's a relief.
Posted
10:38 AM
by Gene
One word comes to mind here: blowback. Knowing Big Oil, who's auditioning for that superlobbyist job two years early, and the Saudis, we must wonder what these two titanic forces have in for us down the road. And they are sure to think up something. And they can always say it was an accident.
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
Yes, I too am irritated by these write-by-numbers affairs, but when people are cued by an invisible hand to shop en masse the day after Thanksgiving you can't ignore it outright. There must be a better way of reporting it, and we can be sure the hacks will never find it.
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
Maybe if we hacks hadn't called it THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER we wouldn't be doing our THINKER pose wondering if its star is a poseur.
I HATE NEWS-HACK WISDOM AFTER THE FACT!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Tennessee Williams is widely thought to be a great playwright—but not by me. Yes, he wrote one indisputably great play, “The Glass Menagerie,” and I can also see why so many people like “A Streetcar Named Desire” so much more than I do. Most of the rest of his vast output, however, strikes me as overblown and underbelievable, with “Suddenly Last Summer” locking up the booby prize for sheer absurdity.
All well and good, and we suspect just; but is it not possible twenty or twenty-five years after his death someone will take the same attitude toward your beloved hero HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM?
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
Fran needs a win — Coach Dennis Franchione's approval rating is fading, but he'll get a boost if A&M beats UT.
While the accompanying story says nothing of polls, I take that seriously. I can see the multi-millionaire football-factory CEOs commissioning polls to see if they should keep a millionaire coach on the job. Half of these infernal college presidents' jobs must be to keep their profit centers on a short leash. No wonder their skools churn out so many ignoramuses, and America has lost her sense of humor.
Posted
10:10 AM
by Gene
Another bit of very sad cultural news for the hacks to ignore: Betty Comden, who with the late Adolph Green wrote the books and lyrics to charming trifles like Bells are Ringing, and more memorably such screenplays as that masterpiece Singin' in the Rain among other hits, has died. Let us recall she was part of an act in the thirties call The Revuers that introduced Judy Tuvim (that is, Judy Holliday) to the world, much too briefly (not to forget Comden and Green were a pretty fair Broadway act themselves); and more importantly, they got their big break collaborating with Leonard Bernstein and Jerome Robbins on On the Town, which put them on the Main Stem map. (Bernstein's father called Green a "nut", recommendation enough to us.) Oh to have been a fly on the wall during their sessions! Such laughter! Such pizazz! Anyone who could write a song like "Moses" must be -- different. Those two gave incalculable merriment to the world. Now they and their whole jolly circle are gone, and we are left with Branson East, and jukebox revues, and Dreamgirls.
(Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
You mean our brave fighting men died to protect the freedoms of layabouts like YOU?
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:46 PM
by Gene
Here now is the perfect excuse for the news hacks to know not what they're doing. When WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE DYLAN -- dies (assuming he dies; like SUMNER, he is well-nigh IMMORTAL) we will get a state-media funeral, with the pages outlined in black as The Paper of Re-CORD was for LINCOLN, and twenty-four-hour-long docuburps, and enough rotten-egg-smelling platitudes to make WOLF BLITZER and JEFF GREENFIELD sound intelligent -- but here is a woman who merely entertained, and assuming any of the hacks care they're busily scratching their heads and asking, who? We hate to make such a big thing of this, but we know what hacks think, and how hacks write, and what hacks listen to.
This gas expelled, we can say we are familiar with Lady O'Day. We cannot dissociate her with two other jazz giants -- the superdynamic Gene Krupa and Roy Eldridge -- because she arguably sang her best music with them. "Let Me Off Uptown" is too easy -- everyone who knows jazz knows the incendiary interplay between Miss O'Day and Eldridge. "Skylark" is too easy also -- that was the impossible of Anita improving a great tune. But everything she sang had that special zest -- and she was arguably not the best or most melodious of singers, but she had this way of insinuating herself into a tune that made her the best; she could make a song like "That's What You Think" sneak up on you. She had a sly, spry humor too: listen to a mere novelty tune like "Watch the Birdie" or "A Little Bit South of North Carolina", or Frank Loesser's "Murder! He Says". At their best the big-band chanteuses each had an identity, an identity that strengthened the identities of the big bands, and as good as Gene Krupa's was it wasn't half as good without Anita. It's a measure of how revered she was that after her dreadful nervous breakdown she came back with Krupa and her own vocal version of "Opus No. 1", arranged by Sy Oliver, and if it didn't have that nice warm suave velvety O'Day glow to it, and both versions (hers and TD's) were hits, proof of the riches of the big bands. Though we are less familiar with her solo albums we know she never lost that touch. And yes, if she wasn't the nicest of women, and she had many, many drug-induced bad days, she still made the nicest of music.
When jazz died we lost more than a musical form, which explains why we are in constant mourning over our culture, and why news hacks do not know up from down.
Another tribute to Lady O'Day: LEGENDARY DAVIS and the TONE-DEAFS at ROOTKIT MUSIC CO. discontinued both of her Columbia-OKeh anthologies. Well, at least we have them.
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
Just so long as you can make enemies of the PEOPLE.
Posted
9:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:53 PM
by Gene
Is our post-vice-presidential career on the agenda?
Posted
9:30 PM
by Gene
BOISE, Idaho - Two employees of the city's ice skating rink have been fired for making a midnight fast-food run in a pair of Zambonis. An anonymous tipster reported seeing the two big ice-resurfacing machines chug through a Burger King drive-through and return to the rink around 12:30 a.m. on Nov. 10. The squat, rubber-tired vehicles, which have a top speed of about 5 mph, drove 1 1/2 miles in all.
Thankfully no one and nothing was hurt, and the two clowns deserved to be fired; nonetheless we must say this is the most DROLL dispatch we've seen in a while.
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
(Latter link via Marty)
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:12 PM
by Gene
[O]ver the last few years, the CBC has seemed less concerned with pursuing the interests of black Americans than with protecting the interests of black congressmen. And, Mel Watt's excitement notwithstanding, that's not something to be happy about.
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
We note also another story says ROOTKIT fired a jazz-VP at the Legacy label, meaning presumably it could do the same thing to JAZZ -- which is, after all, AMERICA'S CLASSICAL MUSIC.
This has LEGENDARY DAVIS all over it.
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
This is the proverbial nonsense on stilts. "Media" already have "rules" : to be PC ("the first gay blah-blah-blah") and shocked! SHOCKED! (L'Affaire Horny-Mark, pedophile priests), while luckily managing to avoid the catastrophe that is AIDS. The hacks are too far gone to be subject to rules of sense and logic on this or any matter, so we can expect more of the same, another reason the business is having an avalanche.
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
The U.S. teen birthrate fell again in 2005 to a new historical low, however, almost all of these births were to unwed mothers, which helped push the percent of unwed births to a record high.
TRANSLATION: Ghetto kids will have kids.
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
But LEGENDARY won't give up. Think of all the people he could fire!
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Don't tell me...let me guess...the League of Nations is hoping too!
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual blah dispenser ArtsJournal)
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
We note this writer uses the word "sanctimony." And the media biz comes off almost as rotten as SLIME because their protestations were so false.
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
They're lucky; we suspect most of them are not much better acquainted with the concept of right and wrong than SLIME.
Posted
2:19 PM
by Gene
200,000 CASINO ROYALE BOOTLEGS DOWNLOADED, SAYS REPORT
Mind you, we don't condone intellectual piracy -- but where's the harm when the product getting pirated is worthless? (And yes, we KNOW it was CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED, which indicates the fact even more so.)
Posted
2:15 PM
by Gene
Which raises the question -- if these top names can leave the WaPost, why shouldn't their readers?
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:34 PM
by Gene
How about throwing a FOOD FIGHT, Nancy?
Posted
12:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:15 PM
by Gene
Former Murdoch editors - including Harold Evans - have often suggested that the mogul's staff instinctively do what they think he will want, without necessarily being ordered. He needs to reflect hard on the fact that this piece of morbid sleaze was what they thought he wanted.
How many media empires run like this?
Posted
12:04 PM
by Gene
Two of Spielberg's movies, "Schindler's List" and "Saving Private Ryan," have generated controversy during their television airings with uncut language and graphic depictions. But Spielberg has also made a famous edit to the DVD release of "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial," where a government agent wielded a gun in the original film and then held a walkie-talkie in the DVD.
Yes, a billionaire may be a MORON, and a great ah-TEESTE a HYPOCRITE.
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
400,000 COPIES! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Posted
11:21 AM
by Gene
I guess he's the new Je$$e for news hacks to swoon over. Doesn't that clown realize when he opens his big fat PR department he screams guilty?
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
Yes, we don't like celebrity fluff either; we suggest yet again that news hacks run such PR as advertorials (and in TV's case infomercials). That said, SLIME brings back the unpleasant memory of legions of NEWS HACKS fresh off their celebrations in South-Central happily trying to inspire riots by intimating whites thought O. J. guilty BECAUSE OF HIS (AND THE VICTIMS') RACE -- and LORD KOPPEL did a ten-month SPECIAL REPORT on race relations, which, translated, was a glorified justification for backing O. J. No, Paul, WE DO NOT MISS HIS LORDSHIP.
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
10:56 AM
by Gene
Nephew sues Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone
Is it too much to hope someone sues SLIME too?
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
Is there ANY depth to which He wouldn't go?
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
And these are the same idiots who think up 50,000 ways of censoring their enemies -- only they call it OBJECTIVITY.
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
I think we can turn the other cheek, huh FIXER?
Posted
7:04 AM
by Gene
We'll be calling him SLIME for a little while longer.
Is it me or is the rest of the news biz downplaying this disaster? What's good for PEOPLE WARNER....
Posted
7:01 AM
by Gene
Are we out of it? Or are we merely saying we're out of it so FIXER can bulk up his power in the oil biz?
I'd bet the appeaser Condi has been so busy this past week her head's ready to fall off, which might shatter on the ground and reveal no brain.
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Tribune Revenues Down 1.0% in October
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
No you didn't. Con-SER-va-tives lost -- because so many of you long ago pledged total unthinking allegiance to SLIME and, like JPod, slavishly praised His every new assault on the public in the name of a dollar. So did the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE when he all but denied his Boss was involved in it. So did anyone associated with SLIME's Empire, where the stain will not be that easily washed away.
P. S. Does His MADAM become the ritual sacrifice?
Posted
4:49 PM
by Gene
One other thing: SLIME's stock was down every day since the announcement -- and it appears to have gone down a little more for His giving up.
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
Why did You do this in the first place, SLIME?
It finished at #53 on Amazon.com despite the publicity. THAT'S why He gave it up.
One last question -- will He and His MADAM endeavor to get Their money back? HMMM?
And how many copies in warehouses will He have to eat?
Posted
2:22 PM
by Gene
Well, fatter anyway.
Posted
12:14 PM
by Gene
A team of federal air marshals was prevented from protecting a recent flight from Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport because a gate agent erroneously said they did not have the correct paperwork, say marshals familiar with the incident.
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
The good news: The Hollywood Stenographer likens the networks to The Sunshine Boys and The Golden Girls.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY LUXURY BOX!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:56 AM
by Gene
By the way, MORT ZUCK doesn't mention you-know-who, so I guess he's figured he can't get any more circ out of one-upmanship for now.
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Let me guess -- Tibetan Buddhists!
Posted
7:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:46 PM
by Gene
Good night, and -- GOOD LUCK!
Posted
4:49 PM
by Gene
Fortunately I stopped being excited about professional sports a long time ago.
P. S. at 6:20 P. M. I wrote this before I heard of the injury. I wouldn't have been so flippant otherwise. Here's one reason I've tuned them out; football especially is prone to these dreadful fluke mishaps. You needn't follow the game and one look and you know. The IGGLES fans are understandably funerary, but being funerary, and for nothing, is another reason I no longer closely follow sports.
Did I write "parody" in my original post? Yes I did. Not all that inapt, though.
Posted
3:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:47 PM
by Gene
Some more heartwarming factoids: THE GREATEST DIRECTOR's PC war movie has bombed, as has Phone Thrower's masterwork, as have the previously-mentioned DreamWorks writedown and two other newly opened expressions of genius. Not bad, not bad at all.
P. S. The Hollywood Stenographer calls the decline "staggering." Double not-bad.
Posted
12:06 PM
by Gene
This is a most interesting photo. Useless News tells us it was taken on June 5, 1967. That's LBJ in the Oval Office poring over Teletype printouts while a custom-built TV set blares with the Big Three, all no doubt carrying the same pool feed from Turtle Bay. We may think our newsgathering has vastly improved from four decades ago, but consider: most Web news seems to be glorified rewrites of ASSociated Press stories, and the Big Three, for all the talk of the alleged death of network news, still command a vastly greater audience than all their cable rivals combined. Despite our vaunted technology we may not know much better than LBJ did. Plus ça change....
Posted
10:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Simple choice: You want goofy names, kooky groups, multi-claused, roller-coaster, Nabokovian sentences, pop-culture sarcasm, abstruse intellectual arabesques, 10-dollar words, inside jokes, fey attributions, self-parodying guides to interpretation - buy Against the Day.
You want order, coherence, clarity, terseness?
Buy a newspaper.
(Please.)
I don't know about the Nabokovian sentences, but it seems to me, Carlin, we get enough of that first list of yours from newspapers -- which is why people are no longer buying them.
No newspaper, magazine, TV station, gossip columnist or late-breaking blogger has been able to locate Pynchon in his 43-year publishing career.
Seeing as how all five on this second list have newspapers in common -- ANOTHER REASON.
Posted
9:59 AM
by Gene
"The best films," Phillips quotes Lean as writing in an essay published in 1947, "are generally those that have the stamp of one man's personality." Phillips takes this as proof that Lean "recognized the concept of the auteur long before it was officially promulgated" and that, by implication, he was himself an auteur. Perhaps so, but why on Earth should it matter? Lean loved making movies and was stubborn and strong-willed enough to make the movies he wanted to within a system that tends to crush individual taste and initiative. His extraordinary career tells us that the system can be tamed and put to good use by someone sufficiently passionate, determined and talented, and we don't need any fancy French words to figure that one out.
No, David "Stocks 'n' Porn" Denby, this does NOT mean MR. TAXI DRIVER.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
Wasn't Dubya "competent" too, once upon a time?
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Elsewhere said same rag plugs a [C]RAPPER-- the same [C]RAPPER Nekesi Moody Mumbi, Mumbi Nekesi, WHATEVER plugged yesterday! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to KELEFA!
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Elsewhere four writers come dangerously close to mocking those who are angry at SLIME's boy (although people like MORT ZUCK with their manufactured outrage brought part of it on themselves). We repeat, Jonny -- when do YOU cut YOUR rate base?
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
It's official: no one is serious on this topic, and people are deluding themselves into thinking talks will cure this.
Posted
3:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:46 PM
by Gene
Who could have thought the CANCER-STICK BIZ would make the JUNK-ON-THE-SCREEN TRADE look respectable?
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to NEKESI MOODY MUMBI! MOODY NEKESI! WHATEVER!
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
It appears too the TWXSTERS' CGI is taking audience away from DreamWorks's writedown. Could it be, SAMMY GLICKMAN, there are too many CGIs?
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Bob Dylan at the Spectrum
Blinq | Daniel Rubin: A listenable guide to the voice like sand and glue. Shows from 1966-1975.
So -- does that mean the guide is more listenable than the voice?
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
I would not hold my breath that it goes to double digits.
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Universal Music Sues MySpace.com for Copyright Infringement
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
Appearing after the all the voting wrapped up, Boehner and his new leadership team seemed anything but shell-shocked. Ebullient as ever, Boehner promised three different times in his brief remarks that the House GOP would "earn" its way back. Exactly how wasn't said because more pressing matters were at hand. Prompted by a FOX [SIC!] News producer, Boehner fessed up that today was his birthday and led his fellow Republicans in a brief birthday ditty. [Emphasis added]
Posted
4:43 PM
by Gene
Let's remember the way most of you hacks practice it that JERNALISM IS stenography.
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
What gets the hacks like this? Why do they so vehemently believe movies are better than ever? Isn't there a SINGLE discriminating writer in the whole news trade?
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
FOR THE RECORD, FOX BROADCASTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"O'really?"
(Via ShowBizData.com)
P. S.
“I have some stinky cheese in my refrigerator. It smells really bad, but people keep eating it.”
You mean the stinky NEWS HACKS and your QUOTES, PERFESSER THOMPSON? (Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
Yep, I think the guy's ready to be president.
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
It links on MediaBistro -- I'm not linking to THE SPYWARE COWBOY.
Meantime the genius who sold Him MySpace has resigned, so we can hope His tyranny has a bad day on Wall Street.
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
DA POST is silent, perhaps permanently.
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Somebody really ought to teach Larry how to use a computer (mightily difficult, no doubt) -- then he'd learn who owns TMZ.com.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Yum Brands Names Emil Brolick President of Brand Building
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:45 PM
by Gene
Now that THE GREATEST 007 FILM EVER is out the ASSociated Press must remind us about how Woodster the Perv became THE expert on all things sexual.
Couldn't someone at the AssPress have taken the time to identify the "unidentified actress"?
P. S. Regardless of what the ad-blurbists might say our Casino Royale will be Burt Bacharach's; he wrote a spritely and humorous score (a tad repetitive, perhaps) that summed up the character and the age well -- it was far better than the movie, a long-winded bore. We wonder if Burt's shadow will hover over this new masterpiece, which sounds to our ears like an EXTREMELY SERIOUS and HUMORLESS WUHK, whatever the leading man's physique.
Posted
12:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: PLEASE, PLEASE, WE'LL PAY $2 MILLION FOR A THIRTY ON AMERICAN IDOL!!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Queen Album Named Britain's Best-Selling
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
ESPN doesn't seem to be worried. In an e-mailed response, ESPN spokesman Bill Hofheimer wrote that the ratings speak for themselves and that there are plenty of people happy with the broadcasts ... they just don't go on blogs to proclaim how satisfied they are.
"While a small fraction of fans have voiced concern with the new approach, when was the last time a customer bought a computer and called Dell to say how much he/she loved the new monitor?" wrote Hofheimer.
Hey Bill! Glad you mentioned DELL!
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
She's going all out for TOTAL CRAP!
"I hope you like your committee assignment, because it's the only one you're going to get."
I smell -- REFORM!
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! confesses. Or is He merely taunting?
Okay SLIME: who sues to get the $2 MILLION back?
P. S. The clown David Hinckley says we can stop RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with on-off switches.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:25 PM
by Gene
Needless to say the LI-TE-RA-RY BLOGS like this one and this one and this one have not mentioned the masterwork at all. What hermetically sealed buffoons.
Posted
8:02 PM
by Gene
Great strategy, Nancy!
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
O. J...oh, never mind.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S publishing madam says it's "a confession." TRANSLATION: We have to say that because otherwise we look bad. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s competitors are furious. TRANSLATION: They're furious because they didn't get first dibs on it.
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
YOU'RE AN ASS!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:30 PM
by Gene
TV rights to 007 films stirred, not shaken
Fox Squeezes OJ For Killer Ratings
These are extremely typical of heds with idiot hooks. How many "Borat Make Glorious Box Office" heds have we endured? This is Sex, Lies and Videotape Syndrome, where EVERY editor had to use a pun on that title whether it was warranted or not. Okay, the second hed came from a "pure" Web site. But it also came from NEWS HACKS.
This is surely a reason why one writer says newspaper circ isn't declining, it's in an avalanche -- and there's no reason news Web sites can't fall down the same cliff. (Link via Romy)
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
One problem is the new drivers lack sex appeal. TRANSLATION: Stock-car racing's turning into FILLUM.
Posted
2:08 PM
by Gene
"To be candid, we made more money in one Rolling Stones concert than the A's made (us) in a whole year. We will deal with it," De La Fuente said.
But the whole point of building ballparks is wasting money, not making it!
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
Don't they have enough on their hands?
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
Time Warner Inc. Chief Executive Officer Richard Parsons defended his decision to keep AOL and said the Internet unit could be worth as much as $26 billion in the next few years.
``It's even conservative,'' Parsons said in an interview yesterday at Time Warner's headquarters in New York.
Conservative -- compared to the $350 BILLION IN MARKET CAP you were once worth.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
NAWWWWWWWWWW, this has NOTHING to do with it.
Posted
11:01 AM
by Gene
And the author of the Mickey Mouse Protection Act and co-builder of the Railroad to Nowhere is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
Uh, DAVE, you don't think that might be...a problem?
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
It's official: He's below primordial slime.
BIG caveat: it's WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
Rule 1 of NEWSHACKDOM: Nothing is EVER your own fault.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Hey Harry! Were you partying at the funeral with LENNY?
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Remember when virtually every TV show aimed to please, all but jumping into your lap and licking your face like a happy puppy? Those days, for any number of reasons, appear to be gone, at least for a while. Viewers now sit still for shows (a la ABC's "Lost") in which there may be no real closure or resolution to individual episodes, just the vague promise of a payoff somewhere down the line. Unfortunately for Diggs and company, prime time may have passed the saturation point on this kind of twisty serialized drama. Viewers may even be yearning for such mundane commodities as sense and sensibility once again.
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
There is also the remote possibility His latest affront may backfire on Him.
P. S. at 3:50 p. m.: I guess they didn't shut up even a second:
NOV. 15, 2006: I KNOW I'M FALLING INTO JUDITH REGAN'S TRAP ...
... even discussing this - but it still needs to be said:
If there is such a thing as the pale of civilized society, Judith Regan has put herself outside it.
Posted at 3:40 PM
But not, we may presume, her Boss -- and the Boss of several of our contributors. By the way -- what's that deep hole you're climbing out of?
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
-- John
I think we know the answer to that question.
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
Cle-VER, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You increasingly want to rule America, and to do so You produce increasingly crappy entertainment that people overseas hate, that gets people hating us more. We can do without Your sympathy, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
2:25 PM
by Gene
Why wasn't that its intent in the first place?
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
What SHALL we do, PINCH?
