THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Thursday, November 30, 2006
We do not know why anyone would have even a passing interest in these bores. One time we would have gleaned all we could about the famous, and even tried to finagle our career so we could be their friend, and swell our ego in the glow of theirs; but aside from being the products of vast indestructible publicity machines and having little discernible talent except for making asses of themselves, these clowns converse in single-syllable words, half of which the news hacks call "unprintable", and but that the publicity machines get stronger every day we would be happy to pay them no mind, except they get so much in-our-face time.
We go one step further: They almost disprove THE MASTER's line about the chambermaid and the duchess because just by comparison these dopes make a chambermaid into a duchess.
We go one step further: They almost disprove THE MASTER's line about the chambermaid and the duchess because just by comparison these dopes make a chambermaid into a duchess.
Mr. Schmidt said that by by [Would-this-have-gotten-by-by-in-The-Paper-of-Re-CORD? SIC] Google’s calculation, a new blog is being created every second of every day. He said that Google now estimates that the average blog is read by one person.
One person.
Hello? Is anyone out there? Mom?
I KNOW THE FEELING.
And of course we must thank Mr. Schmidt, along with Mr. Larry and Mr. Sergey, for hammering together the Salvation-Army-reject-server farms that limit most of us to one reader.
Is anyone out there?
(Via the usual Romy. Did you have to remind me?)
One person.
Hello? Is anyone out there? Mom?
I KNOW THE FEELING.
And of course we must thank Mr. Schmidt, along with Mr. Larry and Mr. Sergey, for hammering together the Salvation-Army-reject-server farms that limit most of us to one reader.
Is anyone out there?
(Via the usual Romy. Did you have to remind me?)
Paper of Re-CORD.com "blogs":
The one thing that remains unclear, though, is this: The Associated Press said in its story yesterday that Mr. Hussein “has been a regular source of police information for two years and had been visited by the AP reporter in his office at the police station on several occasions.” The military, meanwhile, seems to suggest that Mr. Hussein is not a police officer, nor a civil servant in the employ of any Iraqi agency.
So who IS Mr. Hussein?
You're the PAPER of RE-CORD! Isn't it your duty to FIND OUT?
The one thing that remains unclear, though, is this: The Associated Press said in its story yesterday that Mr. Hussein “has been a regular source of police information for two years and had been visited by the AP reporter in his office at the police station on several occasions.” The military, meanwhile, seems to suggest that Mr. Hussein is not a police officer, nor a civil servant in the employ of any Iraqi agency.
So who IS Mr. Hussein?
You're the PAPER of RE-CORD! Isn't it your duty to FIND OUT?
Google has shut down its question-and-answer features, Google Answers, four years after the product launched.
GASP! The Gods of Mountain View AREN'T PERFECT!
GASP! The Gods of Mountain View AREN'T PERFECT!
MANKIEWICZ ALERT: THE ULTIMATE INSIDER NIKKI shares the angst of the highest-IQ writers in HISTORY who may no longer be able to peddle their masterworks because THE CONSPIRACY is cutting back -- immortal names that may (or may not) include
Eric Roth (Forrest Gump, The Horse Whisperer, Ali, Munich), John August (Charlie’s Angels, Big Fish, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), Paul Haggis (Crash, Million Dollar Baby, Casino Royale), David Self (Thirteen Days, Road to Perdition), Bill Broyles (Cast Away, Planet of the Apes, Jarhead, Flags of Our Fathers), Jeff Nathanson (Catch Me if You Can, The Terminal, Rush Hour 2 & 3), David Benioff (Troy), Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Bill Monahan (The Departed), Steve Zaillian (A Civil Action, Hannibal, Gangs of New York, All the King’s Men), and the “two Tees” from Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2 & 3, Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio.
Not to mention Akiva Goldsman, who hunt-and-pecked DVC!!!!! and is "hunting-and-pecking" its prequel, "the same scribe whose script for Batman & Robin is considered one of the worst of the comic-books-turned-movies genre" (now THAT'S a COMPLIMENT).
What a load of -- see the URL. Now what could they do if they knew how to WRITE?
(Via MediaBistro)
"[A] commotion of grunts and squeaks, flashing unconnected images and explosions of a million little particles...."
No, when it comes to sex, ALL novelists are beyond help.
No, when it comes to sex, ALL novelists are beyond help.
In other Paper of Re-CORD "news", BizWeek says PINCH may take the rag private!
Now He wouldn't have to share His empire with ANYBODY! LONG LIVE PINCH!
Now He wouldn't have to share His empire with ANYBODY! LONG LIVE PINCH!
Greenberg "IS ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN TRYING TO BUY THE ENTIRE NEW YORK TIMES CO.!!!!!!!!!!," Charles Gasparino reported on CNBC. [BOOM-BOOM CRAMER TABLE-POUNDING OVEREMPHASIS added]
Figures -- sometimes with the Big C you're the LAST to know.
(Via Romy)
Figures -- sometimes with the Big C you're the LAST to know.
(Via Romy)
OooooOOOOOoooooh, Mr. My Business is My Business says Sen. Lenny is being -- uncivil! In bad prose!
Look Biz, we'll concede Jimmy's an ass, but when a man who is to punditing what FIXER is to lobbying starts talking about "civility", he flaunts his cynicism.
Look Biz, we'll concede Jimmy's an ass, but when a man who is to punditing what FIXER is to lobbying starts talking about "civility", he flaunts his cynicism.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Nukeman writes a letter:
Ahmadinejad also issued a warning to Democrats taking over both the House and Senate that they would be "held to account" by history for its decisions.
"If the U.S. government meets the current domestic and external challenges with an approach based on truth and justice, it can remedy some of the past afflictions and alleviate some of the global resentment and hatred of America," he wrote.
The Congressional Progressive Caucus says AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!
Ahmadinejad also issued a warning to Democrats taking over both the House and Senate that they would be "held to account" by history for its decisions.
"If the U.S. government meets the current domestic and external challenges with an approach based on truth and justice, it can remedy some of the past afflictions and alleviate some of the global resentment and hatred of America," he wrote.
The Congressional Progressive Caucus says AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!
Radiation found on 2 jets in spy probe
Pretty soon they'll find it everywhere!
Nice job, Belly Kisser!
Pretty soon they'll find it everywhere!
Nice job, Belly Kisser!
In a way we are sorry the Senator from Tennessee will not run for president; he is a very decent man. But we may wonder if he is too decent for the White House.
Not to be too picky but I've a hunch the reason city councilPOOPS can veto Wal-Marts is they make a lot more money than the peons -- their CONSITITUENTS.
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
An expert adviser to the Baker-Hamilton commission expects the 10-person panel to recommend that the Bush administration pressure Israel to make concessions in a gambit to entice Syria and Iran to a regional conference on Iraq.
That's easy enough to understand, from FIXER's view: he never liked Israel, and it has no oil.
That's easy enough to understand, from FIXER's view: he never liked Israel, and it has no oil.
The executive producer of Katie's show says GE BANCORP NETWORK NEWS made a POLITICAL STATEMENT?!?!?
WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!!!!!
Here's predicting it has zero impact on little Brian's show, as his viewers are too busy searching for the latest news on incontinence aids.
(Via the usual Romy)
WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!!!!!
Here's predicting it has zero impact on little Brian's show, as his viewers are too busy searching for the latest news on incontinence aids.
(Via the usual Romy)
Why I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhve Wall Street:
A group led by Penn National Gaming and hedge fund D.E. Shaw is considering making a cash and stock offer for casino company Harrah's, a source familiar with the situation said on Tuesday....
Penn National, which owns and operates horse-racing parks and casinos, has a market capitalization of $3.3 billion. That is a fraction of the $14.2 billion market capitalization of Harrah's, which owns or manages more than 40 casinos under the Harrah's, Caesars and Horseshoe brand names.
If you want to go broke making people go broke, I'm all for it!
A group led by Penn National Gaming and hedge fund D.E. Shaw is considering making a cash and stock offer for casino company Harrah's, a source familiar with the situation said on Tuesday....
Penn National, which owns and operates horse-racing parks and casinos, has a market capitalization of $3.3 billion. That is a fraction of the $14.2 billion market capitalization of Harrah's, which owns or manages more than 40 casinos under the Harrah's, Caesars and Horseshoe brand names.
If you want to go broke making people go broke, I'm all for it!
The bad news: Bud is going to spendspendspend on cable TV.
The good news: It's cutting back on network prime-time.
Is a faint glint of common sense FINALLY invading the Reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve?
Probably not; someone else can always make up the difference.
The good news: It's cutting back on network prime-time.
Is a faint glint of common sense FINALLY invading the Reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve?
Probably not; someone else can always make up the difference.
And in further news of the imam incident which no one but conservatives will talk about because M-----ms are officially protected from negative commentary in the nation's luxury news suites:
The imams, they said, tested the forbearance of the passengers and flight crew in what the air marshal called a "[political correctness] probe."
"The political correctness needs to be left at the boarding gate," the marshal said. "Instilling politically correct fears into the minds of airline passengers is nothing less than psychological terrorism."
Given this IS The Washington Times, can't we say that was the point?
The imams, they said, tested the forbearance of the passengers and flight crew in what the air marshal called a "[political correctness] probe."
"The political correctness needs to be left at the boarding gate," the marshal said. "Instilling politically correct fears into the minds of airline passengers is nothing less than psychological terrorism."
Given this IS The Washington Times, can't we say that was the point?
LENNY must be having fits: here he elected a Senator to do his bidding, and he may not do it!
TRANSLATION: The guy's a total ass.
Meantime LENNY and his managing editor are instituting "a third-grade type of evaluation system" on the staff. Hey! Consider that a promotion in a nursery school.
TRANSLATION: The guy's a total ass.
Meantime LENNY and his managing editor are instituting "a third-grade type of evaluation system" on the staff. Hey! Consider that a promotion in a nursery school.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
For what it's worth, the League of Nations has given an extension of our force in Iraq for one more year.
One for year for news hacks to grin, CIVIL WAR!!!!!
One for year for news hacks to grin, CIVIL WAR!!!!!
The CIA flew 1,245 secret flights into European airspace, according to a European Parliament draft report obtained by ABC News.
So why did you PAY THE $1 MILLION KILL FEE?
So why did you PAY THE $1 MILLION KILL FEE?
THE WORLD'S LEADING FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY paid SLIME a $1 MILLION KILL FEE.
Earlier this month, after Regan had announced the book and a two-part interview slated for Murdoch’s Fox broadcast network, Walters mentioned on her show “The View” that she’d spurned an opportunity to interview Simpson. That angered News Corp. officials be cause Walters appeared to be incensed over the legitimacy of a project that she had previously considered doing herself. According to a report in New York Observer, News Corp. threatened to send her a “cease and desist” letter after her comments on the scandal.
Is there any difference between one sleazeball media outfit and another? Do these people have ANY allegiance to the human race?
Earlier this month, after Regan had announced the book and a two-part interview slated for Murdoch’s Fox broadcast network, Walters mentioned on her show “The View” that she’d spurned an opportunity to interview Simpson. That angered News Corp. officials be cause Walters appeared to be incensed over the legitimacy of a project that she had previously considered doing herself. According to a report in New York Observer, News Corp. threatened to send her a “cease and desist” letter after her comments on the scandal.
Is there any difference between one sleazeball media outfit and another? Do these people have ANY allegiance to the human race?
The noble truth teller and SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER Michelle is ANGRY at Michael Kinsley for his "SUPERFICIAL SNARK":
WITH AN EXPLOSION OF DYNAMIC INVESTIGATIVE WORK, OPINION WRITING, AND NEWS-BASED SOCIAL NETWORKING GOING ON ACROSS THE WEB--FROM TPMMUCKRAKER ON THE LEFT, TO THE MILBLOGS, TO THE WAR ON TERROR AND CONSERVATIVE BLOGS POLICING THE MAKE-IT-UP MEDIA, TO POWER LINE'S NEW FORUM, TO PAJAMAS MEDIA--WHY IS IT THAT KINSLEY CAN'T FIND ANYTHING BETTER TO WRITE ABOUT THAN SOME RANDOM MYSPACE PAGE AND TWITTER.COM????????????????????? [Righteous overemphasis added]
Because, Michelle, for every brave and noble investigative reporter disclosing the dubious use of SUPERSCRIPTS and PHOTOSHOP, MILLIONS are boasting of their private lives and sex lives and criminal lives, and making asses of themselves in the process, and confirming their uselessness. Sorry, we're not all brave men like CHARLES JOHNSON.
You had a chance to sue GAWKER for LIBEL. You WIMPED OUT. Shut up, Michelle, and make more millions.
WITH AN EXPLOSION OF DYNAMIC INVESTIGATIVE WORK, OPINION WRITING, AND NEWS-BASED SOCIAL NETWORKING GOING ON ACROSS THE WEB--FROM TPMMUCKRAKER ON THE LEFT, TO THE MILBLOGS, TO THE WAR ON TERROR AND CONSERVATIVE BLOGS POLICING THE MAKE-IT-UP MEDIA, TO POWER LINE'S NEW FORUM, TO PAJAMAS MEDIA--WHY IS IT THAT KINSLEY CAN'T FIND ANYTHING BETTER TO WRITE ABOUT THAN SOME RANDOM MYSPACE PAGE AND TWITTER.COM????????????????????? [Righteous overemphasis added]
Because, Michelle, for every brave and noble investigative reporter disclosing the dubious use of SUPERSCRIPTS and PHOTOSHOP, MILLIONS are boasting of their private lives and sex lives and criminal lives, and making asses of themselves in the process, and confirming their uselessness. Sorry, we're not all brave men like CHARLES JOHNSON.
You had a chance to sue GAWKER for LIBEL. You WIMPED OUT. Shut up, Michelle, and make more millions.
MS. TRAVERS is "reporting" that Alcee won't be the Intelligence Committee boss after all.
I hate getting my news from ad-blurbists.
P. S. Looks like THE WOMAN ABOVE THE TITLE got beaten to it. (Via the Plank)
I hate getting my news from ad-blurbists.
P. S. Looks like THE WOMAN ABOVE THE TITLE got beaten to it. (Via the Plank)
Hmmm:
At the end of every "Two and a Half Men," the "Chuck Lorre Production" company includes a frame of text with some message from the producer. Last night, through the power of TiVO, one of us decided to pause and read it. In a word, um, wow.
Here's the full message:
At the end of every "Two and a Half Men," the "Chuck Lorre Production" company includes a frame of text with some message from the producer. Last night, through the power of TiVO, one of us decided to pause and read it. In a word, um, wow.
Here's the full message:
"I'm relieved that he's reached across the aisle to fight global warming. I'm delighted that he's worked to increase the minimum wage, reduce the cost of pharmaceutical drugs, improve the infrastructure, and bring accountability to the school system. My problem, and let me state for the record that it's my problem, not his, is simply this: Whenever I hear the governor of California speak I find myself nervously looking around for a train that will take me to Poland."
And the clock just keeps ticking. With nominations for the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn.'s 64th annual Golden Globe Awards just weeks away -- announcements are set for the early morning hours of Dec. 14 -- a clear front-runner has yet to emerge for one of the ceremony's top two prizes, namely the best drama of the year.
Haven't we heard this all before? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Haven't we heard this all before? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
After nearly 40 years coaching college basketball, Bob Knight still stands on his principles.
And what would those principles be? How about:
1. Winning at any cost;
2. Screaming at any cost;
3. Throwing chairs at any cost;
4. Bullying Walter Mitty CEOs and students at any cost.
All these words to promote a cable channel few have ever heard of?
That incident involving the six imams in Minneapolis may have been staged -- unfortunately, the people making this claim are mainly green-footballian CONSERVATIVES, meaning we can totally ignore them.
A TV cri-TIC who could not tear himself from his TiVo to capture all the hothotHOT megadrama in this PLATINUM AGE OF TELEVISION mourns the death of the sitcom.
I don't know, guy -- you think maybe we helped kill the sitcom by calling serial drama God's gift to man?
I don't know, guy -- you think maybe we helped kill the sitcom by calling serial drama God's gift to man?
Activists urge boycott of the 'N-word'
Which can mean only three things: 1. [C]RAPPERS can still use it; 2. The "activists" will redouble their efforts to ban Huck Finn; 3. A month from now the hacks will still attempt to banish "Kramer."
Which can mean only three things: 1. [C]RAPPERS can still use it; 2. The "activists" will redouble their efforts to ban Huck Finn; 3. A month from now the hacks will still attempt to banish "Kramer."
Calling Iraq a "civil war" puts us in a quandary. Certainly it can in the minimal sense meet the definition. But we know, however, when news hacks refer to a civil war in Iraq, the corners of the mouths engage in a faint but perceptible upturn.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Meantime Ron Burkle proposes to be the savior of the news business, although obviously he isn't looking at the lunkhead who owns StinkyInky Publishing Co., who hasn't exactly been walking on water lately.
Ken Felatta needs 6,607 WORDS in THE NEW YORKER (yes, THE NEW YORKER) to tell us Lou "The Zillionaire Friend of the Oppressed" Dobbs is an ass, but of course being the zillionaire friend of SUMNER he doesn't say that -- you never know when those luncheons at The Four Seasons may come in handy.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Via the usual Romy)
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Sales were up six percent on Black Friday -- and fewer people shopped.
Yes, I think there should be a moratorium on such stories.
Yes, I think there should be a moratorium on such stories.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP: How apt that [C]RAP is hearkening back to its minstrel roots. After all, what do [C]RAP and minstrelsy have in common but to teach people how to disrespect blacks -- and blacks how to disrespect themselves?
I cannot help thinking this: how would the late lamented Mike Royko have written about this? Certainly not as another pre-fab TRIB "pop music cri-TIC" would.
(Via ArtsJournal)
I cannot help thinking this: how would the late lamented Mike Royko have written about this? Certainly not as another pre-fab TRIB "pop music cri-TIC" would.
(Via ArtsJournal)
Does it really matter where the money for the "insurgency" is coming from? And these reporters all but concede this report is "speculation."
We wonder too why Mr. Burns, by many accounts a capable and conscientious reporter, consented to the "David and Goliath" line. It occurs to us David was supposed to be a hero. Is someone suggesting these mass murderers are heroes? Oh well, that's The Paper of Re-CORD, where up is down and right is -- WRONG.
We wonder too why Mr. Burns, by many accounts a capable and conscientious reporter, consented to the "David and Goliath" line. It occurs to us David was supposed to be a hero. Is someone suggesting these mass murderers are heroes? Oh well, that's The Paper of Re-CORD, where up is down and right is -- WRONG.
IF THEY COULD: Chain stores would use IQ tests on prospective hires -- to weed out the most intelligent.
They all but do it now.
They all but do it now.
When getting upset at the lemmings who attend the movies, we should remember this: the whole national movie biz makes no more money in one day than one Wal-Mart in ONE YEAR. (And these are old numbers.)
On the other hand, the b.o. numbers point to a medium's control by the tiniest minority. People with no taste can thus effectively hold our culture hostage.
On the other hand, the b.o. numbers point to a medium's control by the tiniest minority. People with no taste can thus effectively hold our culture hostage.
More news hack excellence: Boston's second-string rag wastes our time with an "urban legend" about penguins, and every time we thus waste our time we get angrier faster for having wasted it.
We don't know what Mr. My Business is My Business had in mind with this column. That America's changed? We need a zillionaire typist to tell us that? That Business can't admit that in the fundamentals we may be worse calls attention to this scribble's uselessness.
P. S. He was reviewing a book -- the same book that caused Little Malcolm's Rich to go haywire too. He frets that "populism" and "nostalgia" may slow the super-duper Friedmanian wealth-creation machine down. Please! Don't we have enough billionaire CEOs? What is with these pundits that they can't write straight?
P. S. He was reviewing a book -- the same book that caused Little Malcolm's Rich to go haywire too. He frets that "populism" and "nostalgia" may slow the super-duper Friedmanian wealth-creation machine down. Please! Don't we have enough billionaire CEOs? What is with these pundits that they can't write straight?
Elsewhere in THE WORLD'S LEADI -- in that RAG, we spot a trend long after the trend has started; this time it's downtown-destroying "downtown" suburban malls. With any justice in twenty or thirty years' their landlords will neglect them and they'll rot too.
Guess I'm back to two hits a day. AAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?????
The hacks are starting to assert that totalitarian streak toward "Kramer." Will people like CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) PLEASE tell me why it's okay for eight-year-olds to have sex but we must BANISH "Kramer" from America? And have these idiots ever read "The Man Without a Country"?
And this week JonBoy is agreed everywhere that Moqtada al-Sadr is THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN IN IRAQ -- and that Jay-Z is THE NATION'S COOLEST MILLIONAIRE MOGUL!
Any wonder why we can't believe your rags, Jonny? When do you start playing with YOUR circ?
Any wonder why we can't believe your rags, Jonny? When do you start playing with YOUR circ?
Meantime the TWXSTERS indulge us in a story that's CW in a different way. Yes, forgoing the airplane for a car may statistically make no sense, but few auto accidents are as photogenic as 9/11 was, and if there's one thing we always do is let television do our thinking. Indeed we live in an age of fear in no small part because of media fear peddlers, and their influence is insuperable. How many crises have the TWXSTERS peddled on their pages? Remember GLOBAL WARMING?
Meantime the INTERNATIONAL editions deal with that peculiar murder? suicide? of the Russian spy and Belly Kisser's other democratic acts, which might be slightly more newsworthy.
Meantime the INTERNATIONAL editions deal with that peculiar murder? suicide? of the Russian spy and Belly Kisser's other democratic acts, which might be slightly more newsworthy.
10 is the new 15 as kids grow up faster
I'd say this is just another attempt by media types to apologize for the mess they've helped make of our society -- and that such fake apologies are no dice anymore, when it's obvious they refuse to relinquish any control over us. There is one word for such hand-wringing: hypocrisy.
And USAOKAY!!!!! compounds the offense with ASSPress's sidebar and these brilliant suggestions to the kids' birth givers: "SET LIMITS", "THINK 'TEACHABLE MOMENT'", "PICK YOUR BATTLES", "CREATE A CIRCLE OF LIKE-MINDED PARENTS", and "STAY CLOSE" [SIC!!!!!]. This is, as may be expected, as useful as a sidebar as a party convention's platform is as an instrument of truth. Wouldn't a white flag have filled the space better?
Definitely:
"As parents, we can't control what's out there," says Dr. Liz Alderman, a parent and adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. "But you can say, 'You can't go to an R-rated movie."'
A white flag? CALL IN THE HOLY COCKROACHES!
P. S. I thought it sounded familiar: ASSPress first ran this on Thursday. This is freeze-dried "news" that can run anytime -- making its true motivation even more suspect.
I'd say this is just another attempt by media types to apologize for the mess they've helped make of our society -- and that such fake apologies are no dice anymore, when it's obvious they refuse to relinquish any control over us. There is one word for such hand-wringing: hypocrisy.
And USAOKAY!!!!! compounds the offense with ASSPress's sidebar and these brilliant suggestions to the kids' birth givers: "SET LIMITS", "THINK 'TEACHABLE MOMENT'", "PICK YOUR BATTLES", "CREATE A CIRCLE OF LIKE-MINDED PARENTS", and "STAY CLOSE" [SIC!!!!!]. This is, as may be expected, as useful as a sidebar as a party convention's platform is as an instrument of truth. Wouldn't a white flag have filled the space better?
Definitely:
"As parents, we can't control what's out there," says Dr. Liz Alderman, a parent and adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. "But you can say, 'You can't go to an R-rated movie."'
A white flag? CALL IN THE HOLY COCKROACHES!
P. S. I thought it sounded familiar: ASSPress first ran this on Thursday. This is freeze-dried "news" that can run anytime -- making its true motivation even more suspect.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
JonBoy interviews an expert on -- branding, branding as it pertains to -- foreign affairs, and gets some of the stinkiest prose to invade his territory since the Koran went in the toilet:
Israel talks of turning round its image. What can it hope to achieve?
Israel has the most catastrophically bad image. In fact, its figures [in the index] are some of the lowest I have ever recorded across the spectrum from culture to governance, from products and the land itself. In a case like that, I don’t think there is virtually anything you can do, and it may be counterproductive to try. One thing you can’t do with public opinion is to change the subject, and the thing with Israel, the subject is its various conflicts.
TRANSLATION: I don't know the damnedest thing about governments, but you called me in to offer PR advice relating to a movie, so this is the least I can do. It's not as if I'm the most ignorant on your premises, anyway; editors who can link world events to marketing buzzwords must be pretty ignorant in their own right. Besides, people like you pay me big bucks to dispense my ignorance. As your interview request proves, I'm in demand!
This is far worse than Black Friday stories -- because such blather happens 365 days a year.
Israel talks of turning round its image. What can it hope to achieve?
Israel has the most catastrophically bad image. In fact, its figures [in the index] are some of the lowest I have ever recorded across the spectrum from culture to governance, from products and the land itself. In a case like that, I don’t think there is virtually anything you can do, and it may be counterproductive to try. One thing you can’t do with public opinion is to change the subject, and the thing with Israel, the subject is its various conflicts.
TRANSLATION: I don't know the damnedest thing about governments, but you called me in to offer PR advice relating to a movie, so this is the least I can do. It's not as if I'm the most ignorant on your premises, anyway; editors who can link world events to marketing buzzwords must be pretty ignorant in their own right. Besides, people like you pay me big bucks to dispense my ignorance. As your interview request proves, I'm in demand!
This is far worse than Black Friday stories -- because such blather happens 365 days a year.
In further random searching, we find this scribbler attempts to compare SLIME's stunt with His other comic masterwork because they both share a last name, only to prove once again that most hacks pride themselves in forced analogies, and newspapers are no longer worth buying.
Which brings up another question: when do Christians (known in Hollywood as the Root of All Evil -- except when they spend) come to realize the movie hacks are patronizing them? When will they come to realize their pious holy offerings are a false front for junk? When do they refuse to play the game?
What does it say when the TWXSTERS open two movies that together do a FIFTH the business of their CGI spectacular? What does it say when SLIME's new movie does less business than His GREATEST COMEDY EVER in its fourth weekend?
It says without parents or a raging publicist no one wants to see a movie.
P. S. Alas, it appears even the movie S&M buffs have told the Dixie Chicks to SHUT UP -- PERIOD.
It says without parents or a raging publicist no one wants to see a movie.
P. S. Alas, it appears even the movie S&M buffs have told the Dixie Chicks to SHUT UP -- PERIOD.
U.S. Involved in Iraq Longer Than WW II
Are CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES trying to MAKE a POINT? And if they are, why don't they just MAKE IT?
Are CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES trying to MAKE a POINT? And if they are, why don't they just MAKE IT?
To further remove any doubt professional college football is not about education:
Coker, who said he had been offered at least two head-coaching jobs during his UM tenure but never pursued them because he was happy at Miami, will be paid a buyout approaching $3 million. He is expected to coach again.
Shalala also said she has directed Sergio M. Gonzalez, UM's vice president for advancement and communication, to begin a six-month fund-raising campaign "to secure commitments from our supporters/donors to finance competitive coaching contracts and build and renovate first-class facilities and programs for our first-class coaches and student athletes...."
TRANSLATION: They want an arms race, they'll GET an arms race!
Shalala concluded by writing, "Finally, I want to make it clear that no celebration is in order today...."
Tell that to your celebrating supporters/donors.
Coker, who said he had been offered at least two head-coaching jobs during his UM tenure but never pursued them because he was happy at Miami, will be paid a buyout approaching $3 million. He is expected to coach again.
Shalala also said she has directed Sergio M. Gonzalez, UM's vice president for advancement and communication, to begin a six-month fund-raising campaign "to secure commitments from our supporters/donors to finance competitive coaching contracts and build and renovate first-class facilities and programs for our first-class coaches and student athletes...."
TRANSLATION: They want an arms race, they'll GET an arms race!
Shalala concluded by writing, "Finally, I want to make it clear that no celebration is in order today...."
Tell that to your celebrating supporters/donors.
We accidentally came across this scribble from an ad-blurbist in ROMY's favorite alternarag who's been at it for decades, who came of age watching the BISKINDIAN GENIUS of the sixties, and who scribblescribblescribbles hoping for a return to those golden days of yesteryear, and who scribblescribblescribbles because he imagines what a grand wri-TER he is, and after reading this effusive garbage we accidentally came across a hed on the home page that further capsulizes such brilliant writers, and their eternal tilting at the same bean-counter and stupid-teen movie windmills:
Too dumb to quit
Proof lovers of -- "music" may have too much time on their hands:
A woman is accused of using a computer at a national laboratory to hack into a cell phone company's Web site to get a number for Chester Bennington, lead singer of the Grammy-winning rock group Linkin Park....
Townsend's computer wasn't connected to classified data, Padilla said.
WELL! That's a relief.
A woman is accused of using a computer at a national laboratory to hack into a cell phone company's Web site to get a number for Chester Bennington, lead singer of the Grammy-winning rock group Linkin Park....
Townsend's computer wasn't connected to classified data, Padilla said.
WELL! That's a relief.
Cheney Visits Saudis Amid Iraq Upheaval
One word comes to mind here: blowback. Knowing Big Oil, who's auditioning for that superlobbyist job two years early, and the Saudis, we must wonder what these two titanic forces have in for us down the road. And they are sure to think up something. And they can always say it was an accident.
One word comes to mind here: blowback. Knowing Big Oil, who's auditioning for that superlobbyist job two years early, and the Saudis, we must wonder what these two titanic forces have in for us down the road. And they are sure to think up something. And they can always say it was an accident.
One of B. S. DEFENDER's enduring shticks is to complain about the idiot stories the hacks always do on Black Friday. Well bad news, B. S.: those stories now involve the Web.
Yes, I too am irritated by these write-by-numbers affairs, but when people are cued by an invisible hand to shop en masse the day after Thanksgiving you can't ignore it outright. There must be a better way of reporting it, and we can be sure the hacks will never find it.
Yes, I too am irritated by these write-by-numbers affairs, but when people are cued by an invisible hand to shop en masse the day after Thanksgiving you can't ignore it outright. There must be a better way of reporting it, and we can be sure the hacks will never find it.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to DICK, who suggests why newspapers might not be filling in the blanks left by fired employees as they continue to insult their readers with such press releases.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Why am I thinking, Chuck, that you got excited about THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER (and putting Tricky Dick in the same league as Harry Truman -- dashing!) only because David Brooks wrote about it, and that you would probably joined the embarrassing hordes of those kneeling-down-in...prayer news hacks who consented to "interviews" in character?
Maybe if we hacks hadn't called it THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER we wouldn't be doing our THINKER pose wondering if its star is a poseur.
I HATE NEWS-HACK WISDOM AFTER THE FACT!
Maybe if we hacks hadn't called it THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER we wouldn't be doing our THINKER pose wondering if its star is a poseur.
I HATE NEWS-HACK WISDOM AFTER THE FACT!
Terry Teachout says this of a very famous playwright:
Tennessee Williams is widely thought to be a great playwright—but not by me. Yes, he wrote one indisputably great play, “The Glass Menagerie,” and I can also see why so many people like “A Streetcar Named Desire” so much more than I do. Most of the rest of his vast output, however, strikes me as overblown and underbelievable, with “Suddenly Last Summer” locking up the booby prize for sheer absurdity.
All well and good, and we suspect just; but is it not possible twenty or twenty-five years after his death someone will take the same attitude toward your beloved hero HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM?
Tennessee Williams is widely thought to be a great playwright—but not by me. Yes, he wrote one indisputably great play, “The Glass Menagerie,” and I can also see why so many people like “A Streetcar Named Desire” so much more than I do. Most of the rest of his vast output, however, strikes me as overblown and underbelievable, with “Suddenly Last Summer” locking up the booby prize for sheer absurdity.
All well and good, and we suspect just; but is it not possible twenty or twenty-five years after his death someone will take the same attitude toward your beloved hero HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM?
I just noticed this home-page blurb on the Houston Chronicle site:
Fran needs a win — Coach Dennis Franchione's approval rating is fading, but he'll get a boost if A&M beats UT.
While the accompanying story says nothing of polls, I take that seriously. I can see the multi-millionaire football-factory CEOs commissioning polls to see if they should keep a millionaire coach on the job. Half of these infernal college presidents' jobs must be to keep their profit centers on a short leash. No wonder their skools churn out so many ignoramuses, and America has lost her sense of humor.
Fran needs a win — Coach Dennis Franchione's approval rating is fading, but he'll get a boost if A&M beats UT.
While the accompanying story says nothing of polls, I take that seriously. I can see the multi-millionaire football-factory CEOs commissioning polls to see if they should keep a millionaire coach on the job. Half of these infernal college presidents' jobs must be to keep their profit centers on a short leash. No wonder their skools churn out so many ignoramuses, and America has lost her sense of humor.
Another bit of very sad cultural news for the hacks to ignore: Betty Comden, who with the late Adolph Green wrote the books and lyrics to charming trifles like Bells are Ringing, and more memorably such screenplays as that masterpiece Singin' in the Rain among other hits, has died. Let us recall she was part of an act in the thirties call The Revuers that introduced Judy Tuvim (that is, Judy Holliday) to the world, much too briefly (not to forget Comden and Green were a pretty fair Broadway act themselves); and more importantly, they got their big break collaborating with Leonard Bernstein and Jerome Robbins on On the Town, which put them on the Main Stem map. (Bernstein's father called Green a "nut", recommendation enough to us.) Oh to have been a fly on the wall during their sessions! Such laughter! Such pizazz! Anyone who could write a song like "Moses" must be -- different. Those two gave incalculable merriment to the world. Now they and their whole jolly circle are gone, and we are left with Branson East, and jukebox revues, and Dreamgirls.
(Via ArtsJournal)
TRANSLATION: THE GREATEST DIRECTOR EVER (after the LEGENDARY Bob Altman, who just died) wastes millions creating a box-office bomb proving the Japanese were "jes like us" during the war, so he can win the Os-CAR®.
You mean our brave fighting men died to protect the freedoms of layabouts like YOU?
You mean our brave fighting men died to protect the freedoms of layabouts like YOU?
So attendance is down at our national parks. So what? I would think that would be good news -- good for the feds who don't have to shell out so much on maintenance and crowd control, good for people who don't want Times Square in the woodlands.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Here now is the perfect excuse for the news hacks to know not what they're doing. When WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE DYLAN -- dies (assuming he dies; like SUMNER, he is well-nigh IMMORTAL) we will get a state-media funeral, with the pages outlined in black as The Paper of Re-CORD was for LINCOLN, and twenty-four-hour-long docuburps, and enough rotten-egg-smelling platitudes to make WOLF BLITZER and JEFF GREENFIELD sound intelligent -- but here is a woman who merely entertained, and assuming any of the hacks care they're busily scratching their heads and asking, who? We hate to make such a big thing of this, but we know what hacks think, and how hacks write, and what hacks listen to.
This gas expelled, we can say we are familiar with Lady O'Day. We cannot dissociate her with two other jazz giants -- the superdynamic Gene Krupa and Roy Eldridge -- because she arguably sang her best music with them. "Let Me Off Uptown" is too easy -- everyone who knows jazz knows the incendiary interplay between Miss O'Day and Eldridge. "Skylark" is too easy also -- that was the impossible of Anita improving a great tune. But everything she sang had that special zest -- and she was arguably not the best or most melodious of singers, but she had this way of insinuating herself into a tune that made her the best; she could make a song like "That's What You Think" sneak up on you. She had a sly, spry humor too: listen to a mere novelty tune like "Watch the Birdie" or "A Little Bit South of North Carolina", or Frank Loesser's "Murder! He Says". At their best the big-band chanteuses each had an identity, an identity that strengthened the identities of the big bands, and as good as Gene Krupa's was it wasn't half as good without Anita. It's a measure of how revered she was that after her dreadful nervous breakdown she came back with Krupa and her own vocal version of "Opus No. 1", arranged by Sy Oliver, and if it didn't have that nice warm suave velvety O'Day glow to it, and both versions (hers and TD's) were hits, proof of the riches of the big bands. Though we are less familiar with her solo albums we know she never lost that touch. And yes, if she wasn't the nicest of women, and she had many, many drug-induced bad days, she still made the nicest of music.
When jazz died we lost more than a musical form, which explains why we are in constant mourning over our culture, and why news hacks do not know up from down.
Another tribute to Lady O'Day: LEGENDARY DAVIS and the TONE-DEAFS at ROOTKIT MUSIC CO. discontinued both of her Columbia-OKeh anthologies. Well, at least we have them.
A writer (and I wish I could identify him) has asked, in light of "Kramer"'s breast beating, whether there's a statute of limitations on apologies. Incidents like this quickly become excessively tiresome because some idiot scribblers perceive them as a way for America to do "penance." Honest, some rich comedian with no talent for stand-up got heckled, and blew a fuse, and said he's sorry. This isn't the bigot the Second Coming of Christ. Can't we leave it at that?
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Before we get too mad at the bozos on eBay absconding with HARPERCOLLINS'S PROPERTY (Pffh-hh-hh!), we should remember THIS CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED BOOK went for $1,000 or something too.
STORY of the WEEK:
BOISE, Idaho - Two employees of the city's ice skating rink have been fired for making a midnight fast-food run in a pair of Zambonis. An anonymous tipster reported seeing the two big ice-resurfacing machines chug through a Burger King drive-through and return to the rink around 12:30 a.m. on Nov. 10. The squat, rubber-tired vehicles, which have a top speed of about 5 mph, drove 1 1/2 miles in all.
Thankfully no one and nothing was hurt, and the two clowns deserved to be fired; nonetheless we must say this is the most DROLL dispatch we've seen in a while.
BOISE, Idaho - Two employees of the city's ice skating rink have been fired for making a midnight fast-food run in a pair of Zambonis. An anonymous tipster reported seeing the two big ice-resurfacing machines chug through a Burger King drive-through and return to the rink around 12:30 a.m. on Nov. 10. The squat, rubber-tired vehicles, which have a top speed of about 5 mph, drove 1 1/2 miles in all.
Thankfully no one and nothing was hurt, and the two clowns deserved to be fired; nonetheless we must say this is the most DROLL dispatch we've seen in a while.
What does it say for the League of Nations when Mia Farrow all but blasts it on Darfur -- and The Paper of Re-CORD admits its "Human Rights Commission" is a farce?
(Latter link via Marty)
(Latter link via Marty)
TNR notices the Congressional Black Caucus:
[O]ver the last few years, the CBC has seemed less concerned with pursuing the interests of black Americans than with protecting the interests of black congressmen. And, Mel Watt's excitement notwithstanding, that's not something to be happy about.
[O]ver the last few years, the CBC has seemed less concerned with pursuing the interests of black Americans than with protecting the interests of black congressmen. And, Mel Watt's excitement notwithstanding, that's not something to be happy about.
This little-heeded news from ROOTKIT MUSIC CO. points to a possible big future taxpayer shaft, to wit: ROOTKIT could decide to "donate" its classical-music library to the GOVERNMENT. Aside from the obvious rotten message it would send of the recorded-SOUND business getting out of anything decent (but then the recorded-SOUND business gave up on excellence a long time ago) it would be suitably and grossly expensive; ROOTKIT could take a HUGE tax writedown (and remember LORD SPRINGER, because this is "priceless" music let's jack up the price), and then, as a token gesture, give a seed-fund to permit the government to distribute (and maintain) the music, which means in time the TAXPAYERS would finance a classical record company at God knows what cost -- and we suspect ROOTKIT would be clever enough to keep such rights on the music that it would LOSE MONEY. What a perfect way of scamming the public for profit!
We note also another story says ROOTKIT fired a jazz-VP at the Legacy label, meaning presumably it could do the same thing to JAZZ -- which is, after all, AMERICA'S CLASSICAL MUSIC.
This has LEGENDARY DAVIS all over it.
We note also another story says ROOTKIT fired a jazz-VP at the Legacy label, meaning presumably it could do the same thing to JAZZ -- which is, after all, AMERICA'S CLASSICAL MUSIC.
This has LEGENDARY DAVIS all over it.
Media need rules for dealing with sexual orientation issues
This is the proverbial nonsense on stilts. "Media" already have "rules" : to be PC ("the first gay blah-blah-blah") and shocked! SHOCKED! (L'Affaire Horny-Mark, pedophile priests), while luckily managing to avoid the catastrophe that is AIDS. The hacks are too far gone to be subject to rules of sense and logic on this or any matter, so we can expect more of the same, another reason the business is having an avalanche.
This is the proverbial nonsense on stilts. "Media" already have "rules" : to be PC ("the first gay blah-blah-blah") and shocked! SHOCKED! (L'Affaire Horny-Mark, pedophile priests), while luckily managing to avoid the catastrophe that is AIDS. The hacks are too far gone to be subject to rules of sense and logic on this or any matter, so we can expect more of the same, another reason the business is having an avalanche.
EXCELLENT:
The U.S. teen birthrate fell again in 2005 to a new historical low, however, almost all of these births were to unwed mothers, which helped push the percent of unwed births to a record high.
TRANSLATION: Ghetto kids will have kids.
The U.S. teen birthrate fell again in 2005 to a new historical low, however, almost all of these births were to unwed mothers, which helped push the percent of unwed births to a record high.
TRANSLATION: Ghetto kids will have kids.
Shucks, Pinch doesn't want to sell the Globe to LEGENDARY WELCH & CO.
But LEGENDARY won't give up. Think of all the people he could fire!
But LEGENDARY won't give up. Think of all the people he could fire!
U.N.: Iraqi civilian deaths at new high
Don't tell me...let me guess...the League of Nations is hoping too!
Don't tell me...let me guess...the League of Nations is hoping too!
Four pages of blah from the great blah dispenser SI about how YouTube will CHANGE THE WORLD. HOLLYWOOD IS OVER!!!!!!!!!! Prediction: In 25 years the same tyrants who rule over our media now will rule over it then. Oh yes there may be one or two funny names, but the tyrannies haven't lasted this long without adapting. PEOPLE WARNER started as a newsrag and a movie studio. VIACON started as a movie studio and a second string radio network. ESPNCORP was created in part from a spinoff of NBC. They were powerful then, they'll be powerful in the future, and the AMAZING NEW POPULIST MEDIA will still be at the fringes because 500 million TV channels will have no audience -- something the bigmedia tyrannies won't have to worry about, especially as their sugar daddies on MADAVE will still be showering them with dough, albeit in a slightly different way.
(Via the usual blah dispenser ArtsJournal)
(Via the usual blah dispenser ArtsJournal)
1. BABA WAWA might have interviewed you-know-who but ESPNCORP execs turned it down. 2. ROGER AILES knew (so much for NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE). 3. SLIME was "fully informed", meaning He probably stage-managed the whole thing.
We note this writer uses the word "sanctimony." And the media biz comes off almost as rotten as SLIME because their protestations were so false.
We note this writer uses the word "sanctimony." And the media biz comes off almost as rotten as SLIME because their protestations were so false.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
SLIME pulls the media buyers' bacon out of that very hot fire.
They're lucky; we suspect most of them are not much better acquainted with the concept of right and wrong than SLIME.
They're lucky; we suspect most of them are not much better acquainted with the concept of right and wrong than SLIME.
We smile:
200,000 CASINO ROYALE BOOTLEGS DOWNLOADED, SAYS REPORT
Mind you, we don't condone intellectual piracy -- but where's the harm when the product getting pirated is worthless? (And yes, we KNOW it was CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED, which indicates the fact even more so.)
200,000 CASINO ROYALE BOOTLEGS DOWNLOADED, SAYS REPORT
Mind you, we don't condone intellectual piracy -- but where's the harm when the product getting pirated is worthless? (And yes, we KNOW it was CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED, which indicates the fact even more so.)
THE HEAVENS FALL: Two "top" WaPosties are leaving -- to start a WEB SITE!!!!!
Which raises the question -- if these top names can leave the WaPost, why shouldn't their readers?
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Which raises the question -- if these top names can leave the WaPost, why shouldn't their readers?
(Via the inevitable Romy)
We were just now moved to go to Roger Ebert's Web site. We know Mr. Ebert is gravely ill and he hasn't written for the public in months, but we wanted to see if possibly something from his mind had shown up. Instead we saw a piece of tripe from some typist named Emerson who was afraid to voice a judgment on THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER. Most likely Mr. Ebert would have written one of his patented ads, but at least it would have been interesting. This guy types in the increasingly namby-pamby style of the ad-blurbists. It is bad enough that the blurbists are the ne-plus-ultra of conformism and that they suffer from the most intense kind of cultural Stockholm Syndrome; but worse still, they can't write! One would moan over the loss except the LAST thing we need is more movie ad blurbs.
When Jane Harman left Congress in 1998 to run for governor of California, her colleague Nancy Pelosi threw her a party — a chocolate-fudge sundae "social" in the House members' dining room.
How about throwing a FOOD FIGHT, Nancy?
How about throwing a FOOD FIGHT, Nancy?
Robert Altman, who perfectly wended his way into the film cri-TICS' zeitgeist by making the movies they wanted to see, has died. RIP.
SCARY:
Former Murdoch editors - including Harold Evans - have often suggested that the mogul's staff instinctively do what they think he will want, without necessarily being ordered. He needs to reflect hard on the fact that this piece of morbid sleaze was what they thought he wanted.
How many media empires run like this?
Former Murdoch editors - including Harold Evans - have often suggested that the mogul's staff instinctively do what they think he will want, without necessarily being ordered. He needs to reflect hard on the fact that this piece of morbid sleaze was what they thought he wanted.
How many media empires run like this?
LUKE SPIELBERG, the inventor of CASTOR OIL, calls for "RESPONSIBLE TELEVISION."
Two of Spielberg's movies, "Schindler's List" and "Saving Private Ryan," have generated controversy during their television airings with uncut language and graphic depictions. But Spielberg has also made a famous edit to the DVD release of "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial," where a government agent wielded a gun in the original film and then held a walkie-talkie in the DVD.
Yes, a billionaire may be a MORON, and a great ah-TEESTE a HYPOCRITE.
(Via MediaBistro)
Two of Spielberg's movies, "Schindler's List" and "Saving Private Ryan," have generated controversy during their television airings with uncut language and graphic depictions. But Spielberg has also made a famous edit to the DVD release of "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial," where a government agent wielded a gun in the original film and then held a walkie-talkie in the DVD.
Yes, a billionaire may be a MORON, and a great ah-TEESTE a HYPOCRITE.
(Via MediaBistro)
Who wants to guess -- in the next couple of weeks, or days -- on EBAY....
400,000 COPIES! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
400,000 COPIES! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
SUPERHOOPER gets on the horn and yells PERSECUTION!!!!!
I guess he's the new Je$$e for news hacks to swoon over. Doesn't that clown realize when he opens his big fat PR department he screams guilty?
I guess he's the new Je$$e for news hacks to swoon over. Doesn't that clown realize when he opens his big fat PR department he screams guilty?
A WaPostie is mad (in a gentle way) because the new Nightlight isn't anywhere near like the old.
Yes, we don't like celebrity fluff either; we suggest yet again that news hacks run such PR as advertorials (and in TV's case infomercials). That said, SLIME brings back the unpleasant memory of legions of NEWS HACKS fresh off their celebrations in South-Central happily trying to inspire riots by intimating whites thought O. J. guilty BECAUSE OF HIS (AND THE VICTIMS') RACE -- and LORD KOPPEL did a ten-month SPECIAL REPORT on race relations, which, translated, was a glorified justification for backing O. J. No, Paul, WE DO NOT MISS HIS LORDSHIP.
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Yes, we don't like celebrity fluff either; we suggest yet again that news hacks run such PR as advertorials (and in TV's case infomercials). That said, SLIME brings back the unpleasant memory of legions of NEWS HACKS fresh off their celebrations in South-Central happily trying to inspire riots by intimating whites thought O. J. guilty BECAUSE OF HIS (AND THE VICTIMS') RACE -- and LORD KOPPEL did a ten-month SPECIAL REPORT on race relations, which, translated, was a glorified justification for backing O. J. No, Paul, WE DO NOT MISS HIS LORDSHIP.
(Via the inevitable Romy)
In other news of the evil-twin Lex Luthors:
Nephew sues Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone
Is it too much to hope someone sues SLIME too?
(Via MediaBistro)
Nephew sues Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone
Is it too much to hope someone sues SLIME too?
(Via MediaBistro)
SLIME had to pay the money anyway.
We'll be calling him SLIME for a little while longer.
Is it me or is the rest of the news biz downplaying this disaster? What's good for PEOPLE WARNER....
We'll be calling him SLIME for a little while longer.
Is it me or is the rest of the news biz downplaying this disaster? What's good for PEOPLE WARNER....
Iran, Iraq and Syria are talking.
Are we out of it? Or are we merely saying we're out of it so FIXER can bulk up his power in the oil biz?
I'd bet the appeaser Condi has been so busy this past week her head's ready to fall off, which might shatter on the ground and reveal no brain.
Are we out of it? Or are we merely saying we're out of it so FIXER can bulk up his power in the oil biz?
I'd bet the appeaser Condi has been so busy this past week her head's ready to fall off, which might shatter on the ground and reveal no brain.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Bill O'Reilly — who did talk about it, and took pains to denounce it — comes out a winner here. So do the rest of us, actually.
No you didn't. Con-SER-va-tives lost -- because so many of you long ago pledged total unthinking allegiance to SLIME and, like JPod, slavishly praised His every new assault on the public in the name of a dollar. So did the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE when he all but denied his Boss was involved in it. So did anyone associated with SLIME's Empire, where the stain will not be that easily washed away.
P. S. Does His MADAM become the ritual sacrifice?
No you didn't. Con-SER-va-tives lost -- because so many of you long ago pledged total unthinking allegiance to SLIME and, like JPod, slavishly praised His every new assault on the public in the name of a dollar. So did the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE when he all but denied his Boss was involved in it. So did anyone associated with SLIME's Empire, where the stain will not be that easily washed away.
P. S. Does His MADAM become the ritual sacrifice?
We can think up another reason SLIME capitulated: He's in a continuing fight with the uber-SOB John "The Don" Malone over control of His empire. The Don may not be so amenable to a stock swap now; he could use this IDIOCY as an excuse to push SLIME out of His executive seat. Not that there'd be a difference; The Don would have done the same thing...a little more shrewdly.
One other thing: SLIME's stock was down every day since the announcement -- and it appears to have gone down a little more for His giving up.
One other thing: SLIME's stock was down every day since the announcement -- and it appears to have gone down a little more for His giving up.
SLIME GIVES UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did You do this in the first place, SLIME?
It finished at #53 on Amazon.com despite the publicity. THAT'S why He gave it up.
One last question -- will He and His MADAM endeavor to get Their money back? HMMM?
And how many copies in warehouses will He have to eat?
Why did You do this in the first place, SLIME?
It finished at #53 on Amazon.com despite the publicity. THAT'S why He gave it up.
One last question -- will He and His MADAM endeavor to get Their money back? HMMM?
And how many copies in warehouses will He have to eat?
Another triumph for Der Homeland:
A team of federal air marshals was prevented from protecting a recent flight from Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport because a gate agent erroneously said they did not have the correct paperwork, say marshals familiar with the incident.
A team of federal air marshals was prevented from protecting a recent flight from Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport because a gate agent erroneously said they did not have the correct paperwork, say marshals familiar with the incident.
[W]hy risk angering fans who wanted the stadium named after Jackie Robinson and traditionalists who insist they'll keep calling it Shea Stadium, regardless of what corporation hangs its shingle above the entrances?
THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY LUXURY BOX!!!!!!!!!!
THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY LUXURY BOX!!!!!!!!!!
SLIME turns on THE GREATEST COMEDIAN EVER!
By the way, MORT ZUCK doesn't mention you-know-who, so I guess he's figured he can't get any more circ out of one-upmanship for now.
By the way, MORT ZUCK doesn't mention you-know-who, so I guess he's figured he can't get any more circ out of one-upmanship for now.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
What is more embarrassing than an old newsweekly? I was doing my laundry when by unfortunate accident I came across a copy from precisely one year ago of PEOPLE NEWSRAG, which had the typical newsrag two-by-four-on-a-mule stories: one supposedly on ambition that gave our editors an excuse to drop very big and sexy names; a plug by DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!" CORLISS on some movie about geishas or something which he and his bosses were SURE WOULD WIN THE OSCAR®!!!!!, and a plug by ER for THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY, and I thought, these IDIOTS who prop their feet on their desks at big salaries to insult their readers thought folks would READ this? And they wonder why their bosses just scalped their CIRC? One thing's clear -- it wasn't THEIR fault.
Unless our IGGLES stage a streak to end all streaks I won't have to momentarily leave town on SUPER BORE SUNDAY. (Praaaaaaaaaaaaaaise de LOHD!) But skimming the scoreboard I'm amazed at all the teams straddling .500. The NFL calls this "parity." I call it boredom. How can people get excited at football played at such a low level?
Fortunately I stopped being excited about professional sports a long time ago.
P. S. at 6:20 P. M. I wrote this before I heard of the injury. I wouldn't have been so flippant otherwise. Here's one reason I've tuned them out; football especially is prone to these dreadful fluke mishaps. You needn't follow the game and one look and you know. The IGGLES fans are understandably funerary, but being funerary, and for nothing, is another reason I no longer closely follow sports.
Did I write "parody" in my original post? Yes I did. Not all that inapt, though.
Fortunately I stopped being excited about professional sports a long time ago.
P. S. at 6:20 P. M. I wrote this before I heard of the injury. I wouldn't have been so flippant otherwise. Here's one reason I've tuned them out; football especially is prone to these dreadful fluke mishaps. You needn't follow the game and one look and you know. The IGGLES fans are understandably funerary, but being funerary, and for nothing, is another reason I no longer closely follow sports.
Did I write "parody" in my original post? Yes I did. Not all that inapt, though.
David "300" Bauder's plugging that Viacon boomer survey. But it doesn't have a happy ending as the inevitable result will be more niche programming. Whatever its flaws, and they were manifold and great, network TV in its prime at least broadcast for all. As it fragments and divides its audience into ever smaller groups TV eventually will end up programming for nobody -- although it's hard to see that isn't the case now.
NOT BAD: Despite another round of 1939 and all those parents and movie S&M phreaks who believe what they read in the papers, B.O. for the top 12 looks to be down about $40 million from last year, a nice heartwarming close-to-25-percent drop. A few more weekends like this and the year won't be an unalloyed triumph after all.
Some more heartwarming factoids: THE GREATEST DIRECTOR's PC war movie has bombed, as has Phone Thrower's masterwork, as have the previously-mentioned DreamWorks writedown and two other newly opened expressions of genius. Not bad, not bad at all.
P. S. The Hollywood Stenographer calls the decline "staggering." Double not-bad.
Some more heartwarming factoids: THE GREATEST DIRECTOR's PC war movie has bombed, as has Phone Thrower's masterwork, as have the previously-mentioned DreamWorks writedown and two other newly opened expressions of genius. Not bad, not bad at all.
P. S. The Hollywood Stenographer calls the decline "staggering." Double not-bad.
This is a most interesting photo. Useless News tells us it was taken on June 5, 1967. That's LBJ in the Oval Office poring over Teletype printouts while a custom-built TV set blares with the Big Three, all no doubt carrying the same pool feed from Turtle Bay. We may think our newsgathering has vastly improved from four decades ago, but consider: most Web news seems to be glorified rewrites of ASSociated Press stories, and the Big Three, for all the talk of the alleged death of network news, still command a vastly greater audience than all their cable rivals combined. Despite our vaunted technology we may not know much better than LBJ did. Plus ça change....
Here's a laugh: greedy book publishers are strong-arming profs who put their stuff on the Web for free. Hey publishers, if you didn't charge $500 for a textbook...?
A veteran literary logroller for the StinkyInky supposes he is typing Swiftian satire:
Simple choice: You want goofy names, kooky groups, multi-claused, roller-coaster, Nabokovian sentences, pop-culture sarcasm, abstruse intellectual arabesques, 10-dollar words, inside jokes, fey attributions, self-parodying guides to interpretation - buy Against the Day.
You want order, coherence, clarity, terseness?
Buy a newspaper.
(Please.)
I don't know about the Nabokovian sentences, but it seems to me, Carlin, we get enough of that first list of yours from newspapers -- which is why people are no longer buying them.
No newspaper, magazine, TV station, gossip columnist or late-breaking blogger has been able to locate Pynchon in his 43-year publishing career.
Seeing as how all five on this second list have newspapers in common -- ANOTHER REASON.
Simple choice: You want goofy names, kooky groups, multi-claused, roller-coaster, Nabokovian sentences, pop-culture sarcasm, abstruse intellectual arabesques, 10-dollar words, inside jokes, fey attributions, self-parodying guides to interpretation - buy Against the Day.
You want order, coherence, clarity, terseness?
Buy a newspaper.
(Please.)
I don't know about the Nabokovian sentences, but it seems to me, Carlin, we get enough of that first list of yours from newspapers -- which is why people are no longer buying them.
No newspaper, magazine, TV station, gossip columnist or late-breaking blogger has been able to locate Pynchon in his 43-year publishing career.
Seeing as how all five on this second list have newspapers in common -- ANOTHER REASON.
Jonathan Yardley, who writes too seldom, delivers a stirring eulogy for the fillum trade:
"The best films," Phillips quotes Lean as writing in an essay published in 1947, "are generally those that have the stamp of one man's personality." Phillips takes this as proof that Lean "recognized the concept of the auteur long before it was officially promulgated" and that, by implication, he was himself an auteur. Perhaps so, but why on Earth should it matter? Lean loved making movies and was stubborn and strong-willed enough to make the movies he wanted to within a system that tends to crush individual taste and initiative. His extraordinary career tells us that the system can be tamed and put to good use by someone sufficiently passionate, determined and talented, and we don't need any fancy French words to figure that one out.
No, David "Stocks 'n' Porn" Denby, this does NOT mean MR. TAXI DRIVER.
"The best films," Phillips quotes Lean as writing in an essay published in 1947, "are generally those that have the stamp of one man's personality." Phillips takes this as proof that Lean "recognized the concept of the auteur long before it was officially promulgated" and that, by implication, he was himself an auteur. Perhaps so, but why on Earth should it matter? Lean loved making movies and was stubborn and strong-willed enough to make the movies he wanted to within a system that tends to crush individual taste and initiative. His extraordinary career tells us that the system can be tamed and put to good use by someone sufficiently passionate, determined and talented, and we don't need any fancy French words to figure that one out.
No, David "Stocks 'n' Porn" Denby, this does NOT mean MR. TAXI DRIVER.
Mr. My Business is My Business ALMOST says -- BLOOMY FOR PRESIDENT!
Wasn't Dubya "competent" too, once upon a time?
Wasn't Dubya "competent" too, once upon a time?
The Paper of Re-CORD seems astonished the Dems wouldn't go all the way on ethics legislation, but in many respects the world's most sophisticated reporters and editors were born yesterday.
Elsewhere said same rag plugs a [C]RAPPER-- the same [C]RAPPER Nekesi Moody Mumbi, Mumbi Nekesi, WHATEVER plugged yesterday! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to KELEFA!
Elsewhere said same rag plugs a [C]RAPPER-- the same [C]RAPPER Nekesi Moody Mumbi, Mumbi Nekesi, WHATEVER plugged yesterday! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to KELEFA!
THE WORLD'S LEADING NEWS -- JonBoy is playing an elaborate trick this week! In the domestic edition -- AUTISM. (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.) In the Europe and Latin America (?) editions only: an article on Muslim women and their veils. (I guess JonBoy didn't want to hear it from SUPERHOOPER.) In the Asian edition, an article on NGOs. (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.) THE WORLD'S LEADING NEWS -- JonBoy is charging hard this week! Hey Jon? When do YOU cut YOUR rate base?
Elsewhere four writers come dangerously close to mocking those who are angry at SLIME's boy (although people like MORT ZUCK with their manufactured outrage brought part of it on themselves). We repeat, Jonny -- when do YOU cut YOUR rate base?
Elsewhere four writers come dangerously close to mocking those who are angry at SLIME's boy (although people like MORT ZUCK with their manufactured outrage brought part of it on themselves). We repeat, Jonny -- when do YOU cut YOUR rate base?
Our Asian "allies" shorten the wet noodle on North Korea!
It's official: no one is serious on this topic, and people are deluding themselves into thinking talks will cure this.
It's official: no one is serious on this topic, and people are deluding themselves into thinking talks will cure this.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
We do not know why the WaPosties should get excited over "Rep. Moran's Mouth." After all they elected the Democrats, and this bozo goes with the territory. Or do they live in another territory?
ALTRIA MOTIVE tells SAMMY GLICKMAN don't sell our cigarettes in your movies!
Who could have thought the CANCER-STICK BIZ would make the JUNK-ON-THE-SCREEN TRADE look respectable?
Who could have thought the CANCER-STICK BIZ would make the JUNK-ON-THE-SCREEN TRADE look respectable?
The ASSociated Press runs PR for a [C]RAPPER!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to NEKESI MOODY MUMBI! MOODY NEKESI! WHATEVER!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to NEKESI MOODY MUMBI! MOODY NEKESI! WHATEVER!
We suspect in time the con-SER-va-tives will discover THIS commentary [sic], linked by that monotonous left-beating drum. If "the editorial director of CBSNews.com" laughs this way, what of the rest of SUMNER's news outfit? He may have blurted what Kevin wants to hear, but maybe not a network still synonymous with MEMOS.
Well! THE GREATEST 007 MOVIE EVER seems to be packing the movie S&M phreaks in to see all those product placements, but we strongly suspect the ALL-TALKING, ALL-SINGING, ALL-DANCING CGI will have the word disappointment tacked on to it; PIXAR this ain't. Meantime THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER should vamoose the popcorn restaurants in a couple of weeks. You have to wonder if in the long haul SLIME's mammoth publicity backfired. You have to wonder also if there's a backlash at SLIME. Probably not, but we can hope.
It appears too the TWXSTERS' CGI is taking audience away from DreamWorks's writedown. Could it be, SAMMY GLICKMAN, there are too many CGIs?
It appears too the TWXSTERS' CGI is taking audience away from DreamWorks's writedown. Could it be, SAMMY GLICKMAN, there are too many CGIs?
More brilliance from the news trade:
Bob Dylan at the Spectrum
Blinq | Daniel Rubin: A listenable guide to the voice like sand and glue. Shows from 1966-1975.
So -- does that mean the guide is more listenable than the voice?
Bob Dylan at the Spectrum
Blinq | Daniel Rubin: A listenable guide to the voice like sand and glue. Shows from 1966-1975.
So -- does that mean the guide is more listenable than the voice?
Friday, November 17, 2006
Happily, even in the SLIME's charmed life a little rain must fall:
Universal Music Sues MySpace.com for Copyright Infringement
Universal Music Sues MySpace.com for Copyright Infringement
More elbow rubbing from THE AUSTRALIAN SLIME:
Appearing after the all the voting wrapped up, Boehner and his new leadership team seemed anything but shell-shocked. Ebullient as ever, Boehner promised three different times in his brief remarks that the House GOP would "earn" its way back. Exactly how wasn't said because more pressing matters were at hand. Prompted by a FOX [SIC!] News producer, Boehner fessed up that today was his birthday and led his fellow Republicans in a brief birthday ditty. [Emphasis added]
Appearing after the all the voting wrapped up, Boehner and his new leadership team seemed anything but shell-shocked. Ebullient as ever, Boehner promised three different times in his brief remarks that the House GOP would "earn" its way back. Exactly how wasn't said because more pressing matters were at hand. Prompted by a FOX [SIC!] News producer, Boehner fessed up that today was his birthday and led his fellow Republicans in a brief birthday ditty. [Emphasis added]
Dvorkin: Let's remember that journalism isn't stenography
Let's remember the way most of you hacks practice it that JERNALISM IS stenography.
Let's remember the way most of you hacks practice it that JERNALISM IS stenography.
IT'S 1939 AGAIN AT THE MOVIES!!!!!
What gets the hacks like this? Why do they so vehemently believe movies are better than ever? Isn't there a SINGLE discriminating writer in the whole news trade?
What gets the hacks like this? Why do they so vehemently believe movies are better than ever? Isn't there a SINGLE discriminating writer in the whole news trade?
The NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE no-spins:
FOR THE RECORD, FOX BROADCASTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"O'really?"
(Via ShowBizData.com)
P. S.
“I have some stinky cheese in my refrigerator. It smells really bad, but people keep eating it.”
You mean the stinky NEWS HACKS and your QUOTES, PERFESSER THOMPSON? (Via the inevitable Romy)
FOR THE RECORD, FOX BROADCASTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"O'really?"
(Via ShowBizData.com)
P. S.
“I have some stinky cheese in my refrigerator. It smells really bad, but people keep eating it.”
You mean the stinky NEWS HACKS and your QUOTES, PERFESSER THOMPSON? (Via the inevitable Romy)
GanNETt's campaigning for the defeated Jim Leach to be League of Nations rep, and (yes, this is FRONTPAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) he'd be the perfect fit: a drone and an appeaser, apt for the last brain-dead days of Dubya's rapidly sinking administration.
Granola or Victrola or whatever the name is has unleashed two lengthy typings that demonstrate no writer says less with more words, and at the same time shows TimesReject MIGHT have a worthy use.
Britain's TV regulator has banned junk-food ads for children. We're of two minds about this: it's naked market interference, and it's also PC -- but TV has sold a lot of bad to youth over the years, not least the bad programming all that junk food has financed.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s madam has issued a "statement" (perhaps written by her) in which she says the finances were handled through a third party. It's official: HE'LL be sued.
It links on MediaBistro -- I'm not linking to THE SPYWARE COWBOY.
Meantime the genius who sold Him MySpace has resigned, so we can hope His tyranny has a bad day on Wall Street.
It links on MediaBistro -- I'm not linking to THE SPYWARE COWBOY.
Meantime the genius who sold Him MySpace has resigned, so we can hope His tyranny has a bad day on Wall Street.
Did you know Sirhan Sirhan shot five other people in addition to Sen. Kennedy? I didn't. None of the five were consulted on the WHINER BROTHERS' new weepie, and they probably won't see it. So it's just another hack bio -- surprise. Surprise too: LALA's calling it an excruciatingly earnest bore. Why did the WHINER BROTHERS have to make this picture -- and dishonor a martyr to terrorism in the process?
The top four stories on DA NOOZ' site today are about guess which slimy media tycoon, meaning the battle of cheap one-upmanship between him and MORT ZUCK continues unabated.
DA POST is silent, perhaps permanently.
DA POST is silent, perhaps permanently.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Hey Larry, welcome to 1997! On his show last night, talk-show host Larry King told guest Roseanne Barr that he'd never used the Internet, that he "wouldn't love it," and that it probably wouldn't be a viable political medium because there are "80 billion things on it." And then he proceeded to ask Barr how the bizarre invention -- what's it called again? -- works: "What, do you punch little buttons and things?" Barr, ever gracious, offered to show King how to use the complicated contraption. King declined. Too many moving parts, no doubt.
Somebody really ought to teach Larry how to use a computer (mightily difficult, no doubt) -- then he'd learn who owns TMZ.com.
Somebody really ought to teach Larry how to use a computer (mightily difficult, no doubt) -- then he'd learn who owns TMZ.com.
America's consumer-products Dilbert-states busily invent new titles to justify weaning the public of MORE money through TV advertising:
Yum Brands Names Emil Brolick President of Brand Building
Yum Brands Names Emil Brolick President of Brand Building
We wonder if the instant conwiz about Steny is wrong. Steny is more photogenic and energetic than the Defeatocrat and will probably make a more effective majority leader. But can he maintain discipline in a party with 230 fiefdoms -- and a seniormost fiefdom in Madame Speaker? There's the question.
Now that THE GREATEST 007 FILM EVER is out the ASSociated Press must remind us about how Woodster the Perv became THE expert on all things sexual.
Couldn't someone at the AssPress have taken the time to identify the "unidentified actress"?
P. S. Regardless of what the ad-blurbists might say our Casino Royale will be Burt Bacharach's; he wrote a spritely and humorous score (a tad repetitive, perhaps) that summed up the character and the age well -- it was far better than the movie, a long-winded bore. We wonder if Burt's shadow will hover over this new masterpiece, which sounds to our ears like an EXTREMELY SERIOUS and HUMORLESS WUHK, whatever the leading man's physique.
This should get the indentured servants mad: How can the Walter Mittys of academe, who crawl into a hole whenever the alums come around and demand to know why THE TEAM isn't winning, say they're educating their athuhletes when they pay all these coaches so much money? First off these guys should be held to the same standards as CEOs -- they rub elbows enough with them. Second, knock off the empty CYA talk about learning and share the spoils with the people who really earn the coaches their dough: the players.
"It's the lowest form for hype," says Gary Carr, senior vice president of national broadcast for TargetCast TCM. "It's an embarrassment to our business. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind buying into this. I'm ashamed for Fox doing this, after the network gained respectability in recent years. They have gone for the low blow again."
TRANSLATION: PLEASE, PLEASE, WE'LL PAY $2 MILLION FOR A THIRTY ON AMERICAN IDOL!!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
TRANSLATION: PLEASE, PLEASE, WE'LL PAY $2 MILLION FOR A THIRTY ON AMERICAN IDOL!!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
That the Super Suck-Up Jann was able to secure a straight interview with HISTORY'S GREATEST COMEDIAN after thousands of rip-roaring press releases says that now's the time for the news biz to turn its entertainment sections into advertorials. If all it's going to give us are raves and ads, let's knock off the holier-than-thou noble-calling junk and have these toadies do as they please.
ESPNCORP emulates RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESPN doesn't seem to be worried. In an e-mailed response, ESPN spokesman Bill Hofheimer wrote that the ratings speak for themselves and that there are plenty of people happy with the broadcasts ... they just don't go on blogs to proclaim how satisfied they are.
"While a small fraction of fans have voiced concern with the new approach, when was the last time a customer bought a computer and called Dell to say how much he/she loved the new monitor?" wrote Hofheimer.
Hey Bill! Glad you mentioned DELL!
ESPN doesn't seem to be worried. In an e-mailed response, ESPN spokesman Bill Hofheimer wrote that the ratings speak for themselves and that there are plenty of people happy with the broadcasts ... they just don't go on blogs to proclaim how satisfied they are.
"While a small fraction of fans have voiced concern with the new approach, when was the last time a customer bought a computer and called Dell to say how much he/she loved the new monitor?" wrote Hofheimer.
Hey Bill! Glad you mentioned DELL!
And Reader's Digest Association, publisher of America's worst magazine -- yes, worse than anything from PEOPLE WARNER -- is going private too, meaning its declining pool of geezer readers is someone else's problem.
Madame Speaker-Elect uses "strong-arm tactics"!
She's going all out for TOTAL CRAP!
"I hope you like your committee assignment, because it's the only one you're going to get."
I smell -- REFORM!
She's going all out for TOTAL CRAP!
"I hope you like your committee assignment, because it's the only one you're going to get."
I smell -- REFORM!
"Absolutely . . . they can go after Fox and find out what the financial arrangement was between Fox and Regan Books," Galanter told Court TV. "And I think they could go after HarperCollins [the publisher for which Regan Books is an imprint] and Regan and find out what the deal was with Simpson and the people behind the book."
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! confesses. Or is He merely taunting?
Okay SLIME: who sues to get the $2 MILLION back?
P. S. The clown David Hinckley says we can stop RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with on-off switches.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! confesses. Or is He merely taunting?
Okay SLIME: who sues to get the $2 MILLION back?
P. S. The clown David Hinckley says we can stop RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with on-off switches.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
It's easy to do the devil's advocate routine here but predicting CDs and DVDs will go away may be like predicting the paperless office. Erasable media are apt for erasable culture -- [C]RAP, grossout "comedies" -- but good culture deserves something you can grasp. You can't accidentally delete a CD. The big advantage of sorting media files may not be so big when you have 10,000 files. And maybe hard drives are getting huge, but one crash and there goes your movie library. And it's not clear downloaded media enjoy that big a price advantage either: the other day I went to Amazon.com and bought the Gone with the Wind Collectors' Edition for $20 ($5 a disc) and Complete Birth of the Cool for $10 -- on sale, to be sure, but this points out another thing: CDs and DVDs may now be price-competitive because their "infrastructure" costs are surely not much higher than downloads' (don't forget Brian Robber). And hard though the Bugmeister may try, most downloads do not have cover art.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
That mysterious killer has claimed another victim.
Needless to say the LI-TE-RA-RY BLOGS like this one and this one and this one have not mentioned the masterwork at all. What hermetically sealed buffoons.
Needless to say the LI-TE-RA-RY BLOGS like this one and this one and this one have not mentioned the masterwork at all. What hermetically sealed buffoons.
If the Defeatocrat becomes majority leader, Madame Speaker gets a hack pol and ABSCAM alumnus who called an ethics bill "total crap." If Steny wins, she looks like a weakling.
Great strategy, Nancy!
Great strategy, Nancy!
FNC Denies $2 Million Hostage Payment
O. J...oh, never mind.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S publishing madam says it's "a confession." TRANSLATION: We have to say that because otherwise we look bad. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s competitors are furious. TRANSLATION: They're furious because they didn't get first dibs on it.
O. J...oh, never mind.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S publishing madam says it's "a confession." TRANSLATION: We have to say that because otherwise we look bad. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s competitors are furious. TRANSLATION: They're furious because they didn't get first dibs on it.
I'M A POPULIST!!!!!!!!!! DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Well-fed Dobbsian overemphasis added]
YOU'RE AN ASS!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU'RE AN ASS!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A couple of GoogleNews-generated heds:
TV rights to 007 films stirred, not shaken
Fox Squeezes OJ For Killer Ratings
These are extremely typical of heds with idiot hooks. How many "Borat Make Glorious Box Office" heds have we endured? This is Sex, Lies and Videotape Syndrome, where EVERY editor had to use a pun on that title whether it was warranted or not. Okay, the second hed came from a "pure" Web site. But it also came from NEWS HACKS.
This is surely a reason why one writer says newspaper circ isn't declining, it's in an avalanche -- and there's no reason news Web sites can't fall down the same cliff. (Link via Romy)
TV rights to 007 films stirred, not shaken
Fox Squeezes OJ For Killer Ratings
These are extremely typical of heds with idiot hooks. How many "Borat Make Glorious Box Office" heds have we endured? This is Sex, Lies and Videotape Syndrome, where EVERY editor had to use a pun on that title whether it was warranted or not. Okay, the second hed came from a "pure" Web site. But it also came from NEWS HACKS.
This is surely a reason why one writer says newspaper circ isn't declining, it's in an avalanche -- and there's no reason news Web sites can't fall down the same cliff. (Link via Romy)
Oh, NO! NASCAR's declining?!?!? How will all those CEOs justify all those millions they spend "plastering logos"?
One problem is the new drivers lack sex appeal. TRANSLATION: Stock-car racing's turning into FILLUM.
One problem is the new drivers lack sex appeal. TRANSLATION: Stock-car racing's turning into FILLUM.
[I]n Oakland, Ignacio De La Fuente, a City Council member who also serves on the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Authority's board of directors, suggested that his city might even benefit if the team moved.
"To be candid, we made more money in one Rolling Stones concert than the A's made (us) in a whole year. We will deal with it," De La Fuente said.
But the whole point of building ballparks is wasting money, not making it!
"To be candid, we made more money in one Rolling Stones concert than the A's made (us) in a whole year. We will deal with it," De La Fuente said.
But the whole point of building ballparks is wasting money, not making it!
James Dickeyson comes up with an outstanding solution for the War on Terror: using local police officers!
Don't they have enough on their hands?
Don't they have enough on their hands?
Elsewhere in the Twin Towers of Babble:
Time Warner Inc. Chief Executive Officer Richard Parsons defended his decision to keep AOL and said the Internet unit could be worth as much as $26 billion in the next few years.
``It's even conservative,'' Parsons said in an interview yesterday at Time Warner's headquarters in New York.
Conservative -- compared to the $350 BILLION IN MARKET CAP you were once worth.
Time Warner Inc. Chief Executive Officer Richard Parsons defended his decision to keep AOL and said the Internet unit could be worth as much as $26 billion in the next few years.
``It's even conservative,'' Parsons said in an interview yesterday at Time Warner's headquarters in New York.
Conservative -- compared to the $350 BILLION IN MARKET CAP you were once worth.
Mr. My Business is My Business's favorite Republican Mr. McConnell will now lead the Senate minority. Can he do anything but whine about campaign finance reform?
And the author of the Mickey Mouse Protection Act and co-builder of the Railroad to Nowhere is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!
And the author of the Mickey Mouse Protection Act and co-builder of the Railroad to Nowhere is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!
Marash promises Al Jazeera English won't be al-Jazeera
Uh, DAVE, you don't think that might be...a problem?
Uh, DAVE, you don't think that might be...a problem?
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! may have paid a ransom to release His two reporters.
It's official: He's below primordial slime.
BIG caveat: it's WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
It's official: He's below primordial slime.
BIG caveat: it's WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
Today, for a brief moment, Andrew Sarris remembers what a person who calls himself a film critic should be doing.
Speaking of television:
Remember when virtually every TV show aimed to please, all but jumping into your lap and licking your face like a happy puppy? Those days, for any number of reasons, appear to be gone, at least for a while. Viewers now sit still for shows (a la ABC's "Lost") in which there may be no real closure or resolution to individual episodes, just the vague promise of a payoff somewhere down the line. Unfortunately for Diggs and company, prime time may have passed the saturation point on this kind of twisty serialized drama. Viewers may even be yearning for such mundane commodities as sense and sensibility once again.
Remember when virtually every TV show aimed to please, all but jumping into your lap and licking your face like a happy puppy? Those days, for any number of reasons, appear to be gone, at least for a while. Viewers now sit still for shows (a la ABC's "Lost") in which there may be no real closure or resolution to individual episodes, just the vague promise of a payoff somewhere down the line. Unfortunately for Diggs and company, prime time may have passed the saturation point on this kind of twisty serialized drama. Viewers may even be yearning for such mundane commodities as sense and sensibility once again.
How does one respond to RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? Clearly He wants people to get mad and give Him ratings and sales. But if we ignore Him (how do you ignore RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?) we condone the act. One good thing -- the reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve who have been merrily financing His escapades may feel a slight twinge of upset stomach, and the con-SER-va-tive idiots who have insisted He is one of theirs will SHUT UP -- for a second.
There is also the remote possibility His latest affront may backfire on Him.
P. S. at 3:50 p. m.: I guess they didn't shut up even a second:
NOV. 15, 2006: I KNOW I'M FALLING INTO JUDITH REGAN'S TRAP ...
... even discussing this - but it still needs to be said:
If there is such a thing as the pale of civilized society, Judith Regan has put herself outside it.
Posted at 3:40 PM
But not, we may presume, her Boss -- and the Boss of several of our contributors. By the way -- what's that deep hole you're climbing out of?
There is also the remote possibility His latest affront may backfire on Him.
P. S. at 3:50 p. m.: I guess they didn't shut up even a second:
NOV. 15, 2006: I KNOW I'M FALLING INTO JUDITH REGAN'S TRAP ...
... even discussing this - but it still needs to be said:
If there is such a thing as the pale of civilized society, Judith Regan has put herself outside it.
Posted at 3:40 PM
But not, we may presume, her Boss -- and the Boss of several of our contributors. By the way -- what's that deep hole you're climbing out of?
Speaking of The Paper of Re-CORD, Jeremy Lott makes a persuasive case that TimesReject has ruined its op-ed section. Since Pinch began His experiment it's become hard not to see His Web site as damaged goods. The public has returned the favor by making its columnists invisible. We suspect John Tierney, in a rarity among Paper of Re-CORD writers, has sense enough to recognize this. That more columnists haven't abandoned the op-ed section or the paper outright may be a reflection of institutional ennui -- or rigor mortis.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Murdoch 'deplores' anti-US sentiment
Cle-VER, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You increasingly want to rule America, and to do so You produce increasingly crappy entertainment that people overseas hate, that gets people hating us more. We can do without Your sympathy, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cle-VER, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You increasingly want to rule America, and to do so You produce increasingly crappy entertainment that people overseas hate, that gets people hating us more. We can do without Your sympathy, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now those eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil Nazi evangelicals think "Supporting Israel is ‘God’s Foreign Policy.’"
What SHALL we do, PINCH?
What SHALL we do, PINCH?