Posted 9:39 PM by Gene

Today saw the Atlanta Braves' last game of the season -- and also, very sadly, the last Braves broadcast on TBS. We followed them regularly during their height in the nineties, and no announcing team had more attitude -- in the good sense -- than Skip, Don, Pete and Chip. Of course with SELIGISM slowly becoming a second-tier sport and the TWXSTERS casting off all things MOUTH their time was foreshortened, but thankfully PEOPLE WARNER (when not placing ads on game shows) will pay up to $11 million a game for an LCS, which will require shaking a few more customers upside down. Unfortunately, they can't say they'll have had fun in the shakedown, as at least we did watching the Braves. So long, fellows. Without you SELIGISM becomes ever more midgetized.

Posted 9:33 PM by Gene

More brilliance in advertising: People Inc. and its flagship finagle product placements on Wheel of Fortune (don't ask), and the sponsors think they're actually moving more goods! Well, as often happens, they're moving more advertising.

Elsewhere in the Big Double-A Scribble, we learn São Paulo's banned billboards, and Rio may follow suit, so maybe advertising's future isn't that bright. Certainly it won't be as visible. And in the Did You Know? category, Did You Know Playboy's cut its circ and made its Web site available for free? I guess Hef has come to realize teenage boys like stronger stuff.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Now more countries can say "Hi, mom!" from the moon.

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

Any city with a "championship" and hundreds of homicides has no right to celebrate. No doubt Mayor iPhone was there, his fat duff in a luxury box, his feet on a railing.

I fear for Chicago if the Cubs win the Series. Perhaps it will merely be three days of noisy drunks, but especially with the hacks drumming it into the Windy City's dear little ears that the team hasn't won a league title in 62 years and Series in about a century there could be casualties. And we know what happened during successive celebrations of MJ's empty triumphs. This could be the first sports celebration to join the hall of infamy aside Newark, Detroit and LA. I pray not.

Which got me to thinking today: Camden Yards, the first of the Ueberrothiums, is -- I had to look it up -- fifteen years old. The Orioles haven't won in a long time. Mark my words: within five years the team will make noises for a new ballpark, and by 2020 it will be out of Baltimore. After that, le deluge, and the taxpayers get soaked.

I am sorry to be so sour on such a historic day, and I know I'm a bit foolish and melodramatic, but the well-heeled drunks are honking their horns, and I hate it.

P. S. I feel sorry for the folks in the Big Apple -- but not that much.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

Nukeman further returns the joke.

Isn't it obvious by now the only difference between these shoe-bangers and the Soviets is the Soviets were afraid to use the bomb?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

I have seldom surfed Arts & Letters Daily recently, sensing that too many of its links are eyeball-rollingly self-indulgent or obvious, or just plain tiresome. Three examples: Philip "M." Roth (I will let my three readers guess what the "M." stands for) has written what is supposedly a new novel, only it sounds like a restatement of the sixty or so that came beforehand, and a couple of cri-TICS pretend to savage it, but in that tired, impatient manner that one fears has become the essence of too much of what's left of book reviewing. Then comes an endorsement of The New Yorker's dashing music cri-TIC Mr. Ross, and these 170 words made us hide under the table:

By the last third of the 20th century, it seems clear that the pressure of history had driven composers a little bit insane. Much of the music Mr. Ross discusses in the later chapters of "The Rest Is Noise" is strictly conceptual, noteworthy only for the ways it violates tradition or expectation. Elliott Carter's Piano Concerto is scored for 50 strings, each playing a different part simultaneously; Karlheinz Stockhausen's "Gruppen" splits the orchestra into three groups, situated at different spots in the concert hall; Alvin Lucier's "Music for Solo Performer" is a translation of his brain's alpha waves into patterns of percussion; most famously, John Cage's "4'33"" is "performed" as an interval of pure silence. Experiments like this can also be found in visual art and literature, and in every case they are purely parasitic; without the prior existence of positive artistic achievements, their purposeful vandalism would be meaningless.

Mr. Ross, in keeping with his usual practice, almost never says a skeptical word about even the most extreme musical absurdities.

In other words, he won't get mad when anger is justified. We have enough such writers, and many of them seem to get links in Arts & Letters Daily.

Then comes this squib:

In her first assault on Hollywood, Joan Collins slept with so many men she was known as the British Open... more»

Down, boy. Oh, we forgot. This is a production of Thuh Kronikul uv Hyer Ehdyukayshun. They've already downed their brains.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

And the unfortunate thing is the more His Highness plays tricks on His readers, the more He tries to be in with the in crowd, the more He must act as the supreme arbiter and celebrant of bad taste, the more He obscures some solid reporting, like this story indicating the ethanol craze may join the housing bust as an anchor on our economy.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Meantime, in what is slowly becoming THE ENTERTAINMENT AND POP-CULTYURE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE as PINCH tries to stare down inevitable losses, with all the smells attendant thereto:

1. We mourn the divorce of a Texas couple who produced some of the greatest masterworks the movie industry has ever known -- why the wife won the first annual Texas Film Hall of Fame Ann Richards award, so we know what a tragedy this is;

2. We cheer the 25th anniversary of that @#$%&* movie that made DARK part of the film hack's and news hack's lexicon, and made a certain scribbler named DICK a part of college syllabi, and which the mentally-challenged typists must call a CLASSIC the way they call a certain loudmouthed obsessively-firing Six-Sigmaing CEO in Connecticut LEGENDARY (but even PINCH may be a little uncomfortable; His editors merely call it a "cult classic" -- we must fix that eventually);



3. No Your Lordship, most lesbians do NOT look like that.

Somebody has to teach His Highness Pinch the facts of life. Oh, His Father did. He with the most voting rights wins.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

A Miami non-profit used tax dollars to act as a charter service for celebrities on SUMNER's MTV Music "Awards"!

Now that's what I call "empowerment"!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

PRIDE IN PRODUCT: Jackie Chan is an enthusiastic endorser of his own American movies!

If Jackie can show such disdain for his work, think of what others in the biz might feel about the stuff they excrete on us!

DOWN WITH HOLLYWOOD! DOWN WITH THE CONSPIRACY!

Posted 4:22 PM by Gene

Surprise: The Democrats are incompetent too.

Posted 4:13 PM by Gene

If you're Big Oil and you're going to say I'm sorry you'd better be sure you don't have anything to be sorry for now. I'm sure virtually all Chevron's employees are good, kind, decent, ethical people. But all it takes is one cynical CEO or senior exec wanting to score a cheap point on the public, or trying to excuse one festering sore point in the operation, and they become a big pile of doggie doo. In short, the company is using its employees as human shields for operating in Myanmar, and when the company is exposed, it's not the CEO or senior exec who loses -- he has options and a golden parachute -- but the blameless employees.

That's why I'm angry at Chevron's PR stunt.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

Shucks, JFK Lincoln's campaign is just your father's broken-down Oldsmobile.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Come on, ci-ne-ma "writers", you geniuses who would be completely mute without four-letter words: strike! STRIKE! Do the country GOOD, for once!

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

The One-Man Truth Squad PILLHEAD meets a truth squad from the NEW! IMPROVED!! TRIBCO!!!!!, and both busily expectorate half-truths at each other.

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Meantime the Myanmar government is doing what Big Oil would do, if it weren't so busy dressing up as a flower: playing hardball -- with the League of Nations.

This is officially no contest.

Posted 7:56 AM by Gene

And in more ethical business behavior:

Bristol-Myers Squibb Co. and a former subsidiary have agreed to pay more than $515 million to settle federal and state investigations into their drug marketing and pricing practices.

Posted 7:49 AM by Gene

A blast from the past -- and boy does it STINK:

Unocal outlines social, economic benefits of Myanmar gas project; disputes N.Y. Times allegations

El Segundo, Calif., Dec. 19, 1996 -- Unocal Corporation today issued the following statement from Roger C. Beach, Unocal chairman and chief executive officer, in response to a recent editorial in The New York Times calling for Unocal's withdrawal from the Yadana natural gas pipeline project in Myanmar.

In its editorial, The New York Times argues that the people of Myanmar would best be served by economic isolation -- and that the inevitable hardships this would cause will somehow result in the flowering of democracy and human rights.

If history has shown us anything, it has shown exactly the opposite: economic isolation generally causes chaos, suffering and hardship for the very people it was intended to help. It rarely does anything to advance democracy or improve human rights.

In the case of Myanmar, 30 years of self-imposed isolation brought only poverty and misery to the nation's people. Now, Myanmar is finally opening up to foreign investment and ideas. Certainly, the transition to democracy is not taking place as quickly as everyone would like. But given its economic hardships and long-standing ethnic divisions, Myanmar cannot be expected to instantly transform itself into a democracy. It is only through economic development that a strong framework for lasting social change can be established.

The Times asserts that Unocal "cannot claim it is bringing change to this blighted nation." But the Yadana project is doing just that. Our project has already provided significant benefits to the 35,000 people who live near the pipeline area -- an extremely poor and undeveloped region of Myanmar. In addition to creating high-paying jobs, Unocal and Total (the French oil company serving as project operator) have begun a program to provide improved medical care, new and refurbished schools, electrical power and agricultural development in the pipeline region.

The editorial implies that Unocal is profiting indirectly from the use of forced labor to build a railroad to "transport government troops to protect the pipeline." But there is absolutely no connection between this railroad and construction of the Yadana pipeline. In fact, the railroad right-of-way runs perpendicular to the pipeline, and the railway itself will not be completed until long after the pipeline is up and running.

Furthermore, the Yadana project has adhered to strict standards covering employment practices. There has been no forced or conscripted labor on our project. All workers are paid a higher-than-average wage, and are paid directly.

The editorial is also inaccurate in its characterization of Unocal's shipment of fertilizer on credit to Myanmar as a "bailout" and a "lifeline" for the government. This is unfair and simply untrue. Unocal shipped the fertilizer to enable Myanmar to increase its agricultural production. We will be paid back -- with interest -- from future pipeline revenues.

Would the people of Myanmar be better off if Unocal left, or if we'd never come? Would their prospects be brighter without the Yadana project? They certainly don't think so!

Earlier this year I visited seven villages in the pipeline region -- none of which have been "relocated," as some groups have charged. I saw first-hand the positive impact of the good works we're undertaking. Our group was warmly received by the local residents everywhere we went. Everyone we spoke with supported the pipeline project. They clearly do not want us to leave. Our project is directly and tangibly improving the quality of their lives.

Unocal's withdrawal would only serve to reduce U.S. influence in Myanmar. It would also further marginalize our nation's influence with ASEAN and other Asian nations that have commerce and diplomatic contact with Myanmar. Our departure would certainly not foster democracy or advance human rights, and would have virtually no economic impact. That's because our investment would be easily replaced by foreign companies.

The people of Myanmar desperately need projects such as Yadana to provide employment, improve living standards and demonstrate the value of free-market economics. Economic advancement, in turn, will help pave the way for social and political reform. This is the only effective and lasting way to advance human rights. We've seen this kind of progression take place in Thailand, Indonesia, the Philippines, and many other developing nations in the region. We're seeing it take place, slowly but surely, in China. And we will see it in Myanmar. Shutting off American investment and influence would not accelerate the nation's transition to democracy. The best way for America to advance this process is by remaining engaged and involved in the nation's economic development.

As a private company, Unocal does not support or oppose governments. Our proper responsibility is to find, develop and market resources to help people meet their growing energy needs.

I am proud of our involvement in the Yadana project. It will provide substantial, long-term benefits to the people of Myanmar, and help open the country to new ideas and opportunities. As the first cross-border project between Thailand and Myanmar, it is also helping to foster much-needed regional cooperation and stability.

Still think you want to spend that $15 million?

Or is that $40 million?

Posted 7:33 AM by Gene

Hey "Helen Clark, Chevron Corp.'s manager of corporate brand and reputation", I could use some money. I've never been very far away from Pennsylvania. I'd like to see the world. I'd also like to quit my job so I could see the world. I'd like a McMansion and a Rolls and everything. Do you think you could give me some of that $15 million you plan to spend? You won't be needing it.

Posted 7:32 AM by Gene

The Jack Valenti of Mortgages soldsoldSOLD!

And not MORTGAGES.

Posted 7:30 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: For every SCREAM there is an equal and opposite SCREAM. MoveOn's defeatist liars are thus met with oily Republican fatcats. The truth loses again.

Posted 7:10 PM by Gene

Figures: that show based on a GEICO ad campaign may not last long.

St. Warren should stick with the comedy He knows, which is insurance.

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

If cats were like dogs....

Posted 7:03 PM by Gene

Big Food, which in some ways is starting to resemble Big Oil with its showy mea culpas and "commitments", is financing SUMNER's idea to turn off His kiddie channels for three hours to get the kids out to "play", which of course won't trim one ounce off our nation's collective kiddie fat, but it will allow SUMNER and His sponsors to say they DID something.

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

When serious people seek to draw serious lessons from a goofy sci-fi series of the 1960s and its pop-culture progeny, please consider cutting them a little slack.

No we will not. NRO is in the middle of another of its epileptic convulsions, prompted largely by the middle-aged adolescent Jo-NAH, in which he and his fellow twaddlemeisters engage in idiot hero worship for the sake of preserving their rapidly fading youth. If I want to read pop-culture bull I can turn elsewhere on the Web. I should not be forced into it on a site descended from a rag that once ran fine cultural criticism, and that has further descended into the wailing of infants.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Bugmeister raises the white flag:

Microsoft to extend XP sales for five months

Posted 11:44 AM by Gene

Speaking of:

Ahmadinejad Invites Bush to Speak at Tehran University

NUKEMAN RETURNS THE JOKE!

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

Ahmadinejad at Columbia provided the entertainment, but Sarkozy at the United Nations provided the substance. On the largest possible stage -- the U.N. General Assembly -- President Nicolas Sarkozy put Iran on notice. His predecessor, Jacques Chirac, had said that France could live with an Iranian nuclear bomb. Sarkozy said that France cannot. He declared Iran's nuclear ambitions "an unacceptable risk to stability in the region and in the world."

His foreign minister, Bernard Kouchner, had said earlier that the world faces two choices -- successful diplomacy to stop Iran's nuclear program or war. And Sarkozy himself has no great hopes for the Security Council, where China and Russia are blocking any effective action against Iran. He does hope to get the European Union to join the United States in imposing serious sanctions.

"Weakness and renunciation do not lead to peace," he warned. "They lead to war."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Six key nations agreed Friday to delay until November a new U.N. resolution that would toughen sanctions against Iran over its disputed nuclear program.

A joint statement from the U.S., Russia, China, Britain, France and Germany said they would finalize the new resolution and bring it to a vote unless reports in November from the chief U.N. nuclear official and the European Union's foreign policy chief "show a positive outcome of their efforts."

French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner told reporters after a meeting by foreign ministers of the six countries that "we have to wait to take into account the two reports."

COURAGE!

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

OOOOOoooooh, the inventor of Boogie Everynight Television blasts Congresspoop V-Chip as a "liberal white paternalist"!!!!!

Johnson's letter also attributed Markey's BET criticisms to the fact that the networl [SIC!] was "the last cable programmer to authorize the V-chip," which Markey was instrumental in legislating into existence. "I thought then, and I stil [SIC!!!] do, that the V-chip was unnecesary [SIC!!!!!] government intrusion in the media marketplace," he added.

AMITY SHLAES! A GLIBERTARIAN!!!!!

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

The federal government announced this afternoon that it had filed a lawsuit against Bloomberg L.P., the financial services company founded by Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, accusing the company of discriminating against women.

In its lawsuit, filed this afternoon in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission said the company engaged in a pattern of discrimination against pregnant women, including “decreasing their pay, demoting them, diminishing their job duties and excluding them from employment opportunities.”

This takes care of Honorary's presidential campaign once and for all.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: When G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE gets into the cell phone biz Wall Street's insanity will know no straitjacket.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

"People perceive they might get an unpleasant surprise and so they stay away. That's a problem."

Dammit your industry is all about unpleasant surprises. Why can't you make pleasant surprises for once?

This is why we despise Corporate America -- it's too easy for its gasbags to excuse themselves while shafting the public.

P. S.

Ang Lee agreed to cut 30 minutes of sex and violence from ``Lust, Caution'' so the World War II espionage thriller could be shown in China. While I'm certainly not advocating censorship, the result may be a better film.

BLITHERING MEDIA IMBECILES.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Peter Beutel, president of oil commodities consultant Cameron Hanover, said the tone in all ads from oil companies tends to be apologetic. "It's very difficult for consumers to get past that." Further, he said, most consumers don't understand the industry because they only know about volatile gasoline prices and news reports about big oil's record profits.

Which is why every last penny the oil companies spend on advertising in general and image advertising in particular is money wasted. I might further submit that because the public knows the industry through volatile gas prices and news reports about big oil's record profits it understands perfectly well.

And what in God's name does a "manager of corporate brand and reputation" at an oil company do?

"It is the story of our time and it is definitive and it's all encompassing. . . . Make no mistake. It isn't just about oil companies. This is about you and me and the undeniable truth that at this moment there are 6.5 billion people on this planet, and by year's end, there will be another 3 million more [SIC] and every one of us will need energy to live. Where will it come from?"

One of big oil's biggest is spending $15 million so George C. Scott's son can recite this pompous blather? Since you don't seem to know the answer, Chevron, it'll either come 1. from corrupt holy sheikhdoms or tyrannies like Myanmar, or 2. from ways that might put big oil out of business. Does that answer the question?

We would note that Chevron ran screaming out of the Metropolitan Opera's broadcasts, something that did far more than $15 million in damage to its reputation.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

MEDIA WEB Dan Rather, CBS and good journalism

Jon Friedman sets the record straight for Media Web readers.

POPEYE FLEXES HIS MUSCLES!

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

I guess this means our team's won the Series. After all the talk about Barry*'s record* and the Dogfighting Master why should we care who wins what? Sports is for CEOs to show off, and for the taxpayers to support an affluent group of maniacs who paint their faces and go into drunken fits. Winning a professional championship is also an excuse for general rioting. Pardon me for not getting excited -- and for getting more than a little annoyed.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Consumers shrugged off a rash of bad news to push spending up by a bigger than expected 0.6 percent in August, while a key inflation gauge eased to the slowest pace in 3 1/2 years.

DOW 20,000!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

It's official: NEWS HACKS WANT A GOVERNMENT BAILOUT.

We might be ever so slightly amenable to the idea if you cretins hadn't exposed, oh, a trillion classified documents these last few years -- and if you decided, for once, to take our side against, say, the holy cockroaches.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 12:42 PM by Gene

OH oh, bad news: Even PSAs are moving to the Web!

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

This is going to make Verizon look VERY PC, but it had no choice. For any common carrier can exclude any group for political reasons is inexcusable.

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!!'s given out HuffPo's pitch address, which I fear is like The New Yorker (yes, The New Yorker) giving out Bugmeister's "private" e-mail address. That said, I'm thinking of hitting my head against a wall and submitting myself for consideration. I firmly believe I'm better than my lack of hits would suggest, and I have dozens of posts to prove it.

And I know what I said about HuffPo when it started, but who knew it had all that PR firepower?

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

Rather May Seek to Depose Bush in CBS Suit (Examiner) [MediaBistro link]

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

The government of Myanmar admits it killed people!

If that doesn't put blood on its hands nothing does.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

We shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender...oops!

Merrie Olde Englande has its own Sen. Biden!

Posted 7:12 PM by Gene

PAUL! PAUL DRECK! We have a new job for you: SELL VIDEOGAMES!

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

We are not surprised by Phil Spector's mistrial; celebrity "justice" in California is...different. Nor are we surprised that the prosecution will press on for a retrial, knowing it has to, even if the current outcome makes justice a bit more difficult.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

HANOI - A bridge under construction collapsed in southern Vietnam on Wednesday, killing at least 60 workers, and 100 others were missing, a contractor and police said....

A contractor with China State Construction Engineering Corp, one of the firms involved in the construction of the bridge....

NUF SAID.

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

I guess this means SNIDELY WHIPLASH has been "cleared."

Except in the court of public opinion, where he remains guilty as charged.

Besides, he isn't cleared just yet.

Posted 2:51 PM by Gene

But just as we can be sure cutting down on sodas in the schools will not cut down on the flab, neither will excising snack ads from kiddie TV. The cigarette industry has a market despite little conventional advertising, and nobody has proposed $10 for a bag of chips -- yet.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

Of course Gatorade is junk food. What is it but Coke with muscles? Or rather a strange-flavored fruit soda? (And without the carbonation?) It's double junk food because it's made by PEPSICO, proud expert in junk food. If sodas can't be sold in schools neither should Gatorade.

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

Now the House has flogged itself over George's ad, but we note 79 voted nay, which can only mean McCarthyism is okay when it's your McCarthyism.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

Hillary's Nose Is Growing

Hey 'MAX! That's a pretty fair wooden proboscis you've got too.

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

Vick tests positive for marijuana

Arf! Arf! What a dope.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

And while we're on the subject of the MESS:

BREAKING NEWS: U. N. Security Council to hold emergency meeting today on Myanmar

Didn't these guys just break the Guinness Book record for uninterrupted talking?

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

There is something very annoying about typing like this. Okay, Bill Cullen Jr. wanted to kill himself when he was young. Since then he's been on an uninterrupted roll and now he'll make zillions emceeing a dorky game show atop the zillions he gets emceeing another dorky game show. Most people aren't that lucky, whether or not they've contemplated suicide.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

Just got this scintillating junk e-mail in my inbox:

Make A Difference: Find Out How To Implement An Environmentally Friendly Travel Management Program

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

The future could be a "Blade Runner" world of cameras and body scanners that monitor voice, movement, speech, gait, pulse, perspiration and body odor to spot suspicious people.

TRANSLATION: The future could be a dark and dreary sci-fi movie.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

I love the way perfessers (like "Helen A. Regenstein Professor[s] Emeritus in English Languages and Literature at the University of Chicago") think: if we "turn down our rhetorical burners" on Nukeman maybe he'll turn down his. So why not just turn them all the way off? Say to Nukeman, we don't care if you build nukes; heck, we don't care if you launch 'em against Israel! Just so long as we can keep you smiling.

Guess who'd probably keep his rhetorical burner on -- at HIGH.

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Dick "Can Anyone Here Play This Game?" Stengel has "dinner" with Nukeman, and finds him a not-bad guy, considering.

I do not know what columns like this prove, except maybe too many high mucky-mucks have too much time on their hands.

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

Did N. Korea give Syria nuclear aid?

Did Dubya and Condi stop calling them evil?

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

And a key member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, the Altria MO-tive spin-off Kraft Foods, does not seem to realize you can only make so many variations of Cheez Whiz and Oreos.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Ahmadinejad to world: Renounce Satan

But then wouldn't the Iranians have to rise up and renounce YOU?

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Nielsen lets the networks spin its numbers -- and the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, that last bastion of credulity, will BELIEVE them.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

If Mr. My Business is My Business couldn't write about those devil's hirelings, the Senator from Arizona and the Senator from Wisconsin, would he have a column?

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Slowly, surely, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL is spreading through the sacred halls of Dow Jones, and soon all the worst fears of the great crusaders will be realized: celebrity puff pieces, nude girls, and -- worst of all -- con-SERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-va-tism!

Will you clowns shut up? Your friends had a chance when they ran the Journals, and say what you will about SLIME, He's angling toward making their Web site free. Give Him a break. God knows you don't deserve one.

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

The war at GM may be over, but the battle to save the company hasn't even begun.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE MESS!

Myanmar monastery says at least 2 of its monks killed by government troops

At least? Why should the government be under any compunction? Why would it?

Posted 7:09 PM by Gene

A Joan Rivers for our age got in trouble for saying things about YOU-KNOW-WHO that had the disadvantage of being in bad taste, but had an added bonus of being true.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: If Nukeman wants to save his regime, he'll take Iran's economy public! Think of it: the Mideast's China -- and without those Little Red Books!

Let 100 bombs bloom! Pffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

IN THIS CORNER: Zillionaire gasbag and occasional hypocrite the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE!

IN THIS CORNER: Self-confessed liar and billionaire groupie DAVID "TRUST ME" BROCK!

Remember, no fair play -- and if you knock each other out, you both win!

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Cuba protests Bush's U.N. speech

Maybe it can take it up in the League's Human Rights Farce.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

The NEW! IMPROVED! CONGRESS does its...duty:

Only four of the annual appropriations bills have passed both House and Senate, and Democrats don't seem eager to start a protracted veto battle that would underscore the vulnerability of their position. Some lawmakers are already worried that the battles with Bush could keep Congress in session until Christmas.

1. What? Make Congresspoops work? 2. The last thing we want is for Congresspoops to work.

Posted 3:38 PM by Gene

Ike had "nucular", Dubya has "[sar-KOzee]", "[moo-GAHbee]", "[KEYRgeez-stan]" and "[moor-EH-tain-ee-a]."

Oh well, maybe someday they'll call you an underrated president too.

Posted 3:26 PM by Gene

Alas, not all is well in GET-A-LIFE!-LAND:

'Halo 3' Packaging Scratches Disks

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

See the problem with being RIGHT, MS. Coyote (!), is that when you're right and you go public everyone knows your name. Once you were just an apparatchik in some local tax giveaway to the film biz. Today, you're a Coyote -- and an ass.

A suggestion to the Marines: If ever (God forbid) we get invaded, leave Frisco to its own defenses. Perhaps the smell of its vagrants will chase the attacking forces away.

P. S.

Hearing a coyote is much more common than seeing one. The calls a coyote make are high-pitched and variously described as howls, yips, yelps and barks.

NO FURTHER COMMENT.

(Via USAOKAY.com's On Deadline)

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

Bush Urges U.N. to Spread Freedom

NOT LIKELY.

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

MOUTH OF THE SOUTH'S EX OPENS HERS:

"I'm frankly not too big on opera," Jane Fonda confided at the opening of the Metropolitan Opera's season last night. "I don't like the inevitable tragic-ness of it."

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

It's official: CHEAP CHANNEL's going into hock to continue to pester its declining audience base with three-song playlists and as many commercials as it can get away with without further shooing the listeners -- and without nosy shareholders peeking in.

Good luck! Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 12:30 PM by Gene

Something new for Branson East: martial arts!

Posted 11:55 AM by Gene

WHY WE NEED BLOGGERS: These clowns inadvertently demonstrate my two definitions of patriotism: The knee-jerk rightists are in a screaming theatrical tizz over Nukeman, and the knee-jerk leftists pretentiously yawn and say so what?

I think there's a place in Hell for both kind.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

The MESS asks a mind-boggling question:

Why all the hype for 'Halo 3?'

And happily Kristin comes up with a solid answer:

I should mention that I work on the Microsoft campus, so the hype is pretty extreme. Master Chief greets me in the cafeteria, on building banners, on the side of shuttle busses.

I should also mention that MSNBC.com is a joint Microsoft – NBC Universal venture.

Uh, you should.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

Mogul's Friend is shrewd enough to realize the whole it's-what-the-public-wants-First-Amendment-guns-kill-people-not-movies gag doesn't go down well with the yahoos anymore, and can communicate that fact to his Hollywood bosses; but somehow he still manages to perform the ultimate cop-outs -- which may be expected given who he works for.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

The former LORD KOPPEL, he who recently was certain UNCLE WALT was dead, essentially believes that Danno's crusading exposé on Dubya was fake but accurate. And having worked at what he terms "a pimple on the elephant's behind" he unintentionally lets loose as to how it may have wound up there:

Mr. Koppel also explained why the White House has not let him have a one-on-one interview with Mr. Bush at any time since Mr. Bush has been president.

When Mr. Bush was running for president, Mr. Koppel asked then Governor Bush what qualified him to be president. Mr. Bush cited his experience as governor of Texas, his experience running the Texas Rangers baseball team, as well as the fact that he was a loving husband and father.

Mr. Koppel replied that those qualifications would seem to be good qualifications if one were running for president of the Kiwanis Club, but not for president of the United States.

Ever since then it’s been the big freeze for Mr. Koppel from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

But there's still Henry the K. Right Your Lordship?

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

And in other criminal news, the direc-TOR of such enduring landmarks of the ci-ne-MA as Die Hard and The Thomas Crown Affair has been sentenced to jail for lying to the FBI, which, in Hollywoodland, is a badge of honor.

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

Which reminds us, somehow the authorities found a suspect in the Delaware State case, so maybe things at YOUNUHVERSUHTEES aren't completely hopeless.

Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

Let's pull a NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on this one.

Any community that would not volunteer leads in the murder of an infant is beneath dirt.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

THE SOCIAL NETWORKING BUBBLE GETS MORE AIR!

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

This Sunday's NFL prime-time audience was down by 3 million, which means even the world's mightiest marketing and profit machine may not be immune from the public's TV impatience and scorn.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

The WaPost estimated millions at past anti-war rallies, leading it to cut back a little on the estimating to create the usual CYA veneer of balance, leading anti-war nuts to scream about "fairness", and....

WaPosties, you have only yourselves to blame.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Forbeslist creates ANOTHER IDIOT LIST so it can praise THUMBS®!

STOP THESE CLOWNS BEFORE THEY LIST AGAIN!!!!!

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

OooooOOOOOooooh, the tiny president of America's Most PC University called Nukeman "a petty and cruel dictator"!

That took courage!

And "the audience laughed derisively" at Nukeman! That took courage too! (But only when he said something not-so-nice about gays.)

He also got applause, presumably from America's future academics, film directors and NEWS HACKS.

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Increasingly, trying to get my clients' products to bask in the glow of a celebrity's "borrowed cool" feels, frankly, a little bit lazy. With a celebrity seal of approval, you don't have to take the time to craft a real story about a product or even ensure that it lives up to its promise. And there seems to be an "any celebrity is a good celebrity" mentality, particularly when you see something like Louis Vuitton featuring Mikhail Gorbachev in an ad in Vogue. He helped end communism in the old Soviet Union, but will he make somebody want to buy a luxury tote?

The better approach? Go back to basics. Hire real, credible experts to be spokespeople. And let the product be the star.

TRANSLATION: Advertisers will use celebrity crutches until hell freezes over.

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Was the Wizard of Oz a closet Democrat?!?

Say it isn't so, Bob Novak!

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

The monks may have the oms, but alas, the generals have the guns.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

Further evidence the Empire is lost:

Gordon Brown to build 'Britain of aspiration'

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Be the life of the party! Visit Larry Craig's stall! Learn how to tap-dance in confined spaces!

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

Here's a new twist in CONDOMANIA: San Diego's bailing out a condo developer -- to provide housing for POOR PEOPLE!

That sort of defeats the whole purpose of Rendellism, doesn't it? Wasn't it supposed to keep the undesirables OUT of downtowns?

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

I guess now that Dubya's the lamest of lame ducks he can talk about Social Security and hope no one hears him.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

Reflecting on the cavalcade of vintage ads from last night I must now say Ford's Edsel was the worst thing to ever befall corporate America. In an age already surfeited with marketing hyperbole vast firepower went behind an otherwise blah product. The disconnect was immediate and obvious. The Edsel might have been a mere corporate blunder except that around this time Mad magazine started letting MadAve have it, and not long after the epochal intro the advertiser-greased quiz-show scandal broke. From then on we saw marketing as pure fraud, and because it was corporate America's first line of offense the guilt adhered by association. The Edsel is at the root of why we think American auto makers can no longer build good cars, evidence otherwise; more important it is at the root of our general inclination to disdain everything, which has damaged our nation's psyche in too many ways to fathom.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

The more "sophisticated" the holy cockroaches' marketing becomes (supposedly), the more Muslims are tuning it out (supposedly).

Sounds like the boom-boom gang has copied MadAve. Good!

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Another big surprise from the ad biz: America's brewers appear to be spending less on junk television -- and they're selling more beer. I wonder why?

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: In the end Nukeman's visit will blow over, and America's Most PC University will get as much tax support as it needs to fleece its students, and the people.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

The dolts who run TV are trying to "reinvent" it so it resembles a computer, but of course the way they do it is a cross between Bugmeister Bill and Alfred E. Neuman.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:41 PM by Gene

Speaking of Miss America, given this "scholarship" hoodwinkery it's only a matter of time before bankruptcy, and dissolution. The pageant was canceled through much of the twenties and thirties due to its smell, and there's no reason it can't be canceled for good -- and this time no one will care.

Posted 7:54 PM by Gene

TRAGEDY: While skimming idly through eBay listings I found one that linked to this site for a rebuilder of Philco Predicta TVs -- those late-fifties models with the tube mounted atop the chassis -- and came across these five remarkable ads, like the one above, most likely from the same program: the Miss America Pageant. (Paul Whiteman, working for ABC, brought the pageant to TV in '55, with Philco as a sponsor.) These ads are chintzy now (the pictures on the sets are clearly superimposed) but it is easy to imagine people being as excited at the new TVs as they were at the pageant. Certainly they'd be excited with a set with a totally separate chassis and picture tube -- sort of. (That was the Predicta Tandem, which also featured an ungainly 25' cord -- something cleverly hidden in the ad here. It was Philco's idea of Zenith's remote.) Refrigerators, washer-dryers, air conditioners, stereos -- there was nothing Philco couldn't make. Which is why Ford Motor bought it three years later, the first step to oblivion. (Today only a Brazilian remnant survives; Ford merged Philco with an earlier aerospace acquisition, selling the TV and appliance businesses in the meantime; by 1990 the rest was spun off to the notorious Uncle Bernie Schwartz.) Now we take TV for granted -- we should, watching it by computer; and our consumer electronics manufacturing and the Miss America Pageant have all but ceased to exist; and we greet technology not with ecstatic anticipation, but with a shudder.

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

How many at Chinese state television will be imprisoned for being afraid to occupy certain sloping walls or "unsupported" floors in Mr. Koolhaas's alleged masterpiece?

Here's betting in time this work of genius sags at its foundation, or proves top-heavy. Here's further betting it wouldn't survive a moderate earthquake. Here's further betting it has a high cost of maintenance. I want to see workmen fix something on that underside -- or people avoiding the building on their commutes. (Let us not forget the impact of substandard construction practices and materials on such masterworks.) Here's further betting many of the architectural marvels going up in London and Dubai and Beijing will prove economically self-gutting.

Posted 4:27 PM by Gene

Speaking of "art", today I passed by a concert in a local park; some band was playing part of William Schuman's New England Triptych. Twenty years ago I might have stopped and listened, but time has gnarled my brain, and I can't stand outdoor music: second-rate music, poorly-played music, music that is little more than shouting at the neighbors, music made worse by a dull note-flattening reverb. Someone once wrote a piece -- I wish I could remember who -- suggesting we have too much music in our lives, that music has become inescapable, a mental burden. When I think of how much rotten music I endure every day that does seem reasonable. It's gotten so I'm even having trouble collecting CDs, the one fitfully relaxing hobby of my life.

Interesting: the Wiki folks say this work was commissioned by André Kostelanetz. Does anyone remember him? He commissioned Copland's Lincoln Portrait too -- and he was the king of cheesy listening.

Posted 4:16 PM by Gene

I can understand why the residents of this Boston ghetto might feel grumpy. Who wants to stare at a concrete wall -- especially after someone's taken your "art" away? I dislike murals because they're haunted with the ghosts of business past; but surely removing graffiti should not be about removing color. Think what a city like Boston could do if it were competently run -- and if it had a Joseph Urban at its disposal. But I dislike graffiti much worse, especially when hacks and others with quicksand for gray matter try to make it something noble through the distorted condescending reasoning of a Studs Terkel. No neighborhood should live with a concrete wall -- but dammit, no neighborhood should have to live with graffiti either, however well-intentioned.

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

The Ultimate Test of Rendellism: Ten years ago a dead Spanish industrial town enticed a trendy architect to build a sexy museum, and waited to turn into Greenwich Village. Apparently it's still waiting. These idiot burgs that hope cul-TYURE or -- GAMING can wipe out decades of decline are playing the fool's game, a game developed and patented by fools like EDDIE, who've used the flash of cul-tyure and -- GAMING to hide their grave defects as governors.

And before we start chirping of MASTERPIECES, we see where the UGLY of Dubai and Beijing got its inspiration.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Remember when GEKKO KUDLOW's hero Dick "Not Enough" Grasso wanted to spend zillions in tax dollars expanding the floor of the New York Stock Exchange? And Rudy, then something of a sap, not yet ennobled through suffering, gave in. Well wouldn't you know, today there's so little floor action that the NYSE will have closed three trading rooms in less than a year and may give up on the floor altogether. Rudy's lucky that hasn't become a campaign issue. But pray tell -- what will mannequins like Money Honey® do?

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

Now, in a hard-to-find piece, the Public Edi-tor of The Paper of Record admits George's gang should not have gotten a discount rate for their ad. Either honor the rate card -- or tear it up.

(Via -- alas -- NRO)

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

And speaking of Little Malc:

"If you want to learn how to treat your kidney stones or your kid's rash," says Bob Thompson, director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University....

Don't turn to any reporter who's busy getting an education in ignorance from Perfesser Thompson.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

You mean the Giants* wouldn't let their star* player* have his way one last time?

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Little Malcolm will sell his rag to Bono & Co., who will then inflict us with twice as many LISTS as the gang does now.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Since JonBoy and his Zeitgeist gang know so much about where Elvis is and what he's doing and his state of mind would it be too much to ask them to help us hunt him down?

Posted 10:48 PM by Gene

Henry Kravis goes to the nursing home!

And does what you might expect.

Okay, not Henry Kravis, but his kind.

It figures: Little Jeffy's in the nursing home biz too.

Posted 10:39 PM by Gene

Zeitgeist wants to heal the world!

Presumably JonBoy's trying to tear the Bugmeister from His Econowiz.

Posted 10:32 PM by Gene

EMI has formally raised the white flag on CD prices: on Tuesday it will issue a 70-CD box of Maria Callas's studio recordings -- at around $2 a disc. $18 CDs are no longer tenable.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at Delaware State!

We should have surmised as much, just as we hunched what brought this on.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

When the ASSPress of all people can report on Larry Summers's snub at UC Davis, if means the EHDYUKAYSHUNAL CYSTIM has a problem.

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

WE WILL BURY YOU!!!!!

Nicely.

Also we seem to have denied Nukeman's guards, er, spies, er, reporters visas, because we're big and mean.

Posted 2:20 PM by Gene

So -- was this subsid of China Inc. kowtowing because it's scared of China -- or because it doesn't know how to make toys?

How about a little of both?

Posted 12:30 PM by Gene

Hello? Yes dear. Well you got me at a terrible time. I'm making a speech. To the NRA. No no, not the National Restaurant Association, the National Rifle Association. Yes dear, we've been through that, but these are a bunch of good guys, and I need their votes. Well they went through 9/11 too. You're saying what? I'm shooting off my mouth? Well it's good target practice before gun nuts, and...hello? HELLO?

Posted 12:27 PM by Gene

You don't look THAT well.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

The French now seem prepared to stand against Nukeman and his coveting of the bomb. Let's see: us, the French -- and who else?

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Rex Humbard, the rare televangelist who wasn't involved in fiscal scandal, or who didn't cheat on his wife, and who will be remembered for preaching at Elvis's tacky funeral, has died. RIP.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

While gushing over the new renaissance of the Western one of PEOPLE WARNER's top publicity vice-presidents (or most likely his assistant, who provided all the quotes while he played with his keyboard) stumbles and falls over the truth -- the only way such typists ever encounter it:

Hollywood has also lost its teeming cavalry of saddle-up stars and stuntmen. Peter Fonda, who directed the fine western The Hired Hand in the 1970s and appears in the new Yuma, recalls that before shooting began, "they had what's called cowboy camp. A lot of the younger actors hadn't shot a pistol, didn't know how to ride horse. You know, it's hard to make a horse hit a mark."

Dick, we could say something -- but then you'd probably lash out at us insisting GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!, or that MICKEYMOUSE NIXON was a hero, or some such synergistic neurosis, so we won't say what we think this says.

"Americans don't like the past," says Andrew Dominik, the New Zealand-born writer-director of Jesse James. "They're O.K. with future and the present, but they can't remember anything before 1980." They see the western as a historical costume drama--Merchant Ivory in chaps.

Sorta like ad-blurbists, n'est-ce pas? Although you can remember back to 1967 -- and Bonnie and Clyde.

Dick, isn't it disappointing you couldn't have plugged another movie for PEOPLE WARNER?

Posted 7:50 PM by Gene

NO MORE ASTERISKS* IN FRISCO!

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

This singularly annoying story that The Econowiz' publisher is whispering sweet nothings into THE 100 MOST IMPORTANT POLITICAL BLOGGERS' ears before publication (let me guess: The Professor, The Bloggers of the Millennium, B. S. Defender, the Volokhheads, Kos, Joshua, Mr. Mellerdrammer, etc., etc., etc.) confirms, as if we need confirming, that bigbloggers and BIGMEDIA are one, and that both sides' principal activity is backscratching for publicity. Just because somebody is on an INFLUENTIAL list doesn't mean he's any good. Look at the TWXSTERS' listorrhea; look at ForbesList's. Yes, we're mad because after nearly five years hardly anybody reads us, but dammit what is so awe-inspiring about these chosen few that a rag with an inflated opinion of itself (largely brought on by BUGMEISTER BILL stumbling over it) has to get their attention? Wouldn't it be more honest just to pay them, the sort of thing that may happen more than we may care to know?

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Thinking of Lee the Patriot got me to devise a dual definition of patriotism:

For the conservative: I LOVE this country -- and anyone who doesn't should be SHOT!

For the liberal: Um, uh, well, I guess it's okay, but I'd rather be in Switzerland.

Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN!

UPDATE on 10/4 at 7:20 p.m.: When you've posted over 25,000 times you tend not to notice when you repeat yourself. Oh well, I still say it's a good definition.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Cultural archeologists will forever thank the author of a new work on when Boston was the Athens of America of Rock, and the boy still has his fantasies:

It’s still a great place, Milano contends, to be a fan. He ends ‘‘The Sound of Our Town’’ by chronicling a week in the life of Boston during which he sees roots singer-songwriter Dennis Brennan, local hero Peter Wolf, art-rock innovators Fluttr Effect, the punk band Darkbuster, and garage-rock darlings the Charms.

‘‘As depressing as things may look right now, that’s what I saw during a random period of a few days during a dead time of the year,’’ Milano says. ‘‘It’s pretty world-class stuff.’’

"It’s a great place to cut your teeth," gushes an admirer. Or, it would appear from this cavalcade of world-renowned immortal genius, to grit them.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

And speaking of ad-blurbists:

This is the time of year when Hollywood dumps the worst it has to offer on multiplexes, confident that not many people will visit them anyway. Judging from critics' reviews, this year is no exception. Take, for example, Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert's assessment of one of this weekend's new releases, Good Luck Chuck, which, he calls "the dirty movie of the year, slimy and scummy," and which "layers a creaky plot device on top of countless excuses to show breasts, sometimes three at a time, and is potty-mouthed and brain-damaged." A.O. Scott in the New York Times says that the movie, which stars Jessica Alba, is "a must-see for young men with a subscription to Maxim but no access to the Internet." To Michael Sragow in the Baltimore Sun, it's "a comedy about breasts made by boobs." Then there's Kyle Smith in the New York Post who describes Good Luck Chuck as "a fungal little sex comedy [that] doesn't need a review. It needs a tube of ointment and a shot of penicillin." And Michael Phillips in the Chicago Tribune figures that the film must be "some sort of humor-deprivation experiment."

But why, THUMBS® and CO., doesn't this masterwork mate your most cherished mating of words, RAUNCHY and SWEET? It sounds like the perfect CANDIDATE.

Posted 3:42 PM by Gene

Before a bullet shattered his skull in 1882, Jesse James cut a bloody swath through parts of the Midwest and the South, leaving a trail of corpses and favorable press notices in his wake.

So movie ad-blurbists have done it before!

Posted 3:04 PM by Gene

'Mutually Assured Destruction'

I couldn't think of two more deserving bull's-eyes than DAN BLATHER and SUMNER.

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

Country music singer Lee Greenwood, best known for his patriotic anthem "God Bless the USA," refused to take the stage for a concert honouring veterans, police and firefighters in a dispute over payment.

That wasn't very PATRIOTIC of you, Lee.

Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN!

(Via MyWay)

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

Major League Baseball and People Magazine have partnered on an effort that seeks to find the “Sexiest Baseball Fan Alive.”

ZELIG SELIG is a judge of SEX?

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

A warning to Philadelphia:

Police Community Support Officers are a "failed experiment" and should be scrapped, according to a senior member of the Police Federation.

He was speaking after it emerged that two PCSOs did not intervene to stop a 10-year-old boy from drowning because they were "not trained" to deal with the incident.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

We have a hunch the shooters at Delaware State knew the victims, or it's otherwise gang or crime related. If we had to guess this is one of those skools where a kind of segregation is justified in the name of history, and all it gets the students is a new form of Plessy v. Ferguson, so of course it will draw the riff-raff.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

"It's different, no question," Safer says. "We're doing stories we once wouldn't have done, all these actors and singers, but fair enough, they're part of the culture."

Don't kid yourself, Morley (easy to do on your zillions) -- plugs have always been part of 60 Minutes, even back in the days when no one watched. (Remember when?) But if you're doing lots more of all these actors and singers perhaps it's because you've done so much of Audi and Alar, not to mention the too-rare appearances of your acclaimed cast member.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

DIMWITS: The TWXSTERS are making a new SUPERTENTPOLE called Justice League of America -- starring "such A-list heroes as Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, the Flash and Green Lantern as well as the Martian Manhunter"!



And why not this Martian too?

WHY WON'T THESE IMBECILES MAKE GOOD MOVIES? KING RICHARD, BREAK UP PEOPLE WARNER!!!!!

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

Excellent!

New season off to slow start
Big debuts fail to bring in big audiences

Keep up the bad work, guys!

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

A BRILLIANT idea for WHEN Nukeman visits Ground Zero: he should be guarded EXCLUSIVELY by Jewish police officers and Secret Service!

He'll bathe ten times a day for WEEKS!

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

A subsidiary of China Inc. apologizes to China?!?

For damaging its reputation?!?!?

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

MIT student arrested at Logan, allegedly wearing a fake bomb

Uh, she wouldn't work for Cartoon Network, would she?

The woman, who identified herself as Star Simpson, a sophomore from MIT, went to Terminal C to meet her boyfriend when a Massport worker noticed what was described as wires and a circuit board protruding from her chest, authorities said. She was holding what appeared to be putty in her hand.

That sounds pretty stupid for MIT.

P. S. at 5:00 p.m.

"She said that it was a piece of art and she wanted to stand out on career day," Pare said at a news conference. "She claims that it was just art, and that she was proud of the art and she wanted to display it."

Stupider.

Plus the Feds proudly flexed their muscles again, meaning we could have had another killing for nothing. Can't these bozos use something less than deadly force? Or must we have more martyrs for the Church of PC?

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

Environmental groups target air fresheners!

We don't wonder given some of their smells.

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

Just what we need, LALA: a white female Wacko Jacko.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

America's Most PC University was within its rights to invite Nukeman, but because it's so PC what should be a straightforward decision produces more twists and turns than a curling iron, and a simple debate becomes an act of political proselytizing.

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Another brilliant paid observation from The Wizard of Oz:

Greenspan: House prices to drop much lower
Former Fed chief says it's unclear if economy is headed for recession

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Stupid people + smart technology = stupid technology.

Posted 8:36 PM by Gene

If Democrats want to win back the center, they will need to stop thinking in terms of right and left and start thinking in terms of right and wrong. You don't vote for a bill you believe is fundamentally wrong. You don't vote for an appropriations bill that kills our soldiers in the name of supporting them. You don't vote repeatedly for bills that deface the Constitution.

And reasoning like this, alas, is how we go from right and wrong to right and left.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Nukeman's "stunt" worked -- and we have no doubt he intends to drive the nail home when he shows up at Ground Zero, escaping the tomatoes and rotten eggs that will fall unintentionally on New York's finest, among the last to deserve it.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: Of course there was a surfeit of cheap politicking here, not all of it from politicians. But what kind of people would we be had we not cared?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Odd but appropriate that this two-by-four of a story struck the same week as OJ's hijinks. We will not attempt to wade into this, except to say OJ's acquittal was in no small part a result of the PC notion that as race played a heinous part in criminal prosecutions before, so it must now, to redress the balance. Lance Ito and "Rev." Al have far too much in common.

We intend to ignore it, something the highly-contented LORD KOPPEL's heirs in the news biz will try to make as difficult as possible.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

It is a powerful statement of Branson East's health that the most prominent actresses gathered for a fiercely deserved tribute to the late Betty Comden were well past Social Security. It is a further statement that one of those gathered, Adolph Green's widow Phyllis Newman, sang a song from Subways Are for Sleeping (there's a title -- ugggh!), a 1961 musical she did dressed in a towel.

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY was WELL behind his colleagues in punditing on an earth-shattering column -- and now it turns out he PLAGI -- STEALS OTHER NEWSMEN'S LINES!

Romy! Shouldn't we have an ETHICS INVESTIGATION OF SEVAREID?!?

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

The former TVNewser has -- a new TV blog!

Bill Carter, your job is safe...for now.

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

"DEVELOPING STORY" FROM THE MESS!

At news conference, Bush says MoveOn.org's Petraeus ad 'disgusting'

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Here's one man Dan Blather could never sue -- LARRY KING.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Speaking of our favorite ad rag, what's the diff between Nestlé and Moon-'n'-Stars except that the one too-big junk-TV-producing outfit isn't headquartered here?

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Congresspoops pass a piece of -- legislation that leaves out restrictions on drug ads.

The Jack Valenti of Drugs wins!

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

We don't know why Elvis would declare war on Best-Selling President Pervez; his security boys helped put him on Ed Sullivan, and he gave him his break in Vegas.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

The project by two former Axis of Evil members to turn Israel into an open-air gas chamber may have had a slight setback.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

The virtual fence along our virtual border can't even keep virtual illegals away.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

Sen. Clinton: Bill and I Are Different

Different enough not to be co-presidents?

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

We can imagine what happens when -- not if -- when Nukeman visits Ground Zero. He does an elaborate, carefully choreographed act of compassion, putting on the best "serious" look a man with a goofy face and crooked teeth can, bowing down, perhaps wiping away a non-existent tear, maybe even crossing himself (!), and then five seconds later he'll flash that idiotic we-will-bury-you grin, and back in his limousine he'll gloat about how happy he was on a certain day six years ago, and how he just pulled one on Dubya and Honorary Mayor Mike.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Is Anonymous campaigning for Clinton again?

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Ah-NULT for VIZE-PRRRRRRRESSIDENT!

Posted 9:49 PM by Gene

When Barry* Asterisk* says the man who bought his record-breaking* ball* "could have found a better way to spend three-quarters of a million dollars", who are we to disagree?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

HONORARY MAYOR MIKE RUNS FOR PRESIDENT!

Oops! Changed his mind.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Iran: Plans Ready To Bomb Israel

Time to pile on more WET NOODLES!

Wanna bet the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY is relieved?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Western Eddie says our soldiers are the cause of the problem!

Also, Western Eddie:

• said he would lift the trade embargo with Cuba in exchange for the release of political prisoners. [Which would come first, West? I think we can guess.]

• said he would consider banning assault weapons if there were an effective way to do so, although he said past efforts have been "a joke."... [We would comment on West's "humorous" campaigning but will let it pass.]

• said Republicans appeared to be giving up on outreach to minorities by refusing to attend their presidential forums and debates. "Whatever happened to their outreach to Hispanics?" he said. [Note to West: It died with the immigration "reform" bill.]

• proposed an effort to deal with $83 billion in corporate welfare much like the military's base closure commission. It "would look at all the goodies that involve corporate welfare and have an up-or-down vote like we do with base closures, because otherwise they nitpick you to death." [Unless the goodies involve our contributors or our party, then we can nitpick 'em to death as we please.]

• said he was making a "mad dash" as the third fundraising quarter ends and would raise about as much as he did in the first two quarters — $6 million-$7 million.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Developing Story: Dan Rather Suing CBS News

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That sounds like OJ suing SLIME!

He also contends that the network committed fraud by commissioning a “biased” and incomplete investigation of the flawed Guard broadcast and, in the process, “seriously damaged his reputation.”

1. NO COMMENT. 2. Of course it was incomplete; the whole point was to protect SUMNER.

Among the most egregious indignities he suffered, Mr. Rather says, was the network’s response to his request to be sent as a correspondent to the scene of Hurricane Katrina in the fall of 2005.

“Mr. Rather is the most experienced reporter in the United States in covering hurricanes,” his lawyers write in the suit. “CBS refused to send him,” thus “furthering its desire to keep Mr. Rather off the air.”



ENOUGH, COURAGE.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Of the five suggestions Mr. Dickerson gives to JFK Lincoln's campaign, the fifth is:

Raise a lot of money.

Didn't the Goddess Oprah take care about that? Maybe tending to our certain amorphousness is more important. Or do you need amorphousness to attract Goddesses?

Posted 2:18 PM by Gene

SUMNER tells THE CONSCIENCE OF FILM where he can PUT HIS REESE'S PIECES!

Does Ken Felatta think his savior knows what he's doing?

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

DRUDGE IS A DISGRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Disgraceful overemphasis added]

Hey you weren't too bad as a novelist yourself.

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

This is the flip side of tentpoles. THE CONSPIRACY makes tentpoles so it can justify hectoring us. THE CONSPIRACY hectors us so it can justify the tentpoles. Quality and the moviegoer, as always in this tug-of-war, don't matter.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

The top Republican on the House oversight committee yesterday called for an investigation into possible elections violations by the New York Times for selling an advertisement to the liberal group MoveOn.org at a reduced rate.

Which is what Henry the Waxman would do if he were in the minority.

Shut up, Rev!

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Bold cut means savings for consumers

U.S. consumers will gain little

It would appear the hacks know as much as the economists.

USAOKAY!!!!! does call The Wizard of Oz "legendary", though.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

The numbers geeks celebrate their God!

We can recall when -- now forgive us, we always have trouble with his name: Horace...Sloane? had people lining up here in Philthydelphia at Tower Books [!!!!!] for autographs of his joke book, and police had to close off the street or something, and everyone said they'd met God. Now Tower Books is no more, and you don't hear of Herbert...Stone either. (I'm sure that was his name!)

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

OOOH, people at the Big C are worried SLIME will knock 'em dead with His CEO worship, screaming stock pickers and overactive graphics! Errrrr, isn't that what the Big C does?

Just what we need -- two CNBCs: a CNBC and a CNBC with ATTITUDE.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Speaking of, THE CONSPIRACY is churning out more $50 billion B movies.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Doesn't this look like a scary vision from one of those $50 billion B movies THE CONSPIRACY always churns out?

At first we thought it was just smog.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

"The bottom line is we must persevere; we must not surrender; we must not quit and run away. God bless our troops and everyone involved in the 'No Surrender' rally there in Charleston."

...sez the man who ran from Saddam.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Kolledges keep churning out IGNAHRAYMUSSES, but since this study comes from A CON-SER-VA-TIVE SOURCE, we can 1. Ignore it because it's not our politics or 2. Ignore it because it says what we fear to be true.

P. S. In comments -- and we rarely pay attention to them in any Web site as the bulk seem to come from those with a third-grade education -- a likely college professor writes:

THE CLINTONS CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED THE VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY AS SOMETHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! UNDER THE AEGIS OF A MODERN DAY GOEBBELS—AND I SPEAK OF KARL ROVE—CONSERVATIVES AND RADICAL CHRISTIANISTS CREATE AND PARROT A PLETHORA OF LIES ABOUT ANYTHING THEY PERCEIVE AS LIBERAL AS BEING AN UNAMERICAN CONDUIT FOR TREASON AND IMMORALITY!!!!! THE TACTIC IS A PAGE OUT OF THE NAZI PLAYBOOK AND IT IS DEFTLY EXECUTED THROUGHOUT ALL FORMS OF MEDIA AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS!!!!!!!!! ITS PERMUTATIONS METASTISIZE LIKE CANCER, SPREADING DEMONIZING LIES INTO OUR CIVIL DISCOURSE. THE GOAL IS DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE: POLARIZE THE CULTURE INTO GOOD VS. EVIL. IT IS TOTATLITARIANISM WRIT LARGE, AND IT IS HAPPENING TO US, TODAY, AND IF IT IS NOT STOPPED WILL DESTROY AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Slight overemphasis added]

Although another contributor rationally links the problem to our HY SKOOLS, but they're in the business of not leaving anyone behind right now.

Or was "Stroke" taking the day off?

In fairness though to the YOUNUHVERSUHTEES, it's likely KOLLEDGES have churned out IGNUHRAYMUSSES for some time, and they might not be entirely at fault. (See? We can read an article from the KRONIKUL UV HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN!)

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Some "'well known athletes and entertainers'" had better be looking for a lawyer, if they don't have one already.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Speaking of screams: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

The Most E-Mailed Story on nytimes.com:

1. Times to Stop Charging for Parts of Its Web Site

Here's thinking it takes a little while for the beloved nuisances like Frank "Stroke" Rich and Maureen "What'd She Say?" Dowd to get their modo -- er, mojo working. After two years people might not know where to find them. Even a few screams from "Stroke" over the Nazi in the White House may not be enough. If we've learned to live without them for two years we can learn to live without them even when they're available.

Posted 2:53 PM by Gene

LOOK OUT, WIZARD OF OZ -- HERE COMES BEN!!!!!

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

How can you turn a real hero into another Ann Coulter/Keith O eyeball roller? Simple -- get GREG to do it! When Satch let Ike have it in '57 over his civil rights bumbling, we can be sure Ike deserved it, first because Satch never got mad at anybody, and second because Ike at his frequent worst was a muddle-headed mumble-mouthed incompetent (or, as con-SER-va-tives put it, an "underrated president"). Well! GREG just found out about this -- indeed, we suspect Greg just found out who Satch was; what's more if we had to guess Greg's musical taste we'd say it's the left-wing equivalent of that sap who sings "Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYN!" -- or maybe BARRY MANILOW or the STARLAND VOCAL BAND. Anyway, Satch's heroism now becomes suspect because an undoubted total philistine and political hack like GREG has found out about it, and emotes over it. Despite this, in our book, it doesn't hurt Satch one iota -- and it doesn't hurt Greg with us either, as he's already a little below where the DREGS are.

Posted 1:49 PM by Gene

Here you think someone's defined the meaning of "scum" and then someone comes along and redefines it a little lower.

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

The Senior Senator of America takes a very principled stand.

(Via -- oh well -- The Corner)

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

The good news:

WGA talks hold little optimism

The bad news: America's masterpiece scribblers may work without a contract, GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

We hacks also seem to have an alibi with O.J.: it was a "set-up." That would excuse the guy waving guns and screaming, definitely.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

The hacks are raising a stink at CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the EMMYS. This would seem to be a new twist in the news hacks' war against the readers: losing circ in a big way, they've decided to go down with the ship with all guns blazing. We wouldn't know whether FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!! was HEAVY-HANDED -- but then neither on the evidence would too many other people.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

One of the Long Island elite has built a -- huge house, and the neighbors are not pleased.

Imagine "need[ing] a golf cart to go from room to room." But then someone like Honorary Mayor Mike could do Ira one better and require a helicopter.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

More earth-shattering news from the ASSPress:

Digital 'Smiley Face' Turns 25

Posted 8:21 PM by Gene

Universal health care now seems inevitable. The question isn't whether it will be government-run; it's how government-run.

Posted 7:51 PM by Gene

RIP TIMESREJECT!

Now we have to endure all those blowhards again!

PINCH! You did this on PURPOSE!

Posted 6:58 PM by Gene

MySpace has proven itself a great place to meet perverts and catch up with people you hated in high school, but its value as a music-marketing tool remains largely up in the air. Yes, Lily Allen and the Arctic Monkeys supposedly sprang to life thanks to the behemoth social-networking site, but the fact that 98 percent of the people reading this right now just saw those names for the first time kind of negates their success.

Why bother continuing after that one?

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

Another reason for The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers to take OUR money and burn it, shred it, give it to winos, or send it on a rocket to the farthest reaches of the universe:

None of the most-watched commercials by TiVo viewers in July appeared in top-ranking programs, according to results from TiVo's StopWatch feature.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

Scottish Student Guilty in Terror Case

...who speaks in a M----m brogue.

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

Chinese police were searching Monday for a man suspected of intentionally setting off explosives at a restaurant where he had invited dozens of guests, killing nine people and injuring 25, a police statement said.

And if convicted he'll be almost as harshly treated as a dissident. Pfffffffffft!

Attacks using homemade bombs in business disputes or personal grudges are reported frequently in China, where most gun ownership is illegal but explosives are widely available.

If I were a Democrat I'd say, let's BAN BOMBS!

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Speaking of effete, EFFETE EDELSTEIN STARTS A "BLOG"!

Isn't pouring out adjectives for SUPERADAM!!!!! enough?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

“We’ve got to get the money out of politics somehow, so we might as well hire a lot of lawyers and accountants.”

HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

DESSON auditions for The New Yorker!

Watch out, Tony and Mistah DEN-BEH -- the WaPost has found somebody who could be a lot more foolishly pretentiously pliant than YOU!

A NEUHARTISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO -- OOOH, they got me.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

You don't suppose the wake for THE GREATEST ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT IN THE HISTORY OF MAN had something to do with the record-low ratings, would you?

Or was it just the superb quality of TV in general?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Another reason we need "scientists":

Survey: Men wash hands less than women

...and crusading newspapers whose owners are at ten-year lows.

I'd rather read about O.J.