Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Posted
10:52 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Hypocrites again.
Posted
7:11 PM
by Gene
An odd sight: Outside the Academy tonight dozens of overmade-up strangely look-alike girls demonstrated an appalling lack of taste with short skirts (many fringed) and unappealing colors (lots of gray) and metallic high-heels this side of the disco age. One could call them tarts; I won't. At first I thought it was ballet but I remembered cultural events at our AHTS COMPLEX are off-limits to people under 65. No, these were students at a second-string university studying to be fashion designers and joining their no-doubt Walter Mittyish president in honoring Tommy Hilfiger. Last year at a similar event they honored an alumnus, his boss at Phillips-Van Heusen. Another honoree is the head of the Carl Icahn factotum Federal-Mogul (paaaaaaaaaaaarts for sale), which may not have much to do with Tommy Hilfiger. REALLY GUYS.... Anyway, the girls chatted and draped arms around one another and took pictures, and while many were no doubt airheads (certainly so designated by their dress) they had such an obvious bursting exquisitely feminine joie de vivre as to remind a sad middle-aged white male he was forlornly looking for a reason to live.
Posted
2:37 PM
by Gene
Rosie said in an interview with Access Hollywood there was only one hitch to her sharing the screen with Shia LaBeouf: she's taller than him. She said, "I had to wear heels the whole way through filming, and when it came to our kissing scene I said, 'Michael, please let me take my shoes off!'" But the director wouldn't allow it: "He said, 'No, you're giving small men across America hope.'" Well, so long as there's hope.
Posted
10:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
Who says you can't take it with You, St.?
Posted
10:25 AM
by Gene
He fits that sleazy loudmouth THE TRUMPSTER better than He thinks. If THE DONALD becomes president he should appoint CAS as His press secretary. Ol' Shag-Carpet Hair could say stupid things and CAS could say stupid things. It would be a non-stop...riot. Friday, April 29, 2011
Posted
1:59 PM
by Gene
FIRE MOGUL'S FRIEND!
Posted
10:53 AM
by Gene
SNL: Skewering pols for 35 years So have the Capitol Steps, we think. Isn't it time to retire both of them?
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
I was about to say there goes the social-conservative vote but THE DONALD isn't the only buffoon in or around the party.
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
Geez, and you have so much in common -- wanting to rule the world, hating the people, trying to lock up your enemies in prisons -- why can't you three make up and be united about it? "Wistful" P. S. at 6:35 p. m. "The political controversy on the role of the state in the economy is raging in full force today," said Soros, "but the standards of political discourse have greatly deteriorated since then." The two opposing sides in politics "have each got hold of one half of the truth." "Although I am often painted as the representative of the far left and I am certainly not free of political bias," said Soros, "I readily recognize that the other side is half right in claiming that the government is wasteful and inefficient and ought to function better. But I also continue to cling to the other half of the truth, namely that financial markets are inherently unstable and need to be regulated. Moreover, I am profoundly worried that those who proclaim half truths as the whole truth, whether they are from the left or the right, are endangering our open society." Noble sentiments, George -- but they might have been nobler if you hadn't been at the center of the BUSHHITLER brigade, and if you had used your vast wealth to help build up our political smarts, instead of loudly and relentlessly dumbing us down. And yes, that goes for your former friends too. P. P. S.
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
I’d say that the Fed’s policy is to do nothing about unemployment because RON PAUL IS NOW THE CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE SUBCOMMITTEE ON MONETARY POLICY!!!!!!!!!! [Do-nothing overemphasis added] You mean HE runs the Fed? (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
The New York Fed in December revised rules for its board of directors to avert conflicts of interest. As BEN and Very Very Littler Jeffy know, the best conflicts of interest are the ones you can't see!
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
Hasn't PEANUT long ago passed the point where he's too old to change anything?
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
NBC’S BRIAN WILLIAMS RETURNS TO U.S. FROM LONDON TO COVER AFTERMATH OF DEADLY SOUTHERN STORMS!!!!!!!!!! [Rush-rush overemphasis added] Now after having spoken non-stop for three days will he be in voice? Thursday, April 28, 2011
Posted
10:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
FORE! (Via FinViz)
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
It's official: BEN has it BOTH WAYS! DOW 570 GIGAMEGAHYPERQUADRAZILLION!!!!!
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
(Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!, who knows something about daydreams) Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
Sony has won a bidding war for Scott Neustadter and Michael Weber's royal-wedding-themed comedy, paying seven-figure sum for the pitch, TheWrap has learned. The "500 Days of Summer" writers had received multiple offers. Matt Tolmach is producing. Andrea Giannetti and Doug Belgrad will oversee for the studio. Who'll oversee the losses?
Posted
4:54 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
This will not stop people looking for conspiracies, but thankfully they will now more resolutely group themselves with the TRUTHERS.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
No no no no no: the free market won -- by declaring AYNISM a non-starter at the popcorn restaurants. Or is the free market unfree when it turns against Aynists?
Posted
8:21 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Posted
7:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:25 PM
by Gene
That and "Can I have your autograph?"
Posted
6:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
Well, it DID, for a little bit. CLOUD Cuckooland Lives!
Posted
6:06 PM
by Gene
By the way, how many remember Walter Lippmann -- outside this lyric from Pal Joey: "Zip! Walter Lippmann wasn't brilliant today!"? (Via NEWSER!, which agrees the voters are retards -- is WOLFFMAN!!!!! still there?)
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
![]() We suspect in twenty years many people will remember MONEY HONEY®!!!!! and KATIE!!!!! equally well -- which will be about as many people as remember THIS GUY today. What we intend to do shortly: post a list of media types who were famous twenty or thirty years ago who are question marks above the head now. Here's a starter: MAX ROBINSON?!?!? And while we're at it, a suggestion to AOL: Buy HENRY HONEST!!!!!'s -- or better still, have him PAY YOU to MERGE! P. S. If it helps anyone's memory, THIS GUY starred in the original production of HOW TO SUCCEED IN HOGWARTS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
A challenge to con-SER-va-tives: Stop calling them HEROES, or BLAMELESS, or with EUPHEMISMS.
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Monday, April 25, 2011
Posted
8:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
Everything's going to be alright. I hope so with that spelling. P. S. My spell check caught everything's.
Posted
4:28 PM
by Gene
Global sales of recorded music fell another nine percent last year, according to the IFPI (International Federation of the Recording Industry). Various estimates put the drop in annual sales over the last decade at somewhere between 60 and 70 percent, and IFPI estimates that 19 of every 20 tracks downloaded is pirated. Fewer new artists are breaking through, too. Sales by debut artists in the global top 50 album chart in 2010 were just one quarter of the level they achieved in 2003. [PRAAAAAAAAAISE GOD!] Those that do succeed are frequently lamented for a perceived lack of talent. Setting aside it may often be more than merely perceived, our professor shares with us this deadly factoid: Copyrighted material is now the largest export of the United States. While God's Servants would undoubtedly disagree, think of it -- aside from dubious financial instruments, our biggest export is now JUNK MOVIES, TV AND NOISE!
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:08 PM
by Gene
(Daily Mail and TWXSTER links via Jo-NAHdom) Sunday, April 24, 2011
Posted
11:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
Truly, it is an entitlement to work for ED MURROW. The saucy "Daily Show" correspondent spent her Tuesday evening at Pure nightclub in Caesars Palace Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, enclosed in a VIP section with Ultimate Fighting Championship founder Dana White and supermodel Selita Ebanks. [Why all the links, MORT ZUCK?] And to think ED the FIRST was friends with Bogie and Coop, not to mention Marlene and Mrs. Harriman! This, ED the SECOND, is no contest -- YOU WIN!
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
(Via TINA!) Saturday, April 23, 2011
Posted
2:38 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED! WE'LL CORRUPT POLITICIANS ANY WAY WE CHOOSE!
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
Say Your Incompetence! Nice Vietnam You landed us into -- and Yours doesn't even have COMMIES!
Posted
1:48 PM
by Gene
Lots of others were! (Via NEWSER!)
Posted
11:13 AM
by Gene
And what's wrong with sitting in the Riviera with your unjustly earned zillions? Friday, April 22, 2011
Posted
9:15 PM
by Gene
ANN, Ann, now that you've hyperventilated you've made it all but inevitable ROCK mu-SICK cri-TICS will get the beloved P-Ulitzers -- they'll probably be the only ones to get them -- but that doesn't make the truth you accidentally uttered any less true: such cri-TICS engage in extraneous, self-indulgent work, making immortals of temporal no-talents, using up more than the God-given supply of adjectives and syllables and pretensions; but PLEASE, Ann, cut the melodrama; in time their extraneous self-indulgence will be RICHLY awarded, as it has elsewhere in the NEWS BIZ.
Posted
8:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: He didn't say anything.
Posted
12:22 PM
by Gene
MORT ZUCK runs a story on a woman who's set an alleged record in plastic surgeries. The only comment thus far starts, "I dunno how this made 'news'." We dunno either. DVFORBESLISTBLOG, not content to run a story on one of those all-time zillionaire villains who must own every sports team in sight and flatters the BONOVIANS by not talking to the press, runs this typing about bringing the Dodgers back to Brooklyn because Brooklyn's "HIP". I've got a better idea: Let's bring the Faberge eggs back to the Forbeses! THE TWXSTERS say in so many words they'll let THE DONALD determine how much He's worth. You'd think news hacks would want to make a fuss over this, given how THEY appoint our president, but His publicity value TRUMPS making a fuss any day. THE WAX tries to justify the wall-to-wall junk her CLIENTS intend to justify THE WEDDING with by running "GUESSTIMATES" of how many people watched certain big TV events, which reminds us of that old saw about lies, damned lies and TV EXECS. THE GAHHHHHHHHHHDIAN runs another of those intolerable think pieces AHTSJournal MUST link to, saying how wonderful it is that our language is accreting with slang no one will remember in fifteen years. Hey Johnny, you think we'll still be using "sheening" then? Shakespeare's full of obsolete words. Some words sound good for a short time, but without an occasional cleaning and polishing they lose all meaning. And most people aren't Shakespeares. Writers can't avoid what the OED called "nonce" words -- we use too many ourselves -- but it's best to stick with the tried-and-true so that you won't require a slang dictionary in fifty years. Thursday, April 21, 2011
Posted
11:05 PM
by Gene
JERRY BECK, TAKE A BOW! (Even if the cartoon has a misspelling.)
Posted
2:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:38 PM
by Gene
Yum Brands Inc. executives said Thursday that Taco Bell, their most profitable U.S. chain, hasn't recovered from the impact of a lawsuit, since dropped, over the beef content of its taco filling. STOCK UP FIVE PERCENT!!!!! Scores of websites and Internet services like Foursquare and Reddit are down or have limited availability because of problems at a data center run by Amazon.com. NO PROBLEM -- THAT STOCK'S UP TOO!!!!!
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Since when has The Econowiz become a house organ for His Incompetence?
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Which reminds us -- hope You lose more money on TURN OUT THE LIGHTS!
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
P. S. at 11:08 a. m. Analysts noted GE's 6 percent rise in revenue -- which came across all divisions -- may have been inflated by a change in its fiscal calendar that added six days to the first quarter. Sorry Very Littler Jeffy -- you're STILL not LEGENDARY WELCH. P. P. S. at 11:11 a. m. LEGENDARY could buy SIX COMPANIES in ONE DAY! Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:17 PM
by Gene
This is precisely the sort who's a hero to the sons of b -- DOUGLAS who think vagrancy is the expression of a noble spirit. If the Chief Social Engineer weren't preoccupied he'd take him up as pro-bono work. When Bell was questioned by the police, he responded, "I probably did that," according to the report. TRANSLATION: Try and convict me!
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
This DVFORBESLISTBLOG typist finds that wonderful. Don't we have enough cliques, even with memberships of one?
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Just so long as It doesn't have to hire anybody. Monday, April 18, 2011
Posted
8:03 PM
by Gene
at? Needless to say the MIRACLE OF MOUNTAIN VIEW is in on the act: ![]()
Posted
7:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:55 PM
by Gene
Reds pitcher Mike Leake was arrested on a shoplifting charge at a downtown department store Monday, accused of trying to steal six shirts with a total value of $59.88.... Police arrest reports said Leake removed the price tags from six American Rag T-shirts at a Macy's store and tried to leave without paying for them. Leake makes $425,000 in his second season in the majors. Guy, if you're going to shoplift couldn't you trade up?
Posted
9:57 AM
by Gene
When our public life becomes something no one can take seriously, we get DONALDS.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
Wildhorn cooks up boy-band numbers for Jack and his fellow knights, who look like refugees from a Ralph Lauren Polo campaign. (These are among the few occasions choreographer Marguerite Derricks appears to be awake, aping moves more cleverly parodied in Altar Boyz.) There’s generic Latino pop for El Gato, laid-back Prince-style funkadelics for the Caterpillar, a screechy anthem out of the Bonnie Tyler/Jim Steinman playbook for the Mad Hatter, and an old-school showstopper for the Queen, with nods to Gypsy, The Music Man and South Pacific. This show needs no help underlining its inferiority to classic musicals. In amongst all this is the occasional insipid ballad for Alice and Chloe. Something for everyone -- a comedy tonight!
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
As well it might given His Incompetence is in office.
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
We wouldn't gloat so hard, TINA!!!!! -- not with SIX PAGES OF ADS and your SUGAR DADDY gone. Does America need more than one newsrag -- The Econowiz?
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
Our rejoinder: Stocks have doubled! What, we worry? Sunday, April 17, 2011
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
1. "A former network executive" burps: The first decade of the 2000s has been dubbed "The Reality Era," but it was really an era of choice. If you want serious drama, there's "Mad Men," "Six Feet Under" or "The Wire"; if it's intelligent comedy try "The Daily Show"or "Curb Your Enthusiasm"; if it's tightly plotted thrillers, how about "True Blood" or "Damages?" If you prefer to not be sure what you're watching, try "Carnivale." [Only $110 for ALL THREE SETS!] And, of course, "reality" shows of every stripe filled the screen -- some being high-quality efforts such as "The Amazing Race" and "American Idol" and others that were just -- well -- odd. Whole networks are now devoted to the genre. If Newton Minow couldn't find something to like in this plethora of choice, tailored to so many tastes -- highbrow and low-brow -- perhaps he'd need to rethink his definition of a "wasteland." It's been a storm-tossed journey, but we've come a long way from "Gilligan's Island." [Links added] Just one problem -- people now have to pay hundreds of dollars for what by rights the networks should have delivered for free. Their dropping the ball helped lead to "57 CHANNELS AND NOTHIN' ON", a number that threatens to approach 57,000. We might add "CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED" does NOT equal GOOD. We might further add if searching for quality television is now a full-time occupation in its own right what's the point? And we would not have gone to the trouble of collecting links for these MASTERPIECES' ratings if people watched them. They are old but generally the numbers top out at 4 million -- 1.3 percent of the current U. S population. And they are frequently much lower. But then we do expect TV executives, present or former, to be IGNORAMUSES. 2. The CRAINIACS try to get their clients in gear by boasting that SOCIAL MEDIA LEAD TO APPOINTMENT VIEWING!!!!! Well when you see a buzzword you know it can't be long in the article before its authors contradict themselves: [C]hatter doesn't always translate to ratings. Digital agency Wiredset recently launched social-media tracker Trendrr.TV to rank TV shows based on full-week volume of tweets, Facebook posts and check-ins for GetGlue and Miso, two mobile startups that aim to corral TV chatter. On that chart, for the same week, "Idol" and "Dancing with the Stars" are top-three social-media shows; they also top Nielsen's list for most viewers. However, "Glee," while No. 2 on Trendrr.TV, was No. 77 on Nielsen's top-watched broadcast prime-time list for the same week. TRANSLATION: Faddish social media won't help programs with "huge" audiences because they don't need it, and they won't help CULT PROGRAMS because their audiences are too small. 3. Brian -- who can always be counted on to assume the missionary position with potential advertisers -- says someday we'll get to see ANYTHING ON TV!!!!!!!!!! We would remind this DIMWIT that typical ratings for most TV shows are single-digit -- and sometimes not even that, which you'll get when your first order of business is to prod us to see ANYTHING ON TV!!!!!!!!!! And judging from 16,800 Google links we'd say DOC-TOR PONDILLO is yearning to be the next PERFESSER THOMPSON -- that is to say, a complete ALWAYS-ON JERK. P. S. Hmmm, six months ago the BLITHERING JACKASS BRIAN was saying, "[A]s TV becomes much more disparate and personal, thanks to new technology, family-friendly content may have more sway." I guess the pimps sang a different tune last week. ![]() A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO BRIAN!
Posted
1:46 PM
by Gene
![]() A pose of exceptional shrewdness. By putting her hand over her mouth Keira somewhat obscures her very masculine jaw. She actually looks...appealing. If Keira were as good looking below the upper lip...but we don't expect ANY female ac-TOR to be good looking these days.
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
A PLAGUE O'BOTH YOUR HOUSES!
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: NUKEMAN's stronger than ever.
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
![]() As I've said a zillion times before, good news for show-biz is bad news for the rest of us -- especially now that it's a glorified ward of the state. So okay, SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, you've got your GOOD NEWS!!!!!, but even you have to remind us the weekend was led off by a 3D babysitter, and there's still a vast indifference to most of the also-rans -- and even if your industry came out ahead $30 million a week for the next twenty weeks you'd still be behind for the year. Uncritical teens and parents will pull this undeserving industry from its rut, but we still would like to think this time will be different.
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Posted
9:35 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: No one can serve in government for more than fifty-two years. The proposal was made toward the end of a 2 1/2 hour speech.... Here's another idea, Raul: No speech can last longer than two-and-a-half hours -- or fifty-two years, whichever is longer.
Posted
1:38 PM
by Gene
(Via NEWSER!, which calls him WALTER MONDAY! [See the URL])
Posted
12:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:10 AM
by Gene
Friday, April 15, 2011
Posted
6:23 PM
by Gene
(Via NEWSER!, which was no doubt full of giggles)
Posted
2:20 PM
by Gene
I felt a new emotion while watching this: sympathy for Brian Mulroney. I didn’t mind so much that Dan Redican’s script treats our former prime minister as an egotistical clown – editorial cartoonists did as much, or worse – but for Alexina Louie to give so colourful a man nothing memorable or interesting to sing seems too cruel. Mulroney: The Opera is really a musical with operatic in-jokes....Most musicals live or die by good tunes, and there are a few in Mulroney. Unfortunately, they’ve all been repurposed from operas by the likes of Mozart, Bizet and Puccini. When cultural anthropolgists five hundred years hence disinter the corpse of today's AH-pe-RA from its unmarked grave they'll marvel that so many people wrote in-jokes, and that so many raved about the in-jokes -- but mostly that "composers" had to steal profusely to pad their nonexistent scores, or worse, showed their lack of talent for all the world, like a minimally-endowed flasher.
Posted
11:55 AM
by Gene
I think he's taught us enough.
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
A couple of Sundays ago I had a gnarly mood swing in front of the telly. It happened while Kate Winslet was frowning and mumbling her way through the third episode of Mildred Pierce, the HBO miniseries directed by Todd Haynes. Though meticulously art-directed, this rendering of the James M. Cain pulp novel is the polar opposite of the archly fabulous 1945 movie that won Joan Crawford an Oscar. All the heavy maquillage, gut-busting histrionics and scenery-blocking shoulder pads of that classic film noir have been replaced by soft, Depression-era mossy tones and a relentlessly faithful-to-the-original-novel screenplay. In an effort to avoid cheesy pastiche, Haynes has stripped away the sizzle and the style and the Eve Ardens and the Butterfly McQueens, and replaced them with—quelle horreur!—authenticity. Halfway through, I could stand it no more. I turned to my dog Liberace and I screeched, "You know what's wrong with this show don't you? It's not bloody camp enough!"
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
And if there is any comfort, these guys will always have many, many more chances to get themselves incarcerated -- and BEN can't run the show FOREVER.
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
I’ve read Obama’s books, and they are first-rate. He is that rara avis, the politician who writes his own books. Imagine.... [H]aving a first-class temperament and a first-class intellect, President Obama will (I pray, secularly) surely understand that traditional left-politics aren’t going to get us out of this pit we’ve dug for ourselves. THE GREATEST SATIRIC NOVELIST'S words grow funnier and funnier every day -- perhaps the only funny words he ever wrote.
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
[I]n rushing William & Kate, the two-hour telepic airing Monday, into production, the makers of this incredibly awful movie seem to have skimped on everything—there’s a lackluster script, paint-by-numbers plotting, and hilariously inauthentic locations (UCLA’s Royce Hall repeatedly stands in for Scotland’s University of St Andrews, though the producers have attempted to recreate the “cursed” cobblestone initials of martyr Patrick Hamilton).
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
And below that in Romy, the University of Colorado is closing a "j-school", and we suggest if every last j-school closed newshackery might actually improve. Alas, it appears the skool is creating something like a Department of Media, meaning the tax gouging and student bankrupting can happily continue. Thursday, April 14, 2011
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
"One Life to Live" won the Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series in 2002. Its daytime firsts include stories of interracial romance, illiteracy, medical misdiagnosis, racial prejudice, gang violence and teen pregnancy. Among its most celebrated storylines was one in 1992 about a gay teen (the then-unknown Ryan Phillippe) that culminated with the display of the Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation named it Outstanding Daytime Drama in 1993, 2005 and 2010. Here in a nutshell is one reason ESPNCORP is canceling these soaps, and why the genre won't last much longer. These programs started as simple escapism and ultimately TACKLED ISSUES. This is the equivalent of news hacks TELLING THE TRUTH. We'd like to chart the ratings in general of the soaps in the last thirty years -- we suspect they share something with the NIGHTLY NEWS. Certainly they wouldn't have been taped in the back of a broom closet with one camera if they still resonated with viewers. And while we truly believe The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers doesn't give a damn what it finances one can understand a very few of its members might find it easier to TACKLE ISSUES through "reality" shows than scripted dramas. We feel sorry for the fans who've invested their lives and their mental health in these soaps; as for the rest of us, we won't miss a thing. “Because of all the amazing new series programming that is available to the viewer, it just can’t compete.” Okay Talent Agent Jeff, if all this new series programming is so amazing why is drawing a 1.0 RATING an immortal achievement these days?
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
Our favorite Dot single is "Transfusion."
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
Another future bankruptcy. Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Posted
9:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:59 PM
by Gene
Of course He could have a reason: He's been saving up to run for president. P. S. The political press must make coverage decisions in a world with limited editorial resources. In doing so, no metric is perfect - some undeserving candidates will be elevated, while other deserving candidates won't get their due. But those should be the close cases. What we're seeing now is ludicrous. It's as if the financial ability to one day launch a quixotic, ultimately failed third-party bid for the White House itself compels the press to cover your campaign from day one. Ludicrous is the news hack's middle name. (First link via NEWSER!!!!!)
Posted
7:52 PM
by Gene
Observers have speculated for years that Apple will enter the $100 billion market for LCD television sets. To date, however, Apple has only flirted with the market with the $99 Apple TV, which Apple Chief Steve Jobs has described as a “hobby.” That will change the moment Apple unveils a television set.”The [SIC] combination of Apple’s powerful ecosystem, industrial design savvy, powerful brand and ability to reinvent product categories could make Apple a powerful force in the TV world over the next few years!!!!!!!!!!” White wrote. [Powerful ovemphasis added] I'd never bet against STEVEDOM, but it could also be Its Waterloo. White has a buy-rating and a 12-month price target of $550 on Apple shares. When do we get to really hate the Wall Street Casino again?
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
But to avoid painting him in caricature, we must say hi-fi would not have been the same without him. The Lord God Steve owes HIS wealth to him -- and audiophiles their thrilling neurotic obsessions.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
What's this mean, Romy -- that He too can start a national panic? And that business about War of the Worlds is apparently FALSE. P. S. The Rev. Dr. BECK was born in 1964 -- and He "grew up" listening to radio shows first broadcast in the late 1930s? How often were they on? P. P. S. Some have already noted the fact that Rev.'s linked Himself to a hoax -- but we might further remind our three surfers He's also linked himself to a COMMIE! “Marc Blitzstein,” said Orson Welles in 1984, “was almost a saint. He was so totally and serenely convinced of the Eden which was waiting for us all [on] the other side of the Revolution that there was no way of talking politics to him. He didn't care who was in the Senate, or what Mr. Roosevelt said – [Roosevelt] was just the spokesman for the bourgeoisie! When he came into the room the lights got brighter. He was an engine, a rocket, directed in one direction which was his opera [The Cradle Will Rock] – which he almost believed had only to be performed to start the Revolution.” Make a few substitutions and NUF SAID. Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Posted
8:17 PM
by Gene
Half-a-dozen of the other: Romy yelling, "Salon.com linked to Barry's story and pointed out the CONSERVATIVE!!!!! college got more government cash than NPR last year! NYAAAAAAAAH NYAH NYAH NYAAAAAAAAAH NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" SIX OF ONE....
Posted
8:13 PM
by Gene
Walmarts and STEVEDOMS can make it real!
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:24 PM
by Gene
And speaking of dimwits, this self-imagined number two to SUPERNIKKI!!!!! demonstrates why he deserves a better job -- and certainly merits one away from Web sites: Oblivion premise didn't fit the studio's family film mandate. Attempts to bring it in as a PG film was creatively strangling the project. It will be made as PG-13. Say SUPERMIKE!!!!!, how did they manage such things before ST. JACK OF VALENTI? Maybe that's another reason for those RECORD GROSSES. ![]() NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARDS TO DAILYMAIL.CO.UK AND SUPERMIKE!!!!!
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Advertisers have an obligation to be devoid of common sense. This ad was part of a campaign. Other executions included an attractive man (that ad ran on Saturday) and an attractive house. In each case, the idea was that things remain attractive even when “used” – so why not get a used car. I repeat....
Posted
10:49 AM
by Gene
OR....
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! (The usual Romy link)
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
BANKRUPTCY FOR TINA!!!!!
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
But some of the worst-sounding trims are not quite what they seem, and officials said they would not necessarily result in lost jobs or service cutbacks. In several cases, what look like large reductions are actually accounting gimmicks. Double. Monday, April 11, 2011
Posted
8:30 PM
by Gene
But we did find this happy news in Politico.com: Jonathan Alter out at Newsweek That probably means the last of the scribblers who worshipped at the smelly feet of THE WONKY WHISKEY WHINER is gone. Good riddance!
Posted
8:17 PM
by Gene
Even the people who are supposed to distract us but lack the talent for it engage in their own cartooning. Why THE BOSS should counter Snooki at Rotgut -- Rutgers is beyond us -- pardon our Spanish but it's a pompous ass countering an ass with a well-developed ass. Bloviating on the "hypocrisy" of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE DYLAN is words wasted; given how news hacks love Him I'd say He's stood foursquare with THE MAN for some time. As for TGSM -- he isn't inferior enough to warrant comment, but SI pays too well, and you never know it might need another pontificator. So this is a cartoon age. Unfortunately, most of the people who must live in it are all too real.
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
![]() Aren't these two truth tellers starting to look almost as old as the audience for denture-adhesive ads? Sunday, April 10, 2011
Posted
6:53 PM
by Gene
Hate to say it but it sounds like something from Mel Brooks. Congratulations whatever the name -- at least it wasn't TGSM.
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
![]() A photo like this reminds me of what could be in show-biz, and what today too often is, and is yet another in the endless hints that the continuing movee B. O. dropoff is more than a fluke of the schedule. Or to put it another way, those who can "sing" can't act (we don't consider emitting technopop through your nose singing), those who can act can't sing, and those of either persuasion have no looks. We confess to daydreaming too much of a woman combining the innocent charm of the young Debbie Reynolds, the beauty and voice of the young Jeannette MacDonald, the seductiveness of MM or Liz and the flat-out sex appeal of BB or Sophia, plus being supersmart like Hedy Lamarr -- and we used to have each of those. Why not now? While we think of it, anyone who can reel off the names of dozens and dozens of pop stars from the last thirty years almost certainly has no musical taste. Saturday, April 09, 2011
Posted
7:45 PM
by Gene
Any wonder the hacks are rooting for TGSM to win?
Posted
6:48 PM
by Gene
Winner: The troops and military families. The possibility of soldiers fighting and dying while not being paid was one of the most significant factors that spurred the 11th-hour agreement Friday night. And by focusing at least for a few hours on them, Congress and the American people were reminded that we are at war, and that real Americans are fighting and dying. Loser: Washington. Nowhere else could a process that ended more than half a year after it was supposed to, and resulted in minuscule cuts as compared to an anticipated $1.5 trillion deficit, end up with the participants congratulating themselves for beating an arbitrary deadline by 65 minutes after spending the day beating up on one another in public. This sausage-making was ugly, and it reminded Americans that their government is still badly divided, and often only able to work in crisis mode. And a fiscal crisis is coming, if not here already. The way this was handled does not inspire much confidence for looming donnybrooks over the 2012 budget and deficit ceiling.
Posted
10:53 AM
by Gene
Friday, April 08, 2011
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
Calm down, Throttlebottom! We want you around for years and years as AMERICA'S GRANDPA!
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:40 PM
by Gene
You're going to the MOON, Ben! BANG! ZOOM!
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
The stars appear to be enjoying themselves, even when they're recycling groaners that Mel Brooks could barely get away with back in the '80s. (Fabious: "Come be gay with me and father!" Thadeous: "But I don't want to be gay!"). When Portman finally shows up as Isabel, a warrior on her own quest, she appears to be parodying her super-serious performance in the second "Star Wars" trilogy. At the screening I attended, there was much speculation about whether she employed a body double for a heavily CGI'd rear shot wearing nothing but a thong. (My guess: without a doubt.) But then Mr. THUMBS® comes along and spoils it all: One strange thing about the movie is the relentless obscenity. I don't have the slightest difficulty with the f-word or most other words, as themselves. What I don't understand is why almost every single sentence has to be filled with them. Why is that funny? Was I supposed to be “shocked”? Was it intended as daring? It's puerile. But isn't that why the late beloved fellow zillionaire GENE invented the A RATING? And the sad thing is this was excreted by a former EISENSTEIN. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!! P. S. at 4:58 p. m. If a lazy typist like Dana can wax nostalgic about a largely forgotten, vaguely amusing "comedy" of 1981 -- and especially over The Singing Android -- how will movie ad-blurbists rhapsodize over today's movies thirty years hence? The mind reels.
Posted
11:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
When it's OUR voting irregularity!
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
CNN ratings fall as interest in breaking news fades
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Who says SUPERNIKKI!!!!! knows what she's doing? Thursday, April 07, 2011
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
I have one simple question: When would you ever pay $30 to see an Adam Sandler movie? Or, for that matter, a movie from the Farrelly Brothers, the Coen Brothers or even the Jonas Brothers? As it stands now, you can see a new film in a movie theater for roughly $10. Or you can wait 100 days or so and pay $15 for a DVD or rent the film for $3 or $4. Or wait a little longer, in some cases, to order it from Netflix. But $30? C'mon. I think I speak for many moviegoers when I say that even if you told me I could watch an Adam Sandler movie two months before it was released in theaters, I still wouldn't pay $30. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
If this is true that means we can forget about McPaper as a serious news source, although God knows we already have, and it should do what we think it will: run wall to wall show-biz and sports advertorials -- as if it doesn't already. (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
(Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!)
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
We are more sympathetic to Meredith, whose husband is reportedly ill, but our objections still stand. (Via MediaBistro) Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
But then such "thinking" would not exist without knee-jerk lockstep straitjacketed ideology. Which brings us to a related topic: jazz. Anyone who's had to endure an academic seminar on the topic will know the prevailing wisdom is that black jazz is better than white because -- the heavy-duty head scratchers will deny it, but it comes down to this racism: they got RHYTHM. We mention this having undergone a sudden infatuation with one of the great songs of all time, "I'm Beginning to See the Light." The Duke wrote that tune, and a grand tune it was; but one of the credited co-authors was Harry James. Both led superlative big bands and both recorded competing versions. Here's the Duke's, and here's Harry James's. I want all but the most hard-core over-Ph'D'd academics to tell me the Duke's version is better. If the identities could be reversed it would still be obvious. Of course James had a huge string section, often superfluous; but he also had "Pretty" Kitty Kallen (!!!!!), and an arranger (uncredited!) with the same penchant for high drama as Glenn Miller's -- James succeeded Miller on the Chesterfield show -- or certainly Les Brown's, whose band put some unmitigated sex behind Doris Day. The Duke's recording, with Joya Sherrill, has too many of his cute tricks, and the arrangement generally just sits there. It is also a bit flat, a common failing of the black jazz bands (bad technical training, no doubt) that didn't prevent them from dominating the music. The academics will unload an arsenal of adjectives on the James band like "commercial" and "schmaltzy" that does not prevent this from being one of the all-time ear-opening recordings. The public made the ultimate decision; while the Duke's disc charted at #6, the James version made #1. That James and Kitty Kallen followed it up with an even bigger hit, the epochal Jule Styne-Sammy Cahn collaboration "It's Been a Long, Long Time", renders this no contest. After the big bands went kerflooey the Duke "raided" the James band, rendering the whole subject moot. But for the last word, we will defer as we should to the Duke. He once uttered this profound wisdom: "There are two kinds of music: good music, and the other kind." The Duke made great music. Harry James made great music. NUF SAID. P. S. on 4/9/2011 at 6:58 p. m. We've just listened to the song as performed in the Branson East dead-man's revue Sophisticated Ladies, a mischievous download as it's $500 on Amazon.com. This is precisely why people who might come to love jazz turn away: It's Vegas prefab and showoffy swingin', sung by people who know or care nothing of the tune. In other words it's Sarah Vaughan after even the jazz buffs couldn't stand her. Jazz died a long time ago when it became just another form of cultural onanism. It could come back if someone knew how to do it right.
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