THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Friday, January 31, 2003
NOTE: I hope I make sense. Sometimes when I read my posts I see non-sequiturs and omissions and all sorts of bad things. Luckily, no one else reads them, so I'm spared some embarrassment. Still, I plod on, fifteen or so posts a day, and will do so until it no longer seems worthwhile, whenever that is.
DANGER! DANGER! South Africa's "fighting deadly malaria" with -- DDT! Oooooooooh! Might poison some eggs.
Will someone tell me why so many female rock acts -- I'm thinking the kind you hear on foreground Muzak -- insist on singing with steel guitar? Are they trying to find their inner country? What an affectation. The chain-store pop vocalist Dolly Parton has always been the leading offender, but now there are dozens. Why?
Vaclav Havel truly was a hero of Eastern Europe. He suffered mightily as a political prisoner to liberate the Czechs. He had his less-than-heroic aspects, to be sure: his goofy party-guy side and his tortured intellectualizing of Kurt Waldheim's vicious evil when he made a state visit. But he has more than earned his bold place in history among the Europeans like the Pope and Lech Walesa and Gorbachev -- and an American, Ronald Reagan -- who helped "tear down that wall."
That we roll our eyes over stories like this (the words "Nut Case" in the headline won't help), involving murders inspired by films/TV shows/video games (pick your poison), is a measure of how the acid-cynical influence of news hacks has worked its way through our culture. We should be outraged at such crimes, and yet we must think clinically, with a measure of knowing Auletta-style insider ennui. The problem is, news hacks have dual loyalties -- to themselves (the only loyalty they really appreciate), and to any business affiliated with themselves (i.e., entertainment). We saw it with Columbine, when they went out of their way to blame guns and absolve show-biz. News hacks bade goodbye to the human race long before The Front Page, but now their defense of crime in the name of self-interest has become mind-boggling. Should anyone wonder that so many people want to ditch the First Amendment? If we ever do, it will be mostly the news hacks' fault.
Marvin "The Slob" Davis, who along with Melvin "Shylock" Simon brought the world Porky's, is now bidding for Vivendi's entertainment unit. The self-delusion hasn't ended yet. Joy.
Now, on top of everything else, it appears that AOL's cable business is suffering from financial shenanigans. (Why should we be surprised? Cable rate hikes are an industry engine of growth.) Did anyone notice that in the big writedown for its latest quarter, more than a fifth came from cable?
I see Dick Wolf's revival of Dragnet is getting pummeled by the sort of news hack whose favorite word is "ironic" (which includes practically all the TV-ad-blurb copywriters). To be sure, it wasn't a good idea. Not only was TV different in Jack Webb's day; the world was, too. What's more, Dragnet was Jack Webb, and his shtick was the stuff of parody long before the first version went off the air. (Remember Stan Freberg's "St. George and the Dragonet"?) But then he wasn't some undifferentiated bon-bon from the TV junk-food factory. Unlike the zillionairheads who never stop exulting in their superiority complex, Jack Webb was the real deal. And how many in Hollywood have an allegiance to the audience?
Earl Blumenauer has "cleansed" the spirit of Jim Traficant from his former office. Alas, some people can't take a joke.
DA, you're going to have to await, and await, and await....But it's all for a good cause.
Italy should be a natural for holy cockroaches: A nation of studied indifference. Hope these authorities don't get fired.
I know bloggers like to present themselves as members of a fierce guild of unwavering truthseekers with an unswayable devotion to intellectual independence, but how many of their stories and their links come from the big boys? And their opinions?
And how independent are they, anyway? Without slighting their slants (usually well-considered), Mickey writes for Bill, Professor InstaPundit writes for Bill, Rupert and Little Jeffrey, Andy S. writes for Rupert and King Richard, and he once wrote for Howell. This is independence? These are the Davids fighting Goliath? With all their Goliath David can't stand a chance.
Mind you, I'd like the dough too, and am not so much an ingrate as to antagonize my patrons. But I wouldn't put a false face of disinterestedness over it.
And how independent are they, anyway? Without slighting their slants (usually well-considered), Mickey writes for Bill, Professor InstaPundit writes for Bill, Rupert and Little Jeffrey, Andy S. writes for Rupert and King Richard, and he once wrote for Howell. This is independence? These are the Davids fighting Goliath? With all their Goliath David can't stand a chance.
Mind you, I'd like the dough too, and am not so much an ingrate as to antagonize my patrons. But I wouldn't put a false face of disinterestedness over it.
Here's another variation on news we don't need to know. Chases get the news hack's blood pumping because he can smell the death, and the greenbacks. And when he/she/it works for TV the hairspray gets that much shinier. But what do such stories do except work people into panics and further lower the already infinitessimal standing of the press? And please don't tell me about voyeurism. News hacks are the first voyeurs. Everyone else follows.
Bozo legislators will never learn: California's assembly is about to vote on a "resolution" to bring the Grammy Awards back permanently. As sure as night follows day we know what will follow such a "resolution": Tax breaks, sweeteners, flat-out bribes. This is Al Davis's home state (and Gray Davis's). When will these idiots realize there are some things money shouldn't buy?
I'd say awwwwwwwww to this story of the groundhogs seeking love on their day, except that Groundhog Day has turned from a festive little bit of whimsy into yet another overhyped overextended overburdened American megamachine manufactured by news hacks.
DaimlerChrysler (Dilbert-spell if ever there was such a thing) shows its mettle as a member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. The same company that inflicted the Dodge "beef-jerky" ad on Super Bowl viewers (I didn't see it, and I'm glad) censors a cartoon of the late Bill Mauldin's, presumably out of respect for Jeeps that have gotten shot. We can be sure DC sponsors all manner of grotesqueries on the tube. Of course, it's a GERMAN company. Unfortunately, Germany was not on the right side of the war. It still isn't.
The more I think of this story, the angrier I get. Jeeps were in the vanguard on the road to freedom. Where did Daimler vehicles lead? To the gas chambers? (Daimler used forced labor, natch.)
The more I think of this story, the angrier I get. Jeeps were in the vanguard on the road to freedom. Where did Daimler vehicles lead? To the gas chambers? (Daimler used forced labor, natch.)
How do we support a war without supporting a war, especially with so much of our "base" part of The Tantrum Coalition?
Though reporting this story must have seemed quite exciting, it isn't going to happen. Ted's love of the deal helped get AOL in trouble by providing a role model. He called Steve 'n' Gerry's conjugation "better than sex." And where will he get the money? Even Bill's enormous vanity, his desire to conquer universes, won't lead him to buy. This is pure unmitigated bumcombe. But the guy will never lack for spin doctors.
If one thing troubles me about President Bush it's that he doesn't quite level with us in the name of "national security." I think that's why the fool Europeans call him "cowboy." Having a covert vice-president doesn't help. His penchant for secrecy may come back to haunt him.
As I said earlier, one wonders what's up at AOL. First we have The Washington Post reporting that America Online suffered its first-ever subscriber drop, and now The Wall Street Journals are telling us that the company may sell off Warner Music, even Time Inc. Sounds like an implosion to me.
What was the point of all this merging?
What was the point of all this merging?
Thursday, January 30, 2003
According to the Fox News flack Roger Friedman, Ben Affleck's new film got so expensive that DreamWorks "threatened to take the shoot out of Chicago and across the border into Canada."
Uh, Roger, across the nearest border from Chicago is Indiana. I guess when you write about show-biz you needn't know these things.
(We'll forgive you though, Roger, seeing that your "one assistant" Tina has gone to kitty heaven. We have a heart in these things. And a cat.)
Uh, Roger, across the nearest border from Chicago is Indiana. I guess when you write about show-biz you needn't know these things.
(We'll forgive you though, Roger, seeing that your "one assistant" Tina has gone to kitty heaven. We have a heart in these things. And a cat.)
After reading this knealing (sic) piece of twaddle on Davos, I feel a little bit tired and cranky too. (For all its rep as a contrarian magazine, Forbes does a lot of bedding with the big boys.)
A painful reminder of the past we have lost, and even if the writing verges on the condescending (as it will with sports hacks, especially the golfing kind), it's still painful. Of the generation of show-biz giants who hit their stride in the thirties, only Bob Hope and Katherine Hepburn remain. All the movie-ad-blurb copywriters shouting every last hosannah and hallelujah for the Vanity Fair Flavor of the Month cannot change this. Somehow I doubt that the Eminem Human Target Practice Championship has the same ring to it.
On Romenesko's page, some columnist's none-too-subtle suggestion that maybe the Washington Redskins drop their name appears right above a story in which a TV sports 'do (who once worked at the Disney Sports Cable Channel) is accused of swiping a seat cushion from the Super Bowl venue.
That's our news hacks!
That's our news hacks!
Well Patsy, looks like we'll be able to continue ditching college men's teams after all. You can go back to eternal sleep now.
A BRILLIANT idea, there, David! BILL buys AOL! BUGS 'N' BUGS!
Shucks, he means the online service. But why not buy the whole shebang? Then Bill could claim to have conquered sixteen more universes, and....
Seriously, can you imagine Bill buying America Online? He'd lose millions of customers instantly who'd think a bad thing would only get worse.
Shucks, he means the online service. But why not buy the whole shebang? Then Bill could claim to have conquered sixteen more universes, and....
Seriously, can you imagine Bill buying America Online? He'd lose millions of customers instantly who'd think a bad thing would only get worse.
Time's running out! Less than five hours to buy the film rights to The Consultant! A steal at $100,000!
How much will Cheap Channel have to spend to procure tricks from the Congress and General Jr.?
(Judging from the belch of Conrad "Extinguished" Burns, not much.)
(Judging from the belch of Conrad "Extinguished" Burns, not much.)
It's amazing that people can now speak of The Mess (MSNBC) being shut down. It began life as America's Talking, an attempt to merge talk radio with TV, as if to disprove some sort of notion that talk-radio callers should be heard and not seen (and most times they shouldn't be heard). The channel was just getting a little traction -- it staged a largely ceremonial (and false) contest to find a show host from the public (the winner turned out to be a professional) -- when LEGENDARY WELCH decided to create a joint venture with Bill the Entomologist, and voila! The Mess was born. I remember well the joint press conference from 30 Rock that aired on the then Big C (and no doubt cost a million bucks) in which Legendary spun all sorts of gobbish webs about interactivity, and promised the GE Network News staff would be there, and trotted out Tom Brokaw in a demonstration of an elaborate video archive that would never materialize (backed by BILL's technology! HA HA!), and made grand promises about merging TV with the computer. The promises quickly vanished; after some short lived techie programs the audience got Brian Williams and overexposed has-beens screaming. How fitting that the network may not survive one more overexposed screaming has-been. The mess of the Mess is a cautionary tale hand-in-hand with AOL's that most of show business's alleged riches are built on very thin, very hot air. I shall not miss The Mess.
Evolutionary study isn't a branch of science; it's a branch of politics.
Wallis Simpson, the future Duchess of Windsor, had an affair with a car dealer while courting her future duke, which reminds us she had a face only a car dealer could love.
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
The nervous giggles emanating from NewsMax raise the question: Would Microsoft be better as a capitalist firm -- or a capitalist state? And what is the difference between a corporation and a state at this magnitude? Don't both have bureaucracies? Aren't both deaf to public opinion? Don't both offer lousy customer service? Don't both charge too much (in taxes or purchase prices)? Don't both own too many underused or useless assets? Don't both offer a form of welfare? Can't both be above the law? Yes, the public can't elect the chairman of Microsoft, and all his little factotums, but to more and more people, what's the importance of it?
You NewsMax news hacks and other knee-jerk conservatives forever claim that Bill and his collection of bug breeders are The Eighth Wonder of the World. What's the difference between Microsoft Corporation and a Microsoft Republic, NewsMax?
You NewsMax news hacks and other knee-jerk conservatives forever claim that Bill and his collection of bug breeders are The Eighth Wonder of the World. What's the difference between Microsoft Corporation and a Microsoft Republic, NewsMax?
The New York Observer, the rag that gave us Candace Bushnell, the, er, lady who made sex as appetizing as (and roughly analogous to) a wad of Skoal in Lenny Dykstra's mouth (EW! YUCK!! GROSS!!!), has this bad habit every three months or so of puffing trendy coming-phenom writers who then disappear forever. Here's the latest new thing. While the usual intolerable cliches are happily missing ("edgy", "hot", etc.), they're made up for by the sailor-mouth words Arthur L. Carter seems to think make his pile of pink newsprint "adult."
To the PR types who write for the Observer, a question:
Whatever happened to Jay McInerney?
To the PR types who write for the Observer, a question:
Whatever happened to Jay McInerney?
Hmmm: That syringe factory in North Carolina that blew up today was "cited for numerous safety violations." Hmmm....
At least the death toll came down, that's good.
(Update: Those safety violations apparently had nothing to do with it. This was an almost spontaneous accident, like a grain-elevator explosion.)
At least the death toll came down, that's good.
(Update: Those safety violations apparently had nothing to do with it. This was an almost spontaneous accident, like a grain-elevator explosion.)
Timothy Noah accuses David "Axis of Evil" Frum of badmouthing Bush's State of the Union message because he didn't write it. Knowing the Beltway's wonks, I wouldn't be surprised.
Go figure: the more students earn A's, the more they need remedial courses. Go figure.
AOL's huge loss is the sort of mirage called "goodwill," yet it definitely came from somewhere -- the shareholders' wallets. This news and Ted's sudden resignation as company figurehead hint that maybe this debacle is bigger than anyone wants to admit.
"This is your brain. This is your brain on fast food." The latest shtick in the food wars. (Guess which word had to be corrected in the last paragraph.)
Speaking of Congresspoops, when Ron Paul speaks, the spirals in his eyes spin.
Poor Patsy Mink, the woman who mandated that colleges shut down men's sports teams in the name of "equality," must be rolling over in her grave.
With his giddy, smirky face and his facile non-thought, General Jr. seems the sort of man foreordained to be a slut in government for industry. Now he's setting up the FCC to rewrite the regs so that Rupert and Sumner and Lowry and the whole bunch of show-biz villains who've served us so well get to own everything. "LET THE MARKETPLACE DECIDE!" says his hammer to his knee. I think of that other great slut in the FCC, Mark Fowler. During his reign several companies came up with competing technologies for AM stereo -- low-fi sound, to be sure, but something that might have revived the lesser part of the dial. "LET THE MARKETPLACE DECIDE!" bellowed Mark, but the marketplace couldn't decide anything, and AM stereo withered. A small loss, perhaps, but all too predictable when "THE MARKETPLACE DECIDES." Fowler went on to become a broadcast lobbyist, natch -- as will General Jr.
What purpose do news hacks serve in reporting stories like this? We've been getting an awful lot of private tragedies lately from this scum. Every column inch devoted to needlessly upsetting readers is one column inch less for stories on Iraq, or the economy, or other important news. And we know that news hacks are cold and clinical about such horrors in the same way ER doctors are cold and clinical about stab wounds. "Well," news hacks might respond, "the poor girl's family deserves an outpoutring of sympathy." First off, why are you forcing me to be a party to somebody's deep sorrow for no good reason, and second, haven't you heard Dr. Johnson's maxim that "grief is a species of idleness"? We don't need these stories. If you must report them at all please bury them in the news-summary column of the Metro section. NO MORE SUCH STORIES!
Like a president's politics or not, "recycling" and "State of the Union" do go together.
Imagine that! Retiring 60 Minutes boss Don Hewitt says the Times's front page is being dictated by "demographics." That of course explains the new 27-year-old A & L editor who'll be plying us with pretentious essays about alternarock citing Freud and Nietzsche. In Howell's world pandering and demagoguery form a snug fit. It also explains why certain seventy-somethings are such debased idiots chasing down their target demographic. If not for their wealth and power they'd just be idiots.
Most businesses may be run by decent people, Peter Kann, but decency only goes so far with twenty layers of management, and decency only goes so far when it's overwhelmed by "competition," and decency only goes so far when you're at political cross purposes (like The Wall Street Journals), and decency only goes so far when you're in a crooked business. eBay believes "people are basically good," and is overrun with scammers. Sorry, the Bible says pretty definitively that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Businessmen are among the sinners, and too often, they show it. Ralph Nader didn't call the Journals the police blotter of business for nothing.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Again, the political obtuseness of America's corporations rears its ugly quotas. The ultra-liberal HR departments get the ear of the somewhat liberal legal departments, and we get this. And the CEOs know enough to shut up, because they're craven and they don't want Howell on their case. Not to worry, the Republicans will make a come back, perhaps at PepsiCo, where the Frito-Lay marketing boys can turn 5.5-ounce potato-chip bags to 5 ounces (without changing the price), or maybe at Bank One, where the marketing boys can invent some new fees. Go get 'em GOP!
A few more righteous martyrdoms and maybe the Palestinians won't have any money at all. (This being the Beeb, it's mostly Israel's fault.)
Some years back, when Chuck Barris (a Philadelphia native) made an appearance during a Flyers game, a sellout crowd booed. Reading this slightly overwrought but ultimately telling review of George Clooney's film version of Barris's first volume of alleged memoirs (which, unlike nearly every other movie review, does not regale us with the genius of the film and the brilliance of the reviewer), I think how richly he deserved it. We can only take a kind of evil pleasure to think that Barris, a creature of limited gifts and unlimited gall, who made his fortune trashing our intelligence, will end his life a very bitter and unhappy man. (We might take some pleasure too in that the film is bombing at the box office.)
Recently he appeared at the Center City Borders. I thought of going, but didn't. I might have booed him too.
P. S. I believe the anecdote about the three old men appears in Barris's second (and probably more truthful) book of memoirs, The Game Show King. No mention of the CIA in that one.
Recently he appeared at the Center City Borders. I thought of going, but didn't. I might have booed him too.
P. S. I believe the anecdote about the three old men appears in Barris's second (and probably more truthful) book of memoirs, The Game Show King. No mention of the CIA in that one.
The State of the Union Message has long been a theatrical fake. The President enters the House chamber to the kind of hearty huzzah only uttered by a roomful of politicians with knives behind their backs. The Cabinet minus the usual nonentity for safety's sake (a joke that isn't as funny as it used to be) offers polite applause, either because its members are in the loop and have heard things discussed to death or are out of the loop and thinking of quitting. The Supreme Court docilely applauds, then sits. From behind the too-obvious TelePrompTer the President issues twenty thoroughgoing applause-line bromides written by someone else and greeted with a kind of rolling standing O that resembles "the wave" because members of the opposition don't want to be too opposing. The President salutes a pre-planted victim in the peanut gallery -- over here, Mr. President -- and the whole peanut gallery stands. After what is now ninety minutes of mind-numbing speechifying the President leaves and even the stalwarts of his own party can't work up an cheer through the whole recessional as their behinds are numb too for all the standing Os. Really, as Andrew Ferguson notes, the speech would be better done as a report -- especially so now, when we might war with Iraq, and the president could offer compelling evidence for war in, say, a classified appendix -- and all the busybodies and interns and clerks who do DC's real work could get to write on all the things the President doesn't know about. Ah, but we must have our useless theater.
Altria MOtive (or Philip Morris Altria) is now showing off its logo. Is it a new kind of Rubik's Cube?
Rich! On Altria MOtive's second day, Kraft Foods announces an earnings shortfall. RICH!
Rich! On Altria MOtive's second day, Kraft Foods announces an earnings shortfall. RICH!
The Freepers had a conniption today because the Wicked Witch of the White House, Helen Thomas, called Dubya "the worst president ever." (I've linked here, though it hasn't worked all day; it's also posted here.) I suppose we must tolerate the Hag due to her advanced age, and she does deserve some leeway because she is, in the responsibility-avoiding language of the press, a "columnist"; but she also asks questions at White House briefings, and is something more than a mere opinion spouter. One doesn't wish to fire people for their opinions, but the Hag has crossed a line somewhere, and the imbeciles at Hearst who hired her should have their biscuits baked by an angry readership.
We -- and I speak of America collectively -- wronged the Native Americans. Had the nation followed the divinely-inspired example of the truly great man who founded my state, William Penn, we'd have avoided the virtual annihilation of that race. So how can news hacks right a wrong with yet another sudden spasm of PC? Because they've righted it in their own heads. (Linked through Jim Romenesko, natch.)
Is this another sort of spam gag? I just got an e-mail from "INVALID_ADDRESS @ .SYNTAX-ERROR."
What was Toyota thinking with its Scion wagon? Nostalgia for the 1920s? A delivery van? Or a new kind of hearse?
It's official: GM no longer makes the ugliest car.
(Apparently Jerry Flint and Forbes.com got their pictures crossed. This is no doubt what Jerry Flint was discussing, the second photo in the article. Its official name is the Toyota Scion xB.)
It's official: GM no longer makes the ugliest car.
(Apparently Jerry Flint and Forbes.com got their pictures crossed. This is no doubt what Jerry Flint was discussing, the second photo in the article. Its official name is the Toyota Scion xB.)
Jimmy Kimmel's show started off with "a meltdown." And guess who was in the audience for the meltdown? You'll never guess.
Now even Patrick Goldstein, one of those interminable show-biz insiders, finds out what America has known since 1968: Jack's ratings system, aside from being so many other things (don't get me started!), is deceptive marketing. That fraud should be tarred, feathered, and then dumped to the bottom of the ocean. The ratings system, AND Jack.
And this deception was inspired in a small way by Rob "Kid-Friendly" Reiner, who, in the tradition of people who always have our best interests in mind, had no comment for the mogul-friendly Mr. Goldstein.
And this deception was inspired in a small way by Rob "Kid-Friendly" Reiner, who, in the tradition of people who always have our best interests in mind, had no comment for the mogul-friendly Mr. Goldstein.
The wife of the former columnist Bob Greene, who disappeared from the Chicago Tribune under mysterious circumstances, has died at 55. One wonders what her last year was like.
Another link from the ArtsJournal site: If Broadway's producers really want to secure its reputation as a theme park of the dead, they'll get rid of the musicians, as they'd like to. True, some of them aren't very good, but one can tell the difference. Producers, by contrast, are interchangeable.
It's official: Howell tells New York, "We're building Tinkertoys on the WTC site -- NO DEBATE!"
Now, will the officials in charge turn into melting Jell-O in the wind of his bad breath?
(I got this link from ArtsJournal, which includes at least one irritating story a day.)
Now, will the officials in charge turn into melting Jell-O in the wind of his bad breath?
(I got this link from ArtsJournal, which includes at least one irritating story a day.)
Monday, January 27, 2003
Two questions: How will AOL and its huge network of corporate affiliates downplay this story; and how will all the news hacks who've spent every waking moment turning The Sopranos into the greatest thing since sliced bread downplay this story? Downplay this story they will, and must. What's good for AOL is good for America.
You got me, it's from NewsMax, but the liberals' deafening silence on things like this is a continuing disgrace. (So long as the target's a Republican, it's OKAY.)
The Arabs have reluctantly concluded that, yes, removing an Arab tyrant may be justified.
This is what we'll lose when AOL puts some of its magazine unit's content behind its wall.
Good luck, King Richard!
My page surfing was interrupted by a pop-up from Pop Secret, a product of General Mills -- a member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers.
Good luck, King Richard!
My page surfing was interrupted by a pop-up from Pop Secret, a product of General Mills -- a member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers.
Answer me this, attorneys: Is your holy-cockroach client upset about that video the Feds made that shows what he could have done? I'd think he'd be proud of himself.
For at least a week, while walking down a Center City street, I've passed a stoop with a pile of bedding. I suspect there's someone within it. I needn't tell you it's been so cold I fear to walk outdoors lest ice form on my nose. (It should moderate some this week.) Of course, in a humane society, someone would do something about the pile of flesh in the pile of bedding, but someone can't. Why? He has his rights. It's kidnapping. No one can tell another person what he/she/it can do. The more fatuous may quote Walden, or William O. Douglas. An enterprising "reporter" could turn it into a Knight Ridder "j'accuse."
Such is our society's melancholy state when (to cite Professor InstaPundit) news hacks are our default public intellectuals, and all they read is their own copy.
Such is our society's melancholy state when (to cite Professor InstaPundit) news hacks are our default public intellectuals, and all they read is their own copy.
Now Tom Daschle's saying Dubya can't go to war without Tom's permission.
Waaaaaaaaah! He's going to war without me! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Waaaaaaaaah! He's going to war without me! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Speaking of Robert Thompson, every time there's a big hit aimed squarely at news hacks we get malarkey about "historic change" in the culture. The Fox News publicist Roger Friedman's blurb that the news-hack and urban-area favorite Chicago has inspired somebody to perhaps remake Fiddler on the Roof for TV (WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!) reminds me of the truckloads, the mountains of BS that followed the premiere of The Producers on Broadway. No less a drone than John Lahr ("I'm BERT LAHR'S SON! Remember? THE COWARDLY LION?"), he who opined on 9/11 that our government may have been behind it, spoke of an undying masterwork that turned in "the biggest numbers ever in the history of Broadway." Ben Brantley, ringleader of the raves, spoke of ecstasy beyond the Second Coming. Everyone agreed The Face of The Broadway Musical had been Changed -- FOREVER. Yet recently the New York Post made a fatal admission: the producers of The Producers (which include Harvey Weinstein and Cheap Channel) had to launch a massive TV campaign because people weren't buying tickets to the immortal production the way they did after it got called immortal. Why? Because -- now prepare for a shock -- it was a STAR VEHICLE. Once Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick left the show, apparently, it had to fend for itself, and even Ben Brantley conceded (in his rave-of-raves review!) that the jokes were -- and I quote -- "hoary." Perusal of recent Varietys indicates the show is no longer a 100% sellout. And that flood of great new musicals some predicted? What have we had in the last two years? A future bus-and-truck-company favorite based on the movie Hairspray, The Best of ABBA (?!?!?), and Billy Joel's Greatest Hits (oooooooh-wah a-oooooooooh-wah a-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH!). In a letter I sent to The New Yorker (I don't want to know if they printed it) I suggested that despite the earth-moving PR more people heard of Michael Vick (who was drafted shortly after the epoch-making premiere), and that he made more money.
Can one modern hit really change the course of show-biz -- HISTORY? Years ago (to speak in the manner of Richard Corliss) some former star of westerns made an anti-western that may have won an Oscar® (if Dick Corliss can't remember the name, neither can I). Did that launch a flood of westerns? No, the Valenti business can make only three things: bastard screwball comedies, bastard Buck Rogers remakes and bastard Shaw Brothers chopsockey. One fluke hit will change this? (NOTE: In their hanger's-on report on the continuing soap opera at the top of Viacom Gerry Fabrikant and Bill Carter state one reason The Brow and Twilight Zon don't get along is that Zon doesn't like the cyclical movie biz. Get it? Cyclical.)
Can one modern hit really change the course of show-biz -- HISTORY? Years ago (to speak in the manner of Richard Corliss) some former star of westerns made an anti-western that may have won an Oscar® (if Dick Corliss can't remember the name, neither can I). Did that launch a flood of westerns? No, the Valenti business can make only three things: bastard screwball comedies, bastard Buck Rogers remakes and bastard Shaw Brothers chopsockey. One fluke hit will change this? (NOTE: In their hanger's-on report on the continuing soap opera at the top of Viacom Gerry Fabrikant and Bill Carter state one reason The Brow and Twilight Zon don't get along is that Zon doesn't like the cyclical movie biz. Get it? Cyclical.)
Some CRETIN named Bob Thompson has devoted A WHOLE ARTICLE to that vapid quote machine Robert Thompson, perfesser of TV-Is-Better-Than-Ever at Syracuse. Just what a quote machine needs, more lubrication. What's next, Bob? A whole article on the quote machine Paul "Dreck" Dergarabedian?
A good line about "the Abortion Party, formerly known as the Democratic Party":
FDR stood up to Hitler, Truman stood up to Stalin, and JFK made the Russians blink first in Cuba, but Democrats won't stand up to Kate Michelman, who couldn't even help a Kennedy get elected in the country's most liberal state.
FDR stood up to Hitler, Truman stood up to Stalin, and JFK made the Russians blink first in Cuba, but Democrats won't stand up to Kate Michelman, who couldn't even help a Kennedy get elected in the country's most liberal state.
The one thing that would make French government leaders happier than kissing Robert Mugabe on the cheeks is returning Adolf Hitler from the dead.
Ari Weinberg of Forbes.com has a brilliant idea: Legalize sports betting in the name of "education." Wasn't that the point of lotteries? Where did all that educational tobacco money go -- to anti-smoking campaigns? I thought Forbes was a conservative magazine. LITTLE MAL-COLM!!!!!!!!!!
Peter Bart has given the movie-ad-blurb copywriters a mid-life crisis. He exposed them for what manically impatient readers knew them as already: Nose-in-the-airs at best, paid flacks without the pay at worst. (Well, if you don't count their regular pay, which can be very good indeed.) Michael Wilmington, a pretentious Paulette with the Trib (and heir to the multi-millionaire Disney flack Gene Siskel), isn't going to praise "commercial" movies because -- they're commercial! That quality always takes precedence over quality. And quality can only be found in pictures that play the "Ougadougou Film Festival." It never occurs to these scribblers that both kinds of films can be bad -- in different ways. The problem is, many of the same copywriters now donning the hair shirts praised Spiderman as an apex of cinema. These morons want it both ways -- and being news hacks, they get it.
One wonders that Tina Brown never made it to TV before. Judging from her resume I'd say her favorite activity is scanning herself in a mirror.
Today it's official: Philip Morris changes its name to Altria. It's changing the name because it wants to be in the tobacco business without the death. But its ticker symbol is still MO. So feel free to call it Philip Morris Altria. Or better still, Altria MOtive. I will.
Sunday, January 26, 2003
Sorry, Dan "Tragic" DeLuca, the Bucs deserved to be in the Super Bowl -- and they deserved to win.
Congratulations too to the Disney Network on the blowout, and to all the advertisers who once again wasted money on the second half, the Raiders' half-hearted comeback notwithstanding. I still wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Chevy Chase Syndrome come tomorrow morning.
One hopes we're returning to the old tradition of Super Bores. Tonight's game is a good omen.
Congratulations too to the Disney Network on the blowout, and to all the advertisers who once again wasted money on the second half, the Raiders' half-hearted comeback notwithstanding. I still wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Chevy Chase Syndrome come tomorrow morning.
One hopes we're returning to the old tradition of Super Bores. Tonight's game is a good omen.
What has the Sundance Festival produced besides awards and navel staring?
Yet another AOL mea culpa about AOL's rotten stock. If I'm not mistaken the late unlamented Spy magazine ran a story that when Warner Communications bought out Time Inc. to form Time Warner Marshall Loeb sent a message through Time's e-mail saying, "WE WIN! WE WIN!" It took Greenspan's Bubble years later to lift them above water. When AOL came along a lot of people swelled about their stock options. I feel sorry for all the less-than-executives who placed their retirements in the Internet's tentacles, but when I think of Steve and Gerry and their Masters-of-the-Universe hubris -- and their ultimately ruined reps -- I don't feel the least bit sorry.
Wait a second! People have been arrested for betting on the Super Bowl? THIS IS UNAMERICAN!!!!!
Question: When you watch the Super Bowl at home, do you sit on your hands like the corporate elite in person? Or do you merely doze off?
Or are you one of those big-media-inspired dolts who sleeps during the game and wakes up for the commercials?
Or are you one of those big-media-inspired dolts who sleeps during the game and wakes up for the commercials?
A glaring admission from Richard Corliss, one of show-business's top flacks: "I can, without so much as a thought, rattle off the Best Picture Oscars from 1932 to the mid-70s; but ask me to spit out the winners of the last decade, and I stumble into blank embarrassment." Wait a second, Dick! I thought you were vice-chairman of the Movies-Are-Better-Than-Ever Brigade! They'll drum you out of AOL if you keep talking like this! (Fortunately, you needn't worry about it. You work for AOL.)
So here some holy cockroaches in England have suits to ward off NBC attacks, and the pansies in Tony's government are more worried the disclosure might be racist. Idiots.
(NOTE: I got it off a link from Professor InstaPundit.)
(NOTE: I got it off a link from Professor InstaPundit.)
We're always told what a sainted wonder the Rev. John Lewis was for the civil-rights movement, what a model of moral rectitude he is. Well if he's such a wonderful guy why is it every time I turn on C-SPAN and see him in the well of the House he's jumping up and down and screaming "mean-spirited" and "extremists" at Republicans?
The headline reads, "Fiat Stalls After Agnelli's Death." I'd say it's been going in reverse for some time. Didn't these folks have something to do with the Yugo? They built an auto plant in the Soviet Union and condemned the country to roads full of big boxes on wheels. No wonder communism collapsed there. Fiat makes GM look good.
(Now they tell us: GM owns a fifth of Fiat. I guess that's where the company learned quality control.)
(Now they tell us: GM owns a fifth of Fiat. I guess that's where the company learned quality control.)
Billy Joel, the man who turned doo-wop into beer jingles and later into a national mental-health crisis, has been released from the hospital after a car wreck. Wanna bet he was drunk?
Ooooooooh-wah a-oooooooh-wah a-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH!
Ooooooooh-wah a-oooooooh-wah a-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH!
What Bill Richardson did for North Korea, he can do for Mexico!
You running for secretary of state, Bill?
You running for secretary of state, Bill?
One last note on Eldred: it wasn't just Trent and Mary Bono who sneaked that law through. It was the scourge of evil everywhere, David Horowitz, and his David Dreier Memorial Republicans Can Be Even More Craven than Democrats in Lying Down for Show Business Committee. I will never forget the delicious look on Horowitz' prose when The New Republic caught him after Newt took over the world -- the very definition of "He can dish it out. . . ."
Saturday, January 25, 2003
The Moose did such a great job with the Beltway Sniper investigation, he's going to write a book!
Well, he won't write the book. With his advance he won't have to.
Well, he won't write the book. With his advance he won't have to.
AOL earns $2 million a year on "Happy Birthday to You." Or as Trent Lott said in his insufferable burbling-jackass baritone, as he clinked champagne glasses with Jack and Hilary upon the Supremes' decision, "Well ahumahuhuh, eiyt wuz the least Ah could deoo for mah -- for mah friends. Copahright should be indefinite mahnus a day, yeew said eiyt, Jayack! And as Ah've always told the crook -- Ah mean, mah feallow Seaynators -- eiyn the lobbyists' -- Ah mean, the Seaynators' cloakroom (Ah did a lot o' greasin' o' the skids for you folks, and sometahms yeew cain't tell a lobbyist frum a Seaynator, raht Jayack? Yeew could be thahyt ol' idi -- the distinguished Praysidaynt Pro Tempoor Emayritus from Wayst Virgeenia. He's a fraynd o' Ceecero, 'n' so're yeew! Ah just hope we wouldn't hayf to beeld yeew a million-dollar eendoor aouthause so he c'n -- Ah mean, Ah hope we can show yeew sum respeayct teoo, when yeew geayt eiyn hees position. But Ah gotta say when yeew helped me ayout with mah expens -- weith helpin' to represaynt the people of mah beloved state o' Meissiseippi, they shooor did gayt greasier, eiyf y'know whut Ah mean), but lahk Ah was sayin', and yeew believe theis too Jayack -- and Heelary, whut's good for AOL eiys good for America. Ayn' lemme tellya somethin': Fayfteen yeears frum naow, eiyf Ah'm steel here -- Ah figure eiyf thahyt ol' coot -- Ah mean, thahyt ol' bugger -- er, the old bas -- uh, who cost me mah majoh -- Ah mean, the retahred distinguished former Seenior Seaynator frum Sayouth Cayrolahna (lotta good thahyt favor deid, thahyt moldy ol'), c'n serve till he needed four nig -- four assaystants to carry heim eiynto the Seaynate chamber eiyn a handchayr, and they hayd to raise his daymfool -- ah mean, heays hand ever' tahm to vote, SO CAYN AH! -- Weall, fayfteen yeears frum naow, mark mah words people, Ah'm gonna make AOL even better! You'll still be here woncha Jayack? All RAHHHHT!! Pass me thahyt bribe -- Ah mean, thuh whores dervers, if you would Heelary?"
Thanks again, Mr. Chairman of the Rules Committee.
Thanks again, Mr. Chairman of the Rules Committee.
NOTE: I HATE rewriting! But I have to do it. I don't know how many corrections I made re the Eagles' "tragedy." (I confess; I decided not to call the perpetrator an "idiot.") I also had to rework the business about LA's black murder victims because my first try may have been too ironic and thus misunderstood, and I wanted to loudly back the families of the victims, and the police officers of all races (especially blacks) crunched between numbing PD bureaucracy and raging demagogues like Maxine. As I said before, I will rewrite constantly, so please, non-existent lurkers, bear with me. Thanks!
P. S. Happily I don't need spell-check, and I don't think I've made mistakes. Andy Rooney once remarked that he thought spell-check was a crutch, but even the best spellers have slipps of the fingers. (See?) Judging from other blogs here I'd say, they need it. (I do intend to comment on them, eventually.)
P. P. S. Bloggers! Don't EVER go with your first draft!
P. S. Happily I don't need spell-check, and I don't think I've made mistakes. Andy Rooney once remarked that he thought spell-check was a crutch, but even the best spellers have slipps of the fingers. (See?) Judging from other blogs here I'd say, they need it. (I do intend to comment on them, eventually.)
P. P. S. Bloggers! Don't EVER go with your first draft!
It's okay, Maxine! It's only blacks killing other blacks. Everything's fine.
That's how you think when a Maxine turns riot into "rebellion." But in her hermetically-sealed void of a head, there are no black police officers -- and no black crime victims.
That's how you think when a Maxine turns riot into "rebellion." But in her hermetically-sealed void of a head, there are no black police officers -- and no black crime victims.
Don't you just love a pop-up ad that reads, "The page cannot be displayed"?
The Super Bowl doesn't make money, and it doesn't help the premieres that follow. But it's still a great thing to have, right?
Chevy Chase Syndrome again.
Chevy Chase Syndrome again.
NEWS HACKS mourn a Soviet spy. (I'm not giving up on that term!) A "pioneer," jes like ol' Dan'l Boone, stakin' a claim in the Kremlin on $200 and a bottle o' whiskey.
I see I have used the term "news hacks" about twenty times. I'm not calling them "journalists." That's like calling a garbageman a sanitation engineer (God knows they're in the same business). Besides, am I going to endow an AP drone with the same term as Boswell, Dickens, Hemingway and Orwell? Not on your life! Well how about "reporter," then? Because not all news hacks report; some are incoherent columnists, some are movie-ad-blurb copywriters, some are senior-citizen groupies, some are millionaire toadies, and so forth. No, the dictionary defines "news" as "new information of any kind" (never mind that most "news" writing is old as the hilburns), and "hack" as "a writer hired to produce routine or commercial writing." Hackwork is worse on a deadline. Hence -- NEWS HACKS.
The holy cockroaches stage another extermination.
I like that banner some of the cockroaches' friends are holding. Their American flag has seventeen stripes -- and two fly screens.
"...Whose broad stripes and bright fly screens...."
I like that banner some of the cockroaches' friends are holding. Their American flag has seventeen stripes -- and two fly screens.
"...Whose broad stripes and bright fly screens...."
Well blogger guy, you're up against it: Jimmy Kimmel's show isn't airing in Washington -- or six other cities, because a Disney Network Affiliate Mint owner figures he can make more money that way.
Ya gotta love the hacks though. Lisa De Moraes says the show's originating from a venue "on a still-dicey stretch of Hollywood Boulevard" -- as opposed to the still dicey-and-slicey stretches of D. C.
Ya gotta love the hacks though. Lisa De Moraes says the show's originating from a venue "on a still-dicey stretch of Hollywood Boulevard" -- as opposed to the still dicey-and-slicey stretches of D. C.
The local Philadelphia news hacks are still in shock that the Iggles lost. One of them, a Dan DeLuca, has called it a "tragedy." Hey clown, tragedy is the parent killed by a drunk driver, or the child succumbing to disease. To call this roadblock to Jeff Lurie's superzillionairedom a "tragedy" is an outrage. Here is but another of the army of automatic typists who so misuse and overuse words they make readers tear out their hair; take "hip", or "genius," or "edgy," or "legendary." If the clown meant it as some sort of ironic jokey expression (news hacks will do this) it wasn't funny. The Tony Ridders of the world will deny it, but it isn't that far a trip from such unforgivable use of a word to "WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH." But then, ignorance has always been strength at the Inky. Ask anyone who was manhandled by the Annenbergs.
Several "bleep words" go out accidentally on the air, and the mighty New York Times smells a trend. Here's one reason people increasingly roll their eyes in its presence, and why so many now know its editor's name, which wasn't true, say, twenty years ago.
There was a widespread Internet slowdown this morning, perhaps prompted by a virus.
How could most people tell the difference?
How could most people tell the difference?
Friday, January 24, 2003
Some happy news: the manatee is making a comeback. God did not make big and beautiful exclusive.
The sports news hacks who beg us to believe (with a bit too much of a smug smirk for begging) that Charlie Hustle did nuttin wrong and belongs in the Hall may have suffered a slight setback.
If the peace movement wants to really be of use, it should concentrate on Kashmir. Why must a rock pile inspire a nuclear war?
I mention this because one of our ambassadors said something that made Pakistanis unhappy, which in turn might make the Indians unhappy, and suddenly the pile almost glows with its potential for cataclysm.
I mention this because one of our ambassadors said something that made Pakistanis unhappy, which in turn might make the Indians unhappy, and suddenly the pile almost glows with its potential for cataclysm.
I see that cause celebre at Random House just got a job with Penguin Putnam, which means, the Times intimates, some big-ego authors may be moving.
Honestly, I don't care what happens to Anna Quindlen.
Honestly, I don't care what happens to Anna Quindlen.
Well, I guess we are serious. Let's pray Saddam isn't.
I was trying to look up the name of a cartoon for use in a post (something from MGM about fleas in Paris) when I came across this site, a listing of cartoons censored by AOL for its cable channels. I can see why the company might be reluctant to air some of these when children are watching, and God knows Hollywood put out too many cartoons with blackface, and with ching-chong Orientals; but this same company owns HBO, and as Tom Shales noted in a recent column, its celebrated original programs now air at any time on the schedule, and would certainly air anytime if they were ever syndicated (which, knowing America's willfully ignorant sponsors, is always possible). If you're so sensitive, King Richard, just put these shorts back in the vaults, or limit their distribution to DVD. This is a disgrace. His Royal Highness already interrupts my sojourns three or four times a day. I should switch to AT&T but rigid habit prevents me. I may yet.
It's official! The Gallup Organization says the Raiders will win the Super Bowl.
Don't you folks have anything else to poll about?
FLASH! "AMERICANS BRACED FOR EXCITING GAME!" Doot-do-doo-dooooo-do-dooo-doo-doo-doot!
Don't you folks have anything else to poll about?
FLASH! "AMERICANS BRACED FOR EXCITING GAME!" Doot-do-doo-dooooo-do-dooo-doo-doo-doot!
I can see why NewsMax would call the Al Sharpton fire suspicious. I can also see why the Times would call it suspicious.
Small minds think alike.
Small minds think alike.
ShowBIZData is reporting that New York University is teaching courses in anime. That means thousands more people will now learn how to draw permanent adolescents with pale skin, big hair, microscopic pug noses, ittle bitty lips and beady eyes.
A big drug-store chain yet again boasts to the world it doesn't know what it's doing. Things would scarcely be different if Walgreens, Rite-Aid, CVS and Eckerd were owned by the same company. They may as well be.
The First Lady -- I mean, the former First Lady, Senator Rodham -- er, Senator Clinton, whose ex-hus -- I mean, whose ex-president husband bombed an aspirin factory, is assailing Dubya for fostering a "myth of national security."
Hey Hillary! Your hubby was pretty good at telling tales too. (But gee, you're pretty good yourself; you told people you were named for Edmund Hillary because he climbed Mt. Everest. Problem was, that happened more than five years after you were born. A myth here and a myth there, and soon we're talking real -- votes.)
Hey Hillary! Your hubby was pretty good at telling tales too. (But gee, you're pretty good yourself; you told people you were named for Edmund Hillary because he climbed Mt. Everest. Problem was, that happened more than five years after you were born. A myth here and a myth there, and soon we're talking real -- votes.)
Talk about grade inflation: The International Atomic Energy Agency is giving Saddam a B for his "cooperation." Of course, anybody in Iraq who cooperates with international inspectors is more likely to get an F.
Hey! NewsMax used the same opening line! SOMEBODY'S BEEN READING MY BLOG!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Hey! NewsMax used the same opening line! SOMEBODY'S BEEN READING MY BLOG!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
P. R. ISN'T LYING! Not if Howell "The Tantrum" Raines says so. Certainly not if Howell "Groom-Elect" Raines says so.
AOL Time Warner magazine does it again:
The article "Look Away, Dixieland" [Jan. 27] stated that President George W. Bush "quietly reinstated" a tradition of having the White House deliver a floral wreath to the Confederate Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery — a practice "that his father had halted in 1990." The story is wrong. First, the elder president Bush did not, as TIME reported, end the decades-old practice of the White House delivering a wreath to the Confederate Memorial; he changed the date on which the wreath is delivered from the day that some southern heritage groups commemorate Jefferson Davis's birthday to the federal Memorial Day holiday. Second, according to documents provided by the White House this week, the practice of delivering a wreath to the Confederate Memorial on Memorial Day continued under Bill Clinton as it does under George W. Bush.
Now click here for the original story.
Whooooooooooooops.
The article "Look Away, Dixieland" [Jan. 27] stated that President George W. Bush "quietly reinstated" a tradition of having the White House deliver a floral wreath to the Confederate Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery — a practice "that his father had halted in 1990." The story is wrong. First, the elder president Bush did not, as TIME reported, end the decades-old practice of the White House delivering a wreath to the Confederate Memorial; he changed the date on which the wreath is delivered from the day that some southern heritage groups commemorate Jefferson Davis's birthday to the federal Memorial Day holiday. Second, according to documents provided by the White House this week, the practice of delivering a wreath to the Confederate Memorial on Memorial Day continued under Bill Clinton as it does under George W. Bush.
Now click here for the original story.
Whooooooooooooops.
How is building twenty thousand new shopping malls in ever shrinking exurbs good for the economy?
Hey elected frauds! This is what you get when you throw umpteen zillions away on sports stadiums -- law suits and ingratitude. Every owner is a potential Al Davis. Keep your wallets shut.
Sighhhhhhhhhh. Barry Diller walks on water again. He's a "genius." (Another word to ban from the news hack's lexicon.) So was Legendary Welch. So was Dennis Kozlowski. So was Roberto "I Introduced New Coke Because I Smoke All the Time And Couldn't Tell the Difference" Goizueta. These show-biz "geniuses" in particular do nothing but package the same old baloney in the same old nice new wrappers. I guess that's why news hacks call them "geniuses."
Thursday, January 23, 2003
AOL will not magically return to its shareholders' favor with puny asset sales. King Richard must admit that the days of $90 a share are gone forever; that "synergy" is a sham; and that the company and its shareholders would best be served by tripartite break-up: the cable systems, with an Internet stub; the movie, TV and record businesses; and Time Inc. reconstituted with CNN. Big media are antithetical to a democracy, and have been a business failure. Time to swallow hard and divest.
The same with Disney. It too should break up into three parts: the theme-park business, reorganized as a REIT; ESPN as a stand-alone outfit; and the TV and "adult" (ha ha) film businesses. The company should also sell its retail stores and shut down Michael's largely unsuccessful social experiments (restaurants, book publishing, "adult" records).
The same with Disney. It too should break up into three parts: the theme-park business, reorganized as a REIT; ESPN as a stand-alone outfit; and the TV and "adult" (ha ha) film businesses. The company should also sell its retail stores and shut down Michael's largely unsuccessful social experiments (restaurants, book publishing, "adult" records).
There are many writers out there of whom one may ask, "Isn't it time to retire?" Mary McGrory is one of them. She says 250,000 showed for A.N.S.W.E.R.; her number's not far from the Stalinists' half-a-million. Nowhere does she mention all the posters that likened Bush and his cabinet to Nazis, or the occasional burned flag, or the speakers who called the U. S. "the real terrorist." She notes, with the typical fatuous sigh of the over-the-hill news hack, that one of the protestors admires Paul Robeson, a great singer and actor -- and a Stalinist quack. Even a few leftists have questioned the A.N.S.W.E.R. string pulling. Not our Mary. Andy S. says he's in luuuuuuuuuuuve with the Post's editorials. He obviously hasn't read Ms. McGrory.
Nell Carter, who went from a sensational role in Ain't Misbehavin' to sitcom purgatory, has died, at all of 54. She deserved much better than her talent got.
News hacks are getting noticeably antsy that Dubya might appoint conservative judges. Well what do these idiots expect? We have a Republican president and a Republican Senate. Do they really foresee the second coming of Earl Warren? I don't know how many times Linda Greenhouse has admonished us that the Supremes are a "political body." They can make bad law both ways: take Dred Scott, or Roe v. Wade. And it wasn't Calvin Coolidge who tried packing the court with cronies. The Supremes are the finger in the wind, in legalese. Why shouldn't a president, er, point the finger?
Does anyone want to bet the RIAA's interviewing Jack? It would make sense: most of the same companies are in the record and movie businesses, and they're run by folks with the sense of a wet noodle, the brains of a cement block and the egos of God creating the universe. If the RIAA really wants to send a message -- "Here! We're sticking it to you!" -- they'll hire Jack. Once it got on the Web his appointment would last two minutes.
The rumbling has begun: AOL is selling its trade book unit. What's next on the block? King Richard's head?
The Feds are about to spend $400 million (it says here) to improve the looks of the Potomac Casino and allow pedestrian access.
That's a lot of money to drop at the baccarat tables.
That's a lot of money to drop at the baccarat tables.
You won't see this on Fox News: Slick "Legacy" Clinton was in the New York Post's newsroom to go a'courtin' on Rupert. Could it be he was delivering thanks for the campaign contributions to AL GORE? Perish the thought!
I argue that McDonald's nosedive happened because it advertises excessively on television and has turned its franchises into commercials. People had long been accustomed to the bad food, the dirty floors, the surly help; but when they walked into the restaurants they were increasingly bombarded with promos -- promos for Batman (a tremendous embarrassment), promos for the Olympics, promos for The Flintstones, promos for Jurassic Park, then the big Disney deal which meant promos for Disney films, promos for the Disney Network, promos for. . . . When they got home they were bombarded with ads that insulted their intelligence. Meanwhile the food stayed bad, the floors stayed dirty, the help stayed surly. So what must normal folk think? That McDonald's is in business to finance junk television -- and rotten movies. That and its senior executives have a terminal case of Chevy Chase syndrome. Sales increases turned into sales declines. Then the big sweepstakes scam came along. This was a body blow because the sweepstakes anchored so much of the TV advertising and the promo activity. Then people found they had alternatives that offered better food. Now Mickey D's is closing 719 restaurants and is cutting back on its expansion plans. Good for them.
Jim Cantalupo: Remember Howard Johnson's?
P. S. To those who say it's solely the food, I say Burger King (whose burgers are marginally better -- very marginally) has also relied heavily on promos -- and it's in worse shape than McDonald's. Diageo just sold it off at close to a fire-sale price.
Jim Cantalupo: Remember Howard Johnson's?
P. S. To those who say it's solely the food, I say Burger King (whose burgers are marginally better -- very marginally) has also relied heavily on promos -- and it's in worse shape than McDonald's. Diageo just sold it off at close to a fire-sale price.
As rumored, Howell "The Tantrum" Raines has appointed a 27-year-old editor for his Arts and Leisure section, which I guess means we're in for a ton of puff pieces about rappers and bad rock bands. They'll go well with his strokes on the op-ed pages. Thanks again, Mouth from the South.
In the past few days several bloggers have advanced the worthwhile notion that screaming "McCARTHYISM" is a way of checkmating talk on the evils of communism. So what happens? Robert Redford (you're not that good looking anymore, Bob!) screams "McCARTHYISM"!!!!! His problem, though, isn't communism, it's bad movies. He's still mad that somebody "censored" his original ad for The Last Castle, which featured an upside-down U. S. flag. To which I answer, it came out just after 9/11, BOB, and (and this is what really makes YOU mad) it was a box-office bomb! Shut up, Bob. Your crow's feet are having baby crows.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Rush Limbaugh has taken to calling John Kerry "Lurch." I don't know. With that pompadour a better nickname might be "Thing."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
No sooner do I suggest unearthing old blueprints for the WTC site than someone suggests an old dream by Antoni Gaudi, designer of the Sagrada Familia Church in Barcelona.
What do I think? I think it's ducky! As in DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2TH CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!
What do I think? I think it's ducky! As in DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2TH CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!
What a crock this is. It seems the big-box boys, having emptied our cities (and in Wal-Mart's case, our small towns) with their infernal boxes, have decided the boxes are too big, so they're building smaller boxes. Why? Because "the customers" have told them so. Does this mean the big-box boys will build their smaller boxes in areas that are now underretailed? No. Their site selection is done by computer -- and by prejudice.
I hope I'm wrong in thinking the withdrawal of Skidmore, Owings and Merrill from the WTC redesign contest is bad news. They're the suits of architecture and have put up more refrigerators than anyone, but at least their presence offered continuity. Now the "avant-garde" (ah! How the Times LOVES that word) has a better chance at building 3,000-foot-high Tinkertoy sculptures or two-block-long glass walls. I fear whatever replaces the WTC will be a) ugly, b) impractical, c) a white elephant, or ideally, d) all of the above.
I really believe a better idea would be to dust off old blueprints of buildings that could have been masterpieces but were never built, for one reason or another. The various designs for the Tribune Building in Chicago come to mind. Otherwise, the result will be a permanent eyesore, and the world's worst practical joke.
I really believe a better idea would be to dust off old blueprints of buildings that could have been masterpieces but were never built, for one reason or another. The various designs for the Tribune Building in Chicago come to mind. Otherwise, the result will be a permanent eyesore, and the world's worst practical joke.
Hilary's quitting!! (The RIAA boss, NOT the senator.)
Now if only Jack would do the same, sighhhhhhh.
Now if only Jack would do the same, sighhhhhhh.
There's something about this headline: "NASA to go nuclear." It sounds like "Postal Service to go nuclear." (Which could read, "Nuclear to go postal.")
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Al Sharpton's office caught fire! Blame Whitey.
(I have since learned this story was apparently first broken on the Web by NewsMax, which guarantees it won't be taken seriously.)
(I have since learned this story was apparently first broken on the Web by NewsMax, which guarantees it won't be taken seriously.)
R. Kelly became a favorite of the pointy-haired cretins who program foreground Muzak (about which more later) with "I believe I can flyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY
yyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY"
(add your own melisma here).
So you must understand I'm happy to hear this news.
Hey R. ("whose real name is Robert"), you're grounded.
yyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY"
(add your own melisma here).
So you must understand I'm happy to hear this news.
Hey R. ("whose real name is Robert"), you're grounded.
Let's take up a collection: Jim Romenesko says Sam Donaldson "is a famous TV newsman without a channel." Awwwwwwwwwww.
I hate McDonald's too, but national nannies, repeat after me: A Big Mac is NOT a cigarette.
Who knew that the French and the Germans, opponents in two world wars, could be so united in perfidy?
To those who insist on defining abortion as a matter of "choice": Remember who chooses -- and who gets chosen.
I must confess I'm feeling mightily blue after reading this highly-celebratory press release about a blogger who's graduated to the staff of Jimmy Kimmel's new show on the Disney Network. (That he blogged for the Disney Sports Cable Channel didn't hurt. Hooray for synergy. That the article contained a word that must be banned from use by news hacks -- HIP -- didn't help. . .my mood.) Nonetheless, even as I congratulate him with the back of my hand, I must ask him:
Have you ever heard of Paul W. Keyes?
Keyes was the producer and head writer of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, one of those immense successes that escapes posterity. He was also a friend of Richard Nixon's. At Keyes's instigation Tricky Dick appeared before the camera to utter one of the show's utterly forgotten catch phrases -- "Sock it to ME?!?" -- his famous jowls humorlessly sagging, his famous rumbling baritone suitably flatulent. Thanks to Keyes (and no small thanks to George Wallace either for splitting the Democratic vote), the Trickster won the '68 election over Hubert Humphrey by several hundred thousand votes; thanks to Keyes (and Wallace), we got one of the worst presidents ever, at one of the worst times ever. The guy probably never stopped hugging himself -- until Nixon produced Liddy and Hunt's Break-In. And this was one of the most renowned and prosperous comedy writers in TV. Have you ever heard of Paul W. Keyes?
As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for; you might get it.
P. S. That catch phrase was introduced by the immensely cute Judy Carne, an ex of Burt Reynolds's. She quit TV to become a junkie. She survived. Every time she said "Sock it to me!" she was drenched with a bucket of water. She was even drenched in public. By rights Tricky should have been beaned with a ton of bricks. Being a friend of the producer had its advantages.
P. P. S. Legend has it that Keyes invited Humphrey and Wallace on the show (in part due to the notorious Fairness Doctrine); being TV fuddy-duddies, they declined. Knowing Nixon I suspect he hadn't the slightest inclination to let Keyes do so but had him invent his little tale so as not to look too suspicious. "Moon the People and Cover Your Arse" was Richard Nixon's motto.
P. P. P. S. Note the URL on the Jimmy Kimmel site. Is this a production of Disney News?
Have you ever heard of Paul W. Keyes?
Keyes was the producer and head writer of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, one of those immense successes that escapes posterity. He was also a friend of Richard Nixon's. At Keyes's instigation Tricky Dick appeared before the camera to utter one of the show's utterly forgotten catch phrases -- "Sock it to ME?!?" -- his famous jowls humorlessly sagging, his famous rumbling baritone suitably flatulent. Thanks to Keyes (and no small thanks to George Wallace either for splitting the Democratic vote), the Trickster won the '68 election over Hubert Humphrey by several hundred thousand votes; thanks to Keyes (and Wallace), we got one of the worst presidents ever, at one of the worst times ever. The guy probably never stopped hugging himself -- until Nixon produced Liddy and Hunt's Break-In. And this was one of the most renowned and prosperous comedy writers in TV. Have you ever heard of Paul W. Keyes?
As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for; you might get it.
P. S. That catch phrase was introduced by the immensely cute Judy Carne, an ex of Burt Reynolds's. She quit TV to become a junkie. She survived. Every time she said "Sock it to me!" she was drenched with a bucket of water. She was even drenched in public. By rights Tricky should have been beaned with a ton of bricks. Being a friend of the producer had its advantages.
P. P. S. Legend has it that Keyes invited Humphrey and Wallace on the show (in part due to the notorious Fairness Doctrine); being TV fuddy-duddies, they declined. Knowing Nixon I suspect he hadn't the slightest inclination to let Keyes do so but had him invent his little tale so as not to look too suspicious. "Moon the People and Cover Your Arse" was Richard Nixon's motto.
P. P. P. S. Note the URL on the Jimmy Kimmel site. Is this a production of Disney News?
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
H. L. Mencken's rep has taken a ferocious beating since Terry Teachout's (how do you pronounce that name?) biography The Skeptic appeared to favorable reviews several months ago. I once revered the Sage of Baltimore too, but it's hard to kneel before a hero who was a flaming Jew-hater (a far cry from Jonathan Yardley's harmless hot-tempered clown), an idiot stalwart for Germany through the two world wars, and, in the end, a philistine. Even the celebrated style palls. Here's an excerpt from an article ("How Much Should a Woman Eat?") Russell Baker deemed fit to run in his deadly humor anthology:
Every competent circus man knows to the fraction of an ounce how much food his various and exotic charges require in the course of 24 hours. He knows that an elephant of such-and-such tonnage needs so-and-so much hay; that a snake of such-and-such a distance from fang to rattle needs so-and-so many rabbits, rats and other snakes. And in the army, by the same token, the dietetic demands of the soldier are worked out to three places of decimals. A private carrying 80 pounds of luggage, with the temperature at 65°, can march 18 1/3 miles in 16 2/3 hours upon three ham sandwiches, half a pint of stuffed olives and a plug of plantation twist. A general weighing 285 pounds can ride a cayuse up four hills, each 345 feet in height, on 6 ginger snaps and 12 scotch highballs. Experiments are made to determine these things, and the results are carefully noted in official handbooks, and so attain the force of military regulations. And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on.
Let's not put too fine a nose job upon this: This is blather. This is filler. This is BS.
(By the way, the last three sentences aren't from the article; they're from a review of a book by Irvin S. Cobb. But they fit in quite nicely.)
Every competent circus man knows to the fraction of an ounce how much food his various and exotic charges require in the course of 24 hours. He knows that an elephant of such-and-such tonnage needs so-and-so much hay; that a snake of such-and-such a distance from fang to rattle needs so-and-so many rabbits, rats and other snakes. And in the army, by the same token, the dietetic demands of the soldier are worked out to three places of decimals. A private carrying 80 pounds of luggage, with the temperature at 65°, can march 18 1/3 miles in 16 2/3 hours upon three ham sandwiches, half a pint of stuffed olives and a plug of plantation twist. A general weighing 285 pounds can ride a cayuse up four hills, each 345 feet in height, on 6 ginger snaps and 12 scotch highballs. Experiments are made to determine these things, and the results are carefully noted in official handbooks, and so attain the force of military regulations. And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on.
Let's not put too fine a nose job upon this: This is blather. This is filler. This is BS.
(By the way, the last three sentences aren't from the article; they're from a review of a book by Irvin S. Cobb. But they fit in quite nicely.)
The Times is instructing Dubya he mustn't take conservative positions because "the center" might not re-elect him. OOOOoooh. Scare me.
Read this, from The Boston Globe, and get mad:
The editor of a sizable newspaper told me recently that he decided the racial makeup of four new hires - two minorities, a white woman, and a white male - before reviewing a single applicant. In other words, if Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein applied, only one of them would get a slot.
As Andrew Sullivan says,
Isn't that illegal? And if a leading editor is enforcing illegal racist hiring policies, shouldn't a journalist tell us who he or she is? Or are liberal editors above the law?
The editor of a sizable newspaper told me recently that he decided the racial makeup of four new hires - two minorities, a white woman, and a white male - before reviewing a single applicant. In other words, if Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein applied, only one of them would get a slot.
As Andrew Sullivan says,
Isn't that illegal? And if a leading editor is enforcing illegal racist hiring policies, shouldn't a journalist tell us who he or she is? Or are liberal editors above the law?
I see Little Jeffrey Immelt, successor to Legendary Welch, is running all over the place screaming, "I RUN THIS COMPANY!!!!!" Some perfesser at Harvard has said the Goodthings campaign Little Jeffrey's tantrum has replaced was an act comparable to curing cancer. Its intent was always dishonest; when the sickeningly sweet ads and their attendant cloying jingle launched in 1979 they neutralized the inconvenient fact that GE was then a big defense contractor; two years later, when Legendary took over, they blurred the image of a company that fired people by the hundreds of thousands so ol' Neutron could have a huge payday. People forget that during all the firing Jack the Ripper spent millions modifying the GE logo so he could say, "I RUN THIS COMPANY!!!!!" For years The Goodthings Guys and ADM jointly sponsored This Week with David Brinkley, which made me think the two companies were in cahoots and that Legendary Welch and Dwayne Andreas were separated at birth. Alas, in the end, Goodthings did no good. Even the folks at Fairfield recognized its ludicrousness.
Do you remember the old GE slogan -- "Progress is Our Most Important Product"? I'll bet GE could have gone back to that and done better. Do you remember that GE sponsored the College Bowl? That probably engendered more warm feelings than the whole Goodthings campaign. Little Jeffrey would never think of it. He wants to RUN THE COMPANY.
(Heck, they'd do better bringing back Mr. Magoo as the spokesman for GE lightbulbs.)
Do you remember the old GE slogan -- "Progress is Our Most Important Product"? I'll bet GE could have gone back to that and done better. Do you remember that GE sponsored the College Bowl? That probably engendered more warm feelings than the whole Goodthings campaign. Little Jeffrey would never think of it. He wants to RUN THE COMPANY.
(Heck, they'd do better bringing back Mr. Magoo as the spokesman for GE lightbulbs.)
It's increasingly clear that the evil geniuses of al-Qaeda may have to die in our detention. One false step and we have an instant terror cell. These people are programmed, like Heaven's Gate.
How long do you suppose the news hacks can go without asking our latest presidential candidate tough questions? Judging from their coverage of the A.N.S.W.E.R. pro-Iraqi rallies (in which he participated), I'd say a very long time.
(NOTE: I originally called the rallies "pro-terrorism", but after reading of Professor InstaPundit's travails with a local TV station I modified myself. Better to call this to my non-existent readers' attention than to be accused of fudging things.)
(NOTE: I originally called the rallies "pro-terrorism", but after reading of Professor InstaPundit's travails with a local TV station I modified myself. Better to call this to my non-existent readers' attention than to be accused of fudging things.)
Why business talks politically from both sides of its mouth: Business has managed to become a nurturing home for knee-jerk liberals and knee-jerk conservatives, both parties fraudulent in their own ways. On the left, we have the human resources departments, filled with "soft science" graduates, launching grounds for every bit of PC social experimentation imaginable, especially with their ultimate obsession, gay rights. Then there are the advertising departments, the morons who'll finance anything and everything horrible on television; they have direct lines to the loony-leftists of Hollywood. Then there are the public-affairs offices filled with ex-news hacks and recovering alcoholics which, when faced with a crisis, give one word of advice: CAVE. They're usually responsible for public "outreaches" and charitable funding, further stomping grounds for PC. On the right, we have the sales and marketing departments, homes to the incredible shrinking potato-chip bag and tuna-fish can, and the accounting departments, home of the incredible growing revenues; together they probably boast more indictments and convictions than any other part of business save finance. These are staffed with go-getting business-major Babbitts, most of whom I'd wager are hard-core Republicans.
A look at two companies may prove of interest. Enron, red-country based, was an almost 100% marketing company and combined with its high-pressure business niche was doomed to corruption. Then there's the little known story of Eastman Kodak, in blue country, where a mid-level executive was fired for sending an e-mail complaining about his company's gay-rights celebrations. Kodak, it goes without saying, is a leading supplier to show business. End of discussion.
I'm bringing this up because The Wall Street Journals (themselves an irritating mirror of business's political dichotomy) ran a story today (not publicly available, natch) about those annoying supermarket club cards whose purpose is to limit sale items, gain profits from those people who don't have the cards and thus overpay, and gather privacy-invading information on shoppers. It's just the sort of thing Babbitt Republicans would think of. I wouldn't want to guess how the PC Democrats would handle it.
A look at two companies may prove of interest. Enron, red-country based, was an almost 100% marketing company and combined with its high-pressure business niche was doomed to corruption. Then there's the little known story of Eastman Kodak, in blue country, where a mid-level executive was fired for sending an e-mail complaining about his company's gay-rights celebrations. Kodak, it goes without saying, is a leading supplier to show business. End of discussion.
I'm bringing this up because The Wall Street Journals (themselves an irritating mirror of business's political dichotomy) ran a story today (not publicly available, natch) about those annoying supermarket club cards whose purpose is to limit sale items, gain profits from those people who don't have the cards and thus overpay, and gather privacy-invading information on shoppers. It's just the sort of thing Babbitt Republicans would think of. I wouldn't want to guess how the PC Democrats would handle it.
Speaking of Philadelphia, the local news hacks are still utterly crestfallen at the Iggles' loss. Now they're saying it'll ruin us economically. Guys, what if Philadelphia had remained the nation's capitol? What if we'd been selected as the UN's HQ city, as was bruited about at its founding? What about those economic losses? No, hacks, the only losers are a) Jeff Lurie, and really he's no loser at all because he's now worth an extra half-trillion as he and his sad sacks are moving into a new taxpayer-financed Taj Mahal; and b) the players, and for most of them, there's next year.
A significant development in the war on "art": a Chicago graffitiist has been sentenced to three years for defacing a transit stop with etching acid. What's truly astonishing is that news hacks now call it "vandalism." It wasn't too long ago when they called it "free expression." We've got a similar problem here in Center City Philadelphia with our storefronts. Crime is crime even if it does have a fancy name.
Monday, January 20, 2003
NOTE: I've only been on this blog for two days and already I'm going daft. Surfing and writing and rewriting require constant attention. Where does Professor InstaPundit find all the extra hours? I will say I didn't think I had so much hack writing in me. It is fun, though, if you can keep from taking it too seriously. I intend to persevere at least until I know somebody's reading me or I'm carted off to the funny farm, whichever comes first. Fortunately I have a running start on the latter.
The publicist Liz Smith reports there's a problem on the set of The Alamo: It seems the casting coordinator needs 6,000 men for his Mexican army, but thus far has collected only 500 because "[a] lot of guys who come out to work for us are simply huge....We tell them to lay off the Whoppers and french fries, but it's a problem" -- all this despite going "to the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, the Texas Work Force Commission and Spanish TV and radio," says The Liz. "They took ads in Spanish newspapers and hawked Spanish festivals searching for a few good thin men. Extras of this type don't make any real money until filming begins, and then, they get $100 a day but must be on call for 15 hours, day and night."
I've got a suggestion: Why not just use computer-generated imaging and create 6,000 skinny Hispanics? It's cheaper and you're going to do it anyway. And you don't have to worry about Whoppers -- off the screen, that is.
I've got a suggestion: Why not just use computer-generated imaging and create 6,000 skinny Hispanics? It's cheaper and you're going to do it anyway. And you don't have to worry about Whoppers -- off the screen, that is.
Sumner "The Brow" Redstone never heard of the play You Can't Take It With You. Mel "Twilight Zon" Karmazin never heard of the Bible or the Golden Rule.
They're the perfect pair.
They're the perfect pair.
Here's a new one: A self-published writer is selling movie rights to a novel on eBay. It's a thriller called The Consultant and it's highly original. The author's "voice is unique and his style is easily distinguished," says the sales pitch. "Readers will be reminded of such bestselling books like [sic] The Firm, The Pelican Brief, Clear and Present Danger and such motion pictures as The Peacemaker, The Jackal, Spy Game, Mission: Impossible 2 and The Sum of All Frears [sic], as well as such TV hit shows like [sic] 24, The Agency and JAG." Why didn't he just copy it from somewhere? Or did he? Clearly the pitch isn't serious, for aside from its electric air of failure and its installment payment plan (!) it offers (rejection-letter?) quotes from various publishing idiots -- "'Very exciting and compelling. [His] thriller is certainly action-packed!' —G. K. Hendricks, Pocket Books" -- that tell me a) they waste too much time on genre junk, b) they spend too much time pacifying no-talents who write genre junk, c) if they said they liked the book, they're lying or they should resign, and d) this novel's really bad. That they even let such schlock clutter their desks does not reflect well on them.
For the record, it's number 158,022 on Amazon.com. BUY IT NOW!!!!!
P. S. to the author: I'd change that title. It sounds like something from a former McKinsey partner, or a food-service exec.
For the record, it's number 158,022 on Amazon.com. BUY IT NOW!!!!!
P. S. to the author: I'd change that title. It sounds like something from a former McKinsey partner, or a food-service exec.
The Hippocratic Oath instructs doctors to "do no harm." I submit that treating active al-Qaeda members violates the oath because they intend harm, thus rending the doctor's moral covenant with the larger society. It is one thing to keep the vermin well in the confines of a prison, or a brig, another altogether to send them on their merry way to further terrorism.
The holy cockroaches aren't dead yet. One wonders how many of them are in the warm sheltering embrace of our "allies."
A hopeful sign from the chain bookstores: Yes, too many people still buy too much from the zillionaire hacks, and yes, the national reading list still veers between borderline mental retardation and outright idiocy; but when Stephen King's sales decline it's a cause for celebration.
Shucks, I guess we need more police after all. (Notice who's suffering, by the way, for the lack thereof.)
I must confess I'm not entirely comfortable with MLK Day. It was created out of appeasement -- Ronald Reagan signed it into law presumably to get black Republican votes (ha ha!), and Je$$e got the stock exchanges to close -- and it's yet another paid vacation to people in government, many of whom take a paid vacation 365 times a year, and we get MLK SALE DAYS!!!!! It's also an annual burr in the side, a reminder that as far as we've come in race relations -- a black secretary of state? Black CEOs? Who'd believe it? -- many would like to see us go back, particularly in the newsrooms, where the OJ trauma morphed from a miscarriage of justice to a referendum on race. As Trent Lott proved, the old idiocies die hard. I suspect the superannuated former Ku Kluxer Bob is celebrating the day somewhere in the coal pits, without irony. The weekend's psychotic tantrum over Bush further proved that people can appropriate a name for any reason; witness how _________ (fill in the blank with the name of any Bush cabinet member) goosestepped side-by-side with Hitler; willful ignorance is the handmaiden of bigotry. In the end, MLK still had his dream, and that's a lot more than can be said for the extinguished fire-breathing dragons' nightmares.
If we can't take care of Iraq, maybe the International Olympic Committee can.
If Slate.com keeps running vapid feel-good pieces like this Bill Gates may have to suspend his dividend.
The brilliant caricaturist Al Hirschfeld has died at 99. It must have been tough these last two decades with no faces to work on, and admit it, he didn't go well with Aerosmith. But the man truly gave birth to the phrase "stroke of genius."
(He wasn't just a pen-and-ink man, I should add. As an artist for MGM he did some tremendous pastels [and collages, if I'm not mistaken], several of which have turned up in Rhino-Turner MGM soundtrack albums. He also contributed the few chuckles in one of the singularly unfunny S. J. Perelman's books, Westward Ha!)
(He wasn't just a pen-and-ink man, I should add. As an artist for MGM he did some tremendous pastels [and collages, if I'm not mistaken], several of which have turned up in Rhino-Turner MGM soundtrack albums. He also contributed the few chuckles in one of the singularly unfunny S. J. Perelman's books, Westward Ha!)
Sunday, January 19, 2003
David Shaw of the L. A. Times does a juggling act with news bias. He apparently does not believe news hacks can be superficial and biased at the same time, that too many press releases on the countless marvels of show-biz actually mesh nicely with too many weasel words on the endless perfidy of Republicans. But truth to tell, the problem with the press isn't so much bias as that news hacks have always marched headlong with the forces of reaction.
Think of the two worst things news hacks have ever done to America. The first was Hearst's War (aka the Spanish-American War), where an unprincipled publisher turned what may have been a catastrophic accident in the U. S. S. Maine's gunpowder hold into royal Spanish treachery. "YOU FURNISH THE PICTURES," William Randolph yelled by cable at his illustrator Frederick Remington, "AND I'LL FURNISH THE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!" And boy did he furnish the war. What did the war get William Randolph? Increased sales and a chance to run for office. What did the war get the U. S.? 3,000 dead, most from jungle diseases. The Philippines -- a ward of the American state until 1946, an archipelago basket-case and a kleptocracy for some time thereafter. Cuba -- relinquished to become another kleptocracy for decades, now the Left's favorite dictatorship. Puerto Rico -- the meaning of welfare. Thanks, William Randolph!
Now fast forward seventy-five years, to Cronkite's Peace. "We must get out of Vietnam -- at ANY COST," said Uncle Walter, and like so many bobbleheads the press (initially indifferent to the politics of our involvement, perhaps because it thought Vietnam was near Walla Walla) agreed. What did the peace bring the news hacks? Awards and ample opportunities for self-congratulation. What did it bring the rest of the world? Communist dictatorships in southeast Asia. The Boat People -- hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese uprooted from their homeland, never to return. The Killing Fields -- a million dead in the genocide of Democratic Kampuchea. Utter paralysis in our foreign policy that didn't lift until Reagan, and not in military action until the Gulf War, and which may yet have inhibited us in wiping out the Taliban and al-Qaeda. Thanks, Uncle Walter!
Now how could news hacks have gone from right-wing reaction to left-wing reaction? Simple. In Hearst's day the press was dominated by print robber barons, and your typical news hack was a low, mean, unscrupulous, cowardly work slave. Recognizing that Hearst was one of the most loathed men on the planet and his subordinates came close self-made heroes like Joseph Pulitzer established J-schools to raise the standards of the profession in pay and platitude. In time the robber barons sold their companies to the public and died off, to be replaced by apolitical suits who beckoned solely to their shareholders' whim, and the news hacks got better educated, better paid, more pretentious -- and more liberal. The balance of news power shifted from the right-wing-reactionary publisher's suite to the left-wing-reactionary newsroom. The press went from one kind of reaction to another. It scarcely matters, then, whether the press is right-wing reactionary or left-wing reactionary: it will always be reactionary.
Think of the two worst things news hacks have ever done to America. The first was Hearst's War (aka the Spanish-American War), where an unprincipled publisher turned what may have been a catastrophic accident in the U. S. S. Maine's gunpowder hold into royal Spanish treachery. "YOU FURNISH THE PICTURES," William Randolph yelled by cable at his illustrator Frederick Remington, "AND I'LL FURNISH THE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!" And boy did he furnish the war. What did the war get William Randolph? Increased sales and a chance to run for office. What did the war get the U. S.? 3,000 dead, most from jungle diseases. The Philippines -- a ward of the American state until 1946, an archipelago basket-case and a kleptocracy for some time thereafter. Cuba -- relinquished to become another kleptocracy for decades, now the Left's favorite dictatorship. Puerto Rico -- the meaning of welfare. Thanks, William Randolph!
Now fast forward seventy-five years, to Cronkite's Peace. "We must get out of Vietnam -- at ANY COST," said Uncle Walter, and like so many bobbleheads the press (initially indifferent to the politics of our involvement, perhaps because it thought Vietnam was near Walla Walla) agreed. What did the peace bring the news hacks? Awards and ample opportunities for self-congratulation. What did it bring the rest of the world? Communist dictatorships in southeast Asia. The Boat People -- hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese uprooted from their homeland, never to return. The Killing Fields -- a million dead in the genocide of Democratic Kampuchea. Utter paralysis in our foreign policy that didn't lift until Reagan, and not in military action until the Gulf War, and which may yet have inhibited us in wiping out the Taliban and al-Qaeda. Thanks, Uncle Walter!
Now how could news hacks have gone from right-wing reaction to left-wing reaction? Simple. In Hearst's day the press was dominated by print robber barons, and your typical news hack was a low, mean, unscrupulous, cowardly work slave. Recognizing that Hearst was one of the most loathed men on the planet and his subordinates came close self-made heroes like Joseph Pulitzer established J-schools to raise the standards of the profession in pay and platitude. In time the robber barons sold their companies to the public and died off, to be replaced by apolitical suits who beckoned solely to their shareholders' whim, and the news hacks got better educated, better paid, more pretentious -- and more liberal. The balance of news power shifted from the right-wing-reactionary publisher's suite to the left-wing-reactionary newsroom. The press went from one kind of reaction to another. It scarcely matters, then, whether the press is right-wing reactionary or left-wing reactionary: it will always be reactionary.
NOTE: Anyone reading every post I've made (not that I think anyone has read any post I've made) would find I edit frequently, usually publishing multiple copies of the same post. I do this because I am a perfectionist, and I want to put out the best writing I possibly can -- even if no one reads it. So please, to whoever may not be logging on here, don't be startled by my changes. I'm only subhuman.
The sudden executive ouster at Bertelsmann's Random House unit has become yet another midtown-Manhattan cause celebre. Could paying zillions in advances on boring memoirs have something to do with it? Or printing literary fiction no one wants to read? Or relying too much on the usual bad old "franchise" writers and realizing too late they're McDonald's? Naaaah.
The Times takes a generally dim view of the AOL empire and King Richard's accession. "Mature businesses," "fully valued".... Maybe Michael Wolff is right and big-media companies are dinosaurs. I wouldn't want to bet my declining big-media stock on extinction.
The Golden Globes are on tonight. Quick! Here's a question: Who won an Academy Award® last year? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Like so many other public events, the Oscars® have become a bloated self-justifying activity without meaning. Surely they've never been about excellence, but now they're about a bunch of pigmy moguls pushing arthouse bores before a dazed membership in the hopes of justifying more crass behavior. The steady decline in the ratings attests to the Oscars'® (and the movie industry's) irrelevance. Heck, even the head of AMPAS has sneered at Hollywood's "product." Hard to believe, but for 1939 there were TEN best-picture nominees. By rights, the movie-ad-blurb copywriters and the Hollywood flacks at USA Okay notwithstanding, there should be TWO. And even their excellence would not be reflected in satisfied audiences -- why should Hollywood satisfy an audience? -- but in the machinations of blurbmeisters trying to jaw as many adjectives above the names above the arthouse titles as they can for higher salaries and the chance to sleep (figuratively) with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Guys, you're not fooling anybody. You certainly haven't fooled Peter Bart, who's as much a pompous jackass as you.
Well, it looks as if we Philadelphians won't have to worry about riots next week. But if I were a seat at the Vet I'd say I'm in trouble. (Remember Vandals, the Phils play there this coming season, as if that matters.)
In an issue in which it reports on a likely al-Qaeda link to the Bali bombing (and craven high Indonesian mucky-mucks doing a little protective action on Osama's behalf), Time magazine once again reports on itself -- pardon, on AOL Time Warner. Guess who the Time Web site's Person of the Week is. Err umm ahh ehh....