Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Friday, December 31, 2004
Posted
4:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Right-leaning news operations, and even bloggers themselves, may soon taste the same deeply skeptical scrutiny and scorn they’ve long heaped on the mainstream media. And when they are judged by the same criteria with which they judge others, they will certainly come up short.... Developing hypersensitivity to hidden ideology can easily become a distorting ideology of its own, especially when inconvenient facts, such as journalism’s culture of rejecting overt political agendas, are brushed aside. "It is the tragic story of a ‘mental short circuit,’" Vaclav Havel wrote in a marvelous 1985 essay on a different topic. "Why bother with the never ending, genuinely hopeless search for truth when a truth can be had so readily, all at once, in the form of an ideology or doctrine? Suddenly it is all so simple. Think of all the difficult questions which are answered in advance!" When you already "know" that the media are objectively anti-Bush, it’s not such a stretch to assert, as U.S. News & World Report columnist Michael Barone did in May, that "today’s press works to put the worst possible face on the war." Or to join Andrew Sullivan in nicknaming the BBC the "Baghdad Broadcasting Company." The main problem with these characterizations is that they are wrong. The ideology of bias detection begets the shortcut of hyperbole, which then demands escalation when the conditions being described worsen. Many of the same people who roasted Dan Rather lapped up Judith Miller’s discredited New York Times reporting about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. People believe what they want to hear. What are bloggers and other media watchdogs willing to believe about the target of their wrath? Press bias deserves the scorn it gets; the press has over a century's record of thumping self-righteousness. (I don't know what our intrepid blogger Mr. Welch means by "journalism’s culture of rejecting overt political agendas"; obviously he's never heard of Billy Hearst of Hank Luce or HHHWWWWALTER CRRRONKITE.) But as I've said before, SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are now as MMMMMMMSSSSSSSMMMMMMM as DANNO, and because of that they're starting to think THEY CAN DO AS THEY PLEASE TOO.
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
Jon Stewart Beats Out Clinton FOURTH GRAF: The paper [the Noo Yawk Daily Nooz] said Nielson [SIC] Bookscan, which covers about 70 percent of the book market, reports that Clinton's book has sold about 1.2 million copies, compared with Stewart's 997,000. Did you ever learn GREATER-THAN and LESS-THAN SIGNS in SCHOOL, CARL LIMBURGER?????
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
Remember the name -- Denise Hazlick!
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Hey SLEAZEBALL TAUZIN, y'HEAR THAT! THERE'S STILL BIG MONEY IN BIG PHARMA!
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Hey we can pull a gag like that too: many news hacks earn six digits -- and by including all the INTERNS and every last scribbler at rural weeklies and ALTERNATIVE RAGS we can say your salaries average $3,000 a year.
Posted
6:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
This is why people pay no mind to such stories anymore: aside from the fact that EVERYBODY DOES IT (a notion hammered in by NEWS HACKS CONSTANTLY DOING SUCH STORIES), in this instance it's not the GIFTS at issue, IT'S THE JUDGE. Thursday, December 30, 2004
Posted
6:52 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:45 PM
by Gene
...we'd be a third-rate country of trendy appeasing CHICKENS. How do you say PINCH en Espanol? One other question: which nation will be first to be run over by the European Caliphate?
Posted
6:36 PM
by Gene
Now it is safe to say that her fortunes have joined other things in sagging.
Posted
6:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:03 PM
by Gene
It is just as well too that this obit comes up against the Asian catastrophe, as this will give NEWS HACKS less chance to demonstrate their philistinism, and to condescend to music lovers who don't like THEIR favorites.
Posted
11:48 AM
by Gene
Don't they realize SMOOTH is the PATHWAY to HEAVEN?
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
What we need is the BUTTMAN -- er, CATO INSTITUTE comparing this to POTATO CHIPS and BARBIE DOLLS, or GEORGE "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" WILL calling this DEMOCRACY IN ACTION! (Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
NASD FINES HIT RECORD $102M It's all ELIOT "NESS" SPITZER'S FAULT!
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
This company has the worst reputation of any economic miracle. I'm waiting for con-SER-va-tives to claim it as their own. DOW 36,000! Isn't it time for a COLUMN?
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
And with any luck, PROSECUTORS will have their HANDS FULL these next few years. Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
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5:23 PM
by Gene
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5:13 PM
by Gene
And all the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are talking about it, which means they'll obsess for WEEKS -- and be every bit as tiresome as NEWS HACKS. I must also admit easy stunts like this get me mad that after two years all I can manage is about two dozen page views a day, and I have to work for them. Oh well, it was once half-a-dozen.
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Should Colombian President Álvaro Uribe be allowed to run for a second term? Oh well, it beats RONALD REAGAN GOING TO HELL, Dubya following.
Posted
10:34 AM
by Gene
I liked it better when he was flinging mashed potatoes at BRENT.
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
A VINTAGE YEAR FOR GROWN-UP FARE!!!!! Sorta like 1939, the YEAR YOU WERE BORN -- RIGHT SOB? In fairness, nowhere does Claudia Pig -- er, PUIG use the word "vintage" in her puff piece. Happily she more than makes up for it by citing ten "best" films" and five "worst." ALL HAIL THE LORD GOD AL!!!!!
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
HAS ST. WARREN BOUGHT INTO BLOGS? And don't mention His purchase of Toenail.com. That's SUPER-LIBERAL CW on the WEB. And don't mention CRAIGSLIST. It may have taken want ads, but THE HACKS STILL CONTROL BILLIONS.
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
Experts: Tsunami Kills Few Animals And let us keep in mind, even if the final death toll is double or triple the estimated 60,000-plus, India's population alone is 1,065,070,607. Asia will survive.
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
There are enough meddlers overseas. What this CRISIS does not demand is FLYING PRESIDENTS. And we can be sure if he did fly, these SAME cherubim would have issued a story headlined: Is Bush Spreading Himself Too Thin in Asian Crisis? We will always know where ST. WARREN'S blessings lie.
Posted
6:25 AM
by Gene
No you weren't. We pay for a lot of your puzzle palace's graft, your bungling, your insolence, your scofflawing, your all but getting away with murder. You still hate us. MORON. Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
Nathan Lane Quits London Producers Due to Back Injury LAST LINE OF STORY: For tickets to the London production, call (0)870 890 1109. Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
2:34 PM
by Gene
To be sure, most of the newly-uncovered work will be second-rate, but second-rate music from yesteryear is still better than TODAY'S TWO-HUNDREDTH-RATE MASTERWORKS.
Posted
2:34 PM
by Gene
I guess they've finally learned how to use computers. Meanwhile, e-mail addresses such as bill@gates.com are commonly used by people with no connection to the Microsoft founder. And some sites show a photo of him getting pie in the face and update his net worth with each fluctuation of Microsoft stock. Some of the information is true. Much isn't: www.billgatesisdead.com reports that Gates was assassinated in 1999. Obviously USAOKAY!!!!! never heard his body was taken over by a space alien. ERRRRRRRRRR.... (SORRY, BUGMEISTER BILL!)
Posted
1:29 PM
by Gene
This won't happen. Look how long it took MOUNTAIN VIEW'S SNOOZERS to IMPROVE G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER'S PERFORMANCE. Amazing what pushing the NEXT BLOG button will do.
Posted
12:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
I think it's about more than the Sri Lankan cricket team.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Franz Ferdinand (cute name. The archduke whose assassination started The Great War? Their fans don't know that. I suspect the band members don't know that.) has a VERY BUSY site. Much as I'd like to I can't copy their PREGNANT bio because it's in Macromedia Flash format, but here is the conversation that STARTED A BAND AND CHANGED THE WORLD: "Do you want to play the bass then, Bob?" "No, I'm an artist, not a musician." "It's the same thing." "OK, then." Already they were steeped in self-delusion, which should serve them well as they scale the charts. Kanye West -- pardon, kanYeWest -- is a [C]RAPPER who loves ugly gold jewelry. But let the infinite suck-up JANN WENNER speak for him: With the multiplatinum success of his debut album, The College Dropout, Kanye West, 27, had one hell of a freshman year in the music biz. Well, not exactly a freshman year -- he's been scoring major hits since 2001 as a producer for Jay-Z, Alicia Keys, Ludacris and others. "Kan the Louis Vuitton Don" -- as he likes to be called -- proved his utter domination by ruling the charts, the radio waves and MTV. He checked in with us on the day he received ten Grammy nominations, more than any other artist this year. TRANSLATION: He stinks and has a following. Los Lonely Boys are up-and-comers -- they're performing at halftime of the VITALIS BOWL on December 31! They also have four Grammy nominations, which undoubtedly means they've thanked their publicists in their latest acknowledgements. (Pardon, I meant SUN BOWL. Isn't Vitalis the stuff Dickie V slathers on his scalp?) The Streets are BRITISH [C]RAPPERS. Sorry Tony, I think it's too late for the empire. Gretchen Wilson is a "country" act, meaning (as it does for all contemporary "country" stars) she sings rock with a southern accent. She does seem to have enjoyed some success -- she sold an alleged 3,000,000 copies of one album -- but: Gretchen joins Christina Aguilera, Lauryn Hill, Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, Alanis Morissette and six other talented women whose debut albums hit the three million mark within six months of their release dates. This may not be a compliment. Also she boasts she appeared on 60 Minutes, which means her publicists know the streak may not last, and given the excellence of today's music they're wise to hedge their bets. But then she did milk the tone-deaf marketing managers at Target into having her sing for some Christmas commercials, so you could say she has a "business" sense. Scissor Sisters -- well, let's let an always-willing-to-do-a-favor British flack speak for them: No one had heard of the group before but a quick listen revealed an outfit who ... well, who sounded like early Elton John. Who had the nerve to cover Pink Floyd as if Pink Floyd had been disco queens. Who revelled at the prospect of taking their 'mama' out for a night on the town to swill cheap champagne.... the Scissor Sisters have won the praise of rock grandees including Elton John and Bono (who told them they are the best pop group in the world); sold 1.3 million copies of their album in the UK, as they jostle with Keane and Katie Melua to become the biggest-selling act of the year; written Kylie Minogue's new single; and played to a rapturous reception at all the major festivals this summer, followed by barn-storming sell-out shows at the Albert Hall and (for Halloween) Brixton. So perhaps they did take our advice. Either way, that's pretty good going for a band that has only been together for two years and is more camp than a row of tents. This has hindered their progress in their native America, where they remain a cult group.... OH oh. Coheed and Cambria is a "Progressive-emo" band, meaning (judging from this site) "it takes the foundation and pushes the limits. Occasionally they push to the point where they may lose the very fans they've just won over." WELL! They also like comic books and they're working on A GRAPHICAL NOVEL -- meaning they can write without writing! WOW!!!!! (In fairness their latest album was released through Sony Music -- no vanity press for THEIR music!) The Dresden Dolls call their shtick "Brechtian Punk Cabaret." NUF SAID. Madeleine Peyroux alone sounds relatively normal -- she sings what one HACK has called CLASSIC POP -- but even here there's a catch: Jim Manion [whoever that is] enthuses that "Madeleine Peyroux's voice explores a zone all her own that lies between rootsy and classy. Rough edged expressions and subtle tonal slides mix it up with soulful torch singing, pregnant pauses and a true sense of swing." Does this mean she mangles the tunes? I will admit these acts have done something most of us will never do -- sell records. But since when do you need talent to sell records? BILLY MURRAY sold them. MITCH MILLER sold them. FABIAN sold them. VANILLA ICE sold them. More to the point, I'd scarcely heard of these ACTS until this IDIOT HACK mentioned them -- and just because you have a Web site doesn't mean people have heard of you. (Gretchen Wilson's Sony-produced site is 111,482 on Alexa.) We can at least understand MRS. SLUT'S success because she has some looks, and a brilliant regiment of agents. Where would she be without her mammoth GALL? Fans of these show-biz giants could challenge me by citing my previous post on Dr. Kildare's bus-and-truck company. "Who are these jerks? I never heard of ANY of these!" True, it just might be the reverse of my situation with these FORMIDABLE acts. Then again, we have Alfred Drake on his cast album of Kismet, and we have Harold Lang recording Pal Joey -- both among the greatest of musical albums, both issued over FIFTY YEARS AGO, and NOT out of print, and they never will be. We who love these albums can say with certainty these two men had more talent then ten thousand kanYeWests. That kanYe's or the Scissors' or Gretchen's is the music of the moment, endorsed by NEWS HACKS, does not change this. We have the sad tale of Mencken's beloved novelist Joseph Hergesheimer to tell us what can happen to press-endorsed GENIUS.
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
Thankfully we DO have THE DARKNESS, FRANZ FERDINAND, KANYE WEST, LOS LONELY BOYS, MADELEINE PEYROUX, THE STREETS, GRETCHEN WILSON, THE SCISSOR SISTERS, COHEED & CAMBRIA, AND BOSTON'S DRESDEN DOLLS!!!!! AND ALL THAT GREAT THEA-TAH!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
What if there's a SKELETON in YOUR closet, Chris?
Posted
6:31 AM
by Gene
I guess I'm one of those "glass half full" people, because what impresses me about 2004 is how much good theater there has been. It didn't seem that way much of the time.... I love when people write like that, because you can break off after the second sentence and not have to read the rest. But this WAS, we must admit, a landmark year for the THEA-TAH -- with shows like...DRACULA, THE MUSICAL!!!!! What did I say about definite articles and nouns?
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
CREATIVELY, IT WAS A FORMIDABLE YEAR!! RARELY HAVE THERE BEEN SO MANY TALENTED BREAKOUT ACTS, INCLUDING THE DARKNESS, FRANZ FERDINAND, KANYE WEST, LOS LONELY BOYS, MADELEINE PEYROUX, THE STREETS, GRETCHEN WILSON, THE SCISSOR SISTERS, COHEED & CAMBRIA, AND BOSTON'S DRESDEN DOLLS!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! If things were so formidable, STEVE (or should we say for-mee-DAHH-bluh), why were CD sales up by a staggering TWO PERCENT, and why was "the concert business...off by a whopping 30 percent"? HUH????? Monday, December 27, 2004
Posted
8:00 PM
by Gene
...in the aggregate, the vast hordes of small blogs with a few dozen readers are more important than the small number of big blogs with hundreds of thousands of readers.... after quoting another: What I want to know is, when can I buy shares in InstaPundit ? I think we can guess who a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER and BIG-NAME TALK SHOW HOST would be rooting for. PLEASE Hugh, don't give me this HOOEY about the LITTLE GUY. MMMMMMMSSSSSSSMMMMMMM is all about BEING GOLIATH. WHO WANTS TO BE A LITTLE GUY?
Posted
7:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
But they do, and they will, and meantime more buses and trucks will vroom into the Merriam Bus and Truck Stop, and the Academy of Music Bus and Truck Stop, and the Forrest Theater Bus and Truck Stop, and countless other bus-and-truck stops throughout the nation, and stink up the culture. Where's Rachel Carson when we NEED her?
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
Say guys, wouldn't it have been better to just distribute a link to the Web site, as in: GOLDENPALACE.COM!!!!!!!!!! And next time guys, add some flashing letters and ARROWS. Did we only get TWO ROLLS-ROYCES for CHRISTMAS, Tom?
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
Mickey D's being one of THE WORLD'S MOST PC COMPANIES I'm sure that's been taken care of ALREADY.
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
![]() IMMORTALITY: Todd: I can tell you that throughout the project, especially with interim milestones, we had some periods when application compatibility was near zero. We took some radical steps and said, OK, this is definitely [breaking apps]. Now, how can we tweak that ... and preserve some form of application compatibility? Paul: Did you end up having to do a lot of per-app ... Todd: Shims? Paul: Yeah. Todd: There are a couple of things I hate to do. One is shortcuts and hacks. Every time someone would bring in an app shim, we would say, let's take a step back and look at this. Are you just shimming that application, or are you shimming a symptom? Let's look at a core fix, or a core change, or a Group Policy setting, or something other than an app-by-app fix. Ryan: If you don't look at it Todd's way, the platform's scale just screws us. If you do that one shim for just one app, there are probably in the ballpark of ten other apps or more that you're missing. And you're not going to know what they are. It could be a custom application in France, or Singapore. We're not getting visibility into [all the apps out there], so you have to fix it the right way. Some years back a PAPER OF RE-CORD writer did a New Republic piece in which all he did was quote the very garbled remarks of Nelson Rockefeller at a press conference -- and headed them "Lincoln." Why am I thinking, how can anything important emerge from vaporous Dilbertian shop talk like this?
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
JOHN KERRY'S FAVORITE TERRORISTS KIDNAP 10 TOURISTS!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP, DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!
Posted
6:24 AM
by Gene
Of course it weren't too smart for SLEAZEBALL TAUZIN's new employers to say be on the lookout for "a scruffy guy in a baseball cap," because now he can DISGUISE HIMSELF. It may be TOUGH though to camouflage those POUNDS. Sunday, December 26, 2004
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
I'm further disappointed because Walter Kirn's a decent writer too. SHUT UP, PINCH!
Posted
3:00 PM
by Gene
And how does it feel (sorry to mention his name again) to be LORD LLOUD WUBBISH, at what should be the APEX OF A LONG AND DISTINGUISHED CAREER, facing the HORDES SCREAMING OUT OF THE TORTURE CHAMBERS?
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:25 AM
by Gene
Guess this means RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!! finally heard about JUDITH REGAN. I see Rudy's chances sinking, SINKING....
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Bond excoriated President Bush and the Republicans, accusing the party of appealing "to the dark underside of American culture" and relying on "the politics of racial division to win elections." Since that evening in Philadelphia, a lot has changed in the world of the NAACP, and most of it for the worse. You don't suppose it had anything to do with OPENING YOUR BIG FAT MOUTH, JUUUUUUUUUULIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
GEN. PINOCHET DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait, he ran CHILE. Argentina, Chile, who's to tell between nations with ACCENTS?
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
"A lot has happened since the (Queen’s) coronation in 1953. There will be a large number of differences. I don’t mind the word modernising," said the Duke of Norfolk, who as earl marshal will organise Charles’s coronation. Yeah. Which means LORD ELTON and LORD McCARTNEY and LORD LLOUD WUBBISH as his MUSIC MAKERS -- and no mention of a fella named GOD. All it needs is OPRAH as EXEC PRODUCER, but she's already queen -- of A HUNDRED UNIVERSES.
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Remember the name, someone called Strauss of the LALA Daily Nooz. This guy writes his waltzes with two left feet. Saturday, December 25, 2004
Posted
6:52 PM
by Gene
Theh's somethin' SCWEWY goin' on awound heah!
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
I'm on PETA's side. Why club all those defenseless animals for an overpriced shag coat that rots easily?
Posted
11:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
Mike obviously tried to do OMERTA'S boys one better by wanting to paint this EDGY shtick as a RACIAL thing. OMERTA'S boys got it right by painting it as a MARKETING thing, and where there's MARKETING, nothing else matters, not even THE LAW. With BOTH stories, we got more AUTOMATIC TYPING.
Posted
10:43 AM
by Gene
![]() And of course, what Christmas would be complete without -- THE PAPER OF RE-CORD -- REVIEWING -- THE YULE LOG!!!!! (What TV were you using, PAPER OF RE-CORD?)
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
![]() The national Christmas tree at the Capitol; ![]() A Christmas tree in Kiev's Independence [!] Square (the orange, the caption alerts us, is the official color of Viktor Yushchenko); Have to use the caption here: ![]() Jenny Richardson (L) and Mathew Bailey from England sit next to a small Christmas tree on a cold and windy Christmas Day, at Sydney's Bondi Beach, December 25, 2004. The crowd was smaller on Sydney's famous Bondi Beach this year due to poor weather and an alcohol ban on the beach. REUTERS/David Gray ![]() Choosing a Christmas tree in -- Tehran; ![]() A Christmas tree in Arbil, Iraq; ![]() A Christmas tree "in the center square of Stavropol, Russia"; ![]() Mecys Vaitkevicius sits in his home decorated for Christmas with 100 plastic Christmas trees and 35,000 electric light bulbs, in the village of Simaniskes, some 100 km (62 miles) east of the Lithuanian capital, Vilnius, Thursday, Dec. 23, 2004. Vaitkevicius, a retired engineer, has made it a holiday habit to turn his modest house into a shrine of lights for himself and his friends. (AP Photo/Mindaugas Kulbis) ![]() In Jerusalem's Old City; And finally (again a caption here): ![]() U.S. Army's 1st. Cavalry Division Sergeant Victor Cordero, from the Dominican Republic, chats with a comrade (obscured) near a Christmas tree at the Cuervo Forward Operating Base in eastern Baghdad, December 24, 2004. U.S. 1st Cavalry Division soldiers celebrated Christmas Eve at their heavily guarded base in the Iraqi capital and all shared a common wish of going back home soon. REUTERS/Faleh Kheiber AMEN! MERRY CHRISTMAS! (More to come, if I feel like it.)
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
For this man (and I believe he is a Christian) there could only be ONE ideal Christmas gift -- HIMSELF.
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
And a lump of coal in YOUR stocking, TOM. (I can imagine HIS Christmas gifts -- three Rolls-Royces, a private jet....) Friday, December 24, 2004
Posted
4:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:15 PM
by Gene
Buzz Machine Tops Sorgatz's List For Blog Of The Year: "For being a spokesman against cultural censorship, Buzz Machine is my blog of the year." Sure, it's just one among many such lists or #1 claims but Rex Sorgatz does it so well. (This is where I should mention that paidContent is #15 on the list of 26 "for scouring a wide range of topics between business and technology." Thanks, Rex.) Of course, this is the same guy who predicted President Howard Dean when he put the Dean campaign blog at the top of last year's list. Which came a few posts before: Not The End Of Free After All: So much for the death of free content. The Online Journal's Carl Bialik writes of ways that free content has taken root or is increasing buoyed by the surge in online advertising and by evolving strategies. "End of Free" blogger Oliver Travers tells Bialik, "Free is certainly making a huge comeback these last 12 to 18 months."Bialik notes that a number of news organizations were pushing the "end of free" message in the post-bubble-burst era. In a nice touch, he includes the Journal, which ran two special reports in early 2002 "casting doubt on the business plans of ad-supported Web sites, with one lead article headlined 'No More Free Lunch' and another stating, 'The Web as store is a hit. The Web as billboard is a flop.' So much for sweeping prognostication. WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW?
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
I would not expect different from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD and a veteran of Toenail.com, but jeez, here's why we can't expect truthful writing from the ad-blurb copywriters: they're not merely from another planet, they're from another planet in a parallel universe. I've not seen Mary Poppins since its theatrical release and doubt that it's that good, but I do recall it was entertaining. Most people who saw it no doubt found it entertaining. Unfortunately these days the only way a movie gets raves from the blurbists is if it's VIOLENT, and DARK, and -- EDGY (I HATE THAT WORD!!!!!), and confirms that ALL WISDOM RESIDES IN LIBERALS. This pile of words only confirms the essential hermetically-sealed nature of ad-blurbists, a phenomenon proved for all time when the LEGENDARY Pauline Kael belched that she didn't know anyone who voted for Nixon. To be sure, it's not just liberals; after P. R. MEL and his WHAP!!!!!FEST I know I don't trust con-SER-va-tive ad-blurbists like Michael "The Ninny" Medved because they have cement helmets for skulls guarding the hollow core where their brains should be, just as with liberals; but the liberals are worse because they're INESCAPABLE. Besides, it can't be that bad if THE BRITISH like it, though it be transmuted to the stage by LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH.
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
We still like you, Tony, but then you're not OUR PM.
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
You can deck the halls with holly, but the tree, these days, is likely to be made of plastic. Among Americans who put up a Christmas tree, a majority — 58 percent in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll — say they use an artificial tree rather than a real one. That's a sharp increase from 40 percent in a Gallup poll 15 years ago. Growers have noticed: The National Christmas Tree Association is running a game called "Attack of the Mutant Artificial Trees" on its Web site, with instructions that say, "The artificial trees have mutated and are sucking the spirit out of Christmas. Help the elf beat these bad guys by hitting them with snowballs!" Yes but you can't beat the smell of real plastic.
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
But then most news hacks are so courageous they'd go fleeing from a war zone so fast they'd make Superman look like a burrowing snail. P. S. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are MAD again because the soldiers asked "FRIENDLY QUESTIONS." Hey Curley! Let's sneak a NEWS HACK in another Q-&-A. That should do WONDERS for your REPS.
Posted
6:25 AM
by Gene
Happily we decided before we let our fingers do the talking. The NBA'S EDGY, and EDGY is a CODE WORD FOR WE LIKE IT. Two clues that we're dealing with idiots: some "marketing consultant" says it's okay to alienate the "over-40 crowd" (he should know; he's negotiated enough DEALS with ADVERTISERS), and "[t]wo NBA sponsors — the International Dairy Foods Assn. and Nestle — did not return calls for this article." Smashing. P. S. Thanks, OMERTA, for the EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Already we're annoyed and Santa hasn't even arrived. BAH HUMBUG to you. Thursday, December 23, 2004
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
OR: [W]e forget that the phrase "millions for defense, not a penny for tribute" stemmed from America's refusal to acquiesce to French shakedowns during the XYZ affair. And we also forget, by the way, that the phrase, "Herr Kommandant! The Jews are hiding in those woods right over there!" was a wildly popular phrase in France in the early 1940s. Herr Kommandant! The craven fools are hiding in the government RIGHT OVER THERE!
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Even worse -- they're THE SAME EXTREMISTS AS BEFORE!!!!! SIC 'EM, DEMS!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Posted
4:48 PM
by Gene
WHAT NEWS HACKS DON'T SPIN, THEY SELL.
Posted
2:53 PM
by Gene
Well I SURE AM SORRY about that. Maybe they ought to desert. Of course not very terribly many people get to start their own PR-and-SPIN plaything with which to bark commands at their INFERIORS. RIGHT SOB?
Posted
2:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:55 AM
by Gene
Is there symbolism here? P. S. Two other stolen discs were offered for sale on All People Are Basically Good.com.
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
You'd think the people who own this piece of tin would welcome the defect -- it's a new driving challenge.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!!!
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
That should be easy: a fool and his money are easily parted, and the more money he has the more easily the fool's parted.
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Outstanding energy secretaries, a smooch from the Second Lady -- yes, I think THE BLOG OF THE MILLENNIUM IS GOING PLACES!!!!!
Posted
8:21 AM
by Gene
Want to read the rest of this article and all of Salon for FREE? NO.
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
And if you don't give us the break, we'll demand another stadium that depreciates!
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Dangers drive U.S. contractor out of Iraq Va.-based firm was under contract to rebuild transportation systems U. S....VA....VIETNAM!!!!! BUT: The company is a subsidiary of Orascom Construction Industries, an Egypt-based conglomerate.... Think there might be more than LOCAL DANGERS at work here?
Posted
1:06 PM
by Gene
The freaked-out cast and crew dub this man a ghost. Christine just calls him her "angel of music," which is true in much the same way that Howard Stern is the king of all media. STERNO!!!!!!!!!! HE'S ATTACKING YOUR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S ANTI-RELIGIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!) The credits for "The Phantom of the Opera" insist that Andrew Lloyd Webber authored these tunes. But they come crashing through the speakers with such punishing force that it wouldn't be wrong to think Jerry Bruckheimer might have written them. Which is just as well; Jerry Dreckheimer is the Lord Lloud Wubbish of film.
Posted
10:22 AM
by Gene
"Far too many notes for my taste," sniffs one of the proprietors of the Opéra Populaire in "The Phantom of the Opera." I quite agree. He is talking about the threatening messages that the control-freak phantom (Gerard Butler) is sending to various members of the company, but his complaint applies perfectly to the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber, whose relentless bombast afflicts this movie like a bad case of swollen lymph nodes. Of course, Lord Lloyd Webber's music is the whole point of the film, and Joel Schumacher, the director, does his best to find a visual style to match the vulgarity and pretentiousness of the soundtrack. He succeeds admirably.... So much for the revenge -- er, the RETURN of the FILM MUSICAL.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
That's the funniest joke most of them have ever told. Long hours, low pay -- plus the food isn't so hot when they toss it at you.
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
That's a LOT for toenail fungus and AAAAAAAATTITUUUUUUUUDE.
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Another problem with automatic typists is that they type when they don't have to -- in this case, excepting these accidental words: The Passion is just a sadomasochistic bloodbath with quasi-religious overtones. Why bother testing your keyboard when you've summed up everything in ONE SENTENCE? Then again, I could sum the con-SER-va-tive's favorite movie up in one word: WHAP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
I just don't buy it. If you think taking two minutes a day (at most) to sign letters to the families of the fallen is a needless distraction, fine. But if that's the case you should be more outraged when Rumsfeld goes out to dinner and has a long meal. And what about his visits to Walter Reed is that a waste of his time? You should also be cross with President Bush for taking the time out of his day to sign similar letters. Didn't Lincoln write countless letters by hand to families of the fallen while he was working to preserve the Union. I'm open to more facts. It may be a snafu, where Rumsfeld simply inherited a policy or some such. Maybe he wanted his signature to look its best. Who knows? I also agree that the get-Rumsfeld crowd is using this to, uh, get Rumsfeld. And it would be tragic if this alone were used to topple him. But I really don't think it's a trivial thing. An aide writes and prints the letter and Rumsfeld gets a stack every other day or so. He signs them between 9:00 AM and 9:02 AM. Done deal. JONAH HAS SENSE.
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
little has a big audience; Kos has a big audience. Do these clowns get into these WWE matches as a means of confirming each other's MEGAEGO? It can't be for any other reason because they ANNOY THE LIVING HELL OUT OF US. One other thing, little -- you make it sound as though our soldiers died so that Kos could scream. From someone who bleeds red, white and blue I find that vaguely distasteful, no matter how profitable it is for you.
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Creator Eric Idle, in the show's announcement, promises it will be "almost as good as anything else opening in Chicago that week." Which is probably more true than he thinks -- but as I said before, this is going to be a smash no matter how bad it is (and I've no doubt it WILL be bad) because it's opening in Chicago, debut territory of the second coming of CH -- THE PRODUCERS, because the people who pay hundreds of bucks to see Broadway's theme parks want to believe, and because the news hacks, who want to praise anything, want doubly to believe. This much is certain: the fourth or fifth time someone attempts a parody musical based on a movie parody, people may finally find it not-so-funny. This much too is certain - it is marginally better than ALL SHOOK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:35 PM
by Gene
I don't take this as a cute joke, like the Professor (although most likely that was the intent). No, I take it as a damning comment on what happens when a blogger gets a reputation and an audience and goes on cruise control -- like nearly ALL the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS. Because they're guaranteed the attention they can write whatever they damned well please -- and whatever they write does not please and is not written WELL. But Andy and his pals in megalomania will continue because there are SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS -- and no one else.
Posted
3:15 PM
by Gene
SHUT UP, BRENT.
Posted
2:08 PM
by Gene
[E]very source has fallen somewhat since 2002, with only news on the Internet gaining, from 15% going there every day two years ago to 20% doing so today. Some sources dropped heavily: National newspapers are off 4%, from 11% to 7%; NPR is off 5%; local TV news is down 6%; network news down 7%; and PBS news plunged 8%. In that company, local newspapers are doing fairly well, only dropping 3%. Cable news dropped 2%. But MORE PEOPLE GET THEIR NEWS FROM THE IF-IT-BLEEDS-IT-LEADS LOCAL DO'S THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE! That's comforting.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Readers are likely to notice little, if any, change in the magazine. We didn't think so, Jake. You'll still be the same nose-in-the-air table-pounding condescending cutesy-pieing ironically dissembling SUPER-LIBERAL doofuses as before.
Posted
9:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! Isn't the election over?
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
Monday, December 20, 2004
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
BUT THEN IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT INTO THE CORNER!!!!!
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
Hey what did they expect at the YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-M-C-A! The Ys are glorified welfare organizations and health spas that serve no real purpose. Lots of people work in them who don't want to know what the letters once stood for. Let's see, YMCA -- we can't call it YOUNG beause that's AGEIST, and we can't call it MEN'S because that's SEXIST, and we can't call it CHRISTIAN because that's AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION. I'VE GOT IT! WE'LL CALL IT THE A!!!!! Which I will do the next time these dimwitted orgs make the news. I've also a pretty good idea what I will call the people who pull the next stunt like this.
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Let me guess: Gore blames the Civil War on -- Dubya, and -- RIGHT-WING RELIGIOUS ZEALOTS, and -- JEWS...AND... It's opening in DUKIELAND! Home of Dickie V and PC! Hey Dickie! THEY RHYME!!!!!
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
WE FEEL HIS PAIN (cover-page hed) I'd rather feel his wallet.
Posted
3:28 PM
by Gene
If I start covering the blogs, that's all I'll ever do, and I know I'll get confused between fact and fiction. A lot of blogging is fiction. I don't want to write things that aren't true but might stick in my mind as if they are. And how could I get the column written with the sort of stuff I like to put into it? I notice that some of my excellent editors, bless their hearts, are sensitive to and alarmed by material I want to reprint from the Internet. They get paid to be suspicious. Bloggers, you know, are not apt to be sued, so they can be as fractious as they like. Newspapers don't like getting sued. I leave it to my famous colleagues to blog, and may the best sorter-outer of blog gossip win! Yes, a lot of bloggers tell fibs. But then, so do a lot of MAINSTREAM JERNALISTS. For my part I find it hard to discern the truth when SO MANY PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES SPEND THEIR TIME TYPING BEFORE A MIRROR. And lest we forget, YOUR job, LIZ, is NOT GOSSIP -- IT'S P. R. If blogging can drive PRESS RELEASES and their FLAGRANT DISHONESTY UNDERGROUND, SO MUCH THE BETTER.
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
I see too that this SUPEREST of SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS has found WONKETTE, much as STERNO found BRENT. Some people are MADE for each other.
Posted
2:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
And she SAW THE PICTURE. Yes, THIS DEFINITELY BELONGS IN THE CORNER. (OR to put it correctly, THISS DEFANATELY BE-LONGS INN TH CORRNER.)
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
She could demagogue -- er, REPORT THE NEWS even BETTER!!!!!
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
This is the kinder, gentler, mushier, jellyfishier Dubya.
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Okay, maybe the government's action was extreme, but to act as though you people are pure -- please. You pull enough comedy every day in your listings. Sunday, December 19, 2004
Posted
6:24 PM
by Gene
HUP-two-three....
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
This sort of thing's happened a LOT lately. You don't suppose moviegoers are getting -- INTELLIGENT? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. OKAY, CGI Tolkien opened this time last year. But still if movies are as GREAT as the ad-blurb copywriters SAY you'd expect the B. O. to go UP -- as it has NOT for MOST weekends since September.
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
![]() Here's another gift for you! (WHAP!) And another! (WHAP!) And ANOTHER! (WHAP!!!!!) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you. Naughty Santa jokes may be funnier, though.
Posted
12:54 PM
by Gene
Ka-CHINNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
12:50 PM
by Gene
Oh well, the GOP has the Congress, but hey! You'll ALWAYS have PINCH.
Posted
12:20 PM
by Gene
So who needs Broadway, Manny?
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
Not entirely true. Californians do have great respect for people's RIGHTS.
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
That said, how could the TWXSTERS have chosen anyone else, like him or not? I see these clowns have also named a BLOG OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which confirms SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are now in the MMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMM just like everybody else. The good thing is the TWXSTERS notice lots of trends after they've peaked. We can only hope. Saturday, December 18, 2004
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Tycoon planned to fly Mandela into Iraq to persuade Saddam into exile Sorry, many virgins do it better.
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
Many con-SER-va-tives would liken multinationals to JESUS.
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
In some quarters that's called "justice."
Posted
1:36 PM
by Gene
In 1999, McFarlane paid $3 million for Mark McGwire's 70th home-run baseball. He also paid $450,000 last year for Barry Bonds' record 73rd home-run ball and owns Sammy Sosa's 66th home-run ball. Be careful, Todd. They might be covered with STEROIDS.
Posted
1:29 PM
by Gene
No, I don't think the pigs are in V formation over midtown Manhattan yet.
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:02 PM
by Gene
No doubt many asking the questions don't know what armor is -- they probably think it's those neat metal suits worn by knights -- but by gum they (and CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES!) are gonna get ANSWERS!
Posted
11:26 AM
by Gene
In a rare slip of his keyboard, Victor Davis Hanson wrote: [I]t is also time to take a hard look at the heroes and villains of Hollywood, liberal Democrats, and the Euro elites. Many are as obsessed with damning the senile dictator of Chile as they are with excusing the unelected President for Life Fidel Castro. But let us be frank. A murderous Pinochet probably killed fewer of his own than did a mass-murdering Castro, and left Chile in better shape than contemporary Cuba is in. And the former is long gone, while the latter is still long in power. This is not frank. (When a writer uses politicospeak he is definitely not being "frank.") Mr. Hanson forgets that conservatives had a feckless tradition of condoning dictators, most notably with Hitler. Pinochet's brutality became such that even Ronald Reagan had to acknowledge it, but then in the form of Ms. Ambassador Kirkpatrick's silent -- er, "QUIET diplomacy." At least Jimmy Carter, for his manifold flaws, had the right idea: he wanted a moral foreign policy. Of course who could know what his definition of "morality" would be. The surpassing glibness of liberals in endorsing Castro does not excuse the conservatives' past failures of will, and of the heart.
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Interesting use of the editorial WE, STERNO. Who's WE? Does it include The TWXSTERS, ESPNCorp, VIACON, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!, GE Bancorp, CONCAST, Sony, TRIB, GanNETt, the recorded-music conspiracy, SAMMY GLICKMAN, the whole nine yards? You, BRENT -- one Ka-CHING!!!!! does not sound different from another. I must stay away from SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS who say the same blasted things all the time -- and that, sadly, includes nearly all of them.
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
A NEW CHAPTER IS BEING WRITTEN IN AMERICAN HISTORY, THE THEME OF WHICH IS "DIRTY DIVERSITY"!!!!! NON-WHITE FACES HAVE BEEN HIRED FOR BIG-TICKET JOBS SO THAT A BLACK WOMAN VOUCHES FOR AN UNJUST WAR, A BLACK MAN DEFENDS IT, ONE HISPANIC JUSTIFIES THE USE OF TORTURE WHILE ANOTHER SUPERVISES THE SLAUGHTER OF FOREIGN CIVILIANS, AND A VIETNAMESE REFUGEE WRITES THE LAW TO MAIM AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The name's Khan. Ali Khan. I wonder who could throw the better tantrum -- you or a three-year-old? I say you win hands down. P. S. LIAQUAT Ali Khan. You know anyone in Pakistan, LIAQUAT?
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
![]() Or as George Soros would say, "Zeee! I told you this vvvar was vvvaged by a NAZZZZI government!" But as proof that we Americans can turn the other cheek (and that JIMBAKERISM is alive and well and living in Bush's cabinet) we sell the Cubans $125 million in farm goods. Somebody's smiling today! Friday, December 17, 2004
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
Although a stated goal of [Minneapolis "public" station WCAL's new] format [something that must be called Adult Album Alternative, which someone's described as "watered-down folk-rock and HORDE-iness with a side order of Steely Dan, Dire Straits and Peter Gabriel"] is to attract younger listeners, WXPN [executive Bruce] Warren calls that hope "a myth." The average age of his listeners is 46, compared with 52 for his rival National Public Radio affiliate. The time has come to pull ALL taxpayer support of "public" broadcasting of any kind, and just let it be what it wants to be: condescendingly COMMERCIAL.
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
At one point, Scorsese says he had convinced Tom Hanks to play the part of the Rat Pack ringleader who caroused and partied in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. Hmmm, what did Peter Bogdanovich say the other day, hmmmmm? "Think about it - Tom Hanks is a very good actor and so is Tom Cruise, but what is a 'Tom Cruise film'? It could be anything," he said. "Do me a Tom Cruise impression - you can't do it. So you don't know exactly what that is." The un-imitable Tom Hanks doing the inimitable Dino. Yep, I see why THE GREATEST DIRECTOR IN FILM HISTORY ditched it.
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:52 PM
by Gene
That the baby is okay must be chalked up to the grace of God.
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
"I really do believe that this White House gets it," said Rep. Mike Pence, R-Ind., a leading House conservative. Yeah. Just like the river gets it after the dam's burst. Good luck, Dubya.
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