Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Posted
9:09 PM
by Gene
Low-Carb Pioneer Atkins Files Chapter 11 ...and not a moment too soon.
Posted
6:30 PM
by Gene
![]() Another reason to ROLL THE EYEBALLS: VIACON (through its corporate partner Yahoo!) has bequeathed us a photo gallery of blonde "top" Hollywood "stars." As a for-instance we might consider this snapshot of Renée What's-Her-Name, and ponder that the BEST to be said is that she has a vague resemblance to Doris Day (whose real last name was von Kappelhoff -- THAT would have sold her!), but we would not pursue the line further as we suspect the divine Doris sang slightly better. Once again we are dismayed by the utter lack of beauty, of grace, of charm, of anything in these exceptionally lucky no-talents; and surely this tremendous lack of appeal is why people are gravitating away from the once fierce pull of Hollywood, even more than the bad ideas, the bad scripts, the bad MOVIES. P. S. ![]()
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3:16 PM
by Gene
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2:58 PM
by Gene
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1:32 PM
by Gene
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1:16 PM
by Gene
So THAT's what they do with all that MONEY!
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1:13 PM
by Gene
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12:34 PM
by Gene
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9:24 AM
by Gene
Do I smell EBAY? Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-U!
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
Your constituents thank you again, HONORARY MAYOR MIKE. How's the L. P. going?
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
We suspect the failed July 21 bombings in London were the result of four evil stupid men with a death wish. NEEEEEEEEEEEWS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKS!!!!!
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
That's putting it mildly.
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8:43 AM
by Gene
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8:37 AM
by Gene
Saturday, July 30, 2005
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6:38 PM
by Gene
How do you say SPIN in German? Then again, maybe it WAS long-planned -- by JUERGEN.
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4:13 PM
by Gene
![]() -- appeared online with THIS story: Pakistan cracks down on extremist madrassas T'ain't funny, McGee.
Posted
3:58 PM
by Gene
No WONDER the Son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! quit!
Posted
3:33 PM
by Gene
T.O.'s Agent is Mostly Talk -- DIRECTLY ABOVE a PLUG, FLOGGED ABOVE THE FRONT-PAGE MASTHEAD, for our star multimillionaire sports scribbler and attitudinizer (and, if he's lucky, our next KEYBOARD THROWER) and his new soapbox on ESPN2. [It must be GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD when THE PAPER OF RE-CORD ENDORSES IT.) We've no doubt the hacks in THE TOWER OF BABBLE think "juxtaposition" is a word TONY RIDDER uses to justify LAYOFFS, and we've equally no doubt that if T. O.'S AGENT IS MOSTLY TALK, NEWS HACKS ARE ALL TALK -- and often SOMETHING WORSE THAN IT. P. S. Did MICKEYMOUSE BOB hire that dishwater OM-BUDS-MAN because he knew he'd be buying a new SOAPBOX? (By the way, ombuddy's written ONE column SINCE JOINING THEM.)
Posted
1:36 PM
by Gene
Martin Murray wanted to build something straight out of the 1950s. So he cleared 30 acres of rural pasture off Interstate 45 about 20 miles south of Dallas and built his Galaxy Drive-In like a museum to a mostly extinct industry. Cars squeeze between poles tethered with speaker boxes and campy, vintage commercials rescued from Hitchcock-era reels roll before the main feature. "I wanted to take people back to a simpler time," Murray said. "You hit 1958 once you enter our driveway." Okay Martin, but could you try to make it 1958 once your eyeballs hit the screen?
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
Who knows? Maybe it will put a few of these high-tech HEDDA HOPPERS out of business.
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1:02 PM
by Gene
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8:42 AM
by Gene
Okay, who goes broke THIS time?
Posted
7:50 AM
by Gene
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7:44 AM
by Gene
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7:35 AM
by Gene
P. S. Being cited frequently in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD MAGAZINE may not be qualifying.
Posted
7:18 AM
by Gene
BOSTON GLOBE SAYS YOU LACK HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS [John Podhoretz] Check out this delightful sentiment from Boston Globe movie critic Ty Burr: "'Stealth' is a pretty fair military-hardware action movie until you start thinking about it -- at which point it turns incredibly sour in your mouth. I can therefore recommend it to any and all audiences lacking higher brain functions. Sea cucumbers, perhaps. Ones waving American flags." Posted at 06:36 AM We're willing to say most MOVIE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS like Teeny Tiny Ty lack higher brain functions, but we're also willing to say we have our doubts about YOU, John, after you raved that PURPLE-HEART WEARING CON-SER-VA-TIVE PC COMEDY -- ON A CURVE. Friday, July 29, 2005
Posted
7:27 PM
by Gene
But then this is FRISCO, where luring more people living in BIG BOXES is the order of the day.
Posted
7:23 PM
by Gene
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7:21 PM
by Gene
What will be the push that brings His TOWER OF FLEA-BITTEN ASSETS TUMBLING?
Posted
7:12 PM
by Gene
How many [of the current unretired NINE FINGERS] have ever held elected office? How may have previously served at the highest levels of the executive brnach of government? How many have argued big-time commercial lawsuits within the past thirty-five years? How many have ever been either criminal defense lawyers or trial prosecutors? How many have ever presided over even a single criminal or civil trial? The answers are zero, zero, zero, one and one, respectively. He argues it was "starkly different fifty years ago," but then DC wasn't so much like a block of reinforced concrete either. I repeat, for all the denials, what the NINE FINGERS do is ultimately POLITICAL, and what better way to open up their workplace to the real world than through ELECTIONS?
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
I think Al O'Franken will only get O'ANGRIER.
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
This is almost as bad as Henry VIII's problem -- only he was JUST a KING. Thursday, July 28, 2005
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5:55 PM
by Gene
Aw, we can dream, can't we?
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
That will come soon after VIDEO SPAM. If you think computing's bad NOW.... Google found "video spam" (in quotes) 589 times, "video adware" (in quotes) 509 times. We're kidding ourselves to believe this isn't the future.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
The hiring of Patton Boggs – which has also represented Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Pakistan.... NUF SAID.
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5:05 PM
by Gene
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2:07 PM
by Gene
"I knew Ken Jennings, and you, sir, are no Ken Jennings," writes one fan. "I’ll be making myself scarce until someone knocks the current champ off." I know you GEEKS, and you GEEKS, sir, need to GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
They should have taught it to be a STAND-UP COMIC.
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
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11:54 AM
by Gene
YES -- when he says what you want to hear.
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
Safe in their liberal strongholds of New York and Los Angeles, it is easy for media executives to underestimate the strength of public feeling against indecency on TV. “Look at the top shows,” says one, such as “CSI”, which is “all about murder, and ‘Desperate Housewives', full of sex.” But that misses the point. For the sake of children, a large part of the public wants something done. If media firms do not cater to this demand, Congress probably will.
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9:23 AM
by Gene
Sony swings to loss, slashes 2006 earnings estimates
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8:35 AM
by Gene
And NO, idiots, I NEVER signed up for your INTRUSIONS!!!!! Now I have to go through my @#$%&* computer and find out where the @#$%&* it's BURIED. P. S. I found TWO LISTINGS of it in my office computer's REGISTRY, in Search Assistant. Perhaps I put them there in searches; so how did these @#$%&* ADS get on my COMPUTER? P. P. S. I mustn't be the only one angered by these ads -- according to ExTREmeTracKeR (or however they spell it), my last ten search-engine hits were "Eurosunsa." Somebody must put these FRAUDS out of business.
Posted
6:58 AM
by Gene
Ask any of the 17,500 headbangers who attended this first of two shows at PNC. Ozzy howled like a wounded dog, he was out of tune with his band, and he could hardly keep time with the music. When he tried to incite the house to clap along, his tempo was so off that he looked like a disabled athlete failing at jumping jacks. Pardon -- another immortal prepares for a concert life at the age of 110.
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
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6:33 AM
by Gene
You gotta love these guys. They obviously believe in the saying, "Any publicity is good publicity."
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
The news boosted DaimlerChrysler's stock -- the laggard so far this year among European peers -- more than 10 percent. They [SIC] traded at 39.40 euros at 0930 GMT, up 8.5 percent. Schrempp's leaving added some 3.7 billion euros to the firm's market value. How typical -- a company's worth more without its CEO than with it. Why do companies need CEOs? Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Posted
7:40 PM
by Gene
P. S. Suzanne Somers had 77 percent attendance TOO.
Posted
7:19 PM
by Gene
Give this guy a PURPLE HEART! Posted by his FRIENDS at THE CORNER, who are no doubt egging him on.
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
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5:56 PM
by Gene
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5:52 PM
by Gene
![]() Bring back the CHECKER.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
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5:23 PM
by Gene
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1:17 PM
by Gene
Want a bet you still don't want to know about it? When these hacks have an ENTHUSIASM they WILL NOT SHUT UP.
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
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11:03 AM
by Gene
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11:01 AM
by Gene
The latest overhaul of TV Guide is emblematic of what Jarvis calls "one size fits all" media being overtaken. "It's really indicative of where our culture has gone. We all go where we want to go," Jarvis said by phone. "The whole notion of a TV Guide, which was so right for its time ... is the exact best indication of how far past that we've gone." STERNO, THE AMBASSADOR WOULD HAVE INVENTED TIVO IF HE COULD HAVE.
Posted
10:48 AM
by Gene
Hope you like your new job as an ex-governor and superlobbyist!
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Some of the comments, however, are ACCIDENTALLY truthful: "Of course, most blogs are mind-numbingly dull." We needed YOU to tell us THAT, Matt. Or consider these other morsels of wisdom about our favorites (pffh-hh-hh): STERNO: "Posts can be rambling." (We'll ignore this could be said of most of the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS.) TV NEWSER: "Sometimes reads like the sources are mostly press releases." GAWKER: "May not play so well if New York is not the center of your universe." And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on. Which reminds us, AGAIN, of something Peter Carlson wrote several years ago: ...[T]here are many reasons for the rise of The List. The top five reasons are: 1) Lists are the easiest way to organize information without actually thinking. 2) Magazine editors are too lazy to think of anything more creative. 3) Magazine editors figure their readers are too lazy to read anything but lists. 4) Magazine readers really are too lazy to read anything but lists. 5) David Letterman's Top Ten lists have warped everybody's mind. Most magazine lists are, needless to say, totally stupid.
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8:15 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
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5:25 PM
by Gene
Representative Christopher Cox, President Bush's nominee to head the Securities and Exchange Commission, told a Senate committee today that he would seek to build on the record of William H. Donaldson, the S.E.C. chairman who resigned after business groups complained that he was too heavy-handed.... "My top priority will be the vigorous enforcement of our nation's securities laws," said Mr. Cox, 52. LARRY KUDLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This has NOTHING to do with the LAST post.
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
![]() Another corporate eighty-something lets it all hang out. These bozos may think they're mining a golden vein of publicity, but as Carl's Jr. learned, too often like the Treasure of the Sierra Madre the gold just -- blows away. Or just BLOWS. P. S. At least three other witticisms were deleted from the page where AdAge found this photo, suggesting it was a busy day in MIAMI today. P. P. S. Some launch, DIMWITS.
Posted
3:12 PM
by Gene
IT: Nerdcore Rap In The Press Posted by Zonk on Tuesday July 26, @01:47PM from the nerdcore-makes-a-good-comic-too dept. hammeredpeon writes "MC Plus+ and others talk about their nerdcore rap skills with Wired magazine." From the article: "While gangsta rap is seen as celebrating the violence and aggression that claimed two of its brightest stars, 'geeksta' rap is a hip-hop genre celebrating coding skills and school grades. Also dubbed 'nerdcore,' this branch of hip-hop is for geeks, by geeks. Geeksta rappers adopt the same combative verbal-assault stylings of their forerunners, but bust rhymes about elite script compiling and dope machine code. The term was first coined in 2000 by nerdy New York rapper MC Frontalot in a track of the same name. Nerdcore now refers to artists waxing lyrical about topics as disparate as engineering and Lord of the Rings."
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
I guess Jack Benny wouldn't lend him the money.
Posted
10:07 AM
by Gene
No he didn't. What pickpocket would drag his pockets behind him in an armored car?
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
Colorado mother wanted to be ‘cool mom,’ admits supplying drugs, alcohol Will someone tell me why the ne plus ultra of modern life is to be "COOL"?
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
P. S. A TIME WARNER COMPANY. P. P. S. No mention on THE MOVIE'S OFFICIAL WEB SITE, nor ever will be.
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
Yep, I think he's running for president.
Posted
6:51 AM
by Gene
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6:48 AM
by Gene
We might compare your whole NETWORK to a colonic.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
P. S. Interesting: the rag was a victim of CIRCULATION INFLATION. Monday, July 25, 2005
Posted
8:11 PM
by Gene
Eisner's Disney Names Battsek Miramax President Since when has Roy Disney run EISNER? We thought BOB settled that!
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
It's not just PAYOLA, Rog -- but it HELPS.
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
[W]hile tutoring Roberts on the finer points of Senate relations, the 62-year-old Thompson will have to squirrel away some time to memorize lines. NBC says the attorney-turned-actor is expected to continue his usual duties on "Law & Order," where he plays craggy, baritone-voiced Dist. Atty. Arthur Branch. The legal drama begins production on its 16th season Friday in New York.... As "Law & Order" creator and executive producer Dick Wolf wrote in an e-mail: "With his new presidential assignment, Fred has become the personification of life imitating art imitating life." TRANSLATION: This man looks into a mirror and sees nothing.
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Betcha THIS doesn't pop up on THE MOVIE'S OFFICIAL WEB SITE. "I challenge the producer of that movie to go to Walter Reed Hospital and walk through the ward and see if he still wants to print out a fake Purple Heart." I challenge SEN. BOOBS McKEATING TO DO LIKEWISE. P. S. I wonder how many people at the OFFICIAL WEB SITE and ITS PARENT FIRM got DEFERMENTS.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Chris_Yates [SIC] writes "mobiBlu is claiming to produce the world's smallest mp3 player, the DAH-1500 cube. The player is 24x24x24 millimeters (about the size of the tip of your finger or various small items), weighs 18 grams, uses OLED technology, and comes in a variety of colors. The 1GB version is currently selling for $130 at Wal-Mart. Buy one today, so you can lose it within a week!" GO FOR IT!
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
I'd believe in this "death-spiral" shtick except that something has always pulled this rank pile of bad beef out of the fire -- first radio (which gave it an enormous promotional opportunity), then TV, then cable, then the VCR, then the DVD. We can only hope it works this time; but if DVD sales are flattening, doesn't that mean THE CONSPIRACY is safe -- for now?
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Supreme Court nominee Judge John Roberts will be targeted by an 11th-hour dirty-tricks campaign designed to derail his Senate confirmation, Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol predicted on Sunday.... "[A] week before the confirmation begins, there will be some dirty trick, some personal attack, [that] will appear in the New York Times," Kristol predicted. Okay PINCH, tell us -- WHAT IS IT????? I know one thing: NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! inflicted a dirty trick on us -- AN NC.EUROSUNSA.COM AD.
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
Sen. Rick Santorum has accused the Philadelphia Inquirer of having "outed" one of his staffers. The Pennsylvania Republican made the charge on Fox's "O'Reilly Factor" last week after the Inquirer published a story headlined: "A Top Santorum Aide Is Gay." Why on earth would the Inquirer run such a piece? Because they don't like him? Sunday, July 24, 2005
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5:43 PM
by Gene
A man who authorities say could be the nation’s most prolific child molester was crafting a lengthy memoir about his sexual exploits with boys when he was arrested, police said. Authorities also said they have cracked “99 percent” of the detailed code that Dean Schwartzmiller used in notebooks he kept, apparently to chronicle crimes both real and imagined. Schwartzmiller was arrested earlier this month after investigators said they discovered notebooks with 36,700 handwritten entries of boys’ names, descriptions of their anatomy and codes for suspected sex acts. Somehow I don't THINK Judith Regan would want to touch THAT. P. S. James Kevan, a defense attorney in Idaho, remembers Schwartzmiller. He coached football with him. The boys were about 11 or 12. Schwartzmiller went by the alias "Doc Lewis," because he supposedly was a psychiatrist or psychologist. He was "charismatic," Kevan recalled. "Everybody took him at his word." There was one telling incident. On the bus to a football game in Boise, Schwartzmiller announced it was time for a "jockstrap check." This would be good for a laugh if it weren't sick. Or maybe it's just good for a sick laugh.
Posted
2:41 PM
by Gene
I can't get over the irony of Clear Channel Entertainment producing a John Lennon musical. Clear Channel, destroyer of radio, masticator of the concert business, would have been Lennon's archenemy had he lived. Don't worry Rog, CHEAP CHANNEL got masticated in its own right.
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
![]() GOD, what a striking visage you have Jonah! What a devilishly handsome face! What a rakish grin! Time to observe my beauty in the mirror again. Wh-wh-what's THAT? I'm MORPHING into something! What IS it? No! No!! ![]() NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
2:26 PM
by Gene
Honest Jo, we know you think you and your fellow typists are hoots, but I'd need more hands than there are stars in the universe to count the times you NRO clowns have made asses of yourselves -- and misspelled to boot.
Posted
1:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
There are days when I fear blogging is the moral equivalent of banging your head on a wall. And I DON'T think Prof's wholly kidding either.
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
Asking a member of the RECORDED, er, SOUND CONSPIRACY to comment on one of the BIGGEST EARACHES, er, STARS is like asking a MAFIA DON to comment on his hitmen's SHOOTING. We were thinking of giving you a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD, Monique, but we'll save it for YOUR BOSS. Oh HECK, we'll GIVE IT TO YOU ANYWAY!
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Who says crime don't pay? P. S. General Electric, which runs its world operations from Fairfield, Connecticut, may save more than $8 billion over the next decade from the changes by avoiding U.S. taxes on the foreign profits of its financing businesses, according to an analysis by Democrats on the House Ways and Means Committee after Congress approved the new law. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Harvard Medical School's major teaching hospitals are considering adopting a sweeping disclosure policy that would establish detailed procedures for physicians to openly acknowledge medical errors and other bad results to their patients, and provide for training in apologizing. ...is NOT like the other.... CHRONIC CONDITION The Waste in Medicare Spending Bad Practices Net Hospitals More Money High Quality Often Loses Out In the 40-Year-Old Program
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Does this mean lots of people were involved? Or does this mean Hosni's launched a show-offy fishing expedition?
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
And most of those employees get their paychecks from City Hall departments targeted in a federal investigation of hiring. Yep, I think hizzoner's chance at an indictment just went MORE up.
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Posted
3:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:41 PM
by Gene
Little Jeffy gets his MONEY'$ WORTH with DUBYA!
Posted
12:26 PM
by Gene
ROANOKE, Va. (AP) -- Wal-Mart has ditched a program that helped single shoppers find love in the discount store's aisles. Officials at Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville, Ark., ordered their Roanoke store to put an end to Singles Shopping, the only program of its kind at Wal-Mart's U.S. stores. Taking a cue from Wal-Marts in Germany, the month-old program encouraged customers on Friday evenings to pick up a red bow they could place on their shopping carts as an invitation to other singles. "Flirt points" were set up in various sections of the store. A Wal-Mart spokesman declined to comment on the reason behind the program's cancellation. But customer Dale Firebaugh, who showed up Friday night hoping to meet his match, said store employees told him several people had complained. "I'm disappointed," said Firebaugh, 63. "Where can someone over 40 who doesn't smoke or drink or go to bars meet someone?" Have you tried Kmart?
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
HUGE CAVEAT: These are two Washington Times reporters -- transcribed by NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:31 AM
by Gene
Time for another LIVE 8?!?!? Friday, July 22, 2005
Posted
8:55 PM
by Gene
Kerry Seeks Release of Roberts' Documents HARDY-HAR-HAR!!!!!
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Ridin' the train alone? Whatever happened to Gene and Tex And Roy and Rex, The Durango Kid... AND LIVE 8?
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
And to COMPOUND the propaganda ANOTHER of those @#$%&* NC.EUROSUNSA.COM ADS POPPED UP!
Posted
4:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:50 PM
by Gene
R Kelly wrote: I believe I can fly I believe I can touch the sky He belongs in jail for that, if for no other reason. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!
Posted
2:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
In the old days these would have been called -- eccentrics. Today they're called -- HEROES. A fool by any name is still a fool.
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
Was TOILETBOWL RAG in on this too?
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
The lawmakers - Rep. Richard Pombo, R-Calif., Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D., and Sen. James Inhofe, R-Okla. - have been among the most vocal on Capitol Hill in criticizing CNOOC's proposed deal as anticompetitive and a threat to national security. The perception that Congress could delay or spike a CNOOC deal is viewed as a major factor in Unocal's decision to stick with Chevron despite its lower bid. Well, at least they're not taking money from the CHINESE. Who is?
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
I believe content had nothing to do with the circulation decline; if anything, the decline was mitigated by our content. Where does the blame lie? The list is long: 1. The scandal at Newsday, which prompted both our internal auditors and the Audit Bureau of Circulation to disallow certain types of sales that were previously considered legitimate. 2. The advent of the "do not call" list, which stymied our phone sales. 3. The reduction of the newspaper's cost base by more than $130 million annually, which cut the strength of marketing and promotion efforts, among others. 4. Issues on the business side that recently prompted the appointment of new directors of circulation and marketing. 5. And, of course, increased competition for readers' time. That's only a partial list. TRANSLATION: I'm right and you're wrong. This DELUSIONAL ASS isn't finished in the NEWS BIZ. NEXT STOP: NEW YORK.
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
They should NEVER have put LEW LAPHAM on the stand! Oh well, for once we agree with that towering sycophant Gray: why the hell did this Humbert Humbert of the CI-NE-MA win?
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
BILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
...and the shares went down $30 after hours. PFFH-HH-HH!
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
"No racial profiling will be allowed," Mr. Kelly said. "It's against our policies. But it will be a systematized approach." Honorary Mayor Mike is not serious. He'll search old ladies and babies, and be reelected in a landslide, and continue as the figurehead of the Big Apple.
Posted
11:38 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
Including, we may presume, their RIGHT TO DIE.
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
Translation: ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's gonna have a tough time selling KA-KA JOKES, WEE-WEE JOKES and BIG-BAZOOM JOKES.
Posted
11:15 AM
by Gene
An e-mail mistake by the Casey Journalism Center at the University of Maryland wrongly invited hundreds of journalists nationwide to the university's prestigious "Casey Medals" awards. The goof also launched a perpetual e-mail whirlwind as those who responded to the incorrect note unwittingly sent their feedback to everyone else on the recipient list. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
You mean he won't engage in terrorist attacks?
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
Dobson: 'Roberts Unquestionably Qualified' Does that mean he's a big fan of JESUS SLASHER MOVIES? Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
Yes, this is an "interesting" article.
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
And tonight, in his honor, I ate a TV dinner.
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Follow-up: Nope, I guess not; Take Two's "SUSPENDING PRODUCTION," according to GameSpot, which it should have done the moment it INTRODUCED THE GAME. Now do we crib from the DR. EVIL playbook and release an UNRATED VERSION?
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Then again, cars don't give drivers cryptic error messages. YET.
Posted
2:53 PM
by Gene
Way to go, TOM!
Posted
2:43 PM
by Gene
I'd say the odds of hizzoner being indicted just went UP. "Daley's reputation is that he's a hands-on mayor, a detail mayor," U.S. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., a possible mayoral challenger, told me. "But you just can't take all the credit when things go well, and then, when things don't go well, you know nothing." You can't? DEFINITELY.
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
![]() THE GRANDEST STOOGE OF JERNALISM'S AT IT AGAIN: Editor's Note: The following story may contain spoilers. If you'd rather not know anything, stop reading now. CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), anytime you BREAK WIND out of your NEWS HOLE you SPOIL my DAY. By the way, I've got a new motto for your voluminous -- output: IF YOU'D RATHER NOT KNOW ANYTHING, START READING NOW.
Posted
1:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
The REUT gives this MORON a STANDING OVATION.
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
Omerta may be gone but his CODE will live on. Gray Davis thanks you, Little Michael thanks you, liberals everywhere thank you, and I thank you. Some senior preacher at one of the JERNALISM THUMBSUCKERS calls OMERTA "one of the great editors, his editing came under fire for bogus reasons, blahblahblah," pretty well confirming he was a status-quo-endorsing liberal. There's no doubt that the significance of journalism prizes can be overestimated.... Thirteen P-Ulitzers and declining circulation -- AMEN, BROTHER!
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
And if it's just blue ink it's still so.
Posted
12:10 PM
by Gene
"I took his advice," said Doohan, "and since then everything's been just lovely." Goodbye, Scotty, and happy voyages.
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
P. S. ONE LINK in GoogleNews -- from the PR site VARIETY.COM.
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
The idiocy of the Metro cops here in DC is well-known, and we Metro riders are heartened by the fact that Judge Roberts suggested in his opinion that the police were a bit overzealous. At the same time, Judge Roberts and his fellow jurists rejected the 12-year-old’s claim that being arrested in the first place was a violation of her Fourth and Fifth Amendments. Judge Roberts sided with those who argued that the District of Columbia has the right to have dopey, draconian laws and the right to enforce them in embarrassingly ham-fisted ways. That’s good news all around. It is?
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
President Bush last night nominated John G Roberts, a conservative judge who once wrote a legal opinion arguing against abortion rights.... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. And his WIFE was a PRO-LIFE ACTIVIST!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH!!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
SO STOP REPEATING.
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
![]() Pity Suzanne Somers. There is no laugh track in a theater. P. S. The CAST PARTY included this all-star line-up: "FRANKIE AVALON, LES MOONVES, JULIE CHEN, MARY BONO, ALAN SIMPSON, and ALAN HAMEL" [SIC]. Simpson used to be a Congressman, I think -- no relation to THE Simpsons, so far as I know -- and he was reduced to saying, "Before they check on Karl Rove, they ought to check on poor old BOB NOVAK" [SIC]. Bob's NOT poor, and he's six months older.
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
Or did HE make it?
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
The father of one of the hijackers who commandeered the first plane that crashed into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, praised the recent terror attacks in London and said many more would follow. But a mental case who looks after his own: When asked if he would allow a CNN crew to videotape another interview with him, el-Amir said he would give his permission -- for a price of $5,000. That money, he said, would not be kept for himself, but would be donated to someone to carry out another terror attack. El-Amir said that $5,000 was about how much it would cost to finance another attack in London. It is CNN policy not to pay people for interviews. TIME WARNER DIDN'T PAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? P. S. The security guard for the apartment building said el-Amir had been under surveillance by Egyptian agents for several months after the September 11 attacks, but no one had been watching him recently. Someone should; soon he'll be walking the streets naked and setting fire to houses. Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Posted
8:04 PM
by Gene
How long before he says again, I WANT MY POT!?
Posted
8:00 PM
by Gene
![]() Prez has chosen somebody named Roberts, and conservatives are happy. Get ready for a FOOD FIGHT.
Posted
6:36 PM
by Gene
"In Washington, I work with boobs every day." We know all about boobs, senator. That's how you and your fellow high priests view US. We know all about your sense of humor too: your funniest jokes came with THE KEATING FIVE. And a big no-thank-you to THE DEWWWB for linking to this.
Posted
6:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:28 PM
by Gene
Beats me. P. S. Bill is rehearsing for a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK award.
Posted
12:12 PM
by Gene
Anna Nicole Smith continues to live up to her reputation as a party girl. The former reality-TV star stunned crowds with her outrageous behavior in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina recently. "She entered a wet T-shirt contest at a club called Freaky Tiki and exposed herself and got into a loud fight with some guy everyone says is her boyfriend," a source tells The Scoop. Fans were buzzing about Anna’s antics on her Web site. "I just want to tell all y'all out there in Anna land that all this stuff is true because I saw . . . it with my own 2 eyes!!!!!!!!" one person posted. [You may not have two eyes after seeing her. --ED.] "She is there with her boyfriend and his friends and family. She was wandering aimlessly around [a] house looking for [pills]. Her boyfriend kept telling her to quit." Quit? NEVER!
Posted
12:03 PM
by Gene
The 71-year-old is suing publishers of Vanity Fair magazine for a 2002 article which alleged he tried to seduce a "Swedish beauty" while on the way to his slain wife's funeral in 1969.... Polanski has admitted in court to having sex with a woman within one month of Tate's death, and within four months of the murder seeking solace in sex with "nubile" teenagers from finishing school in Gstaad, Switzerland. We may wonder if such hot stuff is capable of telling the truth. Vanity Fair said the gist of the article is true, and intends to call LEWIS LAPHAM, the source of the Polanski anecdote, to the witness stand. Polanski denies it ever took place. YOU'VE LOST THE CASE!
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
Wanna bet it's AG WHO? anyway? Manuel Miranda, head of the Third Branch Conference, a coalition of about 200 conservative groups, said if [Judge Edith] Clement [a 5th Circuit judge and an allegedly leading name] is the nominee, "the president is playing it safe." "Edith Clement has practically no paper trail," Miranda said, noting that she has been on the federal appeals court since only 2001. "She is a conservative, and she would be acceptable," Miranda said. "But she doesn't have a clear record on a number of issues, and has caused some concerns on religious liberty issues." Remember DAVID SOUTER? Be careful what you wish for....
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
Say bye-bye behind the WALL, Tommy!
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
It would appear The Permanently Adolescent PM doesn't care much about this either.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
Monday, July 18, 2005
Posted
8:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
- the ESRB has the most incompetent investigators this side of the Keystone Kops or - the ESRB's "watchdog" role is irretrievably compromised by their lack of accountability to anyone but the video game industry or - all of the above Whichever answer you choose, this fatally flawed system must change. Fat chance. DR. EVIL STILL RULES THE LAND.
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Jude Law publicly apologized to his actress-fiancee, Sienna Miller, expressing his ''sincere regret'' over an affair with one of his children's nanny [SIC].... Earlier this year, Miller said she and Law were in no hurry to tie the knot. "I'm not going to get married this year," she was quoted as telling reporters in February. "There's no rush, we're just happy to be engaged." Take your time!
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
It's easy to get fooled by the surface of Kwik Stop—the semi-deadpan tone to some scenes; the debt to road-movie iconography—you think that you've seen its like before. It takes a while to realize that this is a road movie in which nobody goes anywhere—at least nowhere they want to go. We've seen it before, and nobody goes anywhere. Sounds like a scintillating movie! For the umpteenth time, guys, MOVIES STINK because our culture stinks, our education stinks, our shores aren't being flooded by brilliant immigrants, it isn't a new medium anymore -- and we've all become too self-centered for inspiration to happen, except for STINKIER MOVIES.
Posted
3:20 PM
by Gene
"Why did we promise limited confidentiality to someone who we knew, or had strong reason to believe, was continuing to commit crimes, and what role did the fact that we were preparing to write a story about him have in egging him on to even more spectacular feats? What are our obligations as journalists and citizens in a situation like this?" I don't know what obligations you have as citizens -- seems to me your only obligations are to hog the limelight and the dough -- but I do know as JERNALISTS you're SUPPOSED to be APPRECIATIVE of ART. Or as the omBUUUUUUUUDSman BURPS: Some people simply don't like feature stories about alleged criminals, terrorists, insurgents or other miscreants because they feel such stories often are "sympathetic" or "glorify" the subject or deed. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, could be!
Posted
3:04 PM
by Gene
I can believe it -- many of them are con-SER-va-tive -- but I have trouble believing a factotum for Reed Elsevier, the company that publishes the weekly press-release anthology VARIETY. I also have trouble believing him when his division's Web site lists the LATEST VARIETY headlines -- ALL FROM MID-MARCH.
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
Well, MAYBE we won't have to think that.
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
1. How long will NEWS HACKS play up this story to force a groupthink-suitable APOLOGY? 2. What IF HOLY COCKROACHES DO nuke us?
Posted
11:14 AM
by Gene
Y'all come back now, hear?
Posted
10:27 AM
by Gene
Backing the United States in Iraq has put Britain more at risk from terror attacks, an influential British think tank said Monday.... "The U.K. is at particular risk because it is the closest ally of the United States," the security experts said in the report from the Royal Institute of International Affairs, commonly known here as Chatham House. OR: Here returned to print, at a timely moment in history, is Elie Kedourie's classic study of the Middle East in modern times. In analyzing British failures in the region during the zenith of their power and influence, Mr. Kedourie attributes much of Britain's faulty and disastrous handling of Middle East problems to what he calls "the Chatham House version." It was a view of Middle Eastern history and politics propounded and propagated in the various publications of the Royal Institute of International Affairs (known popularly as Chatham House), written or edited by Arnold Toynbee. The episodes that Mr. Kedourie investigates show "successive and cumulative manifestations of illusion, misjudgment, maladroitness, and failure." Together they point up hard lessons for the Bush administration or any outside power that would intervene in Middle Eastern affairs. BIG CAVEAT: Amazon.com features endorsements from the usual gang of idiots. That said, I'd sooner trust a publisher's spiel than THE REUT. P. S. A New Criterion "Note" on the book.
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: I think there'll be an awful lot of RECYCLING going on soon!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
And a THUMBS UP for all those THUMBS UP!
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
[A]fter being informed of The Times's findings, the Republican majority in the State Senate began a push recently to overhaul the system intended to protect Medicaid, which has been sharply reduced even as Gov. George E. Pataki and lawmakers have nearly doubled the program's budget over the last decade. The Democratic majority in the Assembly has remained on the sidelines. So has Mr. Pataki. On the sidelines? HE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!! "Got a Medicaid card?" one of the men shouted one day last November. "Come in and get your free CD player right now!" Hey Dubya! That's an idea! (Brand names only, please.)
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
NEUHARTHISM LIVES. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Who gets bankrupted first?
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
But that's what social engineering is all about -- so it can SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS. The USA has the lowest percentage among Western nations of children who grow up with both biological parents, 63%, the report says. I wonder if the TWIN TOWERS of QUACKDOM, psychologists and NEWS HACKS, can find a silver lining in THAT. Sunday, July 17, 2005
Posted
8:17 PM
by Gene
WAS COMPANY FOUNDER MICKEYMOUSE NIXON THERE?
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
I'd be careful though about throwing out those buggy computers. Unless you remove the hard drive you may have something worse than mere spyware -- like an invitation to identity theft.
Posted
3:43 PM
by Gene
Farmers, businesses and state officials are investing millions of dollars in ethanol and biofuel plants as renewable energy sources, but a new study says the alternative fuels burn more energy than they produce. I don't know -- doesn't all the GAS they produce equal the score?
Posted
3:34 PM
by Gene
"What you end up with is a lifeless station," said Robert Unmacht, a consultant at iN3 Partners in Nashville. Or in CHEAP CHANNEL speak: WE DON'T MAKE MONEY FROM ANNOUNCERS! WE MAKE MONEY FROM ADS! WHO CARES IF THE STATION'S LIFELESS -- SO LONG AS THERE'S LIFE IN THEM ADS!!!!!
Posted
3:25 PM
by Gene
[N]ew forms of media undoubtedly have some benefits, says Steven Johnson, author of Everything Bad Is Good for You. Video games improve problem-solving skills; TV shows promote mental gymnastics by forcing viewers to follow intertwining story lines. But books offer experience that can't be gained from these other sources, from building vocabulary to stretching the imagination. "If they're not reading at all," says Johnson, "that's a huge problem." You mean they can't stretch their imaginations with HOT COFFEE?!?!?
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