Posted 6:59 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Vatican compounds its sex-abuse problem with a protocol problem.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. The good news for BROAD¢A$TER$: Candidates are spending as though they were in GUVMENT.

The BETTER NEWS for BROAD¢A$TER$: They can cram still more ads down their turnips' throats!

So what happens after the election? In terms of actual governance, if Republicans sweep to victory, they -- like Obama -- will likely find that change is easier to promise than it is to enact. But in terms of fundraising?

"There'll be a hangover after this election," Mr. Tracey said. "There won't be a lot of cash on hand." Both sides -- and incumbents in particular -- are "basically emptying their bank accounts" on this one.

Easy solution -- get the PEOPLE to fill them up!

2. It may be too late for GROUPON's IPO because everybody's doing it, and some things cannot be sold with a coupon.

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Theodore Sorensen, who somewhat wrote Profiles in Courage, has died. RIP.

(Via ESPNCORP Network News)

Posted 2:47 PM by Gene

SIX OF ONE: AFSCME burning its members' dues. With luck on Tuesday night they'll have stoked history's biggest campaign-money bonfire.

HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER: "Every dollar the government pays its employees is a dollar the government taxes away from somebody else." So let's pay them nothing, Jeff!

In the modern America no problem can't be made insoluble.

(Via the usual NRO)

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

The Host, ANOTHER STEPHENIE MEYER NOVEL; something called The Hunger Games ("Set in a post-apocalyptic future, the government hosts a televised event where twelve boys and twelve girls are randomly chosen to compete in a tournament where they kill each other until one stands." ANOTHER remake of ROLLERBALL?!?!?); something called The Ides of March aka Farragut North ("Adapted from the Beau Willimon play, the thriller centers on a communications officer who works for an unorthodox political candidate. During the process, he gets a good lesson in the real world and sees his idealism fly out the door. The story is loosely based on Willimon's experience working for Howard Dean's campaign." GEORGE CLOONEY!!!!! lets idealism FLY OUT THE DOOR?!?!?); ANOTHER REMAKE OF THE JUNGLE BOOK; The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, WRITTEN BY L. FRANK BAUM; something called The Lincoln Lawyer ("so called because [the title character] runs his law practice out of his Lincoln car" -- do I smell a feature-length product placement?); THE LONE RANGER (AGAIN); THE LORAX; The Lost Symbol, ANOTHER DAN BROWN NOVEL; something called The Mark ("When the corpse of a Confederate soldier transfers a permanent mark to his hand, a man becomes endowed with superhuman capabilities." JONAH HEX BOMBED!)....

One more page of "The" next time!

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

And ANOTHER EUREKA! moment from AHTSJournal: Roger is the LAST person who should knock "top-10" movee lists; he and GENE turned movee reviewing into a popularity contest with excellence decided by upturned thumbs. This only hastened the "plague" of such lists. No, anyone who's mightily helped morph yet another intellectual endeavor into a tiresome shouting match should SHUT UP.

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

One serving US intelligence officer told The Sunday Telegraph that there was now debate underway about pressuring Yemen into allowing the CIA to base armed drone aircraft there for a sustained attack on al Qaeda bases.

I can see why some in our government might "debate" that.

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

AHTSJournal has another of those inimitable EUREKA! moments:

Claim: Video Game Scores Are Now As Good As Movie Scores

Which means video games now cost as much to make as movies, and which also means Max Steiner and Alfred Newman are dead.

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

Mr. Coll has a strong point; The Communications Acts of 1934 and 1996 are obsolete. But free en-ter-prise will not inspire good reporting. We see that in the newspaper biz, a victim of free en-ter-rpise from the Web. We see that in cable "news", which has more free en-ter-prise than any other segment of the TV trade. We simply cannot trust unimpeded capitalists to meet their social obligations. The BP disaster proved that. No one has a feasible solution to the news mess, although Mr. Coll's idea that FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News help finance NPNTR may not be completely unsound, unless, as Mr. Coll seems to suggest, the GUVMENT mandate it.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

Let us say a news organization noted for perfect objectivity said VIACON's rally was bigger than DR. MARTIN LUTHER BECK's. We'd believe it. When SUMNER NETWORK NEWS says it we DON'T BELIEVE IT. Sons of Murrow, you have so much excess baggage we can NEVER rid ourselves of believing you have an ulterior motive, however pure your intent. And your intent is hardly pure when your boss SUMNER owns you and the organizing force behind the rally. This kind of conflict of interest sticks to the news biz like SUPERGLUE, whatever the story, whatever the source; and in the end it gums us up.

And we can't stand the REV. DR. BECK any more than we can stand the truth tellers of COMEDY CENTRAL NETWORK NEWS.

In the end SUMNER NETWORK NEWS is to the left what FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS is to the right, the only difference that the former makes a showy pretense of being factual, and points to pictures of long dead newsmen on the wall, thinking they excuse its faults. We can count on both to mangle the truth for a cause. And for what it's worth even SUMNER'S old hardcore following has died off; Perky Katie is a distant third. The only good is the audience pie is shrinking, but 20.5 million is still too many misinformed and underinformed by all network news.

Why must so much "news" reporting resemble PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING?

(Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!, who loves such stories because they allow his playpen to go nuts)

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Among these liberal rally-goers, anti-corporate sentiments were palpable....

So what's the answer, con-SER-va-tives? Pro-corporate sentiments?

A PLAGUE O' SUMNER! A PLAGUE O' CORPORATE AMERICA! A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR PARTISAN HOUSES!

Posted 12:18 AM by Gene

Here's a rare instance where SYNERGY paid dividends to other than the synergists. We wonder if this would have seen daylight if PEOPLE WARNER weren't the world's largest producer and consumer of bad animation -- the three "classics" mentioned in the first graf are ALL PEOPLE WARNER's -- and we must take a TWXSTER's word that South Korean animators get good pay and aren't mistreated, keeping in mind it makes HIS company look good; but this story is remarkable in spotlighting one of the altogether too many interesting topics news hacks won't spotlight unless someone kicks them in the rears, and it's annoying to think in this instance it took a trendy "artist", and a ZILLIONAIRE DOUGHNUT EATER.

Posted 8:39 PM by Gene

SLIME and the DOLANS end their war, for now -- but not before the DOLANS fire a little spitball:

“In the absence of any meaningful action from the FCC, Cablevision has agreed to pay Fox an unfair price for multiple channels of its programming including many in which our customers have little or no interest....”

...meaning CABLE is now a dictionary definition of CLUELESS.

(Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!)

Posted 7:26 PM by Gene

The Goon, ANOTHER COMIC; BAAAAAAAAZ LUHHHHHHRMAN ATTEMPTING THE GREAT GATSBY; THE GREATEST MUPPETS MOVIE OF ALL TIME (nothing against the Muppets, but how great can they be without Jim Henson -- and WITH UB IGER?); THE GREEN HORNET; something called The Grey ("The survivors of a plane crash are stranded in a remote location." Lost?); something called The Guardians ("Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Jack Frost and the Tooth Fairy join forces to rid the world of a boogey-man villain." Does this sound like a remake of a remake of a remake of a....); THE HANGOVER 2; THE HOBBIT PART 1!!!!!!!!!!; THE HOBBIT PART 2!!!!!!!!!!....

We'll NEVER stop doing this! More tomorrow.

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

Finally, after arrests in the Yemeni bomb plot, something other than you-know-what is the top story on The Daily Broccoli -- from the ASSPress.

Here's betting Broc has fewer typists on THIS.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

A FEW IDLE OBSERVATIONS:

At a local Rong-Aid, America's Most Mismanaged Drug-Store Chain, a poster boasting of its luxury boxes at IGGLES games (and twenty-two other NFL teams', no doubt): "IT'S MORE THAN FOOTBALL!!!!!" Maybe that's the problem.

At the next-door Wawa, where we weekly sample Barron'S, the rag that put bull in the language, we found a disciple of GEKKO KUDLOW's named Hennessy, who smiled, "[T]he perception is companies are losing money and everyone is losing their job, when in fact companies are profitable and 90% of the nation is employed!!!!!" (Profitable overemphasis added.) This was right after a statement by a fellow wheeler-dealer named Paulsen who used a favorite Wall Street Casino euphemism, gassing the word "SECULAR" for our nation's long-term unemployment problem when he clearly meant CHRONIC. This is why many take the Wall Street Casino for kindling, and look in vain for a match. Needless to say Alan ABelSon's rag thinks the Dow will go to 200,000,000. Needless to say our unemployment rate won't budge.

Nearby a poster touted a two-night stand for some FRINGE entertainment about phone sex. Given we found it on South Street this, we imagine, is FEMINIST PR0N. Feminist pr0n is pr0n with an unhappy ending; it's pr0n with a message, it's pr0n for EMPOWERMENT. In short, it's a pill that needs the pill. This one is sponsored by some sort of "501 (c) (3)" organization for prostitutes, meaning somewhere it's on the FRINGE for His Omnipotence. We well recall "PR0N STARS FOR KERRY", and though it long vanished into memory's rathole the rodent droppings remain. (Although another of its sponsors is an outfit with the droll name OhMiBod -- a maker of musical vibrators.)

At a store specializing in om, where two comely ladies do an eternal yoga dance on a CRT, we spotted the Mova Earth Globe, a small political orb that rotates with invisible power, albeit not on a tilted axis (that would be neat). We stopped to see which cities were on it. Philadelphia wasn't. Columbus was. Somebody never visited Planet Earth.

At the Quonset Hut, two posters, one boasting of a new work to be performed by (or despite) our Orchestra: an "Internet Symphony No. 1" ('Eroica')." (!!!!!) We imagine 200 simultaneous wrong numbers by fax machines. (This "premiered" on YouTube.) On another we learned a certain Keillor, the Mark Twain of NPNTR, and THE Mark Twain of our time until four or five other Mark Twains came along, is lectur -- appearing at the Hut a week from Monday. We would not want to be inside Mark's brain the Wednesday prior; we'd be rotisseried to death.

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

Though many of HENRY HONEST!!!!!'s commenters are morons (not surprising; many of his articles are moronic) we found two that do not qualify. Henry ran a chart documenting how so many of the "college-educated" (17 million, to be "precise") are stuck in menial work, which occasioned these comments which would definitely not qualify their sources as morons:

1. It also highlights the mismatch between the American worker with the skills needed for tomorrow's jobs.

Wait...I thought menial, low-paying jobs were the jobs of tomorrow??

How many times do we have to hear the lies about "not having the skills". Aren't these stats enough to tell you that even college "skilled" people are stuck doing unskilled work?

HINT: Even skilled jobs are going to emerging markets.

I think "toddd" has gotten at the heart of RENDELLISM!

But more touching:

2. The individual stories of these 17 million people may be enlightening.

My college-educated neighbor -- a bartender -- purchased his condo cash, works 4 days a week, and refuses management positions whenever offered.

My ex-girlfriend, who went to Syracuse on a sports scholarship, is happy as a waitress and enjoys the flexibility. She used to own a successful gift shop, but felt the 16-hours per day didn't warrant the extra income.

My highschool buddy finished college, and now has a job as a school-bus driver in New York State. He's happy, and prefers to spend more time with his kids and coach after-school sports while he referees hockey on the side.

College ain't just about money.

Posted 3:11 PM by Gene

Not long ago the widow of a saint who bequeathed the world untold trillions of mediocre hamburgers for time immemorial and Willard Scott to sell them donated a heavenly $200 million to NPNTR to forever raise the standard of Its superlative broadcasting. Which summons the question: given still another mea culpa from its ombudspoop, what happened to all that money? It should have kept NPNTR in cutting-edge investigative reporting of Republicans until there were no more cows to come home (they having been used up by MICKEY D's). Yet NPNTR and Its affiliates continue to torment their listeners with pledge weeks. Yes, what happened to the burger money, ombudspoop? Spend it all on Big Macs?

Well, to spend whatever's left of it, here's "Music to Gulp Angus Burgers By"!

(Second link via the usual Romy)

Posted 2:54 PM by Gene

Why we do not need SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS:

Today is the day of the Stewart-Colbert rallies in D.C., and the inside-the-beltway pundit types are discombobulated. Besides the fact that many of them have no sense of humor, they are still smarting from Colbert’s on-target skewering during the Bush years at the WH Correspondent’s dinner (covered on the blogs, ignored in the media.) Don’t think for a second that the self-important media has forgiven or forgotten. It will shape today’s coverage.

As in:



Yes, the self-important media have not forgotten...their self-importance!

(Direct link substituted above for a TinyURL so you can get the full flavor of another heavily ironic with-it in-with-the-in-crowd uncritical RAVE)

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

And here is a reason Nick Dorken invents His numbers, and why His HOTTEST stuff guarantees He must invent them.

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

Speaking of KAPLAN, INC., we see THREE LAW FIRMS have filed CLASS-ACTION SUITS against it for being a LEADER in...JERNALISM!

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Looks as though the boys in Virginia have their priorities too!

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

And in light of his JERNALISTIC HEROISM, a SPECIAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD TO BROCCOLI!!!!!

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

And plainly we should not have mocked the story, but it reeked at first of amateurism; nonetheless we know Richard Reid and that Christmas guy were capable of catastrophic amateurism.

Now what can we do about Yemen?

I know, BROCCOLI -- LET'S HAVE A SUMNER -- er, SANITY RALLY THERE!

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Despite a threat of terrorism, however amateur, Broccoli knows HIS priorities.

And yes, I would say there IS a liberal gene, and someone in ST. WARRENDOM is engaged in GENETIC ENGINEERING.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

A REMAKE of something called The Crow; something called The Danish Girl with "[Nicole] Kidman star[ring] as Danish painter Einar Wegener who became the first post-op transsexual" (why not NICOLAS CAGE?); THE DARK KNIGHT RISES AKA BATMAN 3!!!!!!!!!!; something called The Days Before "starring Robert Downey Jr. and Reese Witherspoon. Aliens are destroying our planet by going back in time. They travel back each day to destroy each yesterday. One man beats them to a yesterday to warn people of impending disaster" (could we go back in time to warn people of this movie?); something called The Debt, "AN ENGLISH REMAKE OF AN ISRAELI FILM"; something called The Dictator with SACHA BARON COHEN!!!!! starring in "duel roles" (then he could kill off both); something called The Dilemma, "a comedy that looks at the fallout from infidelity" (RON HOWARD would find infidelity funny, being slightly divorced from reality); THE EXPENDABLES 2; The Flash, from "THE POPULAR DC COMIC"....

Enough! More tomorrow!

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

Much as we hate to credit SIDSWEEK with any thinking, of course campaigning pols will drive around in jalopies. They'll be riding in taxpayer-financed limos long after.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

Most likely this is the color-code crew's equivalent of a recycled toner cartridge. But we must ever be vigilant, though we be less than vigilant thanks to our self-inflicted blinders and straitjackets.

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

MORE NEW TECHNOLOGY!!!!!

Ncell, a subsidiary of Swedish telecom company TeliaSonera, announced Friday that they have set up seven 3G base stations in the Everest region, allowing climbers and trekkers to access wireless Internet and make video calls, for example over Skype.

TRANSLATION: Same old traffic jams on Everest.

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

We will concede the French were probably telling the truth after that ELVIS impersonator made his statement; nonetheless words like "VICHY" and "COLLABORATOR" force us to not completely believe them.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Please, PLEASE Kendrick, I'M the good guy in this election! I'll do anything Democrats want me to do! Think of the country! Think of the party! Think of ME! PLEEEEEEASE, KENDRICK!!!!!

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

Russian poll: Medvedev almost as popular as Putin

The puppet's almost as popular as the puppet-master!

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Today, at Comedy Central News Network -- er, Romy:

MORE THAN 1,000 APPLY FOR STEWART/COLBERT RALLY PRESS CREDENTIALS!!!!!

> "'THE DAILY SHOW' STOCK HAS BALLOONED OVER THE LAST DECADE!!!!!'"

> JON FRIEDMAN: "HE'D BE AN IDEAL CHOICE TO SUCCEED COURIC!!!!!!!!!!" [Romy link; historic overemphasis added]

And two doors meekly down:

Claim: Boston Globe worth no more than $120 million [Romy link]

And, um, uh, er....

"I'm being very generous" with that figure, media appraiser Kevin Kamen tells Jeff Bercovici. "I would say it's worth, realistically, $75 million." (He says the extra $45 million is based on the assumption that a buyer must have a notion of how to make money from it beyond "Let's buy this thing and see what happens.") The Times Co. bought the paper for $1.1 billion in 1993. [Emphasis added]

We hate to harp on this but what began as another SUMNER practical joke has bloated into a national media nervous breakdown, a jackhammering beseechment in the form of an all-too-earnest agnostic's prayer that the forces of right overcome the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of the incoming NAZIS. For that reason these four stories are related.

LET'S BUY THIS THING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS! Pfffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

NEW TECHNOLOGY!!!!!

In a White House First, Gibbs To Call on Twitter in Press Briefing

TRANSLATION: Same old answers.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

Something called The 28th Amendment (which "follows a young U.S. president who uncovers a hidden conspiracy in the upper echelons of the government." Which party?); Something called The Adjustment Bureau, based on A PHILIP K. DICK STORY (AAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!); THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: SECRETS OF THE UNICORN; THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN 2 (!!!!!); something called The Age of Adaline, which "stars Katherine Heigl as a woman, born at the turn of 20th century, who stops aging after an accident." (Is this ANOTHER industry satire?); something called The Art of Making Money (ANOTHER INDUSTRY SATIRE?!?!?); The Associate, BASED ON A JOHN GRISHAM NOVEL; MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS!!!!!; something called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, starring "Dev Patel, Julie Christie, Judi Dench, Tom Wilkinson and Peter O’Toole", a "romantic comedy" that "follows four elderly Brits who decide to spend their twilight years in India. John Madden will helm the film for Fox Searchlight." (Os-CARRRRRRRRRRRR®!!!!!!!!!!); A MOVEE VERSION OF THE BIG VALLEY; something called The Big Year, starring "Owen Wilson, Jack Black and Steve Martin", and BASED ON A BIRD-WATCHING BOOK; A "RE-IMAGINING" OF THE BLACK HOLE (Is UB IGER forcing them to use that term?); THE BOURNE LEGACY; something called The Boys, based on "A COMIC SERIES"; a biopic called The Butler, based on the memoirs of one "who worked for eight U. S. presidents" (okay, who are the bad guys?); something based on a British TV series called The Champions, "star[ring] Tom Cruise as one of many super-powered government agents"; something called The Chancellor Manuscript, based on "a story about D.C. power brokers who are blackmailed into changing U.S. foreign policy" (WHICH -- oh, never mind); something called The Change-Up, in which "[Jason] Bateman plays a responsible family man who switches bodies with his man-child best friend played by [Ryan] Reynolds." (Didn't they do this before, oh, sixty times, starting in 1909?)....

We're resuming TOMORROW.

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

Noo Yawk's school system is about to close schools named for Clara Barton, Roberto Clemente, John Philip Sousa, Norman Thomas, Christopher Columbus, Paul Robeson, Frederick Douglass, John F. Kennedy, Jane Addams, John Dewey, Groevr Cleveland and John Adams, among others, meaning sadly there's more achievement in any one of the names than in all of the schools.

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

Shhh, don't tell DUDE, but the bottom may be falling out His coveted alternative-energy biz.

P. S. at 2:28 p. m. Out of respect for the office we will refer to Him as President DUDE.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

In one terse sentence Mayor Bing of Detroit says why RENDELLISM and its obsessions with convention centers, stadiums, movie studios, condos, "GAMING" and EDS 'N' MEDS won't work -- in Detroit or anywhere else:

"They didn't touch the people who live here."

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

We'll know what Zynga, the inventor of FarmVille, is worth if and when it goes public. In the meantime, it would behoove BloomyBizWeek not to constantly repeat its old DONALD GAG.

(Via something called TekGoblin via SLASHDOT!!!!!)

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

So Sonia isn't so smart. We say Larry isn't so honest. It takes one to know one.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Speaking of Heaven, not long ago someone -- we wish we could remember who -- referred to iPad apps by bigmedia firms as being another form of CD-ROMs. This confirms it.

Evidently more than one person.

(Via GigaOm via I Want Media)

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: This is Mitch's election to LOSE.

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

Somebody alert the Casino: Heaven is becoming a retailer?!?

Hiring up, gross margin down, pricing Its iPad "aggressively" -- when does Heaven become mortal, like other retailers?

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

And the worst part of His Omnipotence's gig on Person to Person -- pardon, SEE IT NOW is that He laid a monumentally huge egg. Part of the reason Om overexposes Himself is that the hacks always screamed when Dubya holed himself up, owing to his politics; but the irony is, as this writer says, Om has had so few press conferences yet seems inescapable. But the hacks have hardly complained (except perhaps at the White House Day Care Center) because He is, after all, their president, the One they chose and coronated. We would not expect a God who owes His job to bigmedia to have dignity, and His Omnipotence has exceeded on that score beyond all expectations.

P. S. If ED MURROW can call His Om "DUDE" we should call Him that -- yes, and "BARRY" too!

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

If the sleazy zeitgeist of our time holds firm we can expect AH-Nult to have third, fourth and fifth acts, although largely as a comedy "star".

Or a lobbyist, six of one.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

But the annual academic scorecard was less flattering to many of the sport's top-tier programs. Seven of the top 10 — including No. 1 Auburn, No. 2 Oregon and No. 3 Boise State — and 16 of the top 25 in the current Bowl Championship Series standings fell beneath the sport's four-year average. Oklahoma and Arizona graduated fewer than half of their players.

The numbers also were low in the other marquee college sport, men's basketball, where three of last season's eight NCAA regional finalists and more than one in five programs overall had four-year rates beneath 50%.

It's the same old story with the same new stats: If we count badminton and tennis and lots of other less-than-full time sports of course their participants graduate; and the high-end schools will boost the average because their students may be trying to get an education; and we also suspect Title IX and the destruction of men's sports may slant the numbers; but these two BIG younuhversuhtee moneymakers will NEVER change.

To be sure we should keep two things in mind: 1. How many regular students graduate at these schools? and 2. How much do the younuhversuhtees grease their athletes' skids?

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

EXCLUSIVE: Sports Scandal at Lombardi! Actors Confess to "Football for Dummies"

Count us...not surprised.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

We said it before, we'll say it again: twenty years from now the news-hack swooning over ED and ERIC will be as mysterious and unexplainable -- and as risible -- as the girls' swooning over Rudy Vallée.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Abby, WHY do you have to beg BEN to spend our dollars on your S&P targets? You KNOW he's listening to the Casino dealers!

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

But the best reason to root against the Rangers? Their team name. It's an insult to the Greatest of All Men. There is only one Texas Ranger, people. His name is Chuck Norris, and he doesn't need any help to win the World Series. He doesn't have to court the goddess baseball. She courts him.

This is worthy of Jo-NAH except Dubya once owned them.

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

Which reminds us: the other day we mentioned these three super-rich candidates who are spending bazillions on their campaigns and are down in the polls. Today Politico.com deems fit to disclose the Dems are spending more than the GOP in this Congressional election.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FINANCING SO MUCH JUNK TELEVISION?

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

15-SECOND ADS mean only one thing: more clutter, more ads that don't work, and MORE COMPANIES SPENDING MORE MONEY ON JUNK TELEVISION.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

HEY EDDIE!!!!! INVENTOR OF RENDELLISM!!!!! The Democrats' message was all too clear and concise: Hyperliberalism at the Speed of Light!

Hey NANCY! That would make a GREAT CAMPAIGN SLOGAN!

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

And with horror movees we can now definitively say of SUPERNIKKI!!!!! what Mary McCarthy said of Lillian Hellman: Every word she types is a lie, including "and" and "the".

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

TAKEN 2; A "RE-IMAGINING" OF TARZAN (so we don't have to call them REMAKES any more!); A LIVE-ACTION REMAKE OF TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES; TERMINATOR 5; TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 3D; THOR; ANOTHER TOM & JERRY MOVIE; A MOVIE BASED ON ESPNCORP'S TOMORROWLAND THEME-PARK ATTRACTION; A REMAKE OF TOTAL RECALL; something called Tower Heist; a movie set in the TRUMP TOWER; TRANSFORMERS 3: THE DARK OF THE MOON!!!!!; something called Trespass, which given it stars Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman might be a challenge to see who'll cause it to bomb; TRON LEGACY; THE COEN BROTHERS' REMAKE OF TRUE GRIT!!!!!; something called Turkeys (a good name for most of these flicks)....

And because HSX.com thinks definite articles should be alphabetized we have to start all over again tomorrow!

Posted 11:48 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE'S CLASSIC GEKKO KUDLOWISM IF EVER WE SAW IT!

And the best part is -- GUVMENT DID IT!!!!!

Don't let 'em talk these markets down, GEKKO!

(Oh well -- down over $8 today.)

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

Look what you did, Ben: Why did you have to open your mouth and say maybe you won't donate so much of OUR money to the Wall Street Casino?

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Now that the National Geographic Society's just another bigmedia organization there's no need for the Grosvenors, who held it as their personal property more or less for over a century; but this ownership helped make its flagship the Geographic unique in that gentle WASPish antediluvian way, and with the Geographic no longer unique there's no reason to be nominated to...to subscribe to it.

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Well, okay, this AHT is by permission, and the AHTISTS seem to have "reformed", but we wish we knew why The Paper of Re-CORD has this graffiti fixation, and why every time we behold it we wish Pinch would do to His Times what SLIME did to HIS.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

THE LORD GOD STEVE's delaying His NEW IPHONE?!?!?

Why doesn't He summon His cherubim at FOXCONN to quintuple shifts?!?!?

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

The comforting thing about our giving the store away to China is that eventually it will be able to throw electronic tantrums using its own technology, if it isn't doing so now -- though God knows we've helped.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

We can safely say that neither Oracle, nor HP, nor SAP has ever heard of the Golden Rule.

Well, they know this golden rule: He with the most gold rules.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

His Omnipotence finally discovers...his fellow God!

It is exasperating that only conservatives seem to care. This is the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, dammit!

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Our favorite ad copywriter Bruce (and YUM! BRANDS', too!) sells another stirring American innovation: tubeless toilet paper!

What hath Mr. Whipple wrought? (Well, Kimberly-Clark, anyway.)

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

It would appear Lisa will maintain her hereditary seat in the Senate after all, meaning the Tea Party's talk of revolution may be premature.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

The Rich and Undeservedly Famous, They Are Different from You and Me: Charlie Sheen pays $7,000 to locate his wallet and cell phone.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

ANOTHER VARIANT OF RENDELLISM:

"ISN'T THIS A GOOD THING?!?!?" Mathewson said, referring to the notion that bustling, noisy downtowns signal economic success. [Noisy overemphasis added]

WHAT?!? CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

Well all right, we'll definitely give Frisco the benefit of this doubt.

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

Fifty of our nukes reportedly went "offline" on Saturday, and con-SER-va-tives are in a tizz. This cuts both ways. Having fifty warheads offline means we'd better make sure all our nukes are always ready. But then one could argue if we had fewer nukes we'd have fewer warheads to expensively make ready. The sad truth is we'll need nukes so long as others have theirs, and NUKEMAN gets HIS. Best keep them ready.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

Kevin Drum says he's "eviscerating" five current political platitudes but comes back with five of his own (namely, our side will win, eventually), although we'd agree with the fifth -- put SARAH!!!!! out there and His Omnipotence will walk on water another term for sure. Of course Kevin hasn't the foggiest idea what the voters are really thinking -- no one does, certainly not the pollsters who prestidigitate national opinions from small samples. We will know slightly better on election day, and even then, we merely start a long, hard, tedious, infuriating slog through another presidential campaign.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

SALT 2; something called Salvation Boulevard ("Pierce Brosnan, Ed Harris and Jim Gaffigan star in the comedic-thriller set in the world of mega-Churches. A former dead-head finds a life as a born-again Christian but run afoul of fundamentalists within the organization." Repeat after me: POOR, UNEDUCATED, EASY TO COMMAND....); SCHOOL OF ROCK 2: AMERICA ROCKS; KING JIM OF THE WORLD MAKES ANOTHER 3D!!!!!!!!!!; SCREAM 4; something called Shadow of the Colossus, BASED ON A VIDEO GAME; SHERLOCK HOLMES 2; a REMAKE of something called Short Circuit; a SEQUEL of something called Silent Hill; LEGENDARY SCORSESE'S THREATENED SINATRA BIOPIC; a glorified TV ADAPTATION called SKANK ROBBERS (people in glass houses....); something called Sleeper, "BASED ON A DC COMIC"; a REMAKE of something called Snabba Cash; MILEY!!!!! in something called So Undercover ("She goes undercover in a college sorority to protect a coed who has been targeted for murder." Couldn't her career go undercover too?); something called Something Borrowed (let's see -- something old, something borrowed, something blue. Yes, we got that right!); SPIDER-MAN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; A THREATENED FILM VERSION OF SPRING AWAKENING; A REMAKE OF STRAW DOGS; STRETCH ARMSTRONG -- yep, BASED ON ANOTHER TOY; SUPERMAN: THE MAN OF STEEL (but it's gotta be before 2013 when the rights expire! Do I hear the clock ticking?); SWEET VALLEY HIGH; something called Swingles ("[starring] Cameron Diaz as a woman who hangs out with a guy because their best friends are now in love. The two can�t [SIC] stand each other, but agree to act as each other�s [SIC] wing-man/woman. Inevitably, the two begin falling for each other, but deny their feelings." TRANSLATION: Care to make this a millionth-and-first time?)....

Tomorrow -- a letter that has something in common with this one!

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

"I'M PROUD OF THE FACT THAT WE SPEND MORE THAN THE CHAMBER!!!!!!!!!!" [Proud overemphasis added.]

Some people will do anything to lose an election.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Speaking of I Want Media, a strange and delicious juxtaposition:

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, THE LORD GOD STEVE WILL NOT BUY SONY. That's the equivalent of introducing a snake into the Garden of Eden. Besides, is He prepared to make $10,000 37" LCDs?

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Before we get teary-eyed over ST. WARREN nearing retirement (but not, we can reassure ourselves, ever leaving this mortal coil), we must remember SUMNER has had oodles and oodles of successors, and they were all pretty hot stuff too.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Already the recriminations begin:

Will This Be the Lowest-Rated World Series Ever?

We know two men, however, for whom this is unimportant. One is SLIME. The other is ZELIG.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

Bad news for Dems: Rain in the forecast for 2010 Election Day

Mother Nature votes Republican?

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

BULLETIN U.S. home prices down 0.2% in August: Case-Shiller

DOW 700 GIGAMEGAHYPERSUPER...oh, never mind.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

Speaking of the Bloomy, how often lately have the geniuses of Corporate America treated us to outcomes like this:

• Bristol-Myers Profit Beats Estimates After Cost Cuts; Revenue Falls Short

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

President Barack Obama will meet in India next month with a group of U.S. chief executive officers including Jeffrey Immelt of General Electric Co. and Jim McNerney of Boeing Co., as the administration seeks to boost exports.

Yes, I think these two SONS O' LEGENDARY should be very able to export more jobs. But haven't we run out?

Posted 10:05 PM by Gene

And another Kaplan Inc.'er raises the white flag:

Whatever connotations it once had, the word moderate has now come to mean liberal or even left-wing in American politics.

One wonders if that's because Charles Murray called her out.

Posted 9:46 PM by Gene

The Paper of Re-CORD granted leave to Christopher Caldwell to write a book review that not only affirms Charles Murray's Daily Kaplan piece, but has this extra-added exasperating nugget:

Of the 20 richest ZIP codes in America, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, 19 gave the bulk of their money to Democrats in the last election, in most cases the vast bulk — 86 percent in 10024 on the Upper West Side. Meanwhile, only 22 percent of non-high-school educated white males are happy with the direction the country is going in.

He also says in so many words that Democrats are reactionaries of the left (no surprise to us) and that Republicans are hopelessly inept managing government (no surprise to us after Dubya) -- another instance of that THING WITH TWO HEADS.

(Via WeeklyStandard.com)

Posted 9:21 PM by Gene

This enervating story should teach us that whatever their differences, when it comes to greed our political parties form The Thing with Two Heads.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

RIPD, based on A COMIC BOOK; RAMBO V; something called Rango, ANOTHER CGI ANIMATION; something called Real Steel, "set in a future where 2,000 lb [sic] robots engage in boxing matches. A savvy promoter takes one of his fighters to the championships match" (just what we need, a glorified remake of ROLLERBALL); something from ESPNCORP called Reboot Ralph, "about a low-bit video game character from the early 1980s who ends up in the high-bit world of modern videogames [SIC]" (Hey UB! Why not just license PAC-MAN?); a REMAKE of RED DAWN; A GOTHIC RED RIDING HOOD; something called Red Sonja, from ANOTHER COMIC BOOK; THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK 2; Rio, a "lovable" animated macaw from SLIME; ANOTHER PLANET OF THE APES SEQUEL; THE THREATENED REMAKE OF ROBOCOP; Rock of Ages, a jukebox musical based on A STOOPID BRANSON EAST THEME PARK; ROGER RABBIT 2; something called Rollercoaster Tycoon, based on A VIDEO GAME; A FILLUM VERSION OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST NETWORK'S ROME; ANOTHER VERSION OF ROMEO AND JULIET (which HSX helpfully lists as "Romance/Comedy"); RUNAWAYS, from A MARVEL COMIC....

Our next letter stands for what Hollywood keeps excreting!

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

Has SLIME just published another "book"?

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

Here we thought SUPERADAM! was growing up last week but evidently he's campaigning for another twenty elephants -- uh, National Magazine Awards again. Look SUPER, you don't have to tell us SARAH!!!!! is screwy, but after you're through you think why does she cause mass bigmedia psychosis? (It appears John is also stroking HONORARY MAYOR MIKE's repeatedly stroked ego. Will You run for president, dammit?) Plus he gives us six pages and 4,566 WORDS on the unrequited love of SID and TINA!!!!! -- something we summed up in one line. Where's OUR National Magazine Award?

By the way, ASME, are you sure the award should really be a symbol of POLITICAL EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL?

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Okay, Paper of Re-CORD, stop giggling. We are sure we can't fully trust any Beltway outfit, nor any outfit founded by Patriotic Gore; but we are just as sure we can't trust your friends either. And face it, for all the news hacks' promotional talk, most TV ratings haven't been going up, and that may be more than the Web or TiVo or busy "lifestyles."

As we've said too often before, when news hacks are right they still seem wrong as any expectation of truth is squooshed under tons of excess baggage.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Clint Eastwood "Not a Fan" of President Obama

Does that make him a con-SER-va-tive again?

The first two times we clicked on the link we got a page-not-found error. How apt.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

RI Dem: Obama can 'shove it' for not endorsing him

We were about to remark, let's hear you say that when you line up at the public trough! But then we realized, 1. His Omnipotence is detached, and 2. Lincoln "Caspar Milquetoast" Chafee is a Democrat.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

BP's new chief executive said its rivals and the media had helped cause a climate of fear during the summer when the oil giant's blown-out Gulf of Mexico well caused the worst ever oil spill in the United States.

TRANSLATION: EXXONMOBIL, er, CHEVRON, er, THE THREE NETWORKS, er, CNN, er, EVERY BIG NEWSPAPER IN AMERICA CAUSED THE DISASTER!

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

“I’ve never seen this before, so the only caveat I’d put in terms of the House is how much impact this $200 billion are going to mean,” he hedged.

Don't tell me the Chinese are backing the GOP?

Or does the Wall Street Casino have THAT much money, wacky uncle Joe?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Prof: 'Stewart's cultural influence surpasses Beck's' [The usual Romy link]

THE IDIOT HOWIE HAIRSHIRT STILL WORKS AT THE DAILY KAPLAN!



A SPECIAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO PAUL "THE REPUBLIC WILL FOREVER MOURN THE LOSS OF JACK VALENTI" FARHI!

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

CHRISTIANE!!!!! got Her job by being friends with MR. AND MRS. UB IGER, which should prove once and for all network news is irrelevant.

And as long as UB has His job CHRISTIANE!!!!! has Hers.

(Via the usual media Web sites)

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

The G-20 supports the Wall Street Casino too!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

1. The Paper of Re-CORD plugs another cutesy-pie Web site that doesn't deserve it (and this one appears to be liberal, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh). 2. A big shareholder in PAPEROFRECORDCO is selling holdings.

Remember -- no relation.

(Disclosure moment: I know Mr. Sicha socially in a New York media sort of way, and he has written for The New York Times in the past....)

Consider yourself -- disclosed.

(First link via MediaBistro; second link via I Want Media)

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

PEE-WEE HERMAN: THE MOVIE; PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES (really?); A REMAKE OF POLTERGEIST; PRIDE AND PREDATOR; PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES; A REMAKE OF PRIVATE BENJAMIN ("Amy Talkington will update the story for contempoary times and focus on female enpowerment." AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!); something called Project X ("a raunchy comedy about college guys partying shot camcorder style ala Cloverfield" -- don't we have whole marques devoted to such projects?); AN ESPNCORP TEEN COMEDY CALLED PROM (all right UB, who's the MILEY this time?!?!?); a "comedy" called Pumas STARRING JENNIFER ANISTON ("...as one-half of a best friend duo. They are older women who date younger men and deal with the stereotypes and double standards of modern society. They go on a French vacation where that challenges what they know of romance." You APPROVED this, SUMNER?); Puss in Boots, A SPINOFF OF SHREK....

With only three Qs we skip tomorrow to THE MOVEE BIZ' FAVORITE LETTER!

OR:

Attendance has fallen 2.2 percent this year.

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

We did not know how to work Charles Murray's article on the Effete Snobs in, as it speaks for itself, but count on AHTSJournal to discover that Oscar Hammerstein II's grandson has a lesson for them, from the master himself:

"He was quoted as saying you learn much more from a flop than a hit because it's hard to learn anything when everyone is praising you to the skies on those opening nights when everything is going well."

Our ruling superiors have never known anything but success, anything but praise to the skies. That's how they can lord it over the rest of us and screw up America big-time.

I might add I think our whiz kids destroyed our manufacturing base to affirm their power, and I profoundly detest EDS-'n'-MEDS talk as it's cover for that and as the effete snobs are precisely the biggest beneficiaries; and Murray has his finger on the right hot button when he mentions, quite prominently, THE FIRST AND SECOND GREATEST POP-CULTURAL ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE LAST QUARTER CENTURY. I'd also add what I wrote three months beforehand: "These obsessions speak to the disconnect of the ruling class as much as a love for His Omnipotence -- and they know no political bounds." [Emphasis in the original]

One of these days I'm going to get Hammerstein's quote from Hugh Fordin's excellent biography about how playwrights like Tennessee Williams got on his nerves thanks to their trendy nihilism. Our ruling class was a long time being born.

P. S. If you want a better picture of Hammerstein -- this is surely from his last decade, when he took up the crew cut -- look at the cover of this lyric anthology and you may not wonder that he won for his second wife a beauty named Dorothy with a strong resemblance to Lynda Carter. I think of his face as an eternal reassurance; but it's clear he had sex appeal too.

(First link via, oh well, NRO)

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Well, with VAGRANT CITY in the championship SLIME and the Dolans have a chance to pursue their war for a long, long time.

P. S. We couldn't help noticing given the existential threat of BLUTOS in the air, but "our" version of the guys who robbed J. P. Morgan couldn't hit; yet we must remember, with any league run by a man named SELIG, the law of diminishing returns never kicks in -- unless you're a fan.

P. P. S. Some scribbler named Igel has found the problem -- and has devised a great way of solving it:

[E]ven though MLB and its partners, including television, cannot control which teams reach the World Series [!!!!!], they can control the message. Why they opt to let commentators and fans do it for them is anyone’s guess.

I've got an idea! Let's get Tim Mc-CAR-VER, Mike "ESPN" Lupica and MB2 to proclaim these two teams THE GREATEST WORLD SERIES COMBATANTS EVER!!!!!

Bono, go back to writing dreary songs.

P. P. P. S. on a no-name Dallas suburb (in the 35TH, 36TH and 37TH GRAFS):

Jim Runzheimer, an Arlington lawyer and longtime critic of City Hall subsidies of sports teams, said he can't deny there is a boost in civic pride with the World Series.

"But pride can only go so far," Runzheimer said, adding he hasn't seen any convincing studies showing that there is a net economic benefit to the millions invested in the Rangers' or Cowboys' stadiums.

"There's been no substantial decrease in the tax rate or substantial new development," he said. "It certainly didn't prevent a $10 million budget deficit."

And you can keep it!

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Three GOP candidates spend $243M

Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!

But here’s the punch line: None of these candidates is ahead in the polls. Two of them — Whitman and McMahon — are actually behind.

Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGED!!!!!

P. S. We say the TURNIPS know this, and it's one reason the zillionaires are behind. If they can burn their money on television they can burn OUR money in Washington. They deserve to be behind.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Something called On Chesil Beach ("Set in the UK during the early 1960s, a woman [SIC] along with her friend wants to lose their [SIC] virginity to beat repression. Their plans end badly as many complications arise from their bold and scandalous plans." What's the diff between this and a JUDD APATOW except someone can get on his high horse and this isn't a comedy?); OUIJA; a REMAKE of something called Overboard; OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL....

P's tomorrow -- as in...



PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U!

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: This gag is sheer posturing. Unless BANEHEAD can prove he is not a conventional politician -- and he cannot -- we'll just have a repeat of the last four years with lip-service to fiscal sanity added -- or worse, Realtor Denny's money orgy. Abe Lincoln saw nothing against revolution. When do the people finally revolt against their lame-brained set-in-cement masters?

While NPR has long bristled at accusations of liberal bias, a recent study by the Pew Research Center for People and the Press found that 61 percent of NPR's audience describes itself as progressive, while only 15 percent described themselves as tea party supporters. The difference between parties was smaller but still pronounced: 40 percent of NPR listeners described themselves as Democrats, while only 14 percent called themselves Republicans.

Keach does not tell us when NPNTR has "bristled" or how, but we can see it pulling that Chevron joke. The best for NPNTR to do is meekly admit it's liberal, and say it will do better. Anything else is searing dishonesty.

Posted 11:31 PM by Gene

I wonder how many knee-jerk liberals are saying tonight, "Rangers? Aren't they owned by that EVIL CHRISTIAN NAZI...oh wait. He sold them."

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

A JOE NAMATH BIOPIC (does he wear the pantyhose?); NATIONAL TREASURE 3 (does it finally go bankrupt?); something called New Year's Eve, a SPINOFF of Valentine's Day; NICK FURY: AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D., ANOTHER MARVEL COMIC-BOOK MOVEE....

O next -- as in OH, BROTHER!

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

This is Tucker, but we need not be reminded the voters won't even have the GOP on a leash -- they'll have it by the scruff of its neck.

And they're prepared to choke it.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

It pleases me to see the first-person shooters that dominate the videogame biz are full of bugs, which suggests their sales decline isn't a short-term thing. If bugs are intrinsic to the games why bother buying them? Or does one seek a vicarious thrill first-person-shooting the bugs?

I really do wish though it were possible to write on such a topic without hinting that despite it all videogames can cure cancer. Or to put it another way, if this typing is the norm videogame cri-TICS are displacing rock mu-SICK cri-TICKS on the bad-writing pedestal with their pretension.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

Did you have to tell us, Ms. Travers? That auteur David Zucker is back. As the saying goes be careful what you wish for.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

NPNTR's OMBUDSPOOP SPEAKS: She says this "public relations nightmare provides the basis that earned public radio's reputation for quality." Okay, we're editing, and clumsily, but that's how the Starbucks of the Air feels, and deep down inside they're proud of it.

Given how Juan landed on a very soft featherbed we're not feeling especially sorry for him either.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

If the two-sided loudmouth Bob Gibbs ever quits we nominate JONNY for his replacement; he could be the most tone-deaf hack in the job since RON ZIEGLER. There are many reasons to detest SLIME but being insufficiently prostrate before M----MS is not one of them. How did liberals get to be BFFs with M----MS -- at the expense of Jews?

Posted 8:36 PM by Gene

Three years later, Chevron proves once again "every last penny the oil companies spend on advertising in general and image advertising in particular is money wasted."

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD; MADAGASCAR 3; MADEA'S BIG HAPPY FAMILY; MAJOR MATT MASON, based on A MATTEL TOY; Maleficent, an ESPNCORP LIVE-ACTION REMAKE OF SLEEPING BEAUTY; MAMMA MIA 2!!!!!!!!!!; MARVIN THE MARTIAN!!!!!!!!!!; Mary, Mother of Christ (from the same biz as JESUS HENRY CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!), another attempt to lure the poor, uneducated and easily commanded into the popcorn restaurants; Mass Effect, A VIDEOGAME ADAPTATION; MAX STEEL, based on ANOTHER MATTEL TOY; something called Maximum Ride, "a fantasy film about six teenagers who have been genetically altered to become part birds" (as in for the?); MEN IN BLACK 3; MICRONAUTS, ANOTHER MOVEE BASED ON TOYS; MISS SAIGON; MISSION IMPOSSIBLE IV!!!!!!!!!!; another Moby Dick, which "will be shot in the style of recent grachic [SIC] novel adaptations and will not be told from Ishmael�s [SIC] narration"; something called Motorcade, which "details how terrorists take over the President�s [SIC] limousine entourage as he travels through Los Angeles" (which party?); MRS. FRIMBY AND THE RATS OF NIMH; LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH'S THREATENED REMAKE OF MY FAIR LADY; something called My Mother's Curse, in which "Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand [SECOND BILLING?!?!?] play son and mother taking a cross-country road trip" (given Babs shouldn't that be My Mother Curses?); something called My Week with Marilyn, A BIOPIC ABOUT THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL, starring MICHELLE WILLIAMS AS MARILYN MONROE (?!?!?) and KENNETH BRANAGH AS SIR LAURENCE OLIVIER (?!?!?)....

N is next -- as in NO! NO!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!

Posted 2:46 PM by Gene

Last week in my continuing listing of future movee genius from HSX.com I mentioned "LUKE SPIELBERG'S THREATENED GERSHWIN BIOPIC." This could easily be the worst since Night and Day -- and Jack Warner had an excuse. The world saver starts with three big gaping holes: Al Jolson; Gertrude Lawrence; and the Astaires. (We might add a fourth gaping hole in Oscar Levant.) Who's going to sing all those wonderful songs? Here's a prediction: no one. LUKE will make an entirely DRAMATIC MOVIE. How can He do that? Easily: by devoting the first forty-five minutes to Gershwin's scuffling boyhood and the last forty-five minutes to his brain tumor. (Can you imagine the waves of saccharin from ERICH WOLFGANG KORNGOLD?) We doubt He'll work in his sex life as the family might complain. We suspect Luke will avoid the trap LEGENDARY SCORSESE's set for Himself by avoiding the brand names in his life; hence we have a further hunch He'll cast Seymour Harvey What's-His-Name as Ira. There's a pairing: Spock and Capote. Perhaps He can devote a half-hour to George scribbling notes and Ira typing lyrics -- anything to make up for the lack of true talent to perform those ravishing tunes, unless of course He wants to take a risk and bring in Alanis Morissette and Elvis Costello. At its worst we're talking Ken Russell doing Norman Rockwell. This will be a travesty to end all travesties -- and thus the raves are a foregone conclusion.

P. S. I would note there appears to be nothing on the Web since SUPERNIKKI!!!!!'s breathless ad, so this project might be as much make-believe as on film.

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

[L]istening to Limbaugh in my car today, carrying on about Obama with less than two weeks to the midterms -- and I'm someone who's heard him a lot and knows what a screamer he is -- I wonder how he can carry on like the kid you knew up the block who could stand there and holler dumbness until his face got red as a radish (oh, My God, is that where "redneck" comes from?!) and today, riding with my car windows down, I thought, "This guy is gonna split a gut so bad I better put my car windows up even if I'm in LA and he's broadcasting from Florida."

So THAT's how you came up with All in the Family!

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

A LEGENDARY WELCH DREAM HEADLINE:

Nokia reports rise in profits, announces 1,800 job cuts

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

Now in the sixth day of war with Cablevision, FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gets back at some competition!

Posted 11:28 AM by Gene

In continuing news of stupid:

The Providence Journal to Post Excerpts Only on Web Site

That should definitely drive print sales in Portland, Oregon!

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

Official says President Mubarak to seek new term

He needs to?

Or rather, he needs to?

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

I've got a GREAT patriotic idea! THE BIG C should run a contest: "GUESS WHEN THE DOW HITS A NEW ALL-TIME HIGH!" Have Boom-Boom as its front man! Plug the contest all day, every day! That alone should help the Wall Street Casino daydream to record highs!

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

President Obama's nominee for deputy secretary of state has earned more than $8 million in salary and bonuses since January 2009 as an executive at a Wall Street bank that received a federal bailout.

Thomas R. Nides, a six-figure fundraiser for Hillary Rodham Clinton during her 2008 presidential run, disclosed his compensation from Morgan Stanley in a recent filing with the U.S. Office of Government Ethics.

Exceptionally well-qualified!

Why are such stories limited to the CONSERVATIVE GHETTO?

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

A eulogy for EINSTEIN's work of GENIUS on a GENIUS:

At one point in the film, Sean Parker, the inventor of Napster, says of the supposed Facebook revolution he helped to promote that once people lived on farms, then in cities, but now they will live on the Internet -- which means living where there really is no such thing as the truth. I'd be sorry to think that that is the case, but it may be so. Yet I wonder if it means that, 50 or 100 years hence, Mr. Zuckerberg will have taken his place in the national pantheon alongside such old-time capitalist heroes as Thomas Edison or Henry Ford, or if his invention of yet another form of the artificial life that our age mass-produces will have been forgotten along with his (by then) ancient technology? I don't know the answer to this question, but if The Social Network has anything to do with how he is remembered, it seems unlikely by that time that anyone will care about Mark Zuckerberg one way or the other.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

YAHOO!!!!! asks the burning question, how did KIM become a "star"? -- and even before we can utter "WE know" most of the commenters prove intelligent life may not exist in Sunnyvale.

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

Speaking of National Public NewsTalk Radio, why should it be such a shock that it fired someone for saying a politically incorrect thing?

Can't wait for the OMBUDSPOOP's excuses.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: It was okay for us to ignore the Tea Party until it became a force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. This is why NPR issued the EDICT.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tives are having conniptions because MITCH continues to be so busy with his true first calling to obliterate campaign finance reform that he hasn't given any thought to repealing Obamacare. The situation is safe for now it says here but this is yet another reminder that when it comes to saving the taxpayers money the GOP isn't serious.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Google Inc. cut its taxes by $3.1 billion in the last three years using a technique that moves most of its foreign profits through Ireland and the Netherlands to Bermuda.

Well don't forget, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE is an international company.

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

SIDSWEEK's Russian edition shuts down, and Sid comes out swingin' (while patting himself on the back):

“If you ask me what could irritate the authorities about the Russian NEWSWEEK’s [SIC!] coverage, I will tell you: everything,” says Mikhail Zygar, NEWSWEEK RUSSIA’s [SIC!] news editor.

1. Couldn't some of your American readers say the same thing? 2. You have the money, Sid. Why didn't you finance a replacement? Oh, you don't have that much money?

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

The debate on whether the persistently high unemployment rate is due to structural or cyclical factors has risen to the surface--including within the Federal Open Market Committee. As the Federal Reserve regional presidents assess whether to opt for additional monetary stimulus at the November FOMC meeting, some are considering the possibility that policies to boost aggregate demand may miss the boat.

You mean we're throwing all that money at the Wall Street Casino for nothing?

Posted 12:08 AM by Gene

Somebody must typetypetypetypetype that men and women started thinking differently in the convenient year of 1964 so we can insert an annoying in-with-the-in-crowd reference to that media darling THE SECOND GREATEST POP-CULTURAL ACHIEVEMENT OF THE LAST QUARTER CENTURY, knowing full well -- or more likely not knowing at all -- the NINETEENTH AMENDMENT was ratified in 1920, and the GOP pitched Warren Harding to the women because he was handsome, and they fell for it. (Never mind he ultimately proved a first-rank cad.) These epochal differences happened before, and SECOND GREATEST wasn't even on the air in 1920. There wasn't even commercial radio then. For God's sake can't some people think before they type? No, or they wouldn't be in the business.

Posted 11:52 PM by Gene

Bob Guccione -- we were about to call him the DONALD of PR0N, but in the end he was just another gold-chained sleazemaster, without even the benefit of Hef's fake-lounge-lizard ways -- has died. RIP.

P. S. on 10/21/2010 at 10:35 a. m. Given what the parrots are doing maybe we should have stuck with our first hunch.

Posted 6:58 PM by Gene

A greeting-card impresario (or as we must call him these days, an "entrepreneur") is leading a group that wants to buy The Boston Glob.

We looked hard for an apt illustration but anyone can make a greeting card these days.

(Via Paper of Re-CORD.com via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Something called LOL, a REMAKE of a French film; DC COMICS PICTURES' THREATENED LEGO MOVIE; something from JUDD APATOW called Let's Do This (about "[t]wo men who work for a motivational company go[ing] on a road trip for their job" -- scintillating!); MICHAEL DOUGLAS IN A LIBERACE BIOPIC (?!?!?); LITTLE FOCKERS; LUKE SPIELBERG'S THREATENED LINCOLN MOVIE; something called Lunch Lady (which "centers on an unassuming cafeteria worker who lives a double life as a private investigator" -- credible!)....

And speaking of rhymes with credible, tomorrow is the M's -- Mmmmmmmmmmm! Tasteless!

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

Soros Donates $1 Million to Media Matters

1. Oh -- so now it's OFFICIAL. 2. That should pay for some of LIARLIAR BROCK's salary.

(Via the usual Romy, who we'd guess is quite surprised)

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Bargain hunters swoop in

The DUPES are back, or the BIG C viewers are back -- one and the same.

The indexes' gains came the day after stocks posted their biggest loss in two months, suggesting investors thought Tuesday's slide was overdone.

Who ever said mental illness was illegal?

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

There's still a lot we don't fully understand about the Tea Partiers and the political independents who have lost faith in Obama. But one thing we should all be pretty clear on by now is that they hate, hate, hate anything that smacks of elitism. The spectacle of affluent 18-to-34-year-olds blanketing the Mall to snicker at jokes about wingnut ignoramuses and Bible thumpers will, I fear, have the effect of a red cape waved before a bull.

TRANSLATION: ED MURROW and ERIC SEVAREID will stage history's first CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED political rally.

(Via JENNIFER!)

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

Meanwhile, the so-called "metered model" will allow readers who are referred from third-party sites such as blogs, social media networks and search engines access to specific content "without triggering the gate, which will preserve NYTimes.com's significant reach and advertising inventory," according to Robinson. (Emphasis added)

Pinch's wall has a mighty big hole in it.

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

We were about to say, "TINA!!!!!, did you have to bring Bob Dornan back?", but him calling NEWT! an insufferable prig and Realtor Denny a "wet paper bag" was worth it.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

China Pledges Rare Earth Supply, Signals Export Rise

The Fentonville Politburo members must have screamed.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

One problem with news hackery is that so many of the typists stick with just one task through their careers they have worse than no new insights, they have thousands of recyclable old ones. This piece by a Human Events columnist points that up; fake pro wrestling tops fake FOX!!!!!!!!!!!News. Many people use cable only for sports. This should be obvious to the ad-blurbists but their chief purpose is making lots of PR noise to drown out their overweening ignorance.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

We did not know what to say about Tom Bosley yesterday but Sheldon Harnick (through our favorite Branson East columnist Mike) came up with a perfect quote:

"I wrote him a note not too long ago, but it came back. I didn't know where he was. Now I do. He's in that great acting studio in the sky."

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

Source: Hurd romanced Sun exec while HP's CEO

This would seem a little less than Kosher.

Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!!, the rag that runs more show-biz advertising than any other, has just announced A NEW INVESTIGATIVE TEAM!!!!!

Headquartered where? At a Ripley's Believe It or Not museum?

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

What happened to STEVEDOM today shows that many Wall Street Casino dealers believe in multiple happy endings. Perhaps The Lord God's Kingdom can only go ever upward, but we should behold their perspicacity and verisimilitude with the same disbelief the dealers had when the Tech Boom they willed ended.

YOU'LL WISH YOU'D OWNED APPLE WHEN IT CROSSES $400!!!!!!!!!! (Let's-get-on-our-knees-and...WISH overemphasis added)

By which time Its market cap will be $365,424,000,000, or $33,844,000,000 more than today's market cap of XOM. But why $400? Why not, say, $1,100 -- what STEVEDOM WILL sell for WHEN It crosses ONE TRILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!

Aside from fraud, the Wall Street Casino's biggest business is BS.