THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Microsoft's Media Center Targets Living Rooms
Hey Mr. Bug! Wanna cure population growth? Target bedrooms.
Hey Mr. Bug! Wanna cure population growth? Target bedrooms.
I think Philip Pullman is right to say we're testing the joy out of literature for kids. In academe reading becomes something mechanical, something you have to do for grades, something enervating. Slogging through the passive phrases and muddy thoughts of textbooks, glazing the eyeballs over "classics" whose relation to life grows more tenuous by the day, that don't have even one memorable scene or witty phrase, and people end up reading only when they have to. Hence the increasing irrelevance of newspapers, which already demand to be read as an obligation, not for the fun of it.
It won't do to get women in women's jeans. Let's get women in women's clothes!
Does THE MAN have a political run in his future? Maybe Senator from -- no! NO!! TWO MEN in the SENATE from NEW YORK?!?!?
Fifth columnist number three.
Don't these guys swear some sort of oath when they take their jobs, or is it just words?
Don't these guys swear some sort of oath when they take their jobs, or is it just words?
Serves 'em right! Da Bears got MAULED at the opening of the Ugly Bowl.
Or as I'm SURE BOOM BOOM said last night, "Well I gotta tell ya Al, this new Soldier Field is really a BEAUTIFUL stadium."
WHAP!
P. S. The man who helped HOWELL (remember him?) lobby for THE TINKERTOYS loves it. Now we know it stinks. Haven't you heard of THE INTERNET, Herb?
Or as I'm SURE BOOM BOOM said last night, "Well I gotta tell ya Al, this new Soldier Field is really a BEAUTIFUL stadium."
WHAP!
P. S. The man who helped HOWELL (remember him?) lobby for THE TINKERTOYS loves it. Now we know it stinks. Haven't you heard of THE INTERNET, Herb?
Monday, September 29, 2003
Blues is the Siamese twin of jazz, and if jazz is dead, how can the other be alive?
And people blame the collapse of CD sales on piracy.
And people blame the collapse of CD sales on piracy.
Continuing on the subject of self-referential media coverage: read any article in MediaWeek and you'll find lots of high MadAve muckymucks who spend lots of ad dollars financing lots of junk on the tube blathering incessantly about this program and that and this demo and that share and this time slot and that strategy who together probably don't watch more than ONE HOUR A WEEK. This is precisely the kind of intentional disconnect, the aggressively willful ignorance, that allows big business to sponsor any TV program without fear of failure.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! takes both sides again. People who do this only muddy up the truth, not that the RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ever respected it. Maybe Elia Kazan was no saint, but neither are the legions, the hordes of NEWSCORPIONS, who would just as easily sell out if it advanced their cause, and their careers.
Anthrax Mailer May Not Have Intended Harm
Translation: the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents are clueless as usual.
Translation: the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents are clueless as usual.
A day when two baseball managers are canned makes us understand why the French invented the guillotine.
AP! AP!! I need someone to promote my lousy rock act. CAN YOU DO IT?
CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), conservatives may own the media, but CRETINS RUN THE AP.
CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), conservatives may own the media, but CRETINS RUN THE AP.
LABOUR HEROES BLAST ZIONIST OCCUPIERS OF "ISRAEL"!
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
More self-important, self-referential media coverage: the vastly overrated A&E channel used to make 40-percent margins. Now it's 35 percent. Plus it isn't drawing the young-and-stupid DEMOGRAPHIC the Freely Fraleighs need to cut their market shares. So the partners are talking of selling. They should be worried. You take the cable-subscriber annuity out of the picture and this godawful network doesn't exist. MTV, Comedy Central, USA, every bad TV channel wouldn't exist without us. It's time for a change in the menu to A LA CARTE.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhh, news hacks are bored, so they've invented the umpteen-kazillionth version of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, CIA division.
Didn't summer end about a week ago?
Didn't summer end about a week ago?
I'm glad to see some people have already been amputated under the sharia in Nigeria, and that a man is scheduled to be stoned for sodomy. Nice too that sharia seems to apply only to the poor. Does the political correctness of Islam hold people back from complaining?
A leading Palestinian issues a media-like mea culpa for all the violence his side has caused. Which raises two questions: the first being the usual, was it in English? and the second, why now?
Sunday, September 28, 2003
I must confess to being unfamiliar with the works of Elia Kazan (that is, his work; many of the masterpieces he directed for the stage are familiar to all), but anyone who's seriously studied our culture must know the price he (and another landmark artist, Jerome Robbins) paid for "ratting" on Communists. Indeed one could say the ratters paid a heavier price than the rats, for the rats could drape themselves in the sanctity of their cause, and could always present themselves as "victims," never mind that the cause was promoting Stalin, and Communism, and evil, and death, and that Communism's victims were far more numerous than a few well-paid scenarists. The ratters would always have somebody talking behind their backs, or laughing, or whispering. Ratting involved a moral decision, and not a clean-cut one, but in the end, it was informing on Communists -- or living under Communism. And art, if it is good art, requires and defines moral considerations, whether we like it or not.
Coming across this picture on Lycos News, I thought to myself, how much better it would be if models could sing, and dance, and act; if they weren't the Ah-NULTs of T & A (very often with neither T nor A), if they didn't speak in numbing monotones, if their formal education weren't limited to poses, if their IQs weren't somewhere between room temperature and a freezer compartment; if they didn't have such blank, vapid stares; in short, if they were prettier, sexier, livelier, and more intelligent than we have a constitutional right to expect models to be.
There's my excuse for putting cheesecake on this blog today.
The Times gushes over the same video movie that just days ago its called a full-length commercial!
FLIP...FLOP!
Chapter MMMLXXXVII of A Reporter Looking for Work: Some idiot sells a movie by likening George Clooney to Gable and Grant.
Put this clown on the list for JACK's job!
Put this clown on the list for JACK's job!
Robert J. "Competition" Samuelson justifies his love affair with GENERAL JR. and his CRANK NOSTRUMS by saying aw, shucks, we're not that powerful.
I think your reader may have been right: at times like these, "the best thing you could say is nothing at all."
I think your reader may have been right: at times like these, "the best thing you could say is nothing at all."
Buzz is in a tiz because some "has-been" (a handy term when you disagree with somebody) says blogs are essentially onanistic. The has-been's right. Who's reading my blog? Who reads blogs period? Most are worthless public diaries (no, I'm not interested in your sex life), and the few that aren't work up a froth for the publicity. And yes, the highest end of the bloggers are looking for work in the news biz. I'd love to get a column out of this blog myself (fat chance). And once the bloggers get their six-digit salaries, out go the blogs. We already saw that with the ESPN sports phreak who became a Jimmy Kimmel writer. Blogging will not die in two years -- it's no fad -- but it is dependent upon the attentions of news hacks in ways many practitioners don't want to admit.
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Oh, goody. The military chooses Muslim chaplains from "the grass roots," and we all know what kinds of bugs can reside there.
6:12 Howard Dean says he'd like balanced budget in 1st term
6:13 Dean says he'd accept federal deficits to create jobs [CBS Marketwatch headlines]
6:13 Dean says he'd accept federal deficits to create jobs [CBS Marketwatch headlines]
FLIP...FLOP!
CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says:
Opposition to the war has always been strong in Britain. Several large peace protests were held during the war, though none matched a huge rally on Feb. 15, before the conflict began, when between 750,000 and 2 million people marched through central London.
We may have to start The Jack Garland Accuracy Award!
Opposition to the war has always been strong in Britain. Several large peace protests were held during the war, though none matched a huge rally on Feb. 15, before the conflict began, when between 750,000 and 2 million people marched through central London.
We may have to start The Jack Garland Accuracy Award!
The rest of the world should not let the Burmese generals get away with this. This “jam tomorrow” charade which has been so painful and so wretched for the Burmese people has gone on long enough.
ARAB NEWS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
The corpse of Patsy Mink is stirring: Cheerleading is now a varsity sport at the University of Maryland.
Does that mean we ditch the football team?
Does that mean we ditch the football team?
Yes, the media are in the customer service biz -- and guess who the first customers are (everyone rise and repeat after me):
We are in the business of helping our customers grow their businesses. We do this effectively with our wide variety of media and entertainment products.
We believe in maximizing our customer's satisfaction, we will deserve and will earn their continued loyalty. Our goal is to have long term, mutually profitable relationships.
We believe in providing superior value to customers through high quality, technologically advanced, fairly priced services designed to meet customer needs better than all the possible alternatives....
We believe the ultimate measure of our success is to provide a superior value to our stockholders.
We are in the business of helping our customers grow their businesses. We do this effectively with our wide variety of media and entertainment products.
We believe in maximizing our customer's satisfaction, we will deserve and will earn their continued loyalty. Our goal is to have long term, mutually profitable relationships.
We believe in providing superior value to customers through high quality, technologically advanced, fairly priced services designed to meet customer needs better than all the possible alternatives....
We believe the ultimate measure of our success is to provide a superior value to our stockholders.
LET THEM EAT RADIOS!
Coordinated protests were held across western Europe and in Turkey and South Korea, but were only a faint shadow of huge pre-war peace rallies.
I gather it might be difficult to rally for Saddam.
I gather it might be difficult to rally for Saddam.
News hacks reading this will think they've got a good thing going with QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and why stop with a good thing if our new guy can win the White House!
Yep, I see why Dubya ignores the papers.
Yep, I see why Dubya ignores the papers.
RUMMY MUST RESIGN!
Brought to you by THE OSAMA CHANNEL! (Talk about guilt by association.)
Freely! Freely FrAAAAAAAAAAAAAleigh!
Brought to you by THE OSAMA CHANNEL! (Talk about guilt by association.)
Freely! Freely FrAAAAAAAAAAAAAleigh!
Friday, September 26, 2003
[A]n organization with an ombudsmen [sic] is almost always one that has a customer service problem. Not to mention staffing bloat.
This is true with consumer products companies, this is true with the movie industry (their "ombudsmen" are the IDIOTS who cook up JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP), and it's true A-number-1 with the NEWS HACKS. Yes, think of the news biz as one big CUSTOMER SERVICE ORGANIZATION and it really starts to stink.
I just wish he'd used the right noun.
This is true with consumer products companies, this is true with the movie industry (their "ombudsmen" are the IDIOTS who cook up JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP), and it's true A-number-1 with the NEWS HACKS. Yes, think of the news biz as one big CUSTOMER SERVICE ORGANIZATION and it really starts to stink.
I just wish he'd used the right noun.
Well, well! The holy cockroaches are taking our bait.
And of course, what's a Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend's article without a half-truth? "American troops are being killed almost daily in Iraq." Recently we went almost two weeks without a fatality. Lately we've gone three or four straight days without one. But as CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says, the "media" are owned by "conservative Republicans," which makes this half-truth-telling essential.
And of course, what's a Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend's article without a half-truth? "American troops are being killed almost daily in Iraq." Recently we went almost two weeks without a fatality. Lately we've gone three or four straight days without one. But as CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says, the "media" are owned by "conservative Republicans," which makes this half-truth-telling essential.
CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says most "media" are owned by "conservative Republicans" (like Pinch, St. Warren of Buffett, Sumner, etc.), which means we're justified in screaming bloody QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I love that photograph. No offense, Curly.)
How news hacks write: this one gets so carried away with the usual rock-blurb-copywriter's adjectives over the fortieth anniversary of the audio cassette that he misspells its inventing company's name, three times -- it's PHILIPS, and it's only one of the world's leading electronics firms, that's all.
The success of the evil twins of Arab satellite TV "news" shows Arabs prefer the unvarnished lie to the whole truth. Good luck, Dubya.
Edward Said leaves important legacy
Yeah. He was the Sandy Koufax of rocks.
(SORRY! SORRY!! Dizzy Dean, Dizzy Dean!!!!! Koufax was a lefty.)
Yeah. He was the Sandy Koufax of rocks.
(SORRY! SORRY!! Dizzy Dean, Dizzy Dean!!!!! Koufax was a lefty.)
Major powers steering Middle East diplomacy on Friday put the onus on Palestinians....
WAIT A SECOND! I thought it was always the ISRAELIS' fault!!
WAIT A SECOND! I thought it was always the ISRAELIS' fault!!
Having been linked by The Professor to these pertinent twenty questions, I'll ask a twenty-first: how many of the babies who starved under Saddam are starving no longer?
I think we can count on the Beeb, the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends, Robert "Beat Me" Fisk, James Dickey's son, etc., etc., ad nauseum, to find us one who still is.
I think we can count on the Beeb, the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends, Robert "Beat Me" Fisk, James Dickey's son, etc., etc., ad nauseum, to find us one who still is.
I am sorry to hear that George Plimpton has died. One might at first blush dismiss him as a gimmick writer, a man in search of a publicity stunt, but the one book of his I've read, his oral biography of Truman Capote, is a fine piece of work; it takes more than transcription and editing to create a memorable portrait from so many and conflicting voices. RIP.
I can see James Dickey's son passing the poor intern or clerk responsible for sorting through the bozo's e-mail, and saying with a wicked grimace from a Gahan Wilson cartoon, "How many death threats did we get today? hahaha!" And the poor intern or clerk, thoroughly petrified and his face a shade of ash or pea-soup green, or maybe a mix of both, goes on doing the thankless work knowing the bozo thinks he's a low-IQ parasite.
According to Nielsen BookScan, which tracks sales in the United States, Madonna’s book sold 57,369 copies in its first full week, ranking No. 5 overall.
The top seller was Dr. Phil McGraw’s “The Ultimate Weight Solution,” with sales of 215,536.
I love it. THE MAN beaten by a diet book.
The top seller was Dr. Phil McGraw’s “The Ultimate Weight Solution,” with sales of 215,536.
I love it. THE MAN beaten by a diet book.
We've heard of Russia going authoritarian for years. We heard it under Yeltsin too. Yes, we should worry, but even Russia under Putin is much freer than the Soviet Union under Gorby.
This'll make Larry ecstatic: MR. SHAKEDOWN turned the NYSE into a catering hall for political sleazeballs.
Media could be targeted [in Iraq]
This makes absolutely no sense. If these fighters could read (in English, anyway) they'd see "the media" are their best friends and will do whatever it takes to help them win. BBC, The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends, Robert "Beat Me" Fisk, James Dickey's son, and anyone who ever took a bribe from Saddam's information ministry are automatically on their side. Why in God's name would they want to go after their propaganda arm?
This makes absolutely no sense. If these fighters could read (in English, anyway) they'd see "the media" are their best friends and will do whatever it takes to help them win. BBC, The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends, Robert "Beat Me" Fisk, James Dickey's son, and anyone who ever took a bribe from Saddam's information ministry are automatically on their side. Why in God's name would they want to go after their propaganda arm?
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Palestinian President Yasser Arafat urged Israel on Thursday to work with the Palestinians toward a lasting peace in holiday greetings dismissed by Israel as propaganda.
Arafat made the comments in a message sent to Israeli President Moshe Katsav ahead of the Jewish New Year, which starts on sundown Friday.
"On this occasion we pray to God to enable us to work together honestly to build the basis for a just, lasting and comprehensive peace and to achieve the historic reconciliation aspired to by our two neighboring Israeli and Palestinian peoples," Arafat said in the message.
I KNOW! I KNOW TEACH! This time he sent it in English -- AND HEBREW!!!!!
Who translated?
Arafat made the comments in a message sent to Israeli President Moshe Katsav ahead of the Jewish New Year, which starts on sundown Friday.
"On this occasion we pray to God to enable us to work together honestly to build the basis for a just, lasting and comprehensive peace and to achieve the historic reconciliation aspired to by our two neighboring Israeli and Palestinian peoples," Arafat said in the message.
I KNOW! I KNOW TEACH! This time he sent it in English -- AND HEBREW!!!!!
Who translated?
I got bad news, NewsMax: The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends are selling a GREAT SATAN Deck of Cards made in Moscow, and with their help it should soon be a best-seller on all the loony-left sites.
P. S. They're selling a French version too.
P. S. They're selling a French version too.
Now the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends have a new version of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- THE HELPLESS GIANT.
These folks act as if the only people reading them are tethered to a TeleType machine, and their copy takes several days to get out.
These folks act as if the only people reading them are tethered to a TeleType machine, and their copy takes several days to get out.
And yesterday (wouldn'tcha know) it emerged a virus hit a Foggy Bottom visa database, though knowing the Fogheads they probably didn't notice.
The same day Kinsley.com yelled and screamed about Dubya's AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! speech, why, if a computer trade journal doesn't run a story that OUR RELIANCE ON BILL THE ENTOMOLOGIST POSES "A DANGER TO NATIONAL SECURITY"!
Who's more powerful, oh holy Wizard of Redmond?
BIG CAVEAT: This is Bill's greedy competitors speaking.
Who's more powerful, oh holy Wizard of Redmond?
BIG CAVEAT: This is Bill's greedy competitors speaking.
I don't like it either that Dubya's one of the most super-secret presidents ever -- it took his motley crew TWO YEARS just to reopen the White House to visitors, and then with ifs ands and buts -- nonetheless, QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! teaches us what would happen if the president allowed protesters within earshot, and if he refuses to read a paper that just fired a sociopathic plagiarist, it's NOT HIS FAULT. Besides, a superbig media company like yours doesn't exactly help democracy with its superclever machinations.
Islamic fundamentalists aren't famous for listening to international outrage, so one wonders why they reversed this sentence. Was it interfering with the cause? Was it bad PR? Did SUPERHOOPER call?
Another profile in courage -- this time by Israeli pilots.
Of course, there's a punchline, in the third graf: some pilots have done this before -- and most of them weren't on active duty.
Of course, there's a punchline, in the third graf: some pilots have done this before -- and most of them weren't on active duty.
That Chinese publisher gives a wink and a nod to SUMNER, saying in so many words that his company approved The Expurgated Adventures of Sen. Rodham.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Families of U.S. bombing raid victims demand halt in Lockerbie settlement
One wonders if Moammar engineered this too.
I guess the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends will be harping on this for weeks.
One wonders if Moammar engineered this too.
I guess the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends will be harping on this for weeks.
One Judge Sics Telemarketers on 50 Million Americans
Wait a second! I thought telemarketing was FREE ENTERPRISE!
Wait a second! I thought telemarketing was FREE ENTERPRISE!
Well here GoogleBlogger was humming along nicely for a while, then it gets THE HICCUPS -- and THEN:
The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.
Please contact the server administrator, root@ssdhcp-10-32-56-65.corp.google.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.
More information about this error may be available in the server error log.
Yeah, right. We'll have to consult it. Especially if it's my fault. (I like your grammar, by the way. "Please contact the server administrator and inform them." Almost as good as your software!)
Internal Server Error
The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.
Please contact the server administrator, root@ssdhcp-10-32-56-65.corp.google.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.
More information about this error may be available in the server error log.
Yeah, right. We'll have to consult it. Especially if it's my fault. (I like your grammar, by the way. "Please contact the server administrator and inform them." Almost as good as your software!)
BUSH TO WORLD: DROP DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fred Kaplan on the president's AWFUL U. N. speech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uh, ENTOMOLOGISTS, be careful with that language -- guess which company and its omnipotent Wizard of Redmond inspire almost as much flame mail and hate sites as the White House. And in many ways, you're more powerful than Dubya -- especially when your creepy crawlers kick in.
Maybe what's happened to Sumner's Viacon is the economy, STUPID (and by stupid we mean Adolf W. Guess-Who), but maybe, to quote Tom "BAN THE PVR!" Wolzien, it's "something more fundamental going on in advertising" -- like people using TiVos to avoid commercials, or people using their remotes to avoid commercials, or people flat-out avoiding old-line media altogether to avoid commercials. MAYBE, Summer and ZON, thirty-minute commercial breaks on the radio and ten-minute commercial breaks on TV just won't cut it anymore. MAYBE, Sumner and ZON, people are FINALLY getting wise to the fact that the money from your CLIENTS is going almost entirely to annoy and offend them. Could that be?
I find it hard to believe Sumner and his frauds didn't know the Chinese censored Sen. Rodham's book; The Brow's been, shall we say, cultivating the Chinese for years -- rather in the ways of Sen. Rodham's former, er, you know. (Or Sumner's opposite number RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, who's struck a few compromising positions of his own.) I can believe the Senator is making a big stink because it might make him look bad. (NOTHING makes Sumner look bad, not even a hotel fire.)
Baghdad Blasts Undermine Bush Bid for Iraq Backing
GOOD!!!!!
(I guess the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends are still sore that our soldiers got off the hook for killing their cameraman.)
GOOD!!!!!
(I guess the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends are still sore that our soldiers got off the hook for killing their cameraman.)
Our last best chance to prosecute Adolf W. Bush -- FOILED.
Now I guess we'll have to try for impeachment.
Now I guess we'll have to try for impeachment.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Wonderful. CNN is reporting another fifth-columnist at Guantanamo.
DUBYA! RUMMY!!
DUBYA! RUMMY!!
I hadn't paid much attention to the arrest of that Muslim chaplain at Guantanamo, figuring, well, he said the wrong things. But the case against him is slowly rising to the level of treason, and it may not be an exaggeration to speak of a small but deadly fifth-column in our ranks.
P. S. The incarcerated chaplain grew up as a Lutheran (one of the weenie denominations) and converted to Islam, which further confirms my belief that the loony-left-PC Protestant churches and fundamentalist Islam are opposite extremes.
P. S. The incarcerated chaplain grew up as a Lutheran (one of the weenie denominations) and converted to Islam, which further confirms my belief that the loony-left-PC Protestant churches and fundamentalist Islam are opposite extremes.
Did anyone notice that Dubya spelled out his position on the League in a FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News interview first publicized on NRO? Maybe if you CW NEWS HACKS didn't rely on the usual sources and Democrats and "formers" and "retireds" and didn't keep wishin' and hopin' and prayin' that we fail in Iraq, he might assent to talk to you. But no, to paraphrase the title of an old Rodgers-and-Hart musical, "WE'D RATHER BE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now Bertelsmann wants to merge its record biz with Sony's.
I got an idea, guys, let's all merge into ONE BIG RECORD COMPANY and REALLY shaft the public.
I got an idea, guys, let's all merge into ONE BIG RECORD COMPANY and REALLY shaft the public.
Among the great NOBEL LAUREATE's proposals for "radicalizing" the League of Nations are "expan[ding]...the Security Council and...review[ing]...the methods it uses to handle new challenges brought by preemptive action, weapons proliferation and the long-standing problems of poverty and disease. Annan will call for the appointment of a panel of international experts to consider the most pressing questions facing the U.N. as an institution and ask that it deliver its recommendations by this time next year." [ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.]
"We have come to a fork in the road," says Kofi.
And we know from earlier you'll improve on Yogi Berra's advice and take all the silverware, all the dishes, and all the food when people aren't looking.
"We have come to a fork in the road," says Kofi.
And we know from earlier you'll improve on Yogi Berra's advice and take all the silverware, all the dishes, and all the food when people aren't looking.
Oh. Does this mean WALTER WINCHELL has ESP?
No. it just means WALTER WINCHELL's still an intolerable multi-millionaire blowhard.
No. it just means WALTER WINCHELL's still an intolerable multi-millionaire blowhard.
"We think the international community has a strong interest in Iraq being a success," Negroponte said Monday. "None of us want Iraq to fail."
But you guys at the League don't want the Americans to succeed, so you do want Iraq to fail. Perhaps we can get Kurt Waldheim out of retirement to run the government for us. That would be a success.
But you guys at the League don't want the Americans to succeed, so you do want Iraq to fail. Perhaps we can get Kurt Waldheim out of retirement to run the government for us. That would be a success.
Monday, September 22, 2003
And speaking of Freely, here's another reason he and other top advertising honchos will spend spend spend on TV until hell and their budgets freeze over:
An alarming fact for advertisers: 52 percent [of TV viewers] say they leave the room during commercials.
Here are my suggestions, Freely: 1) Make the ads MORE frenetically annoying, 2) Turn up the volume on their audio -- WAY up, 3) invade the video with all kinds of bugs, crawlers, and pop-ups, 4) have the characters pitch your products as part of the plot, and 5) FINANCE MORE DISGUSTING SHOWS!
P. S. This study was sponsored by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S DIRECTV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, so there's another reason you don't have to listen.
An alarming fact for advertisers: 52 percent [of TV viewers] say they leave the room during commercials.
Here are my suggestions, Freely: 1) Make the ads MORE frenetically annoying, 2) Turn up the volume on their audio -- WAY up, 3) invade the video with all kinds of bugs, crawlers, and pop-ups, 4) have the characters pitch your products as part of the plot, and 5) FINANCE MORE DISGUSTING SHOWS!
P. S. This study was sponsored by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S DIRECTV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, so there's another reason you don't have to listen.
THE GREAT SATAN RELIES ON MASTERS OF GENOCIDE FOR IRAQI SECURITY!!!!!
Oh Freely Fraleigh! Isn't it time to sell some more clunker -- Chevys? The only banner ad I see is STILL from CATARRH Airways!
Oh Freely Fraleigh! Isn't it time to sell some more clunker -- Chevys? The only banner ad I see is STILL from CATARRH Airways!
After being subjected in a RONG-AID to a promo from The CHEAP and EisnerCorp Network -- sort of like a promo from Hitler and Stalin -- I thought to myself, Mickey Mouse Michael and Bozo Bob are probably cursing that they didn't get John Ritter's death on tape. He could have gone out with a 30 RATING.
I guess a lot of people must be complaining about the Freedom Fighter Fighters' Friends™ and their ilk, for the head apologist at BuffettMedia's flagship has issued the usual self-exculpatory "explanation."
Dubya stands firm on Iraq -- and our vulture enemies circling around the League of Nations. And as even Thomas Friedman has admitted, France tops the list. We must do what's best for the Iraqis, not for the Vichy oil barons.
Oooooooh, this isn't supposed to happen in the safe, legal world of abortions ooooooooh!
And definitely not with the miracle drug!
And definitely not with the miracle drug!
Sunday, September 21, 2003
NBC bets big on a Friends-like sex comedy. What more could you ask for? Try sexiness and comedy
Obviously not produced by TIME WARNER. (But it IS produced by GE BANCORP NETWORK'S newly betrothed. LITTLE JEFFREY! TIME TO TURN ON THE FOG MACHINE AGAIN!)
Obviously not produced by TIME WARNER. (But it IS produced by GE BANCORP NETWORK'S newly betrothed. LITTLE JEFFREY! TIME TO TURN ON THE FOG MACHINE AGAIN!)
In a press release that inspired a press release, Regal Entertainment Group has announced it's banning certain videogames from its lobbies for their content. If there were justice the company should be scathingly ridiculed, for what it bans in the lobbies it allows on its screens, and one can be sure Regal (like its partners in the popcorn-palace industry) relies on its stupid ushers to "enforce" JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP, which thus goes defacto unenforced.
And as if proof were needed these imbeciles don't know their rear ends from a hole in the ground, here's a schedule (FOR ADVERTISERS!) of upcoming releases for the next four months.
And as if proof were needed these imbeciles don't know their rear ends from a hole in the ground, here's a schedule (FOR ADVERTISERS!) of upcoming releases for the next four months.
Woodster the Perv's latest masterwork is every bit the box-office bomb that Giggly was -- but nobody will call it such because the Perv is a "GENIUS." Isn't it time for a financially unstable company like DayDreams KGB to pull the plug on him, and let the Perv retire to a life of buggering his adopted-daughter wife?
By the way, WALTER WINCHELL, whatever happened to Buffalo Soldiers?!?!?
By the way, WALTER WINCHELL, whatever happened to Buffalo Soldiers?!?!?
The chief holy cockroach behind 9/11 has spilled some substantial beans -- and from what he's apparently saying, it could have been worse. I do wonder though what the reason for leaking this is.
Will Dubya's henchmen please tell us when this guy meets up with his 72 Helen Thomases?
Will Dubya's henchmen please tell us when this guy meets up with his 72 Helen Thomases?
Some more grownups engage in adolescence -- "radical" adolescence -- and a BLUNDER hack covers for them by engaging in a news-hack specialty: euphemism. "The performances are often R-rated." You can tell a hack is thinking about the cause and his/her/its employment when he/she/it engages in euphemism.
And I have a question, MESS: you always show the top-rated stories, but never the bottom-rated ones. WHY? Or do only Little Jeffrey, Bill the Entomologist and MR. MARK get to see those?
Which reminds me -- the blithering superpatriotic moron Jonathan is "the originator and author" of Conventional Wisdom Watch. (Only you won't find the information on the MESS; it appears in the out-of-the-way BLUNDER Media Kit [479,310 on Alexa].) Did you get a standing O in the office (or rather, a standing O-say-can-you-see) the day you penned the ARROGANT BLUNDER, Jon?
And I have a question, MESS: you always show the top-rated stories, but never the bottom-rated ones. WHY? Or do only Little Jeffrey, Bill the Entomologist and MR. MARK get to see those?
Which reminds me -- the blithering superpatriotic moron Jonathan is "the originator and author" of Conventional Wisdom Watch. (Only you won't find the information on the MESS; it appears in the out-of-the-way BLUNDER Media Kit [479,310 on Alexa].) Did you get a standing O in the office (or rather, a standing O-say-can-you-see) the day you penned the ARROGANT BLUNDER, Jon?
In March, 1938, Wall Street was rocked by revelations that Richard Whitney, a former chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, had embezzled money from that organization and some of its customers. Whitney, who was still an NYSE board member, was expelled, and most of the board resigned.
And Larry Kudlow would have said, HE DESERVED THE MONEY!!!!!
And Larry Kudlow would have said, HE DESERVED THE MONEY!!!!!
September 21, 2003 ........ Subscribe to Entertainment Weekly already! [ad]
Everybody has a printing press now.
Right, Buzz. Only some of us own a dime-store toy with the rubber letters and a stamp pad, and some of us own The New York Times.
Everybody has a printing press now.
Right, Buzz. Only some of us own a dime-store toy with the rubber letters and a stamp pad, and some of us own The New York Times.
One of the many reasons I hate the movie-ad-blurb copywriters is that their ads are a showcase for the most nauseatingly "cute" writing. And as Tom "The Pen is Mightier than the TV" Shales proves, the TV blurbists can do just as well -- even better, when they have a "contributor."
Harvard may "fail to provide rigor, coherence, and basic knowledge," but it does provide that degree, which is why so many corrupt pols and overpaid CEOs and about two-thirds of all dissembling news hacks are Ivy Leaguers.
In the back of his head Lawrence Summers must realize, the fewer the courses the better. Let's see the faculty hand him that head on a platter.
In the back of his head Lawrence Summers must realize, the fewer the courses the better. Let's see the faculty hand him that head on a platter.
Saturday, September 20, 2003
As bad as JACK's movies are now, we can expect worse when The Conspiracy produces feature-length commercials. And the trend can only intensify once the industry abandons celluloid for digital projection, allowing all manner of advertiser- and focus-group-driven insults on the fly. The film biz no longer has a good reason for being, having morphed into a bastard offspring of television.
BLUNDER's version of Robert "Beat Me" Fisk says he saw QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! coming, but heck, isn't that a little like "phantom sight" in the blind?
If this were mere iconoclasm, one could dismiss it, but so long as 98% of news hacks feel this way, we must view such typing as our ruling ideology.
P. S. I went through the now-familiar recitation of Washington’s claims before the war, and the too-familiar realities since: the failure to find weapons of mass destruction and the inevitable conclusion that Saddam Hussein was not the threat he was cracked up to be....
James Dickey's son, in the latest BLUNDER.
LASHING OUT?
As the Bush administration prepares to oust Saddam, one way or another, senior administration officials are very worried that Saddam will try to use his WMD arsenal. Intelligence experts have warned that Saddam may be "flushing" his small, easy-to-conceal biological agents, trying to get them out of the country before an American invasion. A vial of bugs or toxins that could kill thousands could fit in a suitcase or a diplomatic pouch. There are any number of grim end-game scenarios. Saddam could try blackmail, threatening to unleash smallpox or some other grotesque virus in an American city if U.S. forces invaded. Or, like a cornered dog, he could lash out in a final spasm of violence, raining chemical weapons down on U.S. troops, handing out his bioweapons to terrorists. "That's the single biggest worry in all this," says a senior administration official. "We are spending a lot of time on this," said another top official.
With Norman Thomas's grandson in the September 23, 2002 BLUNDER.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.
If this were mere iconoclasm, one could dismiss it, but so long as 98% of news hacks feel this way, we must view such typing as our ruling ideology.
P. S. I went through the now-familiar recitation of Washington’s claims before the war, and the too-familiar realities since: the failure to find weapons of mass destruction and the inevitable conclusion that Saddam Hussein was not the threat he was cracked up to be....
James Dickey's son, in the latest BLUNDER.
LASHING OUT?
As the Bush administration prepares to oust Saddam, one way or another, senior administration officials are very worried that Saddam will try to use his WMD arsenal. Intelligence experts have warned that Saddam may be "flushing" his small, easy-to-conceal biological agents, trying to get them out of the country before an American invasion. A vial of bugs or toxins that could kill thousands could fit in a suitcase or a diplomatic pouch. There are any number of grim end-game scenarios. Saddam could try blackmail, threatening to unleash smallpox or some other grotesque virus in an American city if U.S. forces invaded. Or, like a cornered dog, he could lash out in a final spasm of violence, raining chemical weapons down on U.S. troops, handing out his bioweapons to terrorists. "That's the single biggest worry in all this," says a senior administration official. "We are spending a lot of time on this," said another top official.
With Norman Thomas's grandson in the September 23, 2002 BLUNDER.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.
Congress passed a law that colleges not discriminate against military recruiters because (to quote some scrambled egghead) "academic institutions were being too liberal." So what do the eggheads do? They prove their point -- by suing the government!
Three reasons political hacks shouldn't use TV commercials: 1) They're advertising, whose practitioners rank just above -- er, politicians; 2) Because they're advertising, they engage the brain's reverse psychology mechanism so that everything in the ad becomes a lie; and 3) They finance BROADCASTERS, who've long occupied a high place on the public S-list.
Film fees may rise to save ailing EIDC or, since that won't appear on P1
Well you don't have to be snooty about it.
Well you don't have to be snooty about it.
Walter Cronkite, the "Most Trusted Man in America," can't be trusted, claims a federal lawsuit filed yesterday against the legendary newsman.
Some people are just learning what others have known for years.
Some people are just learning what others have known for years.
KNEE-JERK HARD-CORE FREE-ENTERPRISE LARRY "A BILLION DOLLARS IS TOO LITTLE FOR A DICK GRASSO" KUDLOW CONSERVATIVES now have an excuse to defend The CHEAP: LOWSY's a REPUBLICAN.
AND HIS COMPANY STILL STINKS.
P. S. It's a measure of how unhinged knee-jerk liberals have become that their real complaint is that The CHEAP is a PLATFORM for ADOLF W. BUSH -- rather than against the audience-share monopoly the company has in some markets (you can't go just by stations owned).
I HATE KNEE-JERK LIBERALS! I HATE KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES! I HATE KNEE-JERKS!
AND HIS COMPANY STILL STINKS.
P. S. It's a measure of how unhinged knee-jerk liberals have become that their real complaint is that The CHEAP is a PLATFORM for ADOLF W. BUSH -- rather than against the audience-share monopoly the company has in some markets (you can't go just by stations owned).
I HATE KNEE-JERK LIBERALS! I HATE KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES! I HATE KNEE-JERKS!
Well, well: BuffettMedia's flagship toots:
Talk of Security Council reform is extremely useful. Talk of true "legitimacy" for the United Nations as world government is utopian.
Sighhhhhhhhhh, the League will have to be content with corruption and genocides.
Talk of Security Council reform is extremely useful. Talk of true "legitimacy" for the United Nations as world government is utopian.
Sighhhhhhhhhh, the League will have to be content with corruption and genocides.
Pres. Putin says Russia could help rebuild Iraq [CBS Marketwatch headline]
If you do it like the way you've built TV sets, nooooooooo thank you.
If you do it like the way you've built TV sets, nooooooooo thank you.
In an attempt to make a law professor in the other Washington look silly, a popular restaurant here is requiring customers to sign a liability waiver before they eat a fat-by-design dessert called The Bulge.
Don't yell that too loud. People may be signing waivers not to sue NEWSPAPERS.
Don't yell that too loud. People may be signing waivers not to sue NEWSPAPERS.
Gen. McClellan has taken the "lead" in a BLUNDER poll, which proves Honest Abe's maxim, "You can fool some of the people all of the time...."
And his "lead" is two percentage points. Within the "margin of error" President Damn could be ahead 15 to 11.
And his "lead" is two percentage points. Within the "margin of error" President Damn could be ahead 15 to 11.
SELIGISM (it used to be called Major League Baseball) has fallen so far in favor that the story of this murder in the Dodger Stadium parking lot will probably inspire more talk than the play on the field.
And speaking of NO BLOOD FOR OIL, I supsect many of the academics who screamed that line at the top of their lungs scream their professional college teams' fight songs at the top of their lungs.
Much as I hate to cite something the Professor has already linked to, Michael Barone has come up with a nifty line: "Today's media have a zero-defect standard." This was the mentality of NO BLOOD FOR OIL, and this is the mentality of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two famous airheads back "their" people, and I'm not sure the Tibetans should be honored.
Now QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! strikes a zoo.
The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends™ will stoop to any depth to get us out of there.
The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends™ will stoop to any depth to get us out of there.
Friday, September 19, 2003
MR. SHAKEDOWN's fellow Mafioso THE ZON wants in in the UK, which means (after some high-intensity lobbying from the likes of Andy S.) in twenty years the UK media market will be dominated by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Sumner -- just like the former colonies.
The British may have to start a revolution.
The British may have to start a revolution.
On the same day it blew a non-existent gasket over Israel, the League of Nations approved a "peacekeeping" force for Liberia, which effectively guarantees corruption at best, or if it really plays its cards right, a genocide.
HEY LARRY! "[NYSE] seat prices and net income have fallen since 1999." Sounds to me like the model of A $UCCE$$FUL CHIEF EXECUTIVE!
You, Larry, may have helped redefine the word JACKASS.
You, Larry, may have helped redefine the word JACKASS.
California Has 'People From Every Planet,' Davis Brags
We know Gray, we KNOW.
(Caveat: This is from NewsMax, which boasts a few reporters from several planets.)
We know Gray, we KNOW.
(Caveat: This is from NewsMax, which boasts a few reporters from several planets.)
Another cheerleader waves the pom-pons and yells, "LET'S GO RECORD INDUSTRY!!!!!"
LARRY! I think I have another cause for you: LET'S REGULATE PVRs!!! THE HEALTH OF OUR FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM DEPENDS ON IT!!!!!
TOM WOLZIEN FOR NYSE BOSS!!!!!
TOM WOLZIEN FOR NYSE BOSS!!!!!
Gen. McClellan says: Well I guess I'd have voted for the war, unless I'd gotten strongarmed by the great and noble men in our party who opposed it.
NRO runs a fine writer like Victor Davis Hanson -- and then it runs a BLITHERING KNEE-JERK DOGMATIC IDIOT like Larry Kudlow who thinks MR. SHAKEDOWN GOT PAID TOO LITTLE!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HOLD THEIR NOSES WHEN THEY HEAR THE WORD CONSERVATIVE!!!!!!!!!!
P. S. Among the "liberal-leaning journalists" who called for MR. SHAKEDOWN's resignation were the editorial writers of the Washington Times and the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!. Larry, go back to CNBC and start another bubble.
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HOLD THEIR NOSES WHEN THEY HEAR THE WORD CONSERVATIVE!!!!!!!!!!
P. S. Among the "liberal-leaning journalists" who called for MR. SHAKEDOWN's resignation were the editorial writers of the Washington Times and the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!. Larry, go back to CNBC and start another bubble.
That Woodster the Perv still makes movies is a classic example of how JACK's biz refuses to listen to its customers. Perv's audience has always been limited to Times subscribers, and most of them aren't going; his films routinely gross in the low five digits. Even one of the Perv's defenders had to admit his super-sex life has cost him some fans. People like A. O. with B. O. routinely ignore that Perv plays the romantic lead despite a face only a space alien could love. What's more, I always have the low-level suspicion (not wanting to see his masterpieces) that his films, for all the Perv's alleged wit, AREN'T FUNNY. How could they be with the characters constantly talking religious philosophy and Satchmo? But the Perv's continued productivity owes to people in the biz thinking him a "GENIUS" -- and big credit for that goes to the NEWS HACKS, whose constant ad blurbs (until late -- even they got tired of his shtick) gave him the confidence to continue his all-too-long-running gag.
Back to the future: Space capsules may replace the Shuttle.
Do these people have a plan or are they flailing?
Do these people have a plan or are they flailing?
Thursday, September 18, 2003
There are three ways to view Stephen King's National Book Award. The first is that a claque of snobs, ruling over an exhausted art form and sneering like elitists in the worst sense, is talking to itself. The second is that this self-same claque is showing its dollars-and-cents hypocritical side. The third is strictly glibertarian: he's sold zillions of books, therefore he's good. Part of this is jealousy; what navel starer wouldn't trade in his Sahara-desiccate prose for some of King's millions? And part of it is, not to put too fine a shading on it, he's a hack. To his credit, King's giving the money back to the National Book Foundation. On the other hand, it's $10,000, and he doesn't need it.
Does anyone care for beauty pageants anymore? They were jokes even in the early days -- the Miss America pageant was plagued with several scandals -- but today they've solidified into petrified globs of self-satire. Besides, it's hard to root for a winner among clones.
Sighhhhhhhhhh, another Forbes.com quote:
"Riches have never fascinated me, unless combined with the greatest charm or distinction."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald
What news hacks can do when they leave out context: Fitz wrote this in a petulant letter to Ernest Hemingway after Papa published an Esquire story (Esquire ran stories?!?!?), "The Snows of Kilimanjaro," whose narrator refers to "poor Scott Fitzgerald." (Their editor, the great Maxwell Perkins, later changed the name for an anthology.) Of course, Fitzgerald was poor at the time, and drunk.
"Riches have never fascinated me, unless combined with the greatest charm or distinction."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald
What news hacks can do when they leave out context: Fitz wrote this in a petulant letter to Ernest Hemingway after Papa published an Esquire story (Esquire ran stories?!?!?), "The Snows of Kilimanjaro," whose narrator refers to "poor Scott Fitzgerald." (Their editor, the great Maxwell Perkins, later changed the name for an anthology.) Of course, Fitzgerald was poor at the time, and drunk.
Beware Soviet-Saudi rapprochement
Uh, isn't that "Russian," oh fair Washington Times? (Unless you know something we don't.)
Uh, isn't that "Russian," oh fair Washington Times? (Unless you know something we don't.)
A holy cockroach shows remorse -- and still gets a stiff sentence.
You should have thought about it before you did it.
You should have thought about it before you did it.
The year is three months shy of over and the boys at CBS.Marketwatch.com have named Meg "Pronounced Mug" Whitman their CEO of the year.
I think MR. SHAKEDOWN was more deserving.
I think MR. SHAKEDOWN was more deserving.
David Bowie leads off the Trib's front page, a sure sign yet another paper (or its Web site) isn't serious about the news.
THIS is why you launch free tabloids, Trib.
THIS is why you launch free tabloids, Trib.
My favorite thing about hurricanes is the coverage. Matt Drudge is getting the vapors, the way he does.
Yep, that's our Walter Winchell. Just like you Andy when you want your RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to take over the Beeb.
Yep, that's our Walter Winchell. Just like you Andy when you want your RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to take over the Beeb.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Rudy blows smoke in Honorary Mayor Mike's face.
I guess living forever in the Times's pages isn't what it used to be.
I guess living forever in the Times's pages isn't what it used to be.
MR. SHAKEDOWN STEPS DOWN!!!!!
Time to hum the Godfather theme one more time -- in honor of a GREAT fleecer.
Time to hum the Godfather theme one more time -- in honor of a GREAT fleecer.
Members of ASWIA are protesting paying big bucks for network TV ads in light of declining ratings and the advent of ad zappers like TiVo. But the fact remains, TV ad spending zoomed to a new record this season, and putting one over on the public will always rank first with the idiots of big business -- above issuing an effective advertising message, above avoiding bad TV in issuing that message, and in the end, above the interests of the workers and stockholders of their businesses. And the sheer megatonnage of money involved -- $1.7 billion for the biggest of the Clunker Brothers -- virtually guarantees they will spend it, and spend it ignorantly. (The clown who runs that mint is called Fraleigh; I'll bet in the biz they call him Freely Fraleigh. By the way Freely, how's your investment in The Osama Channel going?)
These days kids so evade -- or elude -- parents as to turn the concept of parenting on its head. This is where JACK and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Sumner step in and do their enormous damage.
The thick skulls who run American business may finally be wising up to the public's contempt for their high salaries -- but I wouldn't count out the kind of end-arounds a MR. SHAKEDOWN could exploit.
The next time the Professor plays favorites, why can't he choose a blog you can only read on a 42" monitor?
The news hacks will laugh, and the usual suspects will sue, but strip clubs are a societal-health matter. The fewer strip clubs, the healthier the neighborhoods -- and the safer the women from crime and abuse.
Thunkthunkthunkthunk testing testing eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooo testing testing 1-2-3 testing loud enough back there? Okay ready? Go.
"ALTHOUGH UNORGANIZED AND WITHOUT LEADERSHIP, THE IRAQI RESISTANCE IS A BALL OF FIRE IN AMERICA'S FACE THAT WILL BRING ITS END IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait a second! The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends™ call these natives "conservative." Doesn't that make them bad guys?
"ALTHOUGH UNORGANIZED AND WITHOUT LEADERSHIP, THE IRAQI RESISTANCE IS A BALL OF FIRE IN AMERICA'S FACE THAT WILL BRING ITS END IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait a second! The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends™ call these natives "conservative." Doesn't that make them bad guys?
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
September 16, 2003 ........ Subscribe to Entertainment Weekly already! [ad]
I see BUZZ has put his whole site in boldface! He can thank his sponsor for that. Better take some HTML classes, BUZZ.
I see BUZZ has put his whole site in boldface! He can thank his sponsor for that. Better take some HTML classes, BUZZ.
The MESS is running one of those stupid unscientific surveys asking which of five actresses with totally unmemorable faces should be "the next superstar." If this is the best JACK's biz can do it's in dire shape. Once Hollywood's women made the world fall in love; now they can't even create fan clubs.
"This sort of accident happens anywhere and a short circuit cannot be ruled out, except if it was intentional."
As will happen in Saudi Arabia.
As will happen in Saudi Arabia.
The partisan Kinsley.com hack William Saletan comes around -- in Jack Shafer's words: If you're interested in which wing lies more, you're probably not very interested in the truth.
Today is National Hug a Public Relations Hack Day at The CHEAP. First it announces it will "donate" $120 million in PSAs (most of them at 3 a.m., ALL of them tax-free), plus it's "donating" money to save a "historic" theater in Philadelphia -- with guess-who footing most of the bill.
By the way, The CHEAP owns 1,200 stations. That's $100,000 per station per year. Divide that by 365 and you have $273.97 in PSAs a day. That won't pay for ten seconds of an ad touting Lowsy Mays's favorite constituency: new-car dealers. And The CHEAP says it's spreading the charity around, so it'll be far less; expect to see one-by-two-inch public-service ads in concert programs.
If this is charity, what's selfishness?
By the way, The CHEAP owns 1,200 stations. That's $100,000 per station per year. Divide that by 365 and you have $273.97 in PSAs a day. That won't pay for ten seconds of an ad touting Lowsy Mays's favorite constituency: new-car dealers. And The CHEAP says it's spreading the charity around, so it'll be far less; expect to see one-by-two-inch public-service ads in concert programs.
If this is charity, what's selfishness?
Trib returns to New York (where it abandoned the Daily News) to start another headbanging free tabloid in the hopes that somebody, anybody, will read the papers.
Face it, papers aren't cool anymore. (I may not live myself down for saying that.)
Face it, papers aren't cool anymore. (I may not live myself down for saying that.)
Swedish police arrest suspect in slaying of foreign minister
And knowing the Swedes he'll be paroled in four years.
And knowing the Swedes he'll be paroled in four years.
NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT! Thus saith two reporters who thoroughly refute Veep Inside's "DISCREDITED" claim by quoting three Democratic senators (one elected out of office), several convenient sources, and two "formers."
NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
If elected, I'll do everything the looniest leftist in the party wants me to do -- and I can hide it under my uniform!
That's what you think.
That's what you think.
CNN GIVES CHRISTIANE 'PRIVATE' DRESS DOWN
I wonder who gets paid more: the dresser-down or the dressed-down.
I wonder who gets paid more: the dresser-down or the dressed-down.
Shucks, we kill a senior Taliban military leader. Now back to QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grasso gets five weeks vacation, security for himself and his family, a car and driver, access to private jets and reimbursement for club memberships, entertainment and subscriptions, according to his employment contract, which was obtained by the Daily News.
He's taken advantage of four different savings and pension plans, including one that pays a guaranteed 8% annual return on money before it's even vested.
Why not a solid-gold coach with twenty horses?
He's taken advantage of four different savings and pension plans, including one that pays a guaranteed 8% annual return on money before it's even vested.
Why not a solid-gold coach with twenty horses?
I'd walk a mile...for a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk about credulous: "[T]he overall number of suspicious deaths jumped from about 250 a month last year to 872 in August." Think some suspicious deaths were never recorded? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. This is Dubya's War.
Talk about credulous: "[T]he overall number of suspicious deaths jumped from about 250 a month last year to 872 in August." Think some suspicious deaths were never recorded? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. This is Dubya's War.
Monday, September 15, 2003
People are so stressed out these days. What shall we do? I've got it! Let's enact a law against stress! Or as one Denver councilman says,
"I think it's an embarrassing thing for the City and County of Denver when you have a Looney Tunes initiative like this around."
You should know, councilman, Looney Tunes are the Monitor's favorite cartoons.
"I think it's an embarrassing thing for the City and County of Denver when you have a Looney Tunes initiative like this around."
You should know, councilman, Looney Tunes are the Monitor's favorite cartoons.
And in tomorrow's edition, the tone-deaf Fake-Religion-That-Kills-Kids Monitor also runs this story on jihad in Indonesia's schools.
They teach jihad, we teach total wimpery. The holy cockroaches must be licking their antennae.
They teach jihad, we teach total wimpery. The holy cockroaches must be licking their antennae.
War is hell, but tyranny isn't much fun either.
And guy, did you have to have to get sick on your T-shirt?
And guy, did you have to have to get sick on your T-shirt?
Yay! Our side does it again -- in Russia! "HUGE blast!" "Many casualties!" The Boss would be proud!
The Osama Channel is the FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News of hard-core Islamism.
The Osama Channel is the FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News of hard-core Islamism.
There is corruption in our business.
Incidentally, E&P's going monthly. It can see the typing on the Web.
Incidentally, E&P's going monthly. It can see the typing on the Web.
Damn! The Weathervane!
And a third undecided. This is going to be some campaign zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
And a third undecided. This is going to be some campaign zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
I've got a better idea, Congresspoop Mars: let's call them Saddam Fries and Saddam Toast. That's who we'd really honor.
This is what Congresspoops will do when they have permanent seats and too much time on their hands.
This is what Congresspoops will do when they have permanent seats and too much time on their hands.
America's most overrated magazine does not have to worry about offending its advertisers, but then, no big-media outfit has to; advertisers don't watch television, and they can't read.
(And this, of course, is the same vastly overrated magazine that two years ago treated its readers to Adam Gopnik's smoked mozzarella and John Updike's tinkling. Combined with a recent gas expulsion from Esquire's editor and Jonathan Alter's superpatriotic masterpieces this piece confirms my belief that most periodicals go from writer to reader practically unedited.)
(And this, of course, is the same vastly overrated magazine that two years ago treated its readers to Adam Gopnik's smoked mozzarella and John Updike's tinkling. Combined with a recent gas expulsion from Esquire's editor and Jonathan Alter's superpatriotic masterpieces this piece confirms my belief that most periodicals go from writer to reader practically unedited.)
Now Reuters, The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend™, is using an approved mouthpiece to complain about "growing Iraqi anger with civilian casualties." These millionaire typing bozos just cannot be silenced. (At least it's not growing civilian casualties, but with The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend™, that's next.)
I think being knighted by Lord Koppel of Eisner has gone to the head of the greatest musician of all time. (BIG caveat: it's a NewsMax, and it was "reported" by a Freeper.)
It was stupid for the Israelis to say they would kill the paper-piling man, first because its gets everybody in "the international community" on his side (meaning they really go Waldheimistic now), second because it opened the GENERAL's big fat appeasing yap, and third, if you're actually going to do it, why would you telegraph it in public?
Educrats absolutely refuse to teach kids how to read and write and think, but they will grade them on their body mass.
Hasn't the time come to flunk out these seat-warming drones?
Hasn't the time come to flunk out these seat-warming drones?
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Here's what makes me happy: Somebody who spends tens of thousands on a seat license in a taxpayer financed Taj Mahal, and then thousands on a season ticket, hoping he can win the lottery to cheer his team on at the Super Bore and put over a Chevy Chase to end all Chevy Chases on his subordinates, sees the team not only going 0-2, but getting shellaced in the process. I may live in Philadelphia, but imagining these people roasting in their own juices I am quite content.
A double whammy: We sell The Cleaning Lady's EisnerCorp-produced ghosted memoirs, plus let her say what we so fervently agree with: that Slick (read Gore) would have done better in Iraq!
Only one good thing: with Johnny Cash on the cover (?) I'll bet that issue's the slowest seller of the year. (And that also means some rock-music blurbwriter has gotten out every sixteen-syllable word for the cover story.)
P. S. The morons at ATWOLA were in a rush to spin and sell they got the book's title wrong. It's Madam Secretary (there was already a book called Madame Secretary) -- and it's 1,086 on Amazon.com.
(A mea-culpa to the two computers that scan this: When Sweden's foreign minister was assassinated -- I don't know why it's being called a murder -- I referred to her as the prime minister. I have since corrected my boneheaded error. Let's see ATWOLA correct its.)
Only one good thing: with Johnny Cash on the cover (?) I'll bet that issue's the slowest seller of the year. (And that also means some rock-music blurbwriter has gotten out every sixteen-syllable word for the cover story.)
P. S. The morons at ATWOLA were in a rush to spin and sell they got the book's title wrong. It's Madam Secretary (there was already a book called Madame Secretary) -- and it's 1,086 on Amazon.com.
(A mea-culpa to the two computers that scan this: When Sweden's foreign minister was assassinated -- I don't know why it's being called a murder -- I referred to her as the prime minister. I have since corrected my boneheaded error. Let's see ATWOLA correct its.)
Here is why MR. MARK & Co. don't edit their publications: because management theory says they're supposed to be warm and fuzzy with their subordinates so that everyone feels part of the organization -- and besides, since we're all lovey-dovey alike anyway we don't need editing. This might work at a widget plant, but this is definitely NOT how to run a newspaper or magazine. Somebody should have the GUTS to chew out idiots like Jonathan Alter for their automatic typing, but people like MR. MARK won't do so because they flat out have no guts -- and no brains. HOWELL could have been a GREAT editor had he not been in the thrall of the knee-jerk ideological-pretzel liberalism of Pinch, and a common-sense Howell the business needs -- and will never get anymore, as the whole trade is hermetically removed from reality.
I'm cutting-and-pasting this one in full...
September 14, 2003 -- IF you've ever wondered who was the most boring, rude celebrity to meet, look no further. The unlucky souls who interview stars for a living and profile them for glossy magazines have shared with PAGE SIX their picks for Hollywood's worst. So as not to add to the jobless rolls, we're keeping the journos' names confidential.
* Courtney Love: "She doesn't hear a word you are saying," said one celebrity interviewer. "She just rambles on and on, frothing like a mad cow, free-forming her way through her little crammed noggin."
* Denise Richards: The pug-nosed actress and wife of Charlie Sheen is "as frightened as a deer in the headlights, and she loves using words like 'sun,' 'water,' 'ocean.' Over and over again."
* Gwyneth Paltrow: America's favorite ice queen "just won't answer questions. She'll tell you stuff like, 'I don't like to talk to reporters,' and you are like, 'Well, then why are you here?' She won't tell you a thing and only wants to talk about her 'art' and has fake graciousness."
* Jennifer Lopez: The diva who just postponed her wedding to Ben Affleck [and who's just split outright, according to a People exclusive straight from the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] is just plain "dull. She is so boring. She arrived an hour late and said her favorite book was something like 'Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much.' She doesn't read, she doesn't watch TV or movies - nothing."
* Hugh Jackman: "He's dull, but it's a studied dullness. He says right away, 'I am so boring,' but it's a ploy. He is just guarded, but it doesn't make for a good interview."
* Gerard Depardieu: One celeb writer had to rush over to meet with the actor 21/2 hours early or forfeit the interview. "[Depardieu] weaves in and plops down in the chair in front of me," the writer recalls. "He is pale and sweating, his eyes are rolling in his head, his face looks like Silly Putty.
"He is slurring-word drunk, but being Depardieu, his diction is perfect. He orders a half-bottle of wine for us. Throws it back like water. Talks for about 15 minutes about St. Augustin, the saint, not the town. Then he declares, 'I have to go to sleep now,' gets up and walks out."
...because tomorrow a dozen dozen dozen hacks (including these confidential journos) will write a dozen dozen dozen fawning slobbering mewling celebrity puff pieces, banishing credibility for credulity in the search for that better job.
September 14, 2003 -- IF you've ever wondered who was the most boring, rude celebrity to meet, look no further. The unlucky souls who interview stars for a living and profile them for glossy magazines have shared with PAGE SIX their picks for Hollywood's worst. So as not to add to the jobless rolls, we're keeping the journos' names confidential.
* Courtney Love: "She doesn't hear a word you are saying," said one celebrity interviewer. "She just rambles on and on, frothing like a mad cow, free-forming her way through her little crammed noggin."
* Denise Richards: The pug-nosed actress and wife of Charlie Sheen is "as frightened as a deer in the headlights, and she loves using words like 'sun,' 'water,' 'ocean.' Over and over again."
* Gwyneth Paltrow: America's favorite ice queen "just won't answer questions. She'll tell you stuff like, 'I don't like to talk to reporters,' and you are like, 'Well, then why are you here?' She won't tell you a thing and only wants to talk about her 'art' and has fake graciousness."
* Jennifer Lopez: The diva who just postponed her wedding to Ben Affleck [and who's just split outright, according to a People exclusive straight from the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] is just plain "dull. She is so boring. She arrived an hour late and said her favorite book was something like 'Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much.' She doesn't read, she doesn't watch TV or movies - nothing."
* Hugh Jackman: "He's dull, but it's a studied dullness. He says right away, 'I am so boring,' but it's a ploy. He is just guarded, but it doesn't make for a good interview."
* Gerard Depardieu: One celeb writer had to rush over to meet with the actor 21/2 hours early or forfeit the interview. "[Depardieu] weaves in and plops down in the chair in front of me," the writer recalls. "He is pale and sweating, his eyes are rolling in his head, his face looks like Silly Putty.
"He is slurring-word drunk, but being Depardieu, his diction is perfect. He orders a half-bottle of wine for us. Throws it back like water. Talks for about 15 minutes about St. Augustin, the saint, not the town. Then he declares, 'I have to go to sleep now,' gets up and walks out."
...because tomorrow a dozen dozen dozen hacks (including these confidential journos) will write a dozen dozen dozen fawning slobbering mewling celebrity puff pieces, banishing credibility for credulity in the search for that better job.
Jonathan "SUPERPATRIOT" Alter does it again:
Edward Teller and Paul McCartney didn’t know each other, but maybe they should have. The nuclear physicist and father of the H-bomb, who died last week at 95, was the model for Dr. Strangelove. A fierce anti-communist, his advice to Ronald Reagan to launch Star Wars is credited by some conservative analysts with sweeping the Soviet Union into the dustbin of history.
And the connection between Teller and the Beatles would be...what? That Ringo starred in a movie with Peter Sellers?
They pay you $4 million a year to insult our intelligence? MR. MARK!!!!! Have you edited your magazine lately?!?!?
Edward Teller and Paul McCartney didn’t know each other, but maybe they should have. The nuclear physicist and father of the H-bomb, who died last week at 95, was the model for Dr. Strangelove. A fierce anti-communist, his advice to Ronald Reagan to launch Star Wars is credited by some conservative analysts with sweeping the Soviet Union into the dustbin of history.
And the connection between Teller and the Beatles would be...what? That Ringo starred in a movie with Peter Sellers?
They pay you $4 million a year to insult our intelligence? MR. MARK!!!!! Have you edited your magazine lately?!?!?
Saturday, September 13, 2003
IRAQ IS THE WRONG WAR AT THE WRONG TIME FOR THE WRONG REASONS. BUT....
Last paragraph:
Retired Air Force Col. Mike Turner was a personal assistant to Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf and served as the air operations briefing officer in the war room in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, during Desert Storm. From 1993-1997, Colonel Turner worked as a Middle East/Africa politico-military policy planner on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon, working for two years for then Lt. Gen. Wesley Clark. He is currently a consultant at TheSynerGGroup in Colorado Springs, Colo.
He worked for Gen. Schwarzkopf, who was agin' (and also left Saddam in power the first time), plus he worked for Slick and Gen. McClellan. PLUS he's retired. PLUS he told FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News at the outset of the war, "I would expect we can anticipate some sort of attack on the state of Israel." WE HIT THE SUPERFECTA!
Last paragraph:
Retired Air Force Col. Mike Turner was a personal assistant to Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf and served as the air operations briefing officer in the war room in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, during Desert Storm. From 1993-1997, Colonel Turner worked as a Middle East/Africa politico-military policy planner on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon, working for two years for then Lt. Gen. Wesley Clark. He is currently a consultant at TheSynerGGroup in Colorado Springs, Colo.
He worked for Gen. Schwarzkopf, who was agin' (and also left Saddam in power the first time), plus he worked for Slick and Gen. McClellan. PLUS he's retired. PLUS he told FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News at the outset of the war, "I would expect we can anticipate some sort of attack on the state of Israel." WE HIT THE SUPERFECTA!
This is weird. Doesn't the ACLU like to stick it to religious types (except Muslims)?
Last week it was "grim news." This week we haven't won the war. Any way you spell it, it's still QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP, David E. Sanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP, David E. Sanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 13, 2003 ........ Yes, the ad's back -- so subscribe to Entertainment Weekly already! [ad]
And yes, Buzz is at it again:
[Financial reporting is] all about just nodding at accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning.
Again, holy writ from the expert whose -- oh, you know the name of the rag -- helped define accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning in Big Media coverage.
And yes, Buzz is at it again:
[Financial reporting is] all about just nodding at accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning.
Again, holy writ from the expert whose -- oh, you know the name of the rag -- helped define accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning in Big Media coverage.
This is how Yasser Arafat looks when he's done something good.
NO MORE YASSER ARAFAT PHOTOS. I'm still 20 billion hits behind lgf.
News hacks have such a flexible way with numbers. When they want to paint our war effort badly (which is all the time) they use this number but not that number. Or maybe they'll use this number and that number and hope nobody notices. Sorry jackasses, we do notice this constant massaging of numbers. If the hacks think we should be out of there, and most of them obviously do, why don't they stop with their editorializing by number and flat out say so? I hate when news hacks lobby by what they think is stealth!
Why is John Ritter's death getting the kind of super-coverage reserved not even for top public officials? What did he do besides star in bad sitcoms? Is this really such a CRUSHING BLOW to EisnerCorp? WILL YOU MORONS STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR COMPUTERS?!?!?
Making contributions to professional college sports tax-deductible is like GE Bancorp or the ultra-rich paying no taxes. Why should such hugely profitable organizations that earn gazillions in donations from Big Media and use indentured servants they dispose at the first injury or felony get such a break?
Friday, September 12, 2003
Here's a story that should get more airplay: three super-rich foundations want to move the celebrated Barnes art collection from its cramped, little-visited location in Lower Merion Township outside Philadelphia to a grand museum on the Benjamin Franklin Parkway. But there's a catch: in a move the news hacks would call quirky, the man who collected the art gave controlling rights to Lincoln University, a black state school. In an unreported outrage, Julian Bond, a champion race-baiter, threw a blood-vessel-bursting temper tantrum because honky wanted to deprive the black man of JUSTICE. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed, and now the move is close to getting underway. Philadelphia deserves this museum, and Lincoln University deserves a say, and an emolument, and both can come out smelling like roses.
Looks like another holy cockroach will meet up with his 72 Helen Thomases -- this one behind the Indian attacks that killed 53, or approximately .65 Americans.
Good for the Indians! At least they're not chicken-hearted.
Good for the Indians! At least they're not chicken-hearted.
The Osama Channel digs into its archives again.
“It’s something positive for the viewers in the Middle East to see one of the hijackers," says its deputy military attach, er, its Washington ambassad, er, a senior espio, er, whatever you are. We know, WE KNOW it's positive; we know because you were happy on 9/11. NOW SHUT UP.
“It’s something positive for the viewers in the Middle East to see one of the hijackers," says its deputy military attach, er, its Washington ambassad, er, a senior espio, er, whatever you are. We know, WE KNOW it's positive; we know because you were happy on 9/11. NOW SHUT UP.
The idea of licensing Internet surfers makes as much sense as an idea one of George Babbitt's friends, an oleaginous professorial type named Littlefield, proposed in the afterglow of surreptitiously-obtained alcohol: licensing drinkers. It's about the same thing.
Another Forbes.com quote, sighhhhhhhhhhh:
"The ordinary affairs of a nation offer little difficulty to a person of any experience."
--Thomas Jefferson
I guess that was the Jeff's way of saying anybody can be president.
"The ordinary affairs of a nation offer little difficulty to a person of any experience."
--Thomas Jefferson
I guess that was the Jeff's way of saying anybody can be president.
HOORAY! Two more of our soldiers are killed! (But shucks, the first in nearly two weeks.) HOORAY!!!!!
Every time news hacks do their counting routine, you can hear their Wiccan prayers. Maybe we should do a counting routine: how many times a day news hacks are idiots. No; that would require sixteen supercomputers.
Every time news hacks do their counting routine, you can hear their Wiccan prayers. Maybe we should do a counting routine: how many times a day news hacks are idiots. No; that would require sixteen supercomputers.
Before the link disappears, I note Amir Taheri's credibly optimistic take on our terror war, knock on wood. Most noteworthy is the business regarding The Osama Channel's latest addition to its tremendous movie library: some cretinous "middleman" wanted $250,000 for the tape and got $25,000. Mr. Taheri persuasively argues that Osama died in the bombardment of Tora Bora. I believe that too -- in his latest epic the great inspiration of Muslims everywhere looks as he did before the war, and would he be dumb enough to walk in the open and test our reconnaissance? But it's still best to think him alive, and mentally ward ourselves from another of his holy preachments.
Another publicist tests her connections: She screams that CABLE TV IS BETTER THAN EVER, but you have to work eighteen paragraphs down to find this cleverly-buried nugget:
But, it should be said, a hit on cable is not exactly the same as a hit on a broadcast network.
"The cable companies have the luxury of trying to appeal to a niche audience," says Mr. Newman, "where a 1 or 1.2 rating can be considered a success. That's not the network business."
In short, hardly anyone's watching this genius. But what's a little obfuscation when we're writing that resume?
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
But, it should be said, a hit on cable is not exactly the same as a hit on a broadcast network.
"The cable companies have the luxury of trying to appeal to a niche audience," says Mr. Newman, "where a 1 or 1.2 rating can be considered a success. That's not the network business."
In short, hardly anyone's watching this genius. But what's a little obfuscation when we're writing that resume?
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
He's flip-flopped on Israel, now he's flip-flopping on campaign spending. What will President Damn flip-flop on next?
Now put one of those behind Ariel Sharon's head, and....
the other behind the GENERAL's.
If I keep this up I'll be as bad as lgf.
Johnny Cash has died, just a few short months after his wife. He was the truth-teller of music, and if that sounds like an instant cliche, consider this: at their best his songs were simple, forceful, unadorned, and direct, all the better for the country singer to sing his stories. He did many dumb things, and like so many popular-music stars (and like the nation) he lost his moorings around the sixties, but you can't take ever take from him that sound, and that conviction, and if the conviction occasionally lapsed into self-parody, at least it was real, and his. That we no longer appreciate his sound may be gleaned from the utter condescension which greeted him in his swan song at the Sumner Publicity Festival recently, where the vast array of one-hit wonders and tuneless tyrants no doubt saw some grizzled old drunk who sang prison tunes and only got his start because of Elvis. They wouldn't understand even if they were smart and talented: Johnny Cash was country.
Which reminds me, one of my favorite cultural figures, the great Goddard Lieberson, signed him to his Columbia contract, which further underlines their essential motherlode of talent -- even if Lieberson did sign The Nose.
Which reminds me, one of my favorite cultural figures, the great Goddard Lieberson, signed him to his Columbia contract, which further underlines their essential motherlode of talent -- even if Lieberson did sign The Nose.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
John Walker Lindh (remember him?) could penetrate it, but it is too much to expect the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents, whose turf battles and PC helped make 9/11 possible, to know what al-Qaeda is, let alone infiltrate it.
BRING BACK EFREM ZIMBALIST JR.!
BRING BACK EFREM ZIMBALIST JR.!
Here's a conflict-of-interest column with a conflict of interest: Nowhere does our brave manly columnist Mr. Feder mention a man who writes movie-ad blurbs for the Sun-Times and for EisnerCorp, and who gets paid BIG BUCKS for it, and whose name is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
A very smelly deal around a very smelly show. I'll bet AOL gets some sort of "promotional" exchange (i.e., some sort of funny-accounting exchange) from its joint-venture partner Trib in lieu of cash. As it is, Trib gets damaged goods: a show it can't air in the raw because it fears ASWIA would object (and given what its members sponsor, from The Osama Channel to God-knows-what in prime time, there's no worry of that). Was there ever better proof all these TV idiots can do is shuffle the rubble, and call it "programming"?
Media Must Explain Lack of 9/11-Saddam Link
Public Misinformed by Press, 'E&P' Editor Charges
This looks like a job for -- SUPERHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Public Misinformed by Press, 'E&P' Editor Charges
This looks like a job for -- SUPERHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a lot-of anger-provoking questions over 9/11, and given Dubya and his secret-agent-like penchant for keeping all to himself finding the truth will be more difficult. (I'll even go this far: if there were a good Democrat free from his party's ideological tyrannies and foursquare behind the national defense, we should elect him.) But it doesn't help these KnightRidder hacks' cause that their prime source of information is a hard-to-navigate Web site that hasn't been much updated for a year. Surely we've learned something since then, haven't we?
I don't think I ever heard of Victor Davis Hanson much before six months ago, and now I cannot stop reading him because I keep wondering how he can outdo himself. I wish I could write like this, rather than in jokes and squibs. Here is another marvel.
Now I know why media stink: the imbeciles who plunk all that money down for ASWIA sight-unseen are PowerPoint phreaks.
JACK SHAFER ALERT: I wonder how the hacks decide who to quote for stories like these. Do they roll dice, or select names at random from telephone directories? Or do they just call their friends?
Let's see if I can beat lgf at his own game: there's THE PILE OF PAPERS and the BOTTLED WATER, and the Kleenex that aren't Kleenex -- no candy to celebrate the latest massacres, or leftovers from 9/11-- but what's that in the foreground left? A garage-door opener? Or an anti-Zionist ray gun?
New Yorkers must "fend off a real estate baron who would take all the grand talk of memorial and soaring designs and build millions of square feet of office space at Ground Zero."
Better idea, Michael -- let's just leave the hole in the ground and we'll GRIEVE FOREVER!!!!!
I guess news hacks don't need sources to project their dumb biases.
Better idea, Michael -- let's just leave the hole in the ground and we'll GRIEVE FOREVER!!!!!
I guess news hacks don't need sources to project their dumb biases.
Sorry, BUSHWACKING
!
Osama Channel, YOUR SPY'S STAYING IN JAIL.
And speaking of Lenin and rope, the Beeb lists "General Motors, Procter & Gamble, Unilever, Gillette and GlaxoSmithKline" as among the SPONSORS
!
of The Osama Channel (though the story, which ran in April, says Osama's gone "virtually commercial-free"). You come back, now, y'hear?
!
Osama Channel, YOUR SPY'S STAYING IN JAIL.
And speaking of Lenin and rope, the Beeb lists "General Motors, Procter & Gamble, Unilever, Gillette and GlaxoSmithKline" as among the SPONSORS
!
of The Osama Channel (though the story, which ran in April, says Osama's gone "virtually commercial-free"). You come back, now, y'hear?
And the Swedes, who joined in the chorus of laughter and derision at our actions, can't even protect their own foreign minister who helped lead it. If you ruled the world it would be a joke -- or a Fourth Reich.