Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
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5:05 PM
by Gene
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5:02 PM
by Gene
But then I would expect dissembling from a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER -- and from DOW 36,000.
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4:59 PM
by Gene
And thank you as always, NEWS HACKS, for keeping this MEDIA-STATE SECRET.
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4:51 PM
by Gene
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1:20 PM
by Gene
Running Kelloggās for the last five years, Carlos Guttierez [typical NRO Corner SIC], the man the President nominated yesterday to become the next secretary of commerce, expanded the companyās sales by 43 percent. How? There canāt be many big, established consumer goods companies that expanded their sales half as dramatically during the past five years. Did Guttierez [a second typical NRO Corner SIC] somehow enable Kelloggās to steal market share from Post and Quaker Oats? Diud [a THIRD typical NRO Corner SIC] he introduce an array of new products? Or did he increase sales overseas, persuading millions of Chinese and Indians to start their mornings with Frosted Flakes? There must be dozens of twenty-two or āthree year old analysts on the island of Manhattan at this very moment who have access to Kelloggās last few annual reports. Would one or two of you kindly drop me a line? The Rice Krispies boys, Tony the Tiger, Sam the Toucan and I all want to know how Gutierrez [WwwwwwELL! He got it RIGHT this time!] turned in such remarkable performance. Uh, Petey, he did it principally by BUYING KEEBLER.
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12:58 PM
by Gene
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12:01 PM
by Gene
I repeat my advice to CBS: You should replace Dan Rather with Jon Stewart. Yeah. BRILLIANT IDEA. He'd chase away the Polident and Depends crowd while alienating his fans, and then he'd turn SO self-serious he'd have a breakdown on the air to rival Jessica Savitch's -- or DANNO's. HAVE ANY MORE BRILLIANT IDEAS, KING OF NEW MEDIA?
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10:27 AM
by Gene
Friends and Fellow-Citizens: The period for a new election of a citizen to administer the Executive Government of the United States being not far distant.... Oh wait, that ALREADY HAPPENED.
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10:20 AM
by Gene
These being mostly Europeans (and anti-Sem...shhhhhh!), they would charge ten meals a day, wall-to-wall carpeting and La-Z-Boys and DirecTV in every room as torture.
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10:12 AM
by Gene
P. S. KICKBACKS....
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6:56 AM
by Gene
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6:55 AM
by Gene
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6:53 AM
by Gene
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6:51 AM
by Gene
It seems odd though that these noble models of the mortarboard runway would add the First Amendment to their wardrobe given their concerted efforts to ban it. (Doubly odd that many are hiding their identities -- until you realize they're addicted to that elixir of youth called FEDERAL FUNDS.) And of course the real reason they're doing it is not gays, but GUNS -- they can't stand a man who owns one (unless, of course he's a crook).
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6:31 AM
by Gene
[W]e will be pushing new code to both gather information on these freezes as well as revise some features to put less strain on the database. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MEANING TO THIS: THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY'RE BREAKING DOWN, AND TO "FIX" THE PROBLEM THEY'LL SACRIFICE FUNCTIONALITY. BUT WHO NEEDS A FIX WHEN YOU'RE HEADED TO $5,000 A SHARE? Monday, November 29, 2004
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7:26 PM
by Gene
I guess I'm annoyed too because THE MOST POWERFUL POWER LINE!!!!! (besides using the inevitable annoying "Grrreat!" in recopying Dubya's words) ran a piece on one of the too many rockers to whom SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS spend too much of their non-blogging time listening. Honest, if they had better tastes they probably wouldn't say "GRRREAT." But then they probably wouldn't be SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS. P. S. Even MARKETWATCH's tablepounders concede that despite firing blameless workers and spending half his time in Hollywood Carlos has just managed to get Kellogg's profits above 1994 levels. This, among technocrats, is an ACHIEVEMENT.
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5:39 PM
by Gene
This is an accomplishment? Schools have taken a number of steps, from installing metal detectors and hiring more security personnel to implementing programs aimed at curbing bullying, which can lead to more serious crimes. I repeat, this is an accomplishment? The report found students are more apt to be victims of violence outside schools. I repeat...oh, never mind.
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5:23 PM
by Gene
I'm more inclined to believe that poverty, disenfranchisement, desperation, racism, child abuse, ignorance and gang mentality... ...lead to terrorism? So how do you fight terrorism? By being NICE to people? OHHHHHHHHHHH, you're talking about POOOOOOOOORN, about those EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL SAM BROWNBACKS who want to REGULATE EVERY PC. Well, the PORN spamsters seem to have done enough to make PCs virtually useless. I guess I can live with 1000 come-ons every day in my in-box. Can you? Can your friends' children? (From the way you type we may safely assume you have none.)
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5:06 PM
by Gene
She can sing without MUSIC? Hey bud, you don't know music these days.
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5:04 PM
by Gene
MR. NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE may be challenging THE GLIBERAL as AMERICA'S MOST INSULAR, SELF-SATIRICAL, STUPIDEST PUNDIT.
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4:58 PM
by Gene
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGER'S SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN. Let me guess -- GOOG WENT UP TODAY!!!!! And a big fat THANK YOU to the ZILLIONAIRE DO-NOTHINGS in MOUNTAIN VIEW for losing TWO OF MY POSTS!!!!! HOW MANY OTHER POSTS DID YOU LOSE TODAY?
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11:45 AM
by Gene
What would you rather do -- make millions financing CRAPPY TELEVISION and boasting you know all of Hollywood, or run a bureaucracy? I guess Dubya needed another Hispanic. Then again...after four years at Commerce, maybe Carlos will go out and find himself another regal throne -- how does GE BANCORP sound? -- and thus emboldened his royal fits really WILL hit the fan! P. S. Prez calls him a "visionary." TRANSLATION: He bought Keebler.
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8:55 AM
by Gene
Answering the big question. TRANSLATION: Three pages of Idunno.
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6:43 AM
by Gene
It's something to consider the next time you hear of press bias, or a correction, or Hairshirt Howie or Hairshirt Shaw on another of their lengthy mea culpas, or CIRCULATION INFLATION. P. S. We shouldn't be surprised: Hearst's been running ads in the news hole since Billy Randolph BLEW UP THE MAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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6:23 AM
by Gene
Who says it ever does any good? P. S. George $oro$ spent $23.4 million, which in his case qualifies as CHUMP change.
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6:21 AM
by Gene
Sunday, November 28, 2004
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3:18 PM
by Gene
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11:49 AM
by Gene
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11:36 AM
by Gene
"I think sex in a movie is boring," Nichols says, "just as a scene of someone eating dinner is not that interesting" [punctuational SIC] So this is what we've come to: all that FREEDOM, all that SEX, and the topic is BORING. This is why I HATE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS with an ASEXUAL PASSION: their OPEN-MINDED GROUPTHINK helped GET MOVIES in their CURRENT MESS -- and our SOCIETY TOO.
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10:27 AM
by Gene
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10:26 AM
by Gene
Last graf quoting the head of this for-profit agency: "I don't say this lightly," he said. "Our industry has contributed to a change in humankind." It could contribute to an even bigger change if you're not careful.
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9:58 AM
by Gene
Earlier this fall, Jackson invited NEWSWEEK to be the first to visit the set of "King Kong".... LIKE HELL. GE BANCORP SENT THE INVITE. So we should say LITTLE JEFFREY wooed your flack to the set, or Bob "Plastic Man" Wright -- or, at least figuratively speaking, PAT KINGSLEY, since she figuratively writes half the rag. P. S. The Imagineering Goodthings folks (we should give credit to the FRENCH WATER WORKS FOLKS, since it really happened under their mismanagement) are doing this because there's a King Kong attraction at its theme park in Universal City -- a GREAT REASON TO REMAKE A REVERED PICTURE. Sounds like SIX SIGMA to me! P. P. S. Universal didn't even make the original. RKO RADIO did. P. P. P. S. RKO was once a joint venture run by (among others) Joe "The Fascist Fornicator" Kennedy Sr. and RCA. Guess what happened to RCA. It is not written in the Bible that GE BANCORP has to last forever.
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9:47 AM
by Gene
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9:41 AM
by Gene
Of course -- MEMORY DRUGS!!!!! We don't need them, MR. MARK, to remember how BAD BLUNDER's been over the years. Saturday, November 27, 2004
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7:09 PM
by Gene
Hint: it's usually spelled with an R in a CIRCLE. *See paragraph 14.
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5:44 PM
by Gene
You can never spend too much on THE AHTS; it's a permanent cost overrun.
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5:06 PM
by Gene
WHY ARE POP CHRISTMAS SONGS INTOLERABLE? The standard explanations won't do -- that the Christmas season's one long shopping spree, and the platitudes of the songs are the platitudes of corrupt businessmen; that they're overexposed and inescapable, especially now with FOREGROUND MUZAK. Certainly the notion of America enveloped in DOOM and GLOOM and ENNUI won't do; Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg wrote their very sour takes on Christmas in the late fifties, before our favorite assassination. No, the best explanation is that the songs are FLAT-OUT BAD. Christ was born to provide fodder for Lawrence Welk. Consider that none of the truly top Broadway songwriters ever wrote a hit Christmas tune -- save Irving Berlin; the holiday perfectly fit a lyrical style that at its worst echoes a rhyming dictionary ("Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/Stand beside her,/And guide her," etc., etc., etc.). The songs also brought out the most crass in the record industry as it entered its fat years in the fifties, a time when Mitch Miller thought it cute to have Ol' Blue sing a duet with a dog. You can't think of Meredith Willson's utterly corny "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" without the cute pizzicato strings and the cute flutes and the cute xylophone and Johnny Mathis with a two-second reverb and a clothespin on his larynx. (When Willson wrote his Christmas musical Here's Love twelve years later his depleted inspiration made him re-use it, proof that the holiday does not bring out the best in musicians.) Even the very few good Christmas tunes suffer from guilt by association. Arthur Fiedler turned Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" into an exciting, bracing mini-tone poem, but everywhere else Mitchell Parish's lyrics kick in, with their fakery of farmers and pumpkin pie and Currier and Ives, and it's back to the land of hack arrangements by Ralph Carmichael and the ooohing and aaahing of the angelic chorus. "The Christmas Song" (not great, but pretty good) marks the beginning of Nat "King" Cole's transformation from a jazzman of the first rank to an automatic molasses dispenser. Elvis, who frequently performed bad songs at half-mast, was the perfect pop Christmas singer, oozing the drivel out like a particularly unctuous undertaker soothing a dead body's relative, or a relative's dead body. And let us not forget the KIDDIE TUNES written for television though it didn't yet exist, sound-alike songs like "Frosty the Snowman" (you can hear the songwriters cutting a deal on the tune) and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," whose title character originated at a now-defunct department-store chain (Montgomery Ward). One of the great mysteries of popular music is how Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots survived a piece of junk like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to write the immortal "You Go To My Head"; by rights their next tune should have been written by Bob Merrill. (Look up the tune in ASCAP's ACE directory and you find a veritable army of the tiresome acts that buried it: the Ames Brothers, Brenda Lee, Ray Conniff, Liberace, Guy Lombardo, the Mills Brothers -- and yes, I include Bruce.) While it is true that familiarity breeds contempt, the contempt starts early when those familiar notes in your brain are so contemptible.
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
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4:42 PM
by Gene
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1:12 PM
by Gene
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12:36 PM
by Gene
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12:25 PM
by Gene
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12:19 PM
by Gene
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12:04 PM
by Gene
QUICK! Hum me a tune!
Posted
9:25 AM
by Gene
HA HA HA, they only saw you on the LEFT COAST 'cause of FOOTBALL! HA HA HA!! Ah, the perils of being the THOMAS PAIN [SIC] of our time.
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
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9:04 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: WE'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GIVE OUR MORTAL ENEMIES HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!!! Calllllllllling Puuuuuuuublic EEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
And Glen (being one of the Lord God PINCH's good little boys) tries to help them along by insisting poverty, "the death penalty [and] broader moral questions such as responding to the world AIDS epidemic and a US economy increasingly reliant on low-wage labor from abroad" are "moral issues." TRANSLATION: Their moral issues AREN'T OURS.
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8:52 AM
by Gene
Friday, November 26, 2004
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8:04 PM
by Gene
I'd say they ran into the MUSIC BIZ. P. S. CLASSIC: 1. Something pop-cultural that we like that's been around for a LONG TIME -- like twenty years.
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6:32 PM
by Gene
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4:46 PM
by Gene
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4:05 PM
by Gene
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4:03 PM
by Gene
Well, it beats WAR -- barely.
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11:47 AM
by Gene
Unfortunately advertising is by its very nature intrusive and obnoxious, and anyone who's staked a claim with the sugar daddies of show-biz has staked a claim to be considered intrusive and obnoxious.
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
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9:10 AM
by Gene
Maybe he hoped he could sell IT on eBay.
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
It's just as well; years of spending ten hours a day studying the Great Leader's thoughts is punishment enough.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
And one suspects when they get hacked, they stay hacked. Thursday, November 25, 2004
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4:27 PM
by Gene
Maybe, Mr. Greeley, if you wrote a NOVEL -- no? I guess the staid ol' Catholic Church will have to try to change without you.
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
Or Kim-Il Sung.
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
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9:08 AM
by Gene
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9:06 AM
by Gene
As usual, they have not a clue.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
You wonder when reality will touch the Lord God PINCH. Perhaps the GLIBERALS and Doody Dowds get the TRUE BELIEVERS of Midtown Manhattan going, but elsewhere they're figures of uproarious laughter, even one guesses among some liberals, and each time the Lord God PINCH gives space for their left-wing John Birching it's another chunk out of His Kingdom's reputation. Wednesday, November 24, 2004
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7:48 PM
by Gene
Set perpendicular to the river, the library looks comparatively slick.
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4:55 PM
by Gene
The number of Canadians who say they have smoked pot in the past year has nearly doubled in a decade, a major new study on addiction says. More than 44 per cent of Canadians say they have used marijuana at least once in their lifetime, a figure that spiked to 70 per cent among 18 to 24-year-olds, the Canadian Addiction Survey says. And more than 14 per cent of all of the survey's respondents reported using the drug in the past year ā up from 7.4 per cent in 1994. But there is good news: The prevalence of pot use increased with education and income, according to the survey. So our friends to the north are at least getting stoned on purpose. EH?
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1:58 PM
by Gene
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1:55 PM
by Gene
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1:10 PM
by Gene
"I volunteered," said Lena Haddix of Lawton, who has five children, eight grandchildren and three great-grandchildren. "I wanted to do something for the country, because I was always left behind taking care of the children." GO GREAT-GRANNY!
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
Given Ricky Duhhh, I don't think this headline's funny. Knowing VNU, I don't think it's intentional either.
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
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11:39 AM
by Gene
money.
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10:16 AM
by Gene
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9:23 AM
by Gene
After watching Friday night's beating handed out by Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest upon several unsuspecting fans during a Detroit Pistons vs. Indiana Pacers basketball game, the Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, founder and president of BOND (Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny).... Don't these clowns realize they're as much megaphones as THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is for its Je$$e? The last thing we want from NEWS HACKS is RUDY VALLEE.
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
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6:49 AM
by Gene
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6:29 AM
by Gene
Not risky enough for execs to stop wasting zillions on stupid deals that sell nothing while screaming to their flunkies, as they always will, "I KNOW THAT GUY AND YOU DON'T!!!!!" Tuesday, November 23, 2004
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5:19 PM
by Gene
Note who put it online -- conservative and Israeli news sites. Maybe as news it isn't important, but still this yells out the liberal's (and the NEWS HACK'S) tacit acceptance of Jew-baiting.
Posted
3:33 PM
by Gene
Not that he has to worry. Much. P. S. POWER LINE!!!!! takes the appropriate credit: RATHER RELIEVED!!!!!!!! NO HE WAS NOT, and there is no evidence yet that he was. Knowing Danno he thinks he's going out with the crowd cheering. Knowing VIACON, so does IT. THIS is why people complain -- sorry STERNO!!!!!, they're RIGHT to complain -- about the CREDIBILITY OF BLOGGERS. Nor am I sure, though the organizations they front be obsolete, though serious news consumers no longer watch them except perhaps to measure the CW, that the passing of THE THREE STOOGES marks the end of the nightly network news. Twenty million still tune in -- more than listen to RUSH -- or HOWARD -- or the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE -- or even MICHAEL MEDVED. NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKES CREDIT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P. P. S. Well, I guess there IS a crowd cheering.
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
EARTH TO HOLLYWOOD: GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
Craig Askew! Meet Mrs. Nicolas Cage!
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
Are we in the golden age of video gaming? (Can you hear THE VOICE OF AL screaming, WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?) OR: "If games were movies, we (have) Star Wars, Titanic, Toy Story, Casablanca and Gone With the Wind all (hitting) at the same time," says John Davison, editorial director for Ziff-Davis video game publications. Star Wars, Titanic, Toy Story...That should be enough. JOHN! You looking for a job at GanNETt? They'd LOVE to have you! OR: More than a few of the 1.5 million who put down a deposit for [Halo 2] months in advance took days off work to play it. It was well worth it to Craig Askew [SIC], 33, of Henderson, N.C., who has been waiting for Halo 2 since he finished the original three years ago. He played more than 25 hours the first week the game was out, including most of Wednesday, a day he had arranged to take off from his truck-driving job. Last week, he put in another 10 hours, plus more than 12 on Sunday. Askew says he didn't specify why he needed the time off. Taking a day off work "to spend some time playing Halo 2 is very unusual for me. The quality of this game is second to none. My HDTV and I have never been this happy playing games." [We're so GLAD you're in love, Craig.] Others simply called in sick. TRANSLATION: GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
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8:52 AM
by Gene
Who says show-biz is elitist? P. S. This study was commissioned by ADVERTISERS, meaning lots of advertising vice-presidents get to pinch themselves.
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
News hacks can gloat for months.
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8:35 AM
by Gene
Americans have supplemented the empty head with the hollow heart.
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8:30 AM
by Gene
You don't suppose these are the same types who would have gnashed their teeth over TV scenes of suffering from Saddam? I thought that's why the League of Nations instituted the -- forget it. One thing's clear: CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES will give more play to this "study" than to Kofi's prize-winning scandal. Monday, November 22, 2004
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
And what DOES this have to do with BOXING except being another self-inflicted blow to the head?
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
I want someone to tell me Little Jeffrey's fantasy kingdom isn't already a BANK.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
This should be fun. Will he be as corporate and tone-deaf as MR. Law?
Posted
2:21 PM
by Gene
Claim: WSJ has been neutered as a good source of war info New York Review of Books via MotherJones.com How about: Fox News a superior source of war info National Review via TownHall.com
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
[R]ather than flog the bloggers for rushing to publish the raw exit poll data on their Web sites, we may owe them a debt of gratitude. A few more presidential elections like this one and the public will learn to do the right thing and simply ignore news of early exit poll data. Then perhaps people will start ignoring the bloggers, who proved once more that their spectacular lack of judgment is matched only by their abundant arrogance. The problem is, ARROGANCE is something you might associate with people who've CURED CANCER!!!!! P. S. FROM STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: : My sneaky friend Nick Denton nominated me to join Jason Calicanis in setting up a Blog Ethics Committee. The first thing it should propose, let's ban ANY BLOGGER who criticizes HOWARD!!!!! P. P. S. I hadn't noticed this post came just after another mention of ARROGANCE, but to the degree SUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS ape NEWS HACKS, so they ape their ARROGANCE.
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
[I]t seems reasonable for abortion opponents or gun owners to assume that newsrooms full of pro-choice Second Amendment-haters haven't been and won't ever be fair. Yet newsrooms, from the New York Times down, reject that argument, too. At least one speaker at the editors' conference thought this argument was reasonable. The Times' ombudsman. At a Friday panel discussion, I asked Times Public Editor Daniel Okrent whether he thought it was a problem that polls showed reporters and editors are overwhelmingly Democrats and liberals. Sure, he said -- "We have to have intellectual diversity." Unfortunately, Okrent wasn't around when [Chris] Hedges vented. But Okrent may have had Hedges (and Hedges' bosses) in mind at another point in his remarks. "Arrogance has gone off the charts at the Times more than any other place," he said. No kidding.
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
![]() Some insurgents have feigned surrender to lure marines into danger. You don't suppose this could be behind our latest ATROCITY, could you?
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
If I'm not mistaken, HACKS, Wisconsin went for KERRY. Which proves what?
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
Typical PINCH smirk: In the greater Atlanta market, reaching more than two million households, "Desperate Housewives" is the top-rated show. Nearly 58 percent of the voters in those counties voted for President Bush. The last I saw this MEGAHIT drew THIRTEEN PERCENT of total households, meaning EIGHTY-SEVEN PERCENT WEREN'T WATCHING IT, and I suspect that's as true for Atlanta as anywhere else. We may also ponder that for the last ratings period only FIFTEEN shows had more than a TEN, and that at any given time a goodly number of TVs are OFF.
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
"I began this translation as a kind of dubious experiment...." Those words will ring truer than anything in this LATEST one. Sunday, November 21, 2004
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7:20 PM
by Gene
Jackson penalized 30 games, O'Neal 25 for roles in melee with fans Let's see if this survives a COURT CHALLENGE. I am NOT kidding.
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6:04 PM
by Gene
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6:01 PM
by Gene
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10:36 AM
by Gene
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10:12 AM
by Gene
...How is it working with the media today, given the proliferation of gossip columnists, entertainment shows and publications? Well there's good news and bad news. The good news is that there are so many places to go if you have work you want to publicize, because that's what we do, we publicize the work. The other side is that it's so competitive among the media.... Indeed -- because they're so eager to help you PUBLICIZE the WORK.
Posted
9:56 AM
by Gene
Common Market and British Voice Hopes in Impasse President Names Dean at Columbia to Post on A. E. C. City Acts to Pay Its Bills Faster Who remembers these stories? Do they have any significance now? Where are the fool Jonny Alters and Gliberals to debate them? Well, there was one front-page hed to remember: Marilyn Monroe Dead, Pills Near And no, Jonny, this does NOT prove PAT and MR. MARK were RIGHT in COLLABORATING, for even THE PAPER OF RE-CORD (in an un-bylined "special") had to admit MM was one of the all-timers, and your and your boss's synergistic gushing will go down the rat hole like Common Market impasses, Columbia deans and New York City bills.
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
But if only a tiny number are highly offended by raunchy TV, millions are mildly or somewhat offended. And those millions vote. They want to know that the president is on their side in the ever-worsening battle between parents and popular culture for the attention of their children. So what do we do? We turn our pages over to PAT KINGSLEY!!!!! STERNO!!!!! will NEVER stop boasting now.
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
MR. MARK, THIS issue ought to win YOU a PRIZE -- a BOOBY PRIZE. ONCE AGAIN you prove BLUNDER is AMERICA'S SECOND-MOST RISIBLE RECYCLABLE AFTER THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. WILL SOMEBODY TELL HIM ST. WARREN MAKES A GOODLY CHUNK OF HIS MONEY FROM THIS COMPANY OFF SATs? THAT should say something of its USEFULNESS. OR: News Sources People Use Most Often Survey Question: Which (news) sources are you using more often? ![]() Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, āāMedia Attitudes/ Youth Engagement/ Religion After 9/11āā Nov. 13 - 19, 2001 [That's what it says there.] I admit the chart sort-of cheats but the gist is understandable. ![]() P. S. MR. MARK, does this explain all those funny-looking brass elephants you have on your desk? P. P. S. In the last three years BLUNDER claims to have won 231 AWARDS, which pretty well indicates how useful THEY are.
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
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9:19 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: HOWARD is THE DONALD of RADIO.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
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9:12 AM
by Gene
Saturday, November 20, 2004
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8:59 PM
by Gene
I had hoped to be finished for the night, but Agence France Presse acts on LITTLE much as GENERAL JR. acts on STERNO!!!!!, so.... A British hooligan in the streets of Belgium. The typical Briton is polite, witty and phlegmatic, but lacks a certain style and has a dental hygiene issue while having an occasional drinking problem (AFP/EPA/File) This caption may be INSULTING!!!!!!!!!!!! and UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but it also contains the kernel of truth. That LITTLE may hate the French doesn't mean we could not respond in kind to their arrogance, their rudeness, their venality, their willingness to climb in bed with villains, but occasionally even the INSULTING!!!!!!!!!! stereotype from an ENEMY has the faint whiff of verisimilitude. Which gets me to thinking what kind of music SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS love -- pretentious album rock and AH'M PRAAYOUD T' BEEEEEE A CAAAAAAYN...AMERICAAAAAAYN! P. S. If any doubt existed of Greenwoodās āforever imprintā on America, it was dispelled in 2003āthe 20 year anniversary of its releaseāwhen āGod Bless The USAā was voted online by Americans as the āmost recognizable patriotic songā in the nation. The song that Lee Greenwood wrote bested competition that included āGod Bless Americaā and the āNational Anthemā as a modern national anthem of the common man. [Emphasis added.] "God Bless America" is a third-rate song with club-footed lyrics that became beloved only because the beloved Kate Smith sang it; "the 'National Anthem'" (as this semi-literate publicist calls it) is a barroom ballad about a man named Jose that no one knows how to sing. That doesn't make your song the BEE'S KNEES, Lee.
Posted
8:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
I disagree slightly, MICKEYMOUSE NIXON: what you do in the entertainment business is not just go to the Hollywood parties and schmooze, but also whack your customers on the head like mules.
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
I think little of the "Rev." Graham -- a compromiser, friend of Tricky Dick, toady to BREZHNEV -- but THE PAPER OF RE-CORD will think little of him for one reason: HIS FOLLOWERS BELIEVE IN A DIFFERENT GOD.
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
I was about to add, "Isn't it fun to have the NBA, MICKEYMOUSE NIXON?" but he'd probably lie. Friday, November 19, 2004
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
Now if he could get JOHN FUND TO JOIN HIM we could call it THE BLOOMIES!
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
I wouldn't expect MICKEYMOUSE NIXON to tell the truth to ST. PETER.
Posted
11:58 AM
by Gene
Okay Ken, let TOM run for president. One problem -- you describe a STEALTH candidate. At some point he'd have to stand for something more than THE GREATEST GENERATION and his good looks. What party would he join? (We can guess.) What political philosophy would he espouse? (We can guess.) Sorry Ken, we have ENOUGH empty suits in government.
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
I was going to joke about senile dementia, but I decided not to. It's no joke. WWWWHHHALTER isn't very funny either.
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
USAOKAY!!!!! devoted ITS vast resources to SMOKING OUT OSAMA TOO. KENNY'S excuse: "Part of USA Today's tradition is reporting light stories on the lighter side of life." KENNY, next time PAT KINGSLEY writes you a press release, use HER BYLINE!!!!!
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
YOU SENT THREE REPORTERS ON THIS, ZUCK -- THREE MORE THAN YOU NO DOUBT SENT ON OSAMA BEFORE HE DESTROYED THE WTC AND KILLED 2,700 PEOPLE. ZUCK'S EXCUSE: "Well, um, uh, such stories create COMPASSION for the VICTIMS of these HORRIBLE CRIMES." Um, ZUCK, have you ever heard of COMPASSION FATIGUE? ZUCK'S MORE LIKELY EXCUSE: "Haven't seen the paper." (Operative 12:00:01 a.m. Sunday to 11:59:59 Saturday.)
Posted
6:42 AM
by Gene
REWRITE!!!!! Pffh-hh-hh!
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCK CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCK!!!!! Thursday, November 18, 2004
Posted
7:04 PM
by Gene
Old Movies, New Profits TRANSLATION: The movie studios can now price-gouge the way the record labels do.
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
Time to put on that SHORT INVISIBLE LEASH.
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Either he knows something we don't or he don't know nothing. OR: They hired HOWARD'S BABYSITTER.
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
Hope it doesn't float away.
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Piracy of movies is wrong. Why SAMMY's crusade will go nowhere: You get what you pay for.
Posted
8:13 AM
by Gene
![]() LOOK AT ME!!!!! I'M ON CNN!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! For the umpteenth time, here is why STERNO is not a credible spokespoop for HIS biz: 1. He's worked for BIG MEDIA all his life; 2. He worked for "TIME INC.", where practically everybody is an ORGANIZATION MAN; 3. He worked for the SISTER FIRM of an ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, which means it was TO HIS BENEFIT TO OVERPRAISE, AND SUCK UP; 4. He WORKS for SI, who runs VANITY FAIR and GQ, which toady to show biz even more than PEOPLE; 5. He has never stopped saying we're in THE MEGA-PLATINUM AGE OF SHOW-BIZ, partly because he said that as the EDITOR OF EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! for a dozen years; 6. A BIG-MEDIA TYPE with a BLOG is STILL A BIG-MEDIA TYPE. 7. He's a FANATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of HOWARD, and my dictionary defines "fanatic" as "one having excessive zeal for and irrational attachment to a cause or position." 8. I've never seen him on TV, but given the smirky OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO coming from his mouth I'd bet he's SUPER-GLIB, and that alone should open him to suspicion. God knows how much training he got at the mythical TIME INC.!!!!!!!!!! 9. The reason stories like MS. BOOB's are annoying is NOT because of the stories, it's because FIVE BIG MEDIA COMPANIES WITH HALF-A-MILLION OUTLETS POUND THEM TO DEATH -- AND THE WEB ACTS AS A MILLION-WATT AMPLIFIER. 10. He will NOT listen to REASON because he's a BIG MEDIA TYPE -- and further because he can claim he's a VICTIM of 9-11, and has SUFFERED IMMENSELY, and therefore compounding the problem. That is IT for STERNO. He makes a DENTIST'S DRILL SOOTHING.
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Former U-S [sic] President Bill Clinton's library will be officially dedicated today in Little Rock, Arkansas. Among those who will attend the event will be Robin Williams and Kevin Spacey, as well as former presidents Jimmy Carter and George Bush Senior. The Clinton library features a full-scale replica of the Oval Office, and a display on the Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky scandals. Yep, it's all about COMEDY. Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
No they don't.
Posted
6:21 PM
by Gene
Maybe he promised it to Te-RRRRRRRRRRRRRAIT-TZA.
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Re-Makin' Whoopi: Revising Characters and Scenes After 20 Years, Goldberg Opens on Bway Nov. 17 ...a show that first opened in 1984! Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick Odd Couple Aiming at August 2005 Broadway Opening ...a show that first opened in 1965!! AND, last but NOT LEAST: Hal Holbrook's Mark Twain Tonight to Return to Broadway in 2005 ...a show that first opened in 1959!! WOW!!!!! And no, we have not forgotten the 71-year-old Kennedy Center honoree CHITA RIVERA!
Posted
3:20 PM
by Gene
With both the liberal Brookings Institution and the anti-war Human Rights Watch apparently dismissing the Lancet study as incredible, most observers felt no need to read the study itself. But the story goes on for another 300 paragraphs, presumably to prove the liberal Brookings Institution and the anti-war Human Rights Watch somehow WRONG. But in the face of such a definitive judgment we can only conclude yet another hack loves the taste of FOOT-IN-MOUTH. THANKS, Romy, for another SCINTILLATING LINK!!!!!
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
Another [C]RAPPER makes a brilliant career move. Does he [C]RAP with a cowboy hat and a southern accent?
Posted
10:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:31 AM
by Gene
If you had been secretary in 1991, would you have advocated regime change -- driving on to Baghdad?
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Nearly 800,000 coat hangers recalled.
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Ben Bradlee's kicking up his heels.
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
A DANGER OF GROUPTHINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEIR groupthink. (Ours is okay, especially when we write editorials.)
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
"Why do 50 million people watch The Apprentice? Because they all think it's an amazing show?....You don't want to be the one clueless person who didn't see Spider-Man." And there's the problem -- in VARIETYWORLD, a person who doesn't see Spider-Man IS CLUELESS. He concludes with this equally brilliant observation: "Joseph Levine said, 'If the budget is big enough and the advertising is right, you can fool everybody.' And that's really what they've always been trying to do." Yes you have.
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
I think POWER may be trying to -- branch out. Really, the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS should stick to what they know best: nothing. P. S. I once saw this satirical genius on C-SPAN delivering a speech. From his demeanor he must have FORTIFIED himself for it. I guess that's what comes from being BILL BUCKLEY'S -- SON, bzumbzumbzumbzum.
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Here's predicting the ad-blurb copywriters call it a SITCOM. YOU'RE GOING TO THE MOON, SUMNER! P. S. THE PAPER OF RE-CORD does not disclose who made the film (that requires a few mouse clicks), so SUMNER may ALREADY be hedging his bet. (Or rather his BET -- as in BOOGIE EVERYNIGHT TELEVISION.)
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD FLYYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Misery loves companies. Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Posted
6:55 PM
by Gene
Still he seems to have left his wife quite a -- HERITAGE. Does the Koran say anything about Swiss bank accounts?
Posted
6:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:25 PM
by Gene
Leaving aside the sheer megatonnage of STUPIDITY in running such a stunt days after THE CASTOR OIL AFFAIR, who could have figured this would be more than a cheesy promo in a forgettable game, of interest solely to the teams' respective fans? But then came SUMNER and MS. BOOB. And this isn't just the boonies talking, or the mere matter of a towel. Given the NFL's reaction Broadcasting and Cable says in a handful of words this may be the push that shoves the MNF package out of ESPNCorp. LAST NIGHT'S RATINGS DID NOT HELP. Well, goodbye and get lost. And THANKS AGAIN, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER, for BEING DOWN NEARLY AN HOUR when I WANTED TO POST THIS. P. S. Then again Commish Tagliafool just got a neat deal from SUM and MR. MOONER, so he may not feel like criticizing TOO much. P. P. S. "I think ABC Sports should be absolutely, positively ashamed of itself for the opening to Monday Night Football," says Peter King of SI. (Oh well, those girls merely pose.)
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
THE HITLER-STALIN PACT, REDUX.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Ohio Man Breaks National All-Time Record for Cash-In of Largest Collection of Pennies, With Final Count Reaching 1,048,013 Weighing in at 3.5 Tons and Valued at $10,480.13 His name wouldn't be Frank WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDHORN, would it? Sadly, no: Coinstar, Inc. (Nasdaq: CSTR) announced today that 78-year-old Eugene J. Sukie, a retired glass plant worker/supervisor from Barberton, Ohio broke a national all-time record, along with the company's standing record for the most pennies collected and cashed-in at a Coinstar machine by a single customer. Sukie, who celebrates his 79th birthday later this month, and his wife... ...who promptly got a divorce.... BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
I've got a better title, WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDMAN: The Beautiful and Damned. Meantime THE PAPER OF RE-CORD says EVE's new show isn't as good as the old as she spends too much time staring at "her -- BELLY BUTTON." EXCELSIOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!
Posted
4:48 PM
by Gene
So why can't it stop THE OSAMA CHANNEL?
Posted
4:46 PM
by Gene
Computer Screens Might Make You Blind LinuxInsider.com That and something they're closely related to.
Posted
2:33 PM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
1:38 PM
by Gene
P. S. to MICKEYMOUSE NIXON and TEENY TINY BOBBY: Given how the ratings fizzled I'd guess salaciousness may not sell.
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
1. Hey STERNO, do you REALLY want to be a token conservative? 2. What's wrong with BLOGGING????? 3. How many people want to read 700-word tantrums? 4. Whatsa matter, Nick Dorken ain't workin' out? It's official: STERNO is the MR. MARK of BLOGGING.
Posted
1:10 PM
by Gene
Do they get an extra 72 virgins every time they celebrate?
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
The approach goes back to the 1960s, says Paul Giurlanda, chair of religious studies at St. Mary's College in Moraga, Calif. "Except then it was Simon and Garfunkel," he says. "The drawback? It's easy to get youth culture wrong. I can remember several student retreats where 'hip' high school teachers at Catholic schools were playing 'Sounds of Silence' and not realizing that the students were so past that song. If you're going to ride this wave, you'd better be on top of it, and not a little bit behind it." TRANSLATION: College will always be about HIP!, WITH-IT!!, NOW!!! and wrong.
Posted
6:40 AM
by Gene
When do the hacks start complaining of RIGHTS?
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
From now on to prevent spelling errors we'll call her "Condo."
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
If only. But SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS would tout it all the way from here until the software preserving their brilliance is obsolete.
Posted
6:24 AM
by Gene
The second annual Vibe awards presentations were halted as police swarmed the hangar at Santa Monica Airport, where about 1,000 people were attending the show. Santa Monica police summoned reinforcements from neighboring law enforcement agencies. In the chaos, a man was stabbed, police said. The victim, identified by police only as a 26-year-old Los Angeles resident, was in stable condition at a hospital. Another [C]RAPPER makes a BRILLIANT career move. AND SUMNER TAPED IT!!!!! Monday, November 15, 2004
Posted
7:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Someone tells the record biz?
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Whatcha gonna do about THOSE values, Dubya?
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
California Leads the Nation in Auto Theft Rates for 2003
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:55 PM
by Gene
Speaking thereof, the bus-and-truck company of Thoroughly Modern Millie now parked at the Academy of Music Gas-'n'-Go Truck Stop has painted a logo on its big rig. WOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!! I'd bet one in a thousand can name the people who wrote its "songs." (No, Cahn and Van Heusen DON'T COUNT.)
Posted
2:43 PM
by Gene
Which brings me to REV. WILDMON. He could see a beautiful pastoral scene and if he thought he heard the F-word, he'd write to the FCC -- never mind if he was sitting outdoors. Or more to the point, if he'd served on D-Day he'd have brought a whole company before Ike for CURSING. And as I said, one should not associate COMMON SENSE with REV. WILDMON. Sorry, TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, STERNO. You're just on the other side of the same leaky S. S. MINNOW.
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Doesn't help though now that Yasser's gone. P. S. So's the guy who looks like a corner butcher and runs the Education Department of Fossil Fuels. "Howya want that cut of gasoline, ma'am?" P. P. S. Didn't GENERAL just win Dubya the election?
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
So what? A cartoon won last year.
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
THE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANG!!!!!!!!!!
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