Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Posted
6:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:38 PM
by Gene
And who might YOUR sources be, anonymous CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge? REUTERS!!!!! says the company's waived the retirement-age clause before. DUELING SOURCES!
Posted
6:34 PM
by Gene
There's the meaning of Ms. -- I mean, IS again.
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
WHY DO THESE IDIOTS TAKE THESE BODY O -- BOX OFFICE NUMBERS SERIOUSLY?!?!? Or rather, WHY DON'T THESE IDIOTS TAKE THEIR SHOW-BIZ REPORTING JOBS MORE SERIOUSLY?!?!?
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
I'd say there may be some culpability here.
Posted
6:13 PM
by Gene
With the fifth columnists unearthed there I hope we know what we're doing.
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
It sounds like him though, and it describes the whole history of the mass media, so I SAY HE SAID IT. He definitely had RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON in mind if he did.
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
They're probably all coming from Blogger's home page (I don't know; I didn't set up my SiteMeter quite right), but I'll take them any way they come.
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
There goes WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again!!!!! Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh!!!!!
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
And as you might expect, all the Freepers are complaining about the GAYS NIXON brought to the company and the theme parks. Sorry dummies, that isn't the problem. The headline's on CBS.Marketwatch now.
Posted
2:34 PM
by Gene
The point is that I accept the existence of hierarchies of quality without feeling oppressed by them. I have plenty of room in my life for F. Scott Fitzgerald and Raymond Chandler, for Aaron Copland and Louis Armstrong, for George Balanchine and Fred Astaire, and I love them all without confusing their relative merits, much less jumping to the conclusion that all merits are relative. DITTO.
Posted
2:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
P. S. When Vietnam happened the "great" Vince denied he ever said that. SOMEBODY said it -- certainly John Wayne said it -- and it's had a vile impact on so much of American life ever since.
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
I REMIND you PROFESSOR, your BRILLIANT musings only live in SERVERS. Pull the plug on the servers and you pull the plug on your collective memory. I don't THINK in 100 years people will read anthologies of your BLOGS.
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:07 AM
by Gene
Which means you must assume EVERY time you dial an 800 number you're getting the subcontinent, which means you're more justified in screaming your lungs off than ever.
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
And they're certain to be especially tied up in knots this year if that high-end adolescent fantasy wins. On the one hand, it's a movie made for kids. On the other hand, it's an "instant classic." I say, give it the Oscar®.
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
The editors had a nervous breakdown last week. Saturday, November 29, 2003
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Sort of.
Posted
4:47 PM
by Gene
First Bhutan, then -- THE WORLD!!!!!
Posted
4:44 PM
by Gene
![]() HARDY HAR HAR!!!!! P. S. The plant makes vans.
Posted
4:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:10 PM
by Gene
DAN RATHER MAY END ANCHOR RUN NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!Considering how the folks at EisnerCorp play this flack like an amplified Strad (oooooooooh!), I don't believe one word he says.
Posted
4:03 PM
by Gene
Here is why periodicals are obsolete: when you can get the whole gist of an article from the cover blurb, and the article doesn't sound appetizing, who needs newsprint?
Posted
1:26 PM
by Gene
If we're going to run press releases at least let's spell them right.
Posted
12:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
I do not think God intended purple to be a skin color.
Posted
7:39 AM
by Gene
GET A LIFE!
Posted
7:34 AM
by Gene
Next Saturday, that letter to the chairman of Hershey's. I'll start drafting it today.
Posted
7:21 AM
by Gene
Friday, November 28, 2003
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Give the scribbler dinner with KEN FELATTA at Morton's!
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
A serious blogger should keep talk of his private life -- even his private mental life -- as hushed as possible; but as I said, getting one hit in two days will do this to you.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
A week from tomorrow, pending further body o -- BOX OFFICE, I'm posting a letter I'm sending to the chairman of Hershey's. Be warned.
Posted
12:29 PM
by Gene
What do you do?
Posted
12:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:24 PM
by Gene
I don't know that people will like this; one reason SUVs are popular is that they let you rule the road from on high. Take away that pleasure and SUVs become, well, two-left-footed station wagons -- which may be the intention. Not that it's that bad an idea; I view SUVs as Osamamobiles. All the fuel they waste helps finance the holy cockroaches.
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
Police forensic experts entered a flat above a shop in this quiet country town, 90 miles west of London, and also carried out a second search of a house just 200 yards away, where explosives were found on Thursday. In London, they continued to question a 24-year-old Muslim man.... STOP!!!!! You're NOT supposed to say TERROR, and you're NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY MUSLIM!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Do I hear the cry from the Reuters camp? HooRAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
The knee-jerk conservatives who say government has a monopoly on bureaucratic behavior have never investigated big business.
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
Translation: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
OR: IT'S COLOSSAL, SUPENDOUS, TREMENDOUS, OUTSTANDING, TERRIFIC -- and it's good, too. And it'll win THE OSCAR® -- because it's the tallest Pygmy in the crowd.
Posted
6:24 AM
by Gene
Face it, these guys don't know any more about when terrorists will strike than I do. (We're talking the FBI and the CIA, remember.) This is why we can't let our guard down over the holy cockroaches: they have the fortitude and the desire -- and we may not. Thursday, November 27, 2003
Posted
4:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:17 PM
by Gene
If Iraq could beat 'em, so can we!
Posted
3:13 PM
by Gene
Perhaps if we wiped humans off the face of the earth we wouldn't have these problems. God knows some people are trying. Including scientists.
Posted
3:07 PM
by Gene
Translation: most of the CORE sorta kinda maybe believes in God -- at BEST.
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:33 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Posted
7:02 PM
by Gene
MAYO CLINIC OFFICIAL PREDICTS WORST FLU SEASON IN 30 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRITNEY SPEARS ALBUM DEBUTS AT NO. 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what Buzz T. Newhouse may have had in mind when he complained about TV news, I can skip that stupid busiest-travel-day-of-the-year story today. And I can skip those stupid busiest-shopping-days-of-the-year on Friday and the day after Christmas. I'll also skip most city-digs-out-after-blizzard stories, thank you. And I'll admit that I'm not getting much out of the conjoined-twins-separated-in-long-and-risky-operation stories, either. This, of course, isn't really news. Neither is much of USA OKAY.
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
Me? I've been looking into MiniDisc.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:15 PM
by Gene
Given the conflicting values, interests and political allegiances involved in major legislation, it is improbable that any bill is ever perfect by any one individual's standard. We live in a democracy, not a dictatorship — which necessitates compromise and blahblahblah.... Why didn't you just write "The perfect is the enemy of the good," which you'd find in the Congressional Record at least 20,000 in the last five years (you'd know about Congress, FATSO)? It does seem odd too, FATSO, that you write so soothingly about compromise on the same day you STICK IT TO THE DEMS!!!!! Another SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE!
Posted
1:54 PM
by Gene
South Park Crunchy Cons vs. Consequentialist Bobos vs. the Death of the Two-Party System as We Know it: The L.A. Times, which today produced its most interesting (to me) Sunday edition in memory, ran a Column Left-Column Right deal in the Opinion section about whether there's some New Whatever regarding right-wingers and popular culture. Batting for the southpaws, the easily dislikable (to me) Neal Gabler argued: "Conservative revolution? No -- just dazzlingly effective PR," and scored some points that weren't all implausible....Batting for the Right was Brian Anderson, in a condensed update of his lengthy City Journal Piece (which I talked about a while back). All of which is interesting, or not … I guess I'm more concerned right now with the need to label micro movements-within-movements. Who does it more, lefties or righties? Seems to me the Right is always coming up with some new appellation, whether it's the Crunchy Cons (conservatives can be yuppies, too!), or Birkenstock Burkeans (sometimes the conservative hippies smell!), or Andrew Sullivan's Eagles (fiscally conservative, socially liberal, war-mongering hard-to-holds!), Jonathan Rauch's apatheists (too apathetic to be atheist), or even David Brooks' Bobos (something about Jimmy Buffett). The Left, according to my wafer-thin analysis, mostly limits this sort of talk to theorizing hopefully (and desperately) about some new "movement" or "coalition," usually involving Teamsters and turtles, and Baby Greens, and/or Eddie Vedder's Seattle. I despair at getting even two people to read my site when a hack like Matt Welch can get away with idle bloviating like this, just spouting on and on and on with no reason and no purpose and accruing five million hits a second for it. This is why (as I've said before) blogging may not be the second coming of Bill Gates: too many words, too little for the words to say.
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Oh well, off to the Beeb, or the Guardian.
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
And invariably, in addition to her bromides, we're regaled with her "wit." Only news hacks think wit and banality go together.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
Why be cute about it? Haven't other business crooks written books? What's one more business book from a fraud? OR: "Either you are ethical or you are not," says the manuscript. "You have to make that decision; all of us do. And there is no in between." Too many business types choose not.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
Meanwhile, the next Osama lurks, totally ignored. Not our demographic.
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:22 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:17 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Posted
6:18 PM
by Gene
I'd say it's a win-win-win.
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
Here's reality (and this article doesn't excerpt well; you must read the whole thing): "I can't see spending $600 on a pair of shoes," says Katie Stewart, a struggling actor [SIC; that's EisnerCorp]. "I'd have to sell my dog to be able to have a pair of shoes. And I think the return's a little better on the dog.".... [Georgette] Blau [she operates a bus tour inspired by the show] explains that when a man says "I'll call you" at the end of the evening, "you know that's a goodbye for the night." Usually, she says, it's goodbye forever.... In the meantime, the bus rolls on. But at least one accomplished, single, New York woman can now afford to buy her own apartment. Blau has bought a one-room apartment that measures a whopping 400 square feet. It's the size of a closet, but she says she's "so happy" about it. Because in New York, sometimes a new closet is just what a girl needs. Sad.
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
The sound you hear is Paul Krugman explaining why the economy's back on track.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Now do they give him internal exile, or just plain exile?
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:03 PM
by Gene
Which means -- ONE PART OF JACK'S CONSPIRACY IS FIGHTING ANOTHER!
Posted
11:30 AM
by Gene
This is why I'm not sympathetic to the huge convoy of talent in Boston that will have to beg -- PLAY somewhere else. I wouldn't be surprised if members of this smelly crowd and their sympathizers are mad because CNET's deleting all the "genius" in MP3.com's files. Sorry, bad music is bad wherever -- and however -- it's played.
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
Who=Ben Bradlee? Is this another rendition of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Posted
10:32 AM
by Gene
As for the rest of us....
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
Awww go ahead, DO IT! Andy S.: Alex Beam calls you an "Internet kook." OOPS.
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
Merry Christmas!
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
"100 other leads."
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
I'll be arrested. I'd love to know what he was singing as they booked him. Remember his marriage to Tanya Tucker? Looks like he hasn't forgotten.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
NOW they tell us. Monday, November 24, 2003
Posted
6:22 PM
by Gene
Thank you, Rev. Kronk, for that GREAT term. P. S. We non-corporate PEONS will still get the Indians. I was thinking of buying a Dell laptop next year. I may not now.
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Make fun of national nannies if you will, and make fun that one of Petrified Gore's lawyers is suing; this industry stands guilty as charged.
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
If I were one of those UAW members whose job stands or falls by the executives' actions I wouldn't be too happy right now. And speaking of Clunker Brothers, let's see how this little act by one of its Japanese units hurts sales. OR: "[The company's idiot marketing chief] said his team saw the video's script before production, and although it wasn't that detailed, [the company] had a 'good idea of what the video would be. We didn't think we were taking a big risk.'" Translated: we prayed -- except we didn't know how. P. S. The Daimler fiasco's so overpowering the CHEHRMANS are forming A TASK FORCE, comprised in part of four Dodge dealers, which tells me the penises may not be moving either. If this is their idea of fixing sales they've got a long fix coming -- especially as Mercedes' quality standards have taken a nosedive since the "merger."
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
Now what can the screaming meemies at The Osama Channel in CATARRH do to top THAT?
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
But then practically any news story that mentions the word "Jackson" is not worth reading.
Posted
9:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:45 AM
by Gene
LET THEM EAT CIGGIES!
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
IDEAS: You write that "if Stephen King had found himself in Stalinist Russia, he would undoubtedly have gotten the Stalin Prize." What do you think of King's recent Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters from the National Book Foundation? UGRESIC: King's award is not a surprise but a logical consequence of contemporary literary professionalism, which -- like socialist realism -- demands that a writer clench his teeth and write within the framework of the given norm or else end up, if not in a prison camp, then in his own personal ghetto of anonymity and poverty. The symbolic meaning of King's award is a Fall of the Literary Wall: a final unification, not of good and bad literature but of literature and trash.
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
If this is what more arts coverage means I'm all for dumbing it down, as most American news hacks (led by the Times) are doing.
Posted
6:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
Why now? We've been there for over two years, and you discover quagmire now? Sunday, November 23, 2003
Posted
7:16 PM
by Gene
"FROM THE SOA, TO FTAA [that free-trade thingy they were unsuccessfully whining about in Miami], TO THE INVASION OF IRAQ, OUR GOVERNMENT'S FOREIGN POLICY IS SERVING THE INTERESTS OF A FEW, AND MAKING US A LOT OF ENEMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Fr. Roy Bourgeois, founder of SOA Watch. [Emphasis added.] Translation: America can't do anything right. I suspect, however, we shouldn't be lectured on this score by a priest of a division of a church that condones moral failings of its own.
Posted
4:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:06 PM
by Gene
Now why could somebody put a train station there while buildings and a monument are impossible?
Posted
2:20 PM
by Gene
I can't tell the difference. And in other "news": Star of records, radio and rock videos. A one-man rescue team for the music business. A songwriter who sets the beat for a decade. A dancer with the fanciest feet on the street. A singer who cuts across all boundaries of taste and style, and color too. Michael Jackson, 25 years old. (TWXster rag, nineteen years ago.) Proof that when it comes to newsrag subscriptions, fools and their money will always be easily parted.
Posted
12:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:21 PM
by Gene
I must ask -- what did Shevardnadze do in his eleven years as president except look like Geppetto?
Posted
12:16 PM
by Gene
There has to be a word we can use to help the Democrats. I've got it! It's a word JONATHAN ALTER uses: UNPATRIOTIC! And if that doesn't work we can always use "un-American."
Posted
11:57 AM
by Gene
If LL Cool J is hip-hop's balladeer and Public Enemy its enduring conscience, Shakur maintains his status as a supreme urban griot whose gritty, observant rhymes illuminate the plight of disenfranchised black males. Let us not dance around what this hackette is saying. She is saying, in so many words, that these rappers are The Three Bs. When the ad-blurb copywriters get started with their daydreams, they're saying the objects of their affection rival The Three Bs. This constant puffing, this endless hyperbole, this infinite need to condescend for the sake of "circulation," is why show-biz writing is as crass and unreadable as it is, and why with its current gang of fraudulent automatic typists it will only get worse.
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Meantime, a rock-music ad-blurb copywriter risks "funny looks." As I've said, aside from the times they've been forced into it by the pedophilia rumors, few news hacks have criticized WACKO since Mike Royko. Perhaps someone should get out a Bitsy, Big Boy Boomeroo and blow them clear to Salamagoo. As for any MORON who'd compare WACKO to Cole Porter, so as to justify his musical tripe: the stories of Porter's sex life came out well after his death, and from all accounts his partners were consenting adults.
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Well, we can start with a thousand movie-ad blurbs from you loyal copywriters, Caryn.
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
Hmmm, this IS BLUNDER. Wonder if he's wrong.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
"Magic" is a word that I don't quite think belongs there. Saturday, November 22, 2003
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
![]() Wonderful. All these third-rate architects have devised memorials for Ground Zero, and the Times shows us a picture of a memorial in New York "in need of repairs less than a year after it opened." This is what we'll get at Ground Zero: complexity, irrelevance, and obsolescence.
Posted
6:13 PM
by Gene
That should embellish his defense bona fides.
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
![]() I should have posted this yesterday: SUPERHOOPER's throwing a tantrum over this BC cartoon, which he claims slurs Islam. For once I'll agree with the HOOP: I think Johnny Hart did it on purpose. He's a born-again Christian and he's made religious appeals through the cartoon before; without the Islam angle the strip's pointless and unfunny -- and with it it's unfunny (it goes without saying). Still, after the last two years or so I can see why some might be slightly exercised at the SUPERHOOPERS.
Posted
12:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Which means, of course, that even ONE act of child molestation is okay too.
Posted
8:01 AM
by Gene
Now SHUT UP until next year, or when WACKO's TRIAL begins, when you can oppress us all anew.
Posted
7:50 AM
by Gene
“Those who bloodied this holy day and massacred innocent people will account for it in both worlds,” he said Thursday. “They will be damned until eternity.” What? No 72 Helen Thomases for them?
Posted
7:40 AM
by Gene
We can safely predict the outcome. As more boomers come into Medicare, they'll want more exotic drugs (and not just the maintenance drugs, of course -- the "LIFESTYLE" drugs), which will blow the government's costs sky high, plus they'll be living longer, which could send the costs to Mars, plus the drug companies will gouge royally -- this is, after all, their entitlement -- and God knows how many loopholes and cubbyholes there'll be for crooks to ply. (That should easily take care of the "reforms" to the system, which should in time adapt themselves to the growing waste.) Thanks, clowns, for paving the road to the Slough of Fiscal Despond. And the AMA gives us another reason to cheer: "This historic legislation enhances patients continued access to care by halting physician payment cuts." Let's send the costs to Pluto! Friday, November 21, 2003
Posted
6:49 PM
by Gene
This, I think, is what WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would do if he owned a TV station.
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
WOW!!!!! This is IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!! The Sox, Celts and Bruins may demand equal time.
Posted
6:15 PM
by Gene
NEW ALBANY, Ohio, Nov. 21 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Not since the fateful encounter in 1901 between David Abercrombie, Ezra Fitch and the Great Moose has there been so much excitement at A&F stores nationwide. On November 28, everyone will have the chance to become part of this legend. While some may contest the authenticity of the legend, no one can doubt that clad in the coolest gear of the Holiday season and at the entrance to A&F stores will be our infamous male and female greeters. A dollar donation to Toys for Tots lets anyone snuggle up for a picture between two hunky, shirtless A&F guys straight from the Legend of the Great Abercrombie & Fitch Moose. They'll make Santa think twice before he reaches for another slice of pumpkin pie. Wait a second! I'm a man! Can't we snuggle up to two cuddly, blouseless A&F gals! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!!!!! What's the legend? (I guess PR hacks are almost as bad as news hacks.)
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
Good thing Dr. Seuss is no longer with us. He'd take out his "Bitsy, Big Boy Boomeroo'' and blow this whole mess "clear to Salamagoo.'' (See "The Butter Battle Book.'') I'd wonder what he'd do about all the co-producers -- like P&G, Kellogg, Hershey...and about Bob Wright and "Zucks" Zucker and whoever runs the Universal butt-end. God, I wish I could write doggerel. P. S. Stay tuned for an angry letter to Hershey's chairman. I own a few shares in it.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
And a proud tradition continues: In the 86-year history of the awards, no Pulitzer has ever been revoked. News hacks ARE honest!
Posted
1:10 PM
by Gene
This is what passes for powerful writing with news hacks these days.
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
I wouldn't count on it, though.
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
Our betters may finally realize it. I doubt that the toadying Auletta army does.
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
It will always be "yes but" with the de facto friends of Saddam and the holy cockroaches.
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
No, bring along a priest with an appetite for boys.
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
If You See a Roadside Ghost Afire, It's Best to Keep Right on Driving More on AUDREY'S MONSTER later, but so far it's not looking good. Then again, who reads the ad-blurb copywriters?
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
This is the TOP story on the Times' site now, so you KNOW they're angry. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Thursday, November 20, 2003
Posted
7:45 PM
by Gene
Yep, it's in the van of conservatism, all right -- getting plastered.
Posted
7:24 PM
by Gene
No I don't, PROF, and here's why: Add up in your head (try to imagine it) the nation's total newspaper revenues, plus its magazine revenues, plus its TV revenues, plus its radio revenues, plus its movie revenues, plus its recorded-music revenues, plus its cable-system revenues, then divide that by what most bloggers make from their writing. If these are paper tigers they bare some rather awesome fangs.
Posted
6:57 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
...is the trouble with blogging. Outside of your friends, who wants to read it?
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
Scotland Yard estimated the crowd at 100,00 [SIC] to 110,000. Organizers estimated it at 200,000 to 300,000. [A] spokesman for the Stop the War Coalition said that 350,000 had joined the protest. 10,000, 20,000, 50,000, 200,000, A MILLION -- you're going to make these numbers up anyway, NEWS HACKS. All I know is, the righteous mob failed to shut down England as promised, and it was drowned out by its supporters in Istanbul. Then WACKO came along. Shut up, Saddam lovers. Your time is over.
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
I say, go with JUNIOR. At least he can go broke.
Posted
12:29 PM
by Gene
He should have said this months ago. That he says it now plays into the news hacks' hands; they can pull the QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gags on him in 500 new ways.
Posted
12:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
![]()
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
I think it safe to say that with EVERY demographic, TV stinks.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:45 AM
by Gene
I wouldn't be surprised if Honey told Lloyd. She must still be smarting over her interview with the Sun King.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) -- The number of Middle Easterners cited for offenses in this heavily Arab community has risen nearly 10 percent since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, while charges against all others have fallen nearly 7 percent, according to a newspaper analysis. Jeez, I wonder why people would do a thing like that.
Posted
7:00 AM
by Gene
Here's betting the superdupermegamarketing hurts a film -- not now, there's too much of USA Okay behind it; but eventually people will view this sort of thing as the moral equivalent of COMMERCIALS, and respond ACCORDINGLY.
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
How did SCREW YOU get to be the motto of politics?
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
Shucks, I guess they put something in it for him too.
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
Leaving aside the topic -- and I'd rather for now -- this has to be one of the stupidest lines ever to appear in an editorial. Where would a truckload of letters go? To clerks and interns, to roll their eyes as they glaze them scanning one semi-literate missive after another, and even if they're all well written, ninety-five percent of the letters get thrown out before they reach one of the six- and-seven digits, and the remaining five percent get sneered at soon enough, and only a woebegone two or three survive to challenge the hacks' ossified conventional wisdom, and often as not they agree with it. Heck the Post's managing editor says he doesn't read the letters page. He knows who's more important -- him and the fellow snobs who lead charmed lives telling us what to think. Must repeat it: news hacks have A CUSTOMER SERVICE PROBLEM. P. S. Seeing that you use the word "cynical" twenty times, I'd like to go back through your history and read some of the BONERS you've pulled on the editorial page. I wonder -- how did blacks and Jews fare on the page before 1940? And how did you respond to JANET COOKE? With blather and bromides? Or did you respond at all? Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Posted
6:48 PM
by Gene
I just found out -- this is the ANNIVERSARY of THE DANGLE!
Posted
6:45 PM
by Gene
Could a cartoon character bring down a mayor?
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
And not ONE "expert" will admit to any ignorance on the topic. This will happen when nearly every man, woman and child in the Beltway is a consultant.
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:25 PM
by Gene
And if NewsMax is to be believed (as it often is not), he has a credible story. But doesn't Rush technically work for EisnerCorp, as does Pee-TAH? Why is one end of the company at odds with the other? I'm wondering what Richard MICKEYMOUSE Nixon is up to. The other day it got WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to hyperventilate about another of its movies, and in time a corporate spokespoop said he "heard nothing." I further wonder if Nixon is playing mind games with the public. That whole EisnerCorp kettle of fish STINKS. Then again, Rush HARRUMPHED AND GALLUMPHED about the drug "allegations," and look what happened.
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:27 PM
by Gene
I guess this was inevitable, but I'm not sure this was a good idea. Now "martyrdom" has an identity. Perhaps we can put their names on a perpetual crawl at The Osama Channel. Hot enough down there? If not, those 144 Helen Thomases will make it even HOTTER!
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
Maybe this guy has even more backbone than I thought.
Posted
1:08 PM
by Gene
![]() How many OTHERS will step forward?
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
With the academic-industrial complex making zillions off sports, I think we can guess what happens.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
When will we hear the three magical words: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!?
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
Authorities with whom? The Federal Reserve? He might have caused a liquidity crisis. Law enforcement officials will decide this week whether to prosecute Limbaugh on the felony money-laundering charges.... Why does a man who makes $10 billion a year need to do this? To prove that as a high-mucky-muck he can violate the law at will?
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO! YOUR JOB'S WAITING!
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
COMMUNIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Of course, if we let big business do whatever it wants to do, that could lead to one-company capitalism -- or communism with a smiley face.)
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:25 AM
by Gene
Pepsi-Cola Hits the Spot! I think I'd rather gargle with Mr. Clean. Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
![]() A human nest waits for that bird to fly into it. I suspect the guy put Saddam on his poster board at the last second. Don't want to be too chummy with tyrants.
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
And we all know what the solution to "apartheid" is -- NUKE THE JEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This Osama Channel Update brought to you by Lever 2000®. For the best parts of life™.
Posted
6:07 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
How does this serve our nation, Tiny Tom?
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
He shouldn't have done it, but the fun part will be seeing the looney left immolate itself in anger.
Posted
3:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:20 PM
by Gene
One mo' time: Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:34 AM
by Gene
Here's rooting for the TWXsters, for once.
Posted
10:53 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
To which I say (as I've said before), you have one-party states in media and academe. JUST KEEP UP THE YELLING.
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
![]() He isn't there yet and already the dirt and germs are out in full force. Peeeeeeeeeeeew! I wouldn't worry about terrorists for Dubya. I'd worry about diseases.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
Monday, November 17, 2003
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
And there, in brief, is the history of rock music.
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Perfect preparation for telling people how to think!
Posted
3:26 PM
by Gene
Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:29 PM
by Gene
I think I'll remember that when I send my next pound of flesh -- or surf LALATimes.com.
Posted
2:20 PM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh!
Posted
12:26 PM
by Gene
I'd also like to dedicate some Dr. Seuss-like doggerel to the IDIOTS who wrote this PR, but they probably read Fox in Socks at bedtime.
Posted
12:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:07 PM
by Gene
No surprise. What's that old line -- a man who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client? A fool, in this case -- and a convicted mass murderer.
Posted
11:25 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:20 AM
by Gene
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