THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Sunday, November 30, 2003
Here's another one of those stories where the hacks play with the numbers. What's deadly about these Black Friday stories is that they sound the same year after year after year. This is definitely what Buzz T. Newhouse had in mind when he wrote of non-news.
The spin's already started -- now "SOURCES CLOSE TO THE COMPANY" say Roy's being forced out BECAUSE HE'S TOO OLD.
And who might YOUR sources be, anonymous CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge?
REUTERS!!!!! says the company's waived the retirement-age clause before. DUELING SOURCES!
And who might YOUR sources be, anonymous CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge?
REUTERS!!!!! says the company's waived the retirement-age clause before. DUELING SOURCES!
"In the most technical sense that we're in a war now in which, in the last month, we have lost more American soldiers than we have in any other month since the actual war began . . . in a technical sense, victory is not assured."
There's the meaning of Ms. -- I mean, IS again.
There's the meaning of Ms. -- I mean, IS again.
In initial box office reporting early Sunday, “The Haunted Mansion” had the top spot, but Universal revised its numbers upward to put “The Cat in the Hat” in the lead. Rankings could change again when final numbers are reported Monday.
WHY DO THESE IDIOTS TAKE THESE BODY O -- BOX OFFICE NUMBERS SERIOUSLY?!?!?
Or rather, WHY DON'T THESE IDIOTS TAKE THEIR SHOW-BIZ REPORTING JOBS MORE SERIOUSLY?!?!?
WHY DO THESE IDIOTS TAKE THESE BODY O -- BOX OFFICE NUMBERS SERIOUSLY?!?!?
Or rather, WHY DON'T THESE IDIOTS TAKE THEIR SHOW-BIZ REPORTING JOBS MORE SERIOUSLY?!?!?
Look who's turning in suspects in the Turkish suicide bombings -- SYRIA!
I'd say there may be some culpability here.
I'd say there may be some culpability here.
We're freeing 140 detainees from Gitmo, indicating maybe a few of them should never have been held in the first place.
With the fifth columnists unearthed there I hope we know what we're doing.
With the fifth columnists unearthed there I hope we know what we're doing.
SHUCKS, Lincoln reportedly never said, "You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."
It sounds like him though, and it describes the whole history of the mass media, so I SAY HE SAID IT.
He definitely had RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON in mind if he did.
It sounds like him though, and it describes the whole history of the mass media, so I SAY HE SAID IT.
He definitely had RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON in mind if he did.
I'm proud the interantional flavor of my sudden burst of hits (all four of them). I just hope people will stay around and maybe even bookmark me. Could you do it? I don't care what you think of what I say, just spread the word that I'm not TOO illiterate, only semi-literate.
They're probably all coming from Blogger's home page (I don't know; I didn't set up my SiteMeter quite right), but I'll take them any way they come.
They're probably all coming from Blogger's home page (I don't know; I didn't set up my SiteMeter quite right), but I'll take them any way they come.
OH oh, we killed 46 Iraqis! I guess that won't help our humanitarian reputation one bit!
REPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEMOCRATIC INVESTMENT GROUP PLANNING TO START LIBERAL RADIO NETWORK CLOSE TO PURCHASING RADIO STATIONS IN FIVE MAJOR CITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEVELOPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There goes WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again!!!!! Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh!!!!!
There goes WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again!!!!! Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh!!!!!
Unfortunately I had to find out about this on Free Republic as this is another one of those hoity-toity WALL STREET JOURNALS exclusives, but Roy Disney has submitted his resignation to RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON -- and he's called upon TRICKY DICK TO RESIGN. Sorry ROY, you helped bring RICHARD to Burbank, so you must assume responsibility for him becoming THE DESPICABLE TYRANT he is, and for EISNERCORP becoming a power-hungry media dictatorship. You had your run when the company was worth $100 billion, Roy, but that run has ended, and people can see thorugh your industry's every strategem. SORRY Roy, I don't care what your last name is, I have no pity for you. (And reading the article it appears TRICKY DICK ESSENTIALLY FIRED ROY; so like the fellow in Hoagy Carmichael's rockin' chair, HE AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.)
And as you might expect, all the Freepers are complaining about the GAYS NIXON brought to the company and the theme parks. Sorry dummies, that isn't the problem.
The headline's on CBS.Marketwatch now.
And as you might expect, all the Freepers are complaining about the GAYS NIXON brought to the company and the theme parks. Sorry dummies, that isn't the problem.
The headline's on CBS.Marketwatch now.
Terry "Unpronounceable" Teachout, who's capable of very good judgments and VERY BAD ONES, posted this on his blog:
The point is that I accept the existence of hierarchies of quality without feeling oppressed by them. I have plenty of room in my life for F. Scott Fitzgerald and Raymond Chandler, for Aaron Copland and Louis Armstrong, for George Balanchine and Fred Astaire, and I love them all without confusing their relative merits, much less jumping to the conclusion that all merits are relative.
DITTO.
The point is that I accept the existence of hierarchies of quality without feeling oppressed by them. I have plenty of room in my life for F. Scott Fitzgerald and Raymond Chandler, for Aaron Copland and Louis Armstrong, for George Balanchine and Fred Astaire, and I love them all without confusing their relative merits, much less jumping to the conclusion that all merits are relative.
DITTO.
Looking through Technorati's Top 100 index makes me wonder how useful blogdexes are. Thus far I've turned up several quasi corporate sites, and News.com (that's a blog?), and NPR.org, and OpinionJournal.com. Where is the VOICE OF THE PEEPUL? Where are all printing presses (thus saith Buzz T. Newhouse) throbbing away in America's living rooms, churning up enough gas -- er, logorrhea -- er, TRUTH to OVERTHROW BIG MEDIA? Judging from Technorati and the other bloxdexes we bloggers are as addicted to useless statistics as any six-digit NEWS HACK.
WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING -- IT'S THE ONLY THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P. S. When Vietnam happened the "great" Vince denied he ever said that. SOMEBODY said it -- certainly John Wayne said it -- and it's had a vile impact on so much of American life ever since.
P. S. When Vietnam happened the "great" Vince denied he ever said that. SOMEBODY said it -- certainly John Wayne said it -- and it's had a vile impact on so much of American life ever since.
Now the self-selecting heavyweights of blogging are making inside jokes about it, much as the mass media revel in their non-stop creation of junk.
I REMIND you PROFESSOR, your BRILLIANT musings only live in SERVERS. Pull the plug on the servers and you pull the plug on your collective memory. I don't THINK in 100 years people will read anthologies of your BLOGS.
I REMIND you PROFESSOR, your BRILLIANT musings only live in SERVERS. Pull the plug on the servers and you pull the plug on your collective memory. I don't THINK in 100 years people will read anthologies of your BLOGS.
HEY WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next time I hit your site do you think you could do ten pop-ups?
Few who pick up a phone in the United States and dial an 800 number for help ever know they're calling halfway around the world. Employees at 24/7 are told not to reveal their location; if asked, the refrain is: ``You're calling our global customer-service center.''
Which means you must assume EVERY time you dial an 800 number you're getting the subcontinent, which means you're more justified in screaming your lungs off than ever.
Which means you must assume EVERY time you dial an 800 number you're getting the subcontinent, which means you're more justified in screaming your lungs off than ever.
Three ad-blurb copywriters make the common mistake that just because the folks in JACK'S CONSPIRACY campaign in December for their Oscars® that makes the movies good.
And they're certain to be especially tied up in knots this year if that high-end adolescent fantasy wins. On the one hand, it's a movie made for kids. On the other hand, it's an "instant classic." I say, give it the Oscar®.
And they're certain to be especially tied up in knots this year if that high-end adolescent fantasy wins. On the one hand, it's a movie made for kids. On the other hand, it's an "instant classic." I say, give it the Oscar®.
TWX rag is doing diabetes, BLUNDER's doing the women of the Bible.
The editors had a nervous breakdown last week.
The editors had a nervous breakdown last week.
Saturday, November 29, 2003
Here's a good one: Sunspot.net runs a story about some worried politcos who don't want one of the Clunker Brothers to pull a plant out of Maryland -- and up pops this ad:
HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!
P. S. The plant makes vans.
HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!
P. S. The plant makes vans.
DAN RATHER MAY END ANCHOR RUN NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!
Considering how the folks at EisnerCorp play this flack like an amplified Strad (oooooooooh!), I don't believe one word he says.
In another of its acclaimed advertorials, Barron's (which, being part of the Dow Jones empire and superior to us plebeians, refuses to make itself available to Web hobos) sells Gannett -- where the accent is on NET!!!!! -- as the Cheap Channel of print, as though it isn't already.
Here is why periodicals are obsolete: when you can get the whole gist of an article from the cover blurb, and the article doesn't sound appetizing, who needs newsprint?
Here is why periodicals are obsolete: when you can get the whole gist of an article from the cover blurb, and the article doesn't sound appetizing, who needs newsprint?
Heiress Paris Hilton and pal Nicole Richie trade the high life for farm life in this fun, irrestible reality series from Fox. [Hollywood Reporter front page]
If we're going to run press releases at least let's spell them right.
If we're going to run press releases at least let's spell them right.
WHY ARE POP CHRISTMAS SONGS INTOLERABLE? The standard explanations won't do -- that the Christmas season's one long shopping spree, and the platitudes of the songs are the platitudes of corrupt businessmen; that they're overexposed and inescapable, especially now with FOREGROUND MUZAK. Certainly the notion of America enveloped in DOOM and GLOOM and ENNUI won't do; Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg wrote their very sour takes on Christmas in the late fifties, before our favorite assassination. No, the best explanation is that the songs are FLAT-OUT BAD. Christ was born to provide fodder for Lawrence Welk. Consider that none of the great Broadway songwriters ever wrote a hit Christmas tune -- save Irving Berlin; the holiday perfectly fit a lyrical style that at its worst echoes a rhyming dictionary ("Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/Stand beside her,/And guide her," etc., etc., etc.). The songs also brought out the most crass in the record industry as it entered its fat years in the fifties, a time when Mitch Miller thought it cute to have Ol' Blue sing a duet with a dog. You can't think of Meredith Willson's utterly corny "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" without the cute pizzicato strings and the cute flutes and the cute xylophone and Johnny Mathis with a two-second reverb and a clothespin on his larynx. (When Willson wrote his Christmas musical Here's Love twelve years later his depleted inspiration made him re-use it, proof that the holiday does not bring out the best in musicians.) Even the very few good Christmas tunes suffer from guilt by association. Arthur Fiedler turned Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" into an exciting, bracing mini-tone poem, but everywhere else Mitchell Parish's lyrics kick in, with their fakery of farmers and pumpkin pie and Currier and Ives, and it's back to the land of hack arrangements by Ralph Carmichael and the ooohing and aaahing of the angelic chorus. "The Christmas Song" (not great, but pretty good) marks the beginning of Nat "King" Cole's transformation from a jazzman of the first rank to an automatic molasses dispenser. Elvis, who frequently performed bad songs at half-mast, was the perfect pop Christmas singer, oozing the drivel out like a particularly unctuous undertaker soothing a dead body's relative, or a relative's dead body. And let us not forget the KIDDIE TUNES, which seem to have birthed AUDREY'S MONSTER, sound-alike songs like "Frosty the Snowman" (you can hear the songwriters cutting a deal on the tune) and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," whose title character originated at a now-defunct department-store chain (Montgomery Ward). One of the great mysteries of popular music is how Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots survived a piece of junk like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to write the immortal "You Go To My Head"; by rights their next tune should have been written by Bob Merrill. (Look up the tune in ASCAP's ACE directory and you find a veritable army of the tiresome acts that buried it: the Ames Brothers, Brenda Lee, Ray Conniff, Liberace, Guy Lombardo, the Mills Brothers -- and yes, I include Bruce.) While it is true that familiarity breeds contempt, the contempt starts early when those familiar notes in your brain are so contemptible.
STUPIDS decide to ditch their tattoos after risking stares and hepatitis and wasting dollars and advertising space on a jilted significant other.
I do not think God intended purple to be a skin color.
I do not think God intended purple to be a skin color.
It seems more than ever fandom is dominated by PHREAKS -- the Star Bores phreaks, the high-toned-literary-sword-and-sorcerer-fantasy phreaks, the video-game phreaks, the WACKO phreaks, and increasingly, the OPERA PHREAKS, who've turned an art form into an orgy of travel and spending and cheap obsessions.
GET A LIFE!
GET A LIFE!
AUDREY'S MONSTER is so bad one ad-blurb copywriter recommends it in place of psychoactive drugs for kids.
Next Saturday, that letter to the chairman of Hershey's. I'll start drafting it today.
Next Saturday, that letter to the chairman of Hershey's. I'll start drafting it today.
Larry King, the most overrated interviewer of all time, celebrates his 70th -- no, not wife, birthday -- which reminds us of other "popular" personalities from Don McNeil to Arthur Godfrey to Henry Morgan to Jack Paar to Johnny Carson to Phil Donahue, largely forgotten (for the most part justly) and in some cases scorned. (Arthur Godfrey -- wasn't he the guy that fired somebody on the air?) I'll wager when people no longer celebrate Larry's birthday (or Oprah's) he'll be happily forgotten and scorned -- for the low-IQ softball questions, the self-parody of his USA Okay column, and the utterly prone attitude toward everyone but his fans. Here's more proof that in show-biz overly lucky people can conquer a complete dearth of talent to pester us forever. Blow out the candles, Larry.
Friday, November 28, 2003
In our Show-Biz Suck-Up watch, a UPI (pffh-hh-hh!) correspondent frets over this years's "mediocre" box office, and mentions the poor quality of the product -- IN THE LAST PARAGRAPH!
Give the scribbler dinner with KEN FELATTA at Morton's!
Give the scribbler dinner with KEN FELATTA at Morton's!
Speaking of sponge listening after two weeks (my usual sloth) I tried disconnecting from TWX Internet Service and got a smarmily apologetic lady who convinced me to accept two free months. The more I think of it the angrier I get; how could I be so gullible? Between this and my blog I may as well wear a dunce cap in public. I can't even use the TWX service because that means I have to reinstall its mammoth BLOATWARE, and then it conflicts with AT&T's. Why can't these frauds take my NO for an answer? They've already taken several millions.
A serious blogger should keep talk of his private life -- even his private mental life -- as hushed as possible; but as I said, getting one hit in two days will do this to you.
A serious blogger should keep talk of his private life -- even his private mental life -- as hushed as possible; but as I said, getting one hit in two days will do this to you.
Getting one visitor in two days has not only taken the wind out of my sails, it's shredded the sails, sawed off the masts and infested the whole boat with termites. Is my blog that bad? I wonder if I'd be better off with random typing, perhaps getting my cat to play with my keyboard. Judging from other blogs I'd do just as well. I can't give up; I've been scrounging madly for webdexes and other sites where I could post my address. I'm thinking too of including an e-mail address, but with my luck my first missive would be a death threat. I'm even thinking of pleading with a few of the self-selected biggies just to put my blog on their lists, but that I fear would be the equivalent of sponge listening, and my only replies would be form e-mails; nonetheless I may do it soon. I guess I've made fool enough of myself with my ramblings. I plod on.
Last week I got annoyed with AUDREY'S MONSTER because of all the superdupermegamarketing around it. WELL, the latest BO stats have come out (BO means body odor too), and if AUDREY and her stupid CAT don't come in in third place, two places behind Elf, which occupied the houses of ill repute from two weeks prior -- and that's playing in fewer of them than before. It was only the only piece of jun -- MOVIE in the top 10 to decline from Wednesday to Thursday. It's official: the superdupermegamarketing HURT AUDREY'S MONSTER.
A week from tomorrow, pending further body o -- BOX OFFICE, I'm posting a letter I'm sending to the chairman of Hershey's. Be warned.
A week from tomorrow, pending further body o -- BOX OFFICE, I'm posting a letter I'm sending to the chairman of Hershey's. Be warned.
You're a Democrat. You need blacks. You need gays. Blacks don't like the idea of gay marriage.
What do you do?
What do you do?
This will get the conspiracy theorists mad: FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News covered Dubya's supersecret Iraq visit -- but not CNN. How thoughtful of somebody.
Automakers plan to make SUVs more 'compatible' in crashes
I don't know that people will like this; one reason SUVs are popular is that they let you rule the road from on high. Take away that pleasure and SUVs become, well, two-left-footed station wagons -- which may be the intention.
Not that it's that bad an idea; I view SUVs as Osamamobiles. All the fuel they waste helps finance the holy cockroaches.
I don't know that people will like this; one reason SUVs are popular is that they let you rule the road from on high. Take away that pleasure and SUVs become, well, two-left-footed station wagons -- which may be the intention.
Not that it's that bad an idea; I view SUVs as Osamamobiles. All the fuel they waste helps finance the holy cockroaches.
GLOUCESTER, England (Reuters) - British anti-terror police raided a second house in southwest England on Friday as they questioned a suspected would-be suicide bomber whom the government says may be linked to al Qaeda.
Police forensic experts entered a flat above a shop in this quiet country town, 90 miles west of London, and also carried out a second search of a house just 200 yards away, where explosives were found on Thursday.
In London, they continued to question a 24-year-old Muslim man....
STOP!!!!! You're NOT supposed to say TERROR, and you're NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY MUSLIM!!!!!!!!!!
Police forensic experts entered a flat above a shop in this quiet country town, 90 miles west of London, and also carried out a second search of a house just 200 yards away, where explosives were found on Thursday.
In London, they continued to question a 24-year-old Muslim man....
STOP!!!!! You're NOT supposed to say TERROR, and you're NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY MUSLIM!!!!!!!!!!
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - A mortar attack on a U.S. base in Iraq killed an American soldier on Friday, hours after President Bush....
Do I hear the cry from the Reuters camp? HooRAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Do I hear the cry from the Reuters camp? HooRAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Corporate America! When you call Dell, you may STILL HEAR AN ACCENT ON THE LINE!
The knee-jerk conservatives who say government has a monopoly on bureaucratic behavior have never investigated big business.
The knee-jerk conservatives who say government has a monopoly on bureaucratic behavior have never investigated big business.
Democrats Temper Praise for Bush Visit With Criticism
Translation: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Translation: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
"It's quite good. Nah it's fantastic! It's amazing, it's definitely the best!!!!!"
OR:
IT'S COLOSSAL, SUPENDOUS, TREMENDOUS, OUTSTANDING, TERRIFIC -- and it's good, too.
And it'll win THE OSCAR® -- because it's the tallest Pygmy in the crowd.
OR:
IT'S COLOSSAL, SUPENDOUS, TREMENDOUS, OUTSTANDING, TERRIFIC -- and it's good, too.
And it'll win THE OSCAR® -- because it's the tallest Pygmy in the crowd.
It appears the "top officials" have come up with a new way of doing the color-code-alert routine: now they talk about "spectacular" attacks.
Face it, these guys don't know any more about when terrorists will strike than I do. (We're talking the FBI and the CIA, remember.) This is why we can't let our guard down over the holy cockroaches: they have the fortitude and the desire -- and we may not.
Face it, these guys don't know any more about when terrorists will strike than I do. (We're talking the FBI and the CIA, remember.) This is why we can't let our guard down over the holy cockroaches: they have the fortitude and the desire -- and we may not.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
I figure if people can do without my diatribes (click on Site Meter below; I'm thinking of removing it) they can do without the celebrities'.
By contrast to Sen. Rodham (one suspects) our forces seem to have been a lot happier with Dubya's secret visit. I'll say it again, I don't like the Dubya's penchant for cloak-and-daggering about everything, but given what happened to a few of our choppers and that DHL jet lately (and the presence of forces from The Osama Channel) I'd say secrecy was pretty well justified.
Now the Malthusians threaten water shortages.
Perhaps if we wiped humans off the face of the earth we wouldn't have these problems. God knows some people are trying. Including scientists.
Perhaps if we wiped humans off the face of the earth we wouldn't have these problems. God knows some people are trying. Including scientists.
The nine Democratic presidential candidates all consider themselves religious, though most keep their faith and spiritual views to themselves when campaigning.
Translation: most of the CORE sorta kinda maybe believes in God -- at BEST.
Translation: most of the CORE sorta kinda maybe believes in God -- at BEST.
It would be cynical to accuse Sen. Rodham of running for president, but what was (s)he doing visiting our forces in Afghanistan? And what must they have thought?
A ghostwriter using the name of Warren Christopher (Warren who? The actor? Oh yes, I remember -- The Piano Bar Man) suggests in so many words that our war in Iraq was wrong and that we should bend over backwards to appease the League of Nations, which would allow us to place our collective head between our legs. Rather like Warren.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
The two sides of USA OKAY -- the Web site, that is (like father, like son):
MAYO CLINIC OFFICIAL PREDICTS WORST FLU SEASON IN 30 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRITNEY SPEARS ALBUM DEBUTS AT NO. 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what Buzz T. Newhouse may have had in mind when he complained about TV news,
I can skip that stupid busiest-travel-day-of-the-year story today. And I can skip those stupid busiest-shopping-days-of-the-year on Friday and the day after Christmas. I'll also skip most city-digs-out-after-blizzard stories, thank you. And I'll admit that I'm not getting much out of the conjoined-twins-separated-in-long-and-risky-operation stories, either.
This, of course, isn't really news. Neither is much of USA OKAY.
MAYO CLINIC OFFICIAL PREDICTS WORST FLU SEASON IN 30 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRITNEY SPEARS ALBUM DEBUTS AT NO. 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what Buzz T. Newhouse may have had in mind when he complained about TV news,
I can skip that stupid busiest-travel-day-of-the-year story today. And I can skip those stupid busiest-shopping-days-of-the-year on Friday and the day after Christmas. I'll also skip most city-digs-out-after-blizzard stories, thank you. And I'll admit that I'm not getting much out of the conjoined-twins-separated-in-long-and-risky-operation stories, either.
This, of course, isn't really news. Neither is much of USA OKAY.
You learn something new every day: You can't change the battery on an iPod -- and to get it fixed costs between $49 (for a "third-party" kit) and $255 (from Apple Computer)! The whizzes who found this out have their own site too (figures).
Me? I've been looking into MiniDisc.
Me? I've been looking into MiniDisc.
Next on the news hacks' agenda: unisex (or should that be quadrasex?) bathrooms. I wonder though where men and women would fit in.
FATSO wrote this editorial too:
Given the conflicting values, interests and political allegiances involved in major legislation, it is improbable that any bill is ever perfect by any one individual's standard. We live in a democracy, not a dictatorship — which necessitates compromise and blahblahblah....
Why didn't you just write "The perfect is the enemy of the good," which you'd find in the Congressional Record at least 20,000 in the last five years (you'd know about Congress, FATSO)? It does seem odd too, FATSO, that you write so soothingly about compromise on the same day you STICK IT TO THE DEMS!!!!!
Another SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE!
Given the conflicting values, interests and political allegiances involved in major legislation, it is improbable that any bill is ever perfect by any one individual's standard. We live in a democracy, not a dictatorship — which necessitates compromise and blahblahblah....
Why didn't you just write "The perfect is the enemy of the good," which you'd find in the Congressional Record at least 20,000 in the last five years (you'd know about Congress, FATSO)? It does seem odd too, FATSO, that you write so soothingly about compromise on the same day you STICK IT TO THE DEMS!!!!!
Another SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE!
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH....
South Park Crunchy Cons vs. Consequentialist Bobos vs. the Death of the Two-Party System as We Know it: The L.A. Times, which today produced its most interesting (to me) Sunday edition in memory, ran a Column Left-Column Right deal in the Opinion section about whether there's some New Whatever regarding right-wingers and popular culture. Batting for the southpaws, the easily dislikable (to me) Neal Gabler argued: "Conservative revolution? No -- just dazzlingly effective PR," and scored some points that weren't all implausible....Batting for the Right was Brian Anderson, in a condensed update of his lengthy City Journal Piece (which I talked about a while back). All of which is interesting, or not … I guess I'm more concerned right now with the need to label micro movements-within-movements. Who does it more, lefties or righties? Seems to me the Right is always coming up with some new appellation, whether it's the Crunchy Cons (conservatives can be yuppies, too!), or Birkenstock Burkeans (sometimes the conservative hippies smell!), or Andrew Sullivan's Eagles (fiscally conservative, socially liberal, war-mongering hard-to-holds!), Jonathan Rauch's apatheists (too apathetic to be atheist), or even David Brooks' Bobos (something about Jimmy Buffett). The Left, according to my wafer-thin analysis, mostly limits this sort of talk to theorizing hopefully (and desperately) about some new "movement" or "coalition," usually involving Teamsters and turtles, and Baby Greens, and/or Eddie Vedder's Seattle.
I despair at getting even two people to read my site when a hack like Matt Welch can get away with idle bloviating like this, just spouting on and on and on with no reason and no purpose and accruing five million hits a second for it. This is why (as I've said before) blogging may not be the second coming of Bill Gates: too many words, too little for the words to say.
South Park Crunchy Cons vs. Consequentialist Bobos vs. the Death of the Two-Party System as We Know it: The L.A. Times, which today produced its most interesting (to me) Sunday edition in memory, ran a Column Left-Column Right deal in the Opinion section about whether there's some New Whatever regarding right-wingers and popular culture. Batting for the southpaws, the easily dislikable (to me) Neal Gabler argued: "Conservative revolution? No -- just dazzlingly effective PR," and scored some points that weren't all implausible....Batting for the Right was Brian Anderson, in a condensed update of his lengthy City Journal Piece (which I talked about a while back). All of which is interesting, or not … I guess I'm more concerned right now with the need to label micro movements-within-movements. Who does it more, lefties or righties? Seems to me the Right is always coming up with some new appellation, whether it's the Crunchy Cons (conservatives can be yuppies, too!), or Birkenstock Burkeans (sometimes the conservative hippies smell!), or Andrew Sullivan's Eagles (fiscally conservative, socially liberal, war-mongering hard-to-holds!), Jonathan Rauch's apatheists (too apathetic to be atheist), or even David Brooks' Bobos (something about Jimmy Buffett). The Left, according to my wafer-thin analysis, mostly limits this sort of talk to theorizing hopefully (and desperately) about some new "movement" or "coalition," usually involving Teamsters and turtles, and Baby Greens, and/or Eddie Vedder's Seattle.
I despair at getting even two people to read my site when a hack like Matt Welch can get away with idle bloviating like this, just spouting on and on and on with no reason and no purpose and accruing five million hits a second for it. This is why (as I've said before) blogging may not be the second coming of Bill Gates: too many words, too little for the words to say.
I don't know which is worse: WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! acting like a paid flack, or the ad-blurb copywriter who belches, "There are at least a dozen quote-worthy lines, and not a single one is quotable in a family newspaper." Let us say they're both news hacks, and they're both out to spit at my intelligence, and leave it at that.
And speaking of dictators, FATSO, remember Catastrophic Health Insurance? Remember the Polish Mafia boss who passed that? Remember how the geezers screamed at his passing limousine? WELL, FATSO -- and keeping in mind that this IS the Times, and these are "EXPERTS" -- the same thing could happen to folks in YOUR PARTY with your BRILLIANT MEDICARE LEGISLATION.
NEWT's former spokespoop writes an asinine column in which he gloats over the fact his Republicans have so thoroughly deked the Dems on the spending game (only of course he doesn't say that) they may stay in power FOREVER. Hey Fatso, if I recall correctly your ex-boss and his mouth THE PILLHEAD got you into power by complaining about how the Dems spent and spent and ran the Congress like a dictatorship -- and NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING. I should remind you, FATSO, if we had a principled opposition party, one strong on national defense and not off the deep end on social issues, you might occupy the same forlorn status as the Progressive Conservatives in Canada, who finished Brian Mulroney's tenure with TWO SEATS IN PARLIAMENT, and have yet to recover. Remember that the next time you boast.
The Islamic Web world's in an uproar because The Osama Channel.com has FIRED a "star reporter" who didn't like it that her bosses wouldn't run the "news" untamed and unfiltered.
Oh well, off to the Beeb, or the Guardian.
Oh well, off to the Beeb, or the Guardian.
The Wicked Witch of the White House tells hundreds of aspiring young news hacks how to think, which means in time they'll be telling US how to think.
And invariably, in addition to her bromides, we're regaled with her "wit." Only news hacks think wit and banality go together.
And invariably, in addition to her bromides, we're regaled with her "wit." Only news hacks think wit and banality go together.
That Boeing executive who was fired for clever hiring WROTE A BOOK whose publication has been put on indefinite hold.
Why be cute about it? Haven't other business crooks written books? What's one more business book from a fraud?
OR:
"Either you are ethical or you are not," says the manuscript. "You have to make that decision; all of us do. And there is no in between."
Too many business types choose not.
Why be cute about it? Haven't other business crooks written books? What's one more business book from a fraud?
OR:
"Either you are ethical or you are not," says the manuscript. "You have to make that decision; all of us do. And there is no in between."
Too many business types choose not.
News hacks win again! That Boston ban on subway "musicians" has been "delayed," which means it will be lengthily postponed, which means it will never be implemented. Piles of dirt that beg with wrong notes, you're safe!
Yesterday I spoke of the GENIUS of rap. This week the whole (or is that the "hole") of NEWSHACKDOM has been EXCEEDINGLY CONFLICTED because a man who has more GENIUS than TEN EINSTEINS and more artistic inspiration than SHAKESPEARE, MOZART and HEMINGWAY COMBINED made a RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC REMARK -- HE USED THE N WORD -- and now every hermetically-sealed LUXURY NEWS SUITE is debating whether this GENIUS TO OUT-GENIUS ALL GENIUSES WAS SINCERE IN HIS APOLOGY.
Meanwhile, the next Osama lurks, totally ignored. Not our demographic.
Meanwhile, the next Osama lurks, totally ignored. Not our demographic.
Oh goody! Some baggage handlers in New York were smuggling drugs for ten years, and only now do they get caught. Very soothing news for a long holiday weekend.
Sumner smacks his lips again and shouts, "Publicity! PUBLICITY!!!!!"
Good going for Larry Summers; he won't sign on to a lawsuit against the Feds keeping the military off college campuses using gay rights as an excuse. No, gay rights are secondary; the scrambled eggheads simply hate the military (remember that prof who said, "Anybody who wants to attack the Pentagon's fine with me"?), a warmed over nostalgia from Vietnam, and they'll lose, as they deserve to.
In the latest global warming-population explosion-nuclear freeze-new ice age blah from scientists, somebody with a degree says there are a 1,000 times more of us than there should be. By that standard the earth's population should have stopped growing at six million. No, there was a reason God commanded us to go forth and multiply. There's also a reason He created the Chicken Little story and Malthusians.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Let's see: Iran gets its nukes, the EU gets its oil, and we get our words.
I'd say it's a win-win-win.
I'd say it's a win-win-win.
Aside from being overrated garbage -- Buzz T. Newhouse's OWN SYNERGISTIC RAG once said it -- Candace "EW! YUCK!! GROSS!!!" Bushnell's favorite TV show won't last -- because it's FAKE.
Here's reality (and this article doesn't excerpt well; you must read the whole thing):
"I can't see spending $600 on a pair of shoes," says Katie Stewart, a struggling actor [SIC; that's EisnerCorp]. "I'd have to sell my dog to be able to have a pair of shoes. And I think the return's a little better on the dog."....
[Georgette] Blau [she operates a bus tour inspired by the show] explains that when a man says "I'll call you" at the end of the evening, "you know that's a goodbye for the night." Usually, she says, it's goodbye forever....
In the meantime, the bus rolls on. But at least one accomplished, single, New York woman can now afford to buy her own apartment. Blau has bought a one-room apartment that measures a whopping 400 square feet.
It's the size of a closet, but she says she's "so happy" about it. Because in New York, sometimes a new closet is just what a girl needs.
Sad.
Here's reality (and this article doesn't excerpt well; you must read the whole thing):
"I can't see spending $600 on a pair of shoes," says Katie Stewart, a struggling actor [SIC; that's EisnerCorp]. "I'd have to sell my dog to be able to have a pair of shoes. And I think the return's a little better on the dog."....
[Georgette] Blau [she operates a bus tour inspired by the show] explains that when a man says "I'll call you" at the end of the evening, "you know that's a goodbye for the night." Usually, she says, it's goodbye forever....
In the meantime, the bus rolls on. But at least one accomplished, single, New York woman can now afford to buy her own apartment. Blau has bought a one-room apartment that measures a whopping 400 square feet.
It's the size of a closet, but she says she's "so happy" about it. Because in New York, sometimes a new closet is just what a girl needs.
Sad.
The same City Journal that gave us that PIECE OF JUNK about SOUTH PARK CONSERVATISM has a fine article by Stefan Kanfer about Richard Rodgers, and though I doubt his songs are more popular now than "John Lennon['s] or the latest hip-hop artist['s]" (they're certainly inferior for sheer GENIUS), he had, as few composers ever had, the gift of melody; and "Robert "Over the" Hilburns and Ellen "I'm In with the In Crowd" Goodmans notwithstanding (the latter eternal lunkhead wrote an infamous "tribute" when Rodgers died saying The Beatles were better), that's why they'll last forever.
HOMMAHOMMAHOMMAHOMMAHOMMAHOMMAHOMMAHOMMA....
The sound you hear is Paul Krugman explaining why the economy's back on track.
The sound you hear is Paul Krugman explaining why the economy's back on track.
Yemen nabs a leading holy cockroach -- the alleged mastermind of the Cole attack!
Now do they give him internal exile, or just plain exile?
Now do they give him internal exile, or just plain exile?
I suppose we can chuckle and go awwwwwwwwww at these cute little professors expounding on PHILOSOPHY, but with all the tuition and tax dollars that go to such intellectual masturbation, combined with the academic-industrial complex's rigorous PC and the greed of its professional sports franchises, why am I just slightly angry?
Some "INDIES" are suing JACK over the @#$%&* SCREENER BAN -- and guess what? The studio-run INDIES are TACITLY SUPPORTING THEM!
Which means -- ONE PART OF JACK'S CONSPIRACY IS FIGHTING ANOTHER!
Which means -- ONE PART OF JACK'S CONSPIRACY IS FIGHTING ANOTHER!
Here's a J'ACCUSE kind of story. While I was still unemployed and it hadn't yet been surrounded with razor wire and bicycle stands, I'd go down to Independence Square and commune with the Founders. But my communion was ruined whenever this flat trumpeter in a cap sat himself on a bench and played his blasted noise. I never asked him to stop because I could see the KnightRidder newspaper monopoly siding with the stupid trumpeter because he's different, exercising his First Amendment rights, the whole nine yards. Today along Walnut Street there's a veritable symphony of flat trumpeters, flat trombonists, flat saxophonists, flat flautists, wrong-note accordionists, adding to the noise and misery of walking down the street.
This is why I'm not sympathetic to the huge convoy of talent in Boston that will have to beg -- PLAY somewhere else. I wouldn't be surprised if members of this smelly crowd and their sympathizers are mad because CNET's deleting all the "genius" in MP3.com's files. Sorry, bad music is bad wherever -- and however -- it's played.
This is why I'm not sympathetic to the huge convoy of talent in Boston that will have to beg -- PLAY somewhere else. I wouldn't be surprised if members of this smelly crowd and their sympathizers are mad because CNET's deleting all the "genius" in MP3.com's files. Sorry, bad music is bad wherever -- and however -- it's played.
Bush=Nixon. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Who=Ben Bradlee?
Is this another rendition of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Who=Ben Bradlee?
Is this another rendition of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Here are some columns I would never have the gumption to write: I. "Does Paul Krugman Have a Personality Disorder?"
Awww go ahead, DO IT!
Andy S.: Alex Beam calls you an "Internet kook." OOPS.
Awww go ahead, DO IT!
Andy S.: Alex Beam calls you an "Internet kook." OOPS.
See? SEE? This is what CONSERVATIVES said all along -- Pinochet was NEVER A DICTATOR!
You're the King of Pop, you will stay the King of Pop and justice will prevail...and if it don't, I'm gonna whup ya with this here BELT.
"100 other leads."
"100 other leads."
By the time I get to Phoenix...
I'll be arrested.
I'd love to know what he was singing as they booked him. Remember his marriage to Tanya Tucker? Looks like he hasn't forgotten.
I'll be arrested.
I'd love to know what he was singing as they booked him. Remember his marriage to Tanya Tucker? Looks like he hasn't forgotten.
A campus delays the morning bell in response to research showing teens do not perform as well early in the morning. [Front-page link]
NOW they tell us.
NOW they tell us.
Monday, November 24, 2003
"Sponge listening." This is what we peons get too often from corporate America. This we definitely get after corporate America puts idiot notions in its head, like Six Sigma -- or TECH-SUPPORT OUTSOURCING. It's screwy ideas like these that turned GM and Ford and Chrysler into the Clunker Brothers, and that threaten to do the same with the customer-service-challenged PC business. Michael Dell listened to the complaints -- but only after he heard the siren voices, and his rep has taken a big licking too.
Thank you, Rev. Kronk, for that GREAT term.
P. S. We non-corporate PEONS will still get the Indians. I was thinking of buying a Dell laptop next year. I may not now.
Thank you, Rev. Kronk, for that GREAT term.
P. S. We non-corporate PEONS will still get the Indians. I was thinking of buying a Dell laptop next year. I may not now.
Oooh, Ralph Nader wants two bodyguards with him at a radio conference. Courageous!
And speaking of lawsuits, Coors's sales pitch to minors using a Disney movie has earned the alcohol industry a regal one accusing it of selling its brews to kids. "The suit [says AdAge.com] also cites ads placed in youth-oriented media; use of ad themes appealing to underage drinkers; Web sites with 'illusory' age restrictions; and public service ads that falsely claim to discourage drinking but do the opposite."
Make fun of national nannies if you will, and make fun that one of Petrified Gore's lawyers is suing; this industry stands guilty as charged.
Make fun of national nannies if you will, and make fun that one of Petrified Gore's lawyers is suing; this industry stands guilty as charged.
Another predictable pancake: The folks at Daimler Corp. spent $14 million on the Canadian screecher Celine Dion so the senior executives could terrify their subordinates with "I KNOW CELINE DION AND YOU DON'T!!!!!" WELL, wouldn't you know, not only did Celine not sell the cars, but in what must be an extraordinary ego buster for her, HER AUDIENCE SKEWED OLD. Combined with its cretinous ad for Dodge penises -- er, SUVs Daimler proves the Clunker Brothers don't want to move product, they want to waste money and kiss celebrities' behinds.
If I were one of those UAW members whose job stands or falls by the executives' actions I wouldn't be too happy right now.
And speaking of Clunker Brothers, let's see how this little act by one of its Japanese units hurts sales. OR: "[The company's idiot marketing chief] said his team saw the video's script before production, and although it wasn't that detailed, [the company] had a 'good idea of what the video would be. We didn't think we were taking a big risk.'" Translated: we prayed -- except we didn't know how.
P. S. The Daimler fiasco's so overpowering the CHEHRMANS are forming A TASK FORCE, comprised in part of four Dodge dealers, which tells me the penises may not be moving either. If this is their idea of fixing sales they've got a long fix coming -- especially as Mercedes' quality standards have taken a nosedive since the "merger."
If I were one of those UAW members whose job stands or falls by the executives' actions I wouldn't be too happy right now.
And speaking of Clunker Brothers, let's see how this little act by one of its Japanese units hurts sales. OR: "[The company's idiot marketing chief] said his team saw the video's script before production, and although it wasn't that detailed, [the company] had a 'good idea of what the video would be. We didn't think we were taking a big risk.'" Translated: we prayed -- except we didn't know how.
P. S. The Daimler fiasco's so overpowering the CHEHRMANS are forming A TASK FORCE, comprised in part of four Dodge dealers, which tells me the penises may not be moving either. If this is their idea of fixing sales they've got a long fix coming -- especially as Mercedes' quality standards have taken a nosedive since the "merger."
OH oh, The Osama Channel's twin from Dubai gets booted from Iraq for INCITING MURDER!!!!!
Now what can the screaming meemies at The Osama Channel in CATARRH do to top THAT?
Now what can the screaming meemies at The Osama Channel in CATARRH do to top THAT?
Now somebody's complaining about THE LEADING CRUSADER IN THE CAUSE OF SOUTH PARK CONSERVATISM on SPECTATOR.ORG, which means Andy S. can think up a few more eloquent excuses.
Golf has its version of the 2002 MLB All Star Game, but no one noticed because it aired here on tape, against football.
Any news story that mentions the word "Jackson" and quotes at least two professors is not worth reading.
But then practically any news story that mentions the word "Jackson" is not worth reading.
But then practically any news story that mentions the word "Jackson" is not worth reading.
Here's another egregious column which makes me think news hacks do these things on purpose. After the biz has given away billions of dollars in free publicity for practically every one of the publicity stunts he mentions, this hack asks people to stop taking off their clothes in public. DAVE, if you scribblers didn't egg them on with the promise of free publicity MAYBE THEY WOULDN'T DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
How comforting: one of the alleged Lockerbie bombers is eligible for parole in 27 years. As Yasser proves, you're never too old to terrorize.
Graydon Carter, the world's greatest magazine editor, flouts Honorary Mayor Mike's smoking ban.
LET THEM EAT CIGGIES!
LET THEM EAT CIGGIES!
You have to go down to the twelfth graf of this USA Okay story to learn what should be obvious: the Congresspoops' new anti-spam act may be "difficult to enforce," and to the thirteenth graf to learn most of the worst spammers are overseas. How typical of Congress; to waste time passing feel good bills that won't do an iota of good.
If Frank "The Gliberal" Rich and Jonah Goldberg traded places you wouldn't know the difference, except that Jonah would be a little more snarky. To his credit (and I give him little credit) Jonah doesn't "buy" entirely into the deadly notion of SOUTH PARK CONSERVATISM, but he's enough in favor to remind me the first time I encountered Jonah on NRO it was in a phony-baloney article praising Mickey D's for all the millions of high-paid motivated workers it's sent into the world, and I haven't fully trusted him since.
And speaking of ArtsJournal.com, here's our Interview of the Week -- with a Croat novelist, Dubravka Ugresic:
IDEAS: You write that "if Stephen King had found himself in Stalinist Russia, he would undoubtedly have gotten the Stalin Prize." What do you think of King's recent Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters from the National Book Foundation?
UGRESIC: King's award is not a surprise but a logical consequence of contemporary literary professionalism, which -- like socialist realism -- demands that a writer clench his teeth and write within the framework of the given norm or else end up, if not in a prison camp, then in his own personal ghetto of anonymity and poverty. The symbolic meaning of King's award is a Fall of the Literary Wall: a final unification, not of good and bad literature but of literature and trash.
IDEAS: You write that "if Stephen King had found himself in Stalinist Russia, he would undoubtedly have gotten the Stalin Prize." What do you think of King's recent Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters from the National Book Foundation?
UGRESIC: King's award is not a surprise but a logical consequence of contemporary literary professionalism, which -- like socialist realism -- demands that a writer clench his teeth and write within the framework of the given norm or else end up, if not in a prison camp, then in his own personal ghetto of anonymity and poverty. The symbolic meaning of King's award is a Fall of the Literary Wall: a final unification, not of good and bad literature but of literature and trash.
I promise this is the last I mention the news hacks' favorite assassination. Today ArtsJournal.com is pleased that the Guardian devotes so many resources to "the arts." So what does all this coverage get us? Predictable, unchallenging, contented thumbsuckers like this one, about all the wonderful changes in art our favorite assassination allegedly provoked. I would argue most of the changes ascribed here owe to Vietnam and the news-hack culture of award-winning doom and gloom and ennui that grew up around it, and engineered our defeat, and survived it. If doom and gloom and ennui could win news hacks awards, why not with their brethren on the other side of the media business? Hence decades of gloom and doom and ennui, and we can't shake it because both the evil media twins reinfoorce each others' prejudices with prefab bromides and rave reviews. One reason our successful military endeavors of the last twenty years have elicited such screams of pain from the unintelligentsia is that they were successful, and they knocked that whole Potemkin house of doom and gloom and ennui flat to the ground. But news hacks will always rebuild the house -- especially when the victories emanate from RED COUNTRY.
If this is what more arts coverage means I'm all for dumbing it down, as most American news hacks (led by the Times) are doing.
If this is what more arts coverage means I'm all for dumbing it down, as most American news hacks (led by the Times) are doing.
I strongly suspect for all his antics that WACKO will be found innocent -- not because he isn't guilty, but because a jury may be afraid to offend his many "friends." And this could be the most boneheaded jury since OJ's.
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! returns -- to Afghanistan!
Why now? We've been there for over two years, and you discover quagmire now?
Why now? We've been there for over two years, and you discover quagmire now?
Sunday, November 23, 2003
Here's a loony-left protest we didn't know about: "over 10,000" (read maybe 2,000) came to Ft. Benning to protest the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL former School of the Americas, which allegedly taught all manner of Latin tyrants to do God knows what. But clearly Latin America wasn't on the protestors' minds:
"FROM THE SOA, TO FTAA [that free-trade thingy they were unsuccessfully whining about in Miami], TO THE INVASION OF IRAQ, OUR GOVERNMENT'S FOREIGN POLICY IS SERVING THE INTERESTS OF A FEW, AND MAKING US A LOT OF ENEMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Fr. Roy Bourgeois, founder of SOA Watch. [Emphasis added.]
Translation: America can't do anything right. I suspect, however, we shouldn't be lectured on this score by a priest of a division of a church that condones moral failings of its own.
"FROM THE SOA, TO FTAA [that free-trade thingy they were unsuccessfully whining about in Miami], TO THE INVASION OF IRAQ, OUR GOVERNMENT'S FOREIGN POLICY IS SERVING THE INTERESTS OF A FEW, AND MAKING US A LOT OF ENEMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Fr. Roy Bourgeois, founder of SOA Watch. [Emphasis added.]
Translation: America can't do anything right. I suspect, however, we shouldn't be lectured on this score by a priest of a division of a church that condones moral failings of its own.
To the three computers who've noticed: I've signed up for Site Meter; extremeTracking (or however they spell it) is next. With all of one outside computer logged in it's been a depressing day. I'm under no delusions that people will notice my page, but to be utterly ignored after ten months' blogging is not good for the ego. (Nor is it good for the ego that many of my sojourns to post and revise count as unique visits, even after I tweaked my preferences.) Oh well, I blog on, to that far distant someday.
Slowly, life returns to normal at Ground Zero.
Now why could somebody put a train station there while buildings and a monument are impossible?
Now why could somebody put a train station there while buildings and a monument are impossible?
Fools marched for "peace," now fools pray for Michael.
I can't tell the difference.
And in other "news":
Star of records, radio and rock videos. A one-man rescue team for the music business. A songwriter who sets the beat for a decade. A dancer with the fanciest feet on the street. A singer who cuts across all boundaries of taste and style, and color too. Michael Jackson, 25 years old. (TWXster rag, nineteen years ago.)
Proof that when it comes to newsrag subscriptions, fools and their money will always be easily parted.
I can't tell the difference.
And in other "news":
Star of records, radio and rock videos. A one-man rescue team for the music business. A songwriter who sets the beat for a decade. A dancer with the fanciest feet on the street. A singer who cuts across all boundaries of taste and style, and color too. Michael Jackson, 25 years old. (TWXster rag, nineteen years ago.)
Proof that when it comes to newsrag subscriptions, fools and their money will always be easily parted.
Eduard Shevardnadze's resignation as Georgia's president proves Dr. Johnson's dictum that human nature cannot long abide tyranny. That his tenure has ended peacefully after mass protests should give hope to others who live under undemocratic governments.
I must ask -- what did Shevardnadze do in his eleven years as president except look like Geppetto?
I must ask -- what did Shevardnadze do in his eleven years as president except look like Geppetto?
Bush Campaign Chief Calls Democrats Weak on Security
There has to be a word we can use to help the Democrats. I've got it! It's a word JONATHAN ALTER uses: UNPATRIOTIC! And if that doesn't work we can always use "un-American."
There has to be a word we can use to help the Democrats. I've got it! It's a word JONATHAN ALTER uses: UNPATRIOTIC! And if that doesn't work we can always use "un-American."
The KnightRidder Philly Broadsheet Edition, which recently put Bruce on the front page of Saturday and Sunday editions when both were on sale, now lets loose with a blast that would have silenced Sir Walter Raleigh in "1601":
If LL Cool J is hip-hop's balladeer and Public Enemy its enduring conscience, Shakur maintains his status as a supreme urban griot whose gritty, observant rhymes illuminate the plight of disenfranchised black males.
Let us not dance around what this hackette is saying. She is saying, in so many words, that these rappers are The Three Bs. When the ad-blurb copywriters get started with their daydreams, they're saying the objects of their affection rival The Three Bs. This constant puffing, this endless hyperbole, this infinite need to condescend for the sake of "circulation," is why show-biz writing is as crass and unreadable as it is, and why with its current gang of fraudulent automatic typists it will only get worse.
If LL Cool J is hip-hop's balladeer and Public Enemy its enduring conscience, Shakur maintains his status as a supreme urban griot whose gritty, observant rhymes illuminate the plight of disenfranchised black males.
Let us not dance around what this hackette is saying. She is saying, in so many words, that these rappers are The Three Bs. When the ad-blurb copywriters get started with their daydreams, they're saying the objects of their affection rival The Three Bs. This constant puffing, this endless hyperbole, this infinite need to condescend for the sake of "circulation," is why show-biz writing is as crass and unreadable as it is, and why with its current gang of fraudulent automatic typists it will only get worse.
George Will continues on autopilot: George Soros engages in "institutionalized cynicism" for pledging to donate huge sums to beat Dubya, but if he supported him....Never mind.
How many OTHERS will step forward?
Meantime, a rock-music ad-blurb copywriter risks "funny looks." As I've said, aside from the times they've been forced into it by the pedophilia rumors, few news hacks have criticized WACKO since Mike Royko. Perhaps someone should get out a Bitsy, Big Boy Boomeroo and blow them clear to Salamagoo.
As for any MORON who'd compare WACKO to Cole Porter, so as to justify his musical tripe: the stories of Porter's sex life came out well after his death, and from all accounts his partners were consenting adults.
Meantime, a rock-music ad-blurb copywriter risks "funny looks." As I've said, aside from the times they've been forced into it by the pedophilia rumors, few news hacks have criticized WACKO since Mike Royko. Perhaps someone should get out a Bitsy, Big Boy Boomeroo and blow them clear to Salamagoo.
As for any MORON who'd compare WACKO to Cole Porter, so as to justify his musical tripe: the stories of Porter's sex life came out well after his death, and from all accounts his partners were consenting adults.
How to Spread the Word When the Word Is 'Grim'
Well, we can start with a thousand movie-ad blurbs from you loyal copywriters, Caryn.
Well, we can start with a thousand movie-ad blurbs from you loyal copywriters, Caryn.
They pay the hack Robert J. "Competition" Samuelson hundreds of thousands for saying the same things I said yesterday?
Hmmm, this IS BLUNDER. Wonder if he's wrong.
Hmmm, this IS BLUNDER. Wonder if he's wrong.
In the latest BLUNDER (the one with the advertorial on the cover -- aren't they all?) Norman Thomas's grandson "frets" (in a manner of speaking) that the holy cockroaches are about to launch a big one. I'd like to go back through the BLUNDER archives and look at all the times he's been wrong -- but you don't quite want to say outright he's wrong for fear of jinxing us. Still it is BLUNDER, nuf said.
Gephardt hopes to repeat magic of 1988 in Iowa
"Magic" is a word that I don't quite think belongs there.
"Magic" is a word that I don't quite think belongs there.
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Wonderful. All these third-rate architects have devised memorials for Ground Zero, and the Times shows us a picture of a memorial in New York "in need of repairs less than a year after it opened." This is what we'll get at Ground Zero: complexity, irrelevance, and obsolescence.
I should have posted this yesterday: SUPERHOOPER's throwing a tantrum over this BC cartoon, which he claims slurs Islam. For once I'll agree with the HOOP: I think Johnny Hart did it on purpose. He's a born-again Christian and he's made religious appeals through the cartoon before; without the Islam angle the strip's pointless and unfunny -- and with it it's unfunny (it goes without saying). Still, after the last two years or so I can see why some might be slightly exercised at the SUPERHOOPERS.
Lee's Movie Info (which seems to get the numbers before the much-vaunted BoxOfficeMojo.com does) predicted AUDREY'S MONSTER would do $61 million in biz the first weekend. WELL, here we are, one day into the run, and it looks like it won't make two-thirds that. Maybe there was a backlash to the commercials after all. (We won't know until next week.) RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s art-house maritime flick is going glubglub. And it's official: Looney Tunes BOMBED, proof that the Mogul's Friend does not know what he's talking about.
I'm thinking: maybe we could apply Richard ADVERTISEMENT Corliss's argument (ZILLIONS of kids have seen THE MATRIX and they came out ALL RIGHT) to WACKO: thousands of kids have visited him, and they seem to have emerged okay.
Which means, of course, that even ONE act of child molestation is okay too.
Which means, of course, that even ONE act of child molestation is okay too.
Says the link on the front page of the Post's site, "The Day a Nation's Spirit Died." SONS OF BRADLEE AND BUFFETT, why didn't you go ALL THE WAY and say, "The Day a Nation Died"? You've been obsessing about your favorite assassination for ages, in no small part because of the internal glee it provokes, because it combined with the growing self-seriousness and self-centeredness and utter loathsomeness of the business to create our INESCAPABLE RULING CLASS, a class mightier than the rule of God or law, a class that will listen to neither criticism nor reason, that is a force unto itself, that would not modify itself ONE IOTA even after the stinging scandals of Janet Cooke and Jayson Blair, that will NEVER ADMIT TO ANY WRONG, a class that has obsessed and fretted us into EVERY DISASTER OF THE LAST FORTY YEARS, from our cowardly withdrawal from Vietnam (winner of untold Pulitzers) to our deadly neglect of terrorism. (And let us not forget, all your obsessing is a reason we have the conspiracy theories, despite the fact that they were spread in large measure by the Soviets.) As I said before, you should be very happy with the outcome. But if you really want to celebrate it why not encourage the advertisers who give you perpetual succor to run ads for KENNEDY ASSASSINATION SALE DAYS?
Now SHUT UP until next year, or when WACKO's TRIAL begins, when you can oppress us all anew.
Now SHUT UP until next year, or when WACKO's TRIAL begins, when you can oppress us all anew.
Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan vowed to defeat the attackers, who struck during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan.
“Those who bloodied this holy day and massacred innocent people will account for it in both worlds,” he said Thursday. “They will be damned until eternity.”
What? No 72 Helen Thomases for them?
“Those who bloodied this holy day and massacred innocent people will account for it in both worlds,” he said Thursday. “They will be damned until eternity.”
What? No 72 Helen Thomases for them?
All-night disaster.
We can safely predict the outcome. As more boomers come into Medicare, they'll want more exotic drugs (and not just the maintenance drugs, of course -- the "LIFESTYLE" drugs), which will blow the government's costs sky high, plus they'll be living longer, which could send the costs to Mars, plus the drug companies will gouge royally -- this is, after all, their entitlement -- and God knows how many loopholes and cubbyholes there'll be for crooks to ply. (That should easily take care of the "reforms" to the system, which should in time adapt themselves to the growing waste.) Thanks, clowns, for paving the road to the Slough of Fiscal Despond.
And the AMA gives us another reason to cheer: "This historic legislation enhances patients continued access to care by halting physician payment cuts." Let's send the costs to Pluto!
We can safely predict the outcome. As more boomers come into Medicare, they'll want more exotic drugs (and not just the maintenance drugs, of course -- the "LIFESTYLE" drugs), which will blow the government's costs sky high, plus they'll be living longer, which could send the costs to Mars, plus the drug companies will gouge royally -- this is, after all, their entitlement -- and God knows how many loopholes and cubbyholes there'll be for crooks to ply. (That should easily take care of the "reforms" to the system, which should in time adapt themselves to the growing waste.) Thanks, clowns, for paving the road to the Slough of Fiscal Despond.
And the AMA gives us another reason to cheer: "This historic legislation enhances patients continued access to care by halting physician payment cuts." Let's send the costs to Pluto!
Friday, November 21, 2003
BIG NAME NEW YORK RETAILERS SELL USED UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!!!!
This, I think, is what WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would do if he owned a TV station.
This, I think, is what WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would do if he owned a TV station.
BREAKING NEWS: The Quincy home of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was broken into today according to a report on WCVB-TV (Channel 5). The station reported that Quincy police said a television set was taken from the house. --Developing [from Boston.com]
WOW!!!!! This is IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!
The Sox, Celts and Bruins may demand equal time.
WOW!!!!! This is IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!
The Sox, Celts and Bruins may demand equal time.
The wonders of PRNewswire:
NEW ALBANY, Ohio, Nov. 21 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Not since the fateful
encounter in 1901 between David Abercrombie, Ezra Fitch and the Great Moose
has there been so much excitement at A&F stores nationwide. On November 28,
everyone will have the chance to become part of this legend.
While some may contest the authenticity of the legend, no one can doubt
that clad in the coolest gear of the Holiday season and at the entrance to A&F
stores will be our infamous male and female greeters. A dollar donation to
Toys for Tots lets anyone snuggle up for a picture between two hunky,
shirtless A&F guys straight from the Legend of the Great Abercrombie & Fitch
Moose. They'll make Santa think twice before he reaches for another slice of
pumpkin pie.
Wait a second! I'm a man! Can't we snuggle up to two cuddly, blouseless A&F gals! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!!!!!
What's the legend? (I guess PR hacks are almost as bad as news hacks.)
NEW ALBANY, Ohio, Nov. 21 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Not since the fateful
encounter in 1901 between David Abercrombie, Ezra Fitch and the Great Moose
has there been so much excitement at A&F stores nationwide. On November 28,
everyone will have the chance to become part of this legend.
While some may contest the authenticity of the legend, no one can doubt
that clad in the coolest gear of the Holiday season and at the entrance to A&F
stores will be our infamous male and female greeters. A dollar donation to
Toys for Tots lets anyone snuggle up for a picture between two hunky,
shirtless A&F guys straight from the Legend of the Great Abercrombie & Fitch
Moose. They'll make Santa think twice before he reaches for another slice of
pumpkin pie.
Wait a second! I'm a man! Can't we snuggle up to two cuddly, blouseless A&F gals! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!!!!!
What's the legend? (I guess PR hacks are almost as bad as news hacks.)
More great writing:
Good thing Dr. Seuss is no longer with us. He'd take out his "Bitsy, Big Boy Boomeroo'' and blow this whole mess "clear to Salamagoo.'' (See "The Butter Battle Book.'')
I'd wonder what he'd do about all the co-producers -- like P&G, Kellogg, Hershey...and about Bob Wright and "Zucks" Zucker and whoever runs the Universal butt-end.
God, I wish I could write doggerel.
P. S. Stay tuned for an angry letter to Hershey's chairman. I own a few shares in it.
Good thing Dr. Seuss is no longer with us. He'd take out his "Bitsy, Big Boy Boomeroo'' and blow this whole mess "clear to Salamagoo.'' (See "The Butter Battle Book.'')
I'd wonder what he'd do about all the co-producers -- like P&G, Kellogg, Hershey...and about Bob Wright and "Zucks" Zucker and whoever runs the Universal butt-end.
God, I wish I could write doggerel.
P. S. Stay tuned for an angry letter to Hershey's chairman. I own a few shares in it.
Walter Duranty keeps his Pulitzer, and news hacks and the Times breathe a sigh of relief. Their award frenzy is not in vain!
And a proud tradition continues:
In the 86-year history of the awards, no Pulitzer has ever been revoked.
News hacks ARE honest!
And a proud tradition continues:
In the 86-year history of the awards, no Pulitzer has ever been revoked.
News hacks ARE honest!
The producers of the horrible new "Cat in the Hat" movie could not have desecrated Dr. Seuss any more if they had dug up Ted Geisel's body and hung it from a tree, writes the Globe's Ty Burr. Ouch!
This is what passes for powerful writing with news hacks these days.
This is what passes for powerful writing with news hacks these days.
Media consolidation equals more trash.
Our betters may finally realize it. I doubt that the toadying Auletta army does.
Our betters may finally realize it. I doubt that the toadying Auletta army does.
Yes but. (See last paragraph.)
It will always be "yes but" with the de facto friends of Saddam and the holy cockroaches.
It will always be "yes but" with the de facto friends of Saddam and the holy cockroaches.
A Saudi tries humor, which is unusual as the Saudi's humor doesn't occur on the printed page, but in the lopping, the stoning, the beheading, and the terrorist bombing.
The Wacko case will be "the latest wretched-excess, pull-out-the-stops, over-the-top, high-decibel, facts-be-damned, pointless-speculation, round-the-clock frenzy," says a highly-paid alibi of an employee for the network that started the wretched-excess, pull-out-the-stops, over-the-top, high-decibel, facts-be-damned, pointless-speculation, round-the-clock frenzies: [CENSORED].
And in Miami (have we forgotten that one?), the protesting masses were "smaller than many expected," although if Dubya and some news hacks had been there, they would have been bigger.
In a lighter tone, from the Times, another one of those endearing heads that's almost unintentionally funny:
If You See a Roadside Ghost Afire, It's Best to Keep Right on Driving
More on AUDREY'S MONSTER later, but so far it's not looking good. Then again, who reads the ad-blurb copywriters?
If You See a Roadside Ghost Afire, It's Best to Keep Right on Driving
More on AUDREY'S MONSTER later, but so far it's not looking good. Then again, who reads the ad-blurb copywriters?
G.O.P. to Run an Ad for Bush on Terror Issue
This is the TOP story on the Times' site now, so you KNOW they're angry. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
This is the TOP story on the Times' site now, so you KNOW they're angry. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Thursday, November 20, 2003
I've been surfing Free Republic lately and it seems a lot of the members don't like FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News because it loads its airtime with JUNK (i.e., LaciKobeWacko). And this outfit's in the VAN of CONSERVATISM, MESSRS. SOUTH PARK?
Yep, it's in the van of conservatism, all right -- getting plastered.
Yep, it's in the van of conservatism, all right -- getting plastered.
Do you think the media are paper tigers?
No I don't, PROF, and here's why: Add up in your head (try to imagine it) the nation's total newspaper revenues, plus its magazine revenues, plus its TV revenues, plus its radio revenues, plus its movie revenues, plus its recorded-music revenues, plus its cable-system revenues, then divide that by what most bloggers make from their writing. If these are paper tigers they bare some rather awesome fangs.
No I don't, PROF, and here's why: Add up in your head (try to imagine it) the nation's total newspaper revenues, plus its magazine revenues, plus its TV revenues, plus its radio revenues, plus its movie revenues, plus its recorded-music revenues, plus its cable-system revenues, then divide that by what most bloggers make from their writing. If these are paper tigers they bare some rather awesome fangs.
I'm thinking maybe WACKO could plead insanity -- but he wouldn't do that because then he'd admit dad didn't treat him right.
The Trouble with Self-Publishing [ArtsJournal.com link]
...is the trouble with blogging. Outside of your friends, who wants to read it?
...is the trouble with blogging. Outside of your friends, who wants to read it?
More proof that we live in a PLATINUM AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT: Three high-profile theater projects have closed, one involving the Greatest Composer of All Time, Stephen Sondheim, another involving the famed Mickey D's crooner Barry Manilow -- and that didn't even make it to tryouts! (And they would have been here, in Philadelphia -- the first Broadway preview in decades. We once opened Kiss Me, Kate, now we can't even open for Bette Midler's pianist. NO MORE TRYOUTS!) And Farrah will have to do her middle-aged airhead routine somewhere else. This is what happens when our culture runs on fumes.
[T]he police estimate was 70,000.
Scotland Yard estimated the crowd at 100,00 [SIC] to 110,000. Organizers estimated it at 200,000 to 300,000.
[A] spokesman for the Stop the War Coalition said that 350,000 had joined the protest.
10,000, 20,000, 50,000, 200,000, A MILLION -- you're going to make these numbers up anyway, NEWS HACKS. All I know is, the righteous mob failed to shut down England as promised, and it was drowned out by its supporters in Istanbul. Then WACKO came along. Shut up, Saddam lovers. Your time is over.
Scotland Yard estimated the crowd at 100,00 [SIC] to 110,000. Organizers estimated it at 200,000 to 300,000.
[A] spokesman for the Stop the War Coalition said that 350,000 had joined the protest.
10,000, 20,000, 50,000, 200,000, A MILLION -- you're going to make these numbers up anyway, NEWS HACKS. All I know is, the righteous mob failed to shut down England as promised, and it was drowned out by its supporters in Istanbul. Then WACKO came along. Shut up, Saddam lovers. Your time is over.
If the TWXsters go with EMI, we eventually get three record companies. If they go with JUNIOR, they get more money.
I say, go with JUNIOR. At least he can go broke.
I say, go with JUNIOR. At least he can go broke.
Bush Says He'll Raise Troop Level in Iraq if Needed
He should have said this months ago. That he says it now plays into the news hacks' hands; they can pull the QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gags on him in 500 new ways.
He should have said this months ago. That he says it now plays into the news hacks' hands; they can pull the QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gags on him in 500 new ways.
This is nothing less than the worst kind of news-hack cognitive dissonance. Many many MANY bloggers have reported tiny turnouts for the London protests; but the hacks, vainly supporting the cause, are trying to inflate the numbers. This is why we need PARTISAN HONESTY in news. If you support a cause, don't use weasel words and trick stats -- SAY IT!!!!!
Well well WELL! It's not just young men who refuse to watch network TV -- it's young WOMEN too!
I think it safe to say that with EVERY demographic, TV stinks.
I think it safe to say that with EVERY demographic, TV stinks.
Now I know why Rush was so well-prepared for his return: in time he'll have nothing to talk about but himself.
Money Honey's auditioning for Francis Ford Coppola, which should make people stop taking news hacks seriously anymore.
I wouldn't be surprised if Honey told Lloyd. She must still be smarting over her interview with the Sun King.
I wouldn't be surprised if Honey told Lloyd. She must still be smarting over her interview with the Sun King.
If the Bush=Blair=Hitler rallies have been a fizzle to date, they should attract negative numbers now. Anyone protesting today quite firmly supports international terrorism -- and opposes humanity.
J'ACCUSE!!!!!
DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) -- The number of Middle Easterners cited for offenses in this heavily Arab community has risen nearly 10 percent since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, while charges against all others have fallen nearly 7 percent, according to a newspaper analysis.
Jeez, I wonder why people would do a thing like that.
DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) -- The number of Middle Easterners cited for offenses in this heavily Arab community has risen nearly 10 percent since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, while charges against all others have fallen nearly 7 percent, according to a newspaper analysis.
Jeez, I wonder why people would do a thing like that.
This orgy of corporate one-upmanship in Hollywood, where every consumer-products CEO must now know Mike Myers, is a landmark, effectively dawning the day when movie houses have digital projectors and can screen feature-length infomercials at will. And yet we must still go to see the movies. Why? Because the hacks say THEY'RE BETTER THAN EVER!
Here's betting the superdupermegamarketing hurts a film -- not now, there's too much of USA Okay behind it; but eventually people will view this sort of thing as the moral equivalent of COMMERCIALS, and respond ACCORDINGLY.
Here's betting the superdupermegamarketing hurts a film -- not now, there's too much of USA Okay behind it; but eventually people will view this sort of thing as the moral equivalent of COMMERCIALS, and respond ACCORDINGLY.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the fight over the alleged Iraq-al Qaeda link becomes a POLITICAL one, with conservatives saying yes, and liberals saying no.
How did SCREW YOU get to be the motto of politics?
How did SCREW YOU get to be the motto of politics?
Now QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! becomes -- the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan!
Before we spur a truckload of indignant letters....
Leaving aside the topic -- and I'd rather for now -- this has to be one of the stupidest lines ever to appear in an editorial. Where would a truckload of letters go? To clerks and interns, to roll their eyes as they glaze them scanning one semi-literate missive after another, and even if they're all well written, ninety-five percent of the letters get thrown out before they reach one of the six- and-seven digits, and the remaining five percent get sneered at soon enough, and only a woebegone two or three survive to challenge the hacks' ossified conventional wisdom, and often as not they agree with it. Heck the Post's managing editor says he doesn't read the letters page. He knows who's more important -- him and the fellow snobs who lead charmed lives telling us what to think. Must repeat it: news hacks have A CUSTOMER SERVICE PROBLEM.
P. S. Seeing that you use the word "cynical" twenty times, I'd like to go back through your history and read some of the BONERS you've pulled on the editorial page. I wonder -- how did blacks and Jews fare on the page before 1940? And how did you respond to JANET COOKE? With blather and bromides? Or did you respond at all?
Leaving aside the topic -- and I'd rather for now -- this has to be one of the stupidest lines ever to appear in an editorial. Where would a truckload of letters go? To clerks and interns, to roll their eyes as they glaze them scanning one semi-literate missive after another, and even if they're all well written, ninety-five percent of the letters get thrown out before they reach one of the six- and-seven digits, and the remaining five percent get sneered at soon enough, and only a woebegone two or three survive to challenge the hacks' ossified conventional wisdom, and often as not they agree with it. Heck the Post's managing editor says he doesn't read the letters page. He knows who's more important -- him and the fellow snobs who lead charmed lives telling us what to think. Must repeat it: news hacks have A CUSTOMER SERVICE PROBLEM.
P. S. Seeing that you use the word "cynical" twenty times, I'd like to go back through your history and read some of the BONERS you've pulled on the editorial page. I wonder -- how did blacks and Jews fare on the page before 1940? And how did you respond to JANET COOKE? With blather and bromides? Or did you respond at all?
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Thanks to Richard MICKEYMOUSE Nixon Philadelphia is $44 million in the hole over his abandoned rodent house, and this article intimates there might be a connection to Mayor Street's scandal trouble too.
Could a cartoon character bring down a mayor?
Could a cartoon character bring down a mayor?
The cute little pink paper that gave us Candace "EW! YUCK!! GROSS!!!" Bushnell and that has been losing millions for years with media insider baseball few people read, The New York Observer, obviously needed to fill up some of that pink this week, so it let its hacks go on a tangent about the little hotel heiress and The Midriff, quoting Camille Paglia (oiii!!!) and a pile of scum named Flynt (oiiii!!!!!), while the great rock-music blurbist and Hitler expert and deep philosopher Ron Rosenbaum goes on and on and on about Tom Wolfe and Norman Mailer and the Federalist Papers and Laci Peterson until he's forgotten what the heck he's written about. (Maybe he's auditioning for Lew "Where Am I?" Lapham's job at Harper's.) Both stories are headed "Fools for Scandal." In this case, we're talking the writers.
"Experts" say al Qaeda has 100,000 operatives, in an article with the word "dialogue."
And not ONE "expert" will admit to any ignorance on the topic. This will happen when nearly every man, woman and child in the Beltway is a consultant.
And not ONE "expert" will admit to any ignorance on the topic. This will happen when nearly every man, woman and child in the Beltway is a consultant.
Buzz T. Newhouse (or rather his friend Howard "Artie Stole My Job" Stern) asks, what sort of parents would let their child sleep with a suspected molester? Words like "blackmail" come to mind (and "posterity," as Buzz no doubt edited thousands of rave reviews and puff pieces for WACKO at EWWWWWWWWWWWW, and Newhouse would probably react with one of his "cranky" moods if you asked about them). But no one held a gun to WACKO's head when he dangled the baby, and no one held a gun to WACKO's head when he veiled his kids, and no one held a gun to WACKO's head when he slept with kids, however "innocently." In the end, WACKO's story is about a one-man publicity stunt gone out of control. That and belts.
RUSH SAYS HE WAS FRAMED!
And if NewsMax is to be believed (as it often is not), he has a credible story. But doesn't Rush technically work for EisnerCorp, as does Pee-TAH? Why is one end of the company at odds with the other? I'm wondering what Richard MICKEYMOUSE Nixon is up to. The other day it got WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to hyperventilate about another of its movies, and in time a corporate spokespoop said he "heard nothing." I further wonder if Nixon is playing mind games with the public. That whole EisnerCorp kettle of fish STINKS.
Then again, Rush HARRUMPHED AND GALLUMPHED about the drug "allegations," and look what happened.
And if NewsMax is to be believed (as it often is not), he has a credible story. But doesn't Rush technically work for EisnerCorp, as does Pee-TAH? Why is one end of the company at odds with the other? I'm wondering what Richard MICKEYMOUSE Nixon is up to. The other day it got WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to hyperventilate about another of its movies, and in time a corporate spokespoop said he "heard nothing." I further wonder if Nixon is playing mind games with the public. That whole EisnerCorp kettle of fish STINKS.
Then again, Rush HARRUMPHED AND GALLUMPHED about the drug "allegations," and look what happened.
WHAT WE HAVE LOST: I remember how the late, great Mike Royko made vicious fun of WACKO for grabbing his crotch. Since then, it's been one rock-music ad-blurb copywriter after another praising his GENIUS, calling "Thriller" the greatest accomplishment in musical history, and generally causing people of a sensitive nature to want to cancel their subscriptions. I'd like to think wherever ol' Mike is, and I hope he's having a fine time, he's probably laughing it up with friends over a few beers.
Turkey names suicide bombers
I guess this was inevitable, but I'm not sure this was a good idea. Now "martyrdom" has an identity. Perhaps we can put their names on a perpetual crawl at The Osama Channel.
Hot enough down there? If not, those 144 Helen Thomases will make it even HOTTER!
I guess this was inevitable, but I'm not sure this was a good idea. Now "martyrdom" has an identity. Perhaps we can put their names on a perpetual crawl at The Osama Channel.
Hot enough down there? If not, those 144 Helen Thomases will make it even HOTTER!
The National Professional Collegiate Athletic Association says it's implementing new rules to get more Division I players to graduate. "Critics" say it will merely cause the schools to cheat more.
With the academic-industrial complex making zillions off sports, I think we can guess what happens.
With the academic-industrial complex making zillions off sports, I think we can guess what happens.
If the Jonestown catastrophe has "faded from memory," it's because we've grown ever more inured to mass killing. Already 9/11 is just a dimly visible scar. How will we react if a nut case nukes a city? Ho-hum, so what? With people turning into "it"s it looks that way.
When a KID has to go into THERAPY after befriending THE GREATEST SINGER OF ALL TIME, something's amiss. (In several ways.)
When will we hear the three magical words: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!?
When will we hear the three magical words: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!?
Authorities are investigating whether radio host Rush Limbaugh skirted banking laws in getting cash to buy his illegal prescription painkillers, it was reported last night.
Authorities with whom? The Federal Reserve? He might have caused a liquidity crisis.
Law enforcement officials will decide this week whether to prosecute Limbaugh on the felony money-laundering charges....
Why does a man who makes $10 billion a year need to do this? To prove that as a high-mucky-muck he can violate the law at will?
Authorities with whom? The Federal Reserve? He might have caused a liquidity crisis.
Law enforcement officials will decide this week whether to prosecute Limbaugh on the felony money-laundering charges....
Why does a man who makes $10 billion a year need to do this? To prove that as a high-mucky-muck he can violate the law at will?
This is why we need a strong, principled opposition party -- so zillions in tax breaks to big business and the super-rich aren't a fait accompli. Here is the soft underbelly of Republicanism: its idiot devotion to THE RICH, much as the Democrats have their idiot devotion to ABORTIONISTS AND PROFESSIONAL VICTIM GROUPS.
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO! YOUR JOB'S WAITING!
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO! YOUR JOB'S WAITING!
THIS WILL GET EVERY HARD-CORE KNEE-JERK FREE-ENTERPRISE LARRY KUDLOW CONSERVATIVE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! President DAMN! "is proposing a significant reversal: a comprehensive 're-regulation' of U.S. businesses"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMMUNIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Of course, if we let big business do whatever it wants to do, that could lead to one-company capitalism -- or communism with a smiley face.)
COMMUNIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Of course, if we let big business do whatever it wants to do, that could lead to one-company capitalism -- or communism with a smiley face.)
Gay marriage may not matter much in the end: The human race is well on its way to becoming a race of "it"s.
Egypt wouldn't have to worry about a sinister strongman's "mild health crisis" if it had a democracy -- something Egypt, like most Arab nations, will never consent to.
Looks like the WIMPS of LALA's city council, the same principled political hacks who declared with passion and reason that our president MUST NOT FIGHT A WAR IN IRAQ, CAVED on banning a means of exploiting women -- all, no doubt, in the name of what BIGMEDIA call "free expression."
Remember when Pepsi and P&G sponsored Hezbollah TV? WELL, here's a taste of what they might well have been sponsoring: The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Part Deux.
Pepsi-Cola Hits the Spot! I think I'd rather gargle with Mr. Clean.
Pepsi-Cola Hits the Spot! I think I'd rather gargle with Mr. Clean.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
A human nest waits for that bird to fly into it.
I suspect the guy put Saddam on his poster board at the last second. Don't want to be too chummy with tyrants.
EU URGES ISRAEL TO STOP APARTHEID WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And we all know what the solution to "apartheid" is -- NUKE THE JEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This Osama Channel Update brought to you by Lever 2000®. For the best parts of life™.
And we all know what the solution to "apartheid" is -- NUKE THE JEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This Osama Channel Update brought to you by Lever 2000®. For the best parts of life™.
Andy S. waves his glibertarian flag with an egregious quote from Martin Luther King. Now if Massachusetts's natives overturn their court (highly unlikely, given how PC Mass is) is that an act of evil? Law by judges good; law by the people bad. And you're a SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE?!?!? Andy S. proves that not only liberals can bake a mean ideological pretzel.
Okay, so it's all about un-PC words, but the way things are going Dubya may not be able to get ANYONE appointed.
How does this serve our nation, Tiny Tom?
How does this serve our nation, Tiny Tom?
News hacks want it both ways on celebrity. In a 1,685-word thumb-sucker (WHAT IS WITH THESE GUYS?!?) this Trib rock-music ad-blurb copywriter says what I'll say in 20: The Midriff is a lifelong PR stunt that barely (no pun intended) props up a corrupt and decaying record biz -- and seeing as how his life depends on press passes he holds his tongue. Halfway across the continent KnightRidder's hacks label Her Royal Highness of Self-Pity and Sleaze "America's Treasure" -- and tonight she's earning an award named for Marian Anderson, an absolute disgrace, for though Anderson could be regal to the point of self-parody -- she spoke of herself in the third person -- she was the greatest musical ambassador we ever knew (and yes, I'm including Satchmo), her perseverance broke down racial barriers, and her immortal interpretations of (sorry, I'm going to be un-PC here) Negro spirituals can elicit tears from a stone. Her Royal Highness is on Little Malcolm's lists, and she's inspired a library full of sappy books, and what else? No, the MO with news hacks and celebrity is always SELL SELL SELL, even if they chase their readers away. The advertisers can make up for them.
The dark night of England's soul begins -- or, how many ways can dirt and germs call Dubya a Nazi and a party to genocide?
He shouldn't have done it, but the fun part will be seeing the looney left immolate itself in anger.
He shouldn't have done it, but the fun part will be seeing the looney left immolate itself in anger.
Another downside to USA Okay: 2,250 mind-numbing words on "parity" in NASCAR. Here's writing one could sleepwalk through, the deadliest verbiage on a topic of no importance and no interest save to a few diehard stock-car-racing fans. This is the same pile of doggie-doo that just ran an order form for Tom Peters's book and that prints every last show-biz press release. I don't care what the Howie "Hair Shirt" Kurtzes say, if it keeps up like this Okay will rank with Reader's Digest and Parade as America's worst mass-circulation rag. And there are no bests.
I think Buzz T. Newhouse and Nick Denton have competition to become the Graydon Carter of blogging.
One mo' time: Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One mo' time: Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry Prof, your fellow BILL employee Eric hogs bandwidth to do flatulent puffery, proving that blogging is not the mark of one pure of heart.
Cablevision is suing TWX (one cable company suing another?!?!?) because it's tried to pull the plug on the AMC channel -- All Clunkers, All the Time!™ -- for claiming "Alien: Resurrection and The Shawshank Redemption" are CLASSICS.
Here's rooting for the TWXsters, for once.
Here's rooting for the TWXsters, for once.
"WE COULD COME PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO A ONE-PARTY STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE COULD WIND UP WITH TWO MORE ANTONIN SCALIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
To which I say (as I've said before), you have one-party states in media and academe. JUST KEEP UP THE YELLING.
To which I say (as I've said before), you have one-party states in media and academe. JUST KEEP UP THE YELLING.
He isn't there yet and already the dirt and germs are out in full force. Peeeeeeeeeeeew!
I wouldn't worry about terrorists for Dubya. I'd worry about diseases.
Now the bands that can't stop recording may be subject to time limits. This won't work. Self-indulgence knows no time limits.
So tell us, New York Times, is this still one of the greatest films ever made, despite the fact that you say it takes total liberty with history and stretches credulity at every turn? The answer, of course, must be yes. Show-biz wins over everything.
Monday, November 17, 2003
Who wants to bet Toys "R" Us disappears in five years? It's fighting Wal-Mart and its own practice of piling stock indiscriminately in warehouse-type eyesores. And the former FAO Schwarz (or Zany Brainy) is on the precipice. Does suburban America need so many toy stores?
Rush Limbaugh returned to his talk show Monday after five weeks in a drug rehab center, saying he paid little attention to the news while he was in treatment, reading a newspaper only a few times and watching no television. [IWantMedia.com link]
Perfect preparation for telling people how to think!
Perfect preparation for telling people how to think!
Buzz TWXster (and NEWHOUSE; I'm changing that @#$%&* LOGROLLER'S name) favorite Nick Denton aims to be the Graydon Carter of blogging.
Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
USA Okay polishes its rep as America's leading PR outlet by running a direct-marketing pitch for the Dilbertian charlatan Tom Peters's latest attempt to collect consulting fees. (He's related, of course, to the holy liberal the Rev. Charles "The Ends Justify the Means" Peters, so while the one hits up corporate America the other hits it up.) In other words, Okay proves yet again it's just another form of junk mail.
Here's a motto: Concast. The Warm and Fuzzy Cable Company™.
I think I'll remember that when I send my next pound of flesh -- or surf LALATimes.com.
I think I'll remember that when I send my next pound of flesh -- or surf LALATimes.com.
I wish I could do some Dr. Seuss-like doggerel on Audrey the GeiSELLer, but I'm afraid she'd sue me.
I'd also like to dedicate some Dr. Seuss-like doggerel to the IDIOTS who wrote this PR, but they probably read Fox in Socks at bedtime.
I'd also like to dedicate some Dr. Seuss-like doggerel to the IDIOTS who wrote this PR, but they probably read Fox in Socks at bedtime.
More for the Who Moved My Cheese? crowd from the Monitor: Business connects with "spiritual values." Translated: it goes touchy-feely (read: even more PC) at no cost, except to the rank-and-file who must now endure more meetings -- with their inner selves.
Well well! That was fast! GUILTY!
No surprise. What's that old line -- a man who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client? A fool, in this case -- and a convicted mass murderer.
No surprise. What's that old line -- a man who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client? A fool, in this case -- and a convicted mass murderer.
Also linked on ArtsJournal.com, a demonstration that too much navel staring as the result of too much reading of newspapers and too much nostalgia over the magical anniversary this Saturday may be hazardous to one's mental health.
An instance where ArtsJournal.com's link says more than the story it links to. "[W]ill the combination of fan devotion and marketing savvy prove lethal and taint Rings as mere 'adolescent fantasy' forever?" It is hard to sympathize with an author whose estate is making hundreds of millions thanks to the TWXsters; and given that (from what I know of Tolkien's books) they're high-end versions of swords-and-sorcerers games, I'd say yes, they are "adolescent fantasies."